niceguy27 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 I have a weird question here...i have a pretty close friend of mine who has been talking to a past friend of mine who is married. They text and talk and might meet for lunch once in a while but he still married with 3 kids. He tells her he is getting a divorce (3 years now), loves her, blah blah. You know the story. Well, someone from his work apparantly saw them together eating lunch or something. They in turn wrote an email/letter to his wife about it. Well he was caught a while ago doing this and now I guess she knows again. This guy is very manipulative and will spread a lie to cover his tracks. The first thing he said is "I think Niceguy27 wrote it. He's always had a motive." Now a. I would never do something like that. Why jeapordize my friendship with her over that? b. That really P***ses me off!!!! To think he has any right to drag my name in the mud while HE is the one running around behind his wifes back?? It is typical of him to turn everything around in his favor. My weird question...What can I say to him to shut him up, put him in his place, and quit trying to pit my girl friend against me. (He has made it know he doesnt care for me because he cannot have her so why should anyone else.) Please help??? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Tell him: "You're a jerk. If I had been the one to tell her, I would have told you first, and tried to talk some sense into you. If you don't know me better than that after the friendship we've had, then blow it out your @$$, because I'm not prepared to take the rap for the crap!" Howzat?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author niceguy27 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 i like that...here is what i wrote and thinking of saying to him... hey man..i dont understand why you would automatically try to smear my name in the dirt to ***** about all this email thing. I know you may think I have a "motive" but you dont have a clue about my relationship with *****. If I wanted to bring your little house of cards down I would just come out and say it directly to you or your wife and not hide behind some letter/email. The ONLY reason I don't is because **** doesnt want me to. It is amazing how you can always seem to deflect these things away from you and put it on someone elses shoulder instead of manning up. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Tell him to stop being a victim cry baby B***h and grow some. You and he are not the same species. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 What can I say to him to shut him up, put him in his place, and quit trying to pit my girl friend against me. There's actually nothing you can say to him that will guarantee that he quits his insanity. So why not just spend your time and energy ensuring that your girl friend knows it wasn't you, and that you'd never do something like that (send 'anonymous' email to out anyone about anything)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author niceguy27 Posted October 10, 2008 Author Share Posted October 10, 2008 well i sent him a text tonight while her and i were out. lol. it hit the fan then. he backpedaled and tried throwing in her friend into the mix to make it look like im some bad guy. she knows it wasnt me and i didnt really have to tell her that. she knows me well enough to know I wouldnt do that. becuase of all this, she caught him lying about the whole thing talking smack about me. that really ticked her off. oh well...cats out of the bag now. i told him to grow a pair and man up. leave his wife or leave ***** alone. simple. if i wanted to bring down his fantasy world i would of a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 well i sent him a text tonight while her and i were out. lol. it hit the fan then. he backpedaled and tried throwing in her friend into the mix to make it look like im some bad guy. she knows it wasnt me and i didnt really have to tell her that. she knows me well enough to know I wouldnt do that. becuase of all this, she caught him lying about the whole thing talking smack about me. that really ticked her off. oh well...cats out of the bag now. i told him to grow a pair and man up. leave his wife or leave ***** alone. simple. if i wanted to bring down his fantasy world i would of a long time ago. When dealing with him keep it short, professional and to the point. Let your actions do a little more of the talking at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Your friend is a narcissist. Check out the disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's always someone else's fault. His reaction is also very similar to many cheaters. Lie, lie, lie. The only problem is that he smeared you with his lies, which is what makes me wonder about NPD. Regardless, I'm glad you sent the text. Now back off from having any dealings with this guy. Truth be told, I'm glad someone sent the anonymous email. At least now, his wife knows and can make some educated decisions. Let's hope your female friend has learned her lesson too. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Sounds like your friend is highly full of himself. The text message you sent should be enough to give him a hint. If he still bothers you, pick up the phone give him a call and tell him to leave YOU alone. Good luck. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Personally I would ignore him and see how your GF responds - and watch closely. All that really matters is what she thinks. Dont let him into either of your lives via any actions which you initiate. People as such need the drama and really need for you to join them in their mindset. You dont have to react, unless this is what you want to do of course. Link to post Share on other sites
MN randomguy Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 People as such need the drama and really need for you to join them in their mindset. You dont have to react +1 Kinda like negotiating. The one who talks first loses. More true if he's a narcissist. Read about NPD and about Narcissistic Supply. Your friend is a narcissist. Check out the disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's always someone else's fault. His reaction is also very similar to many cheaters. Lie, lie, lie. The only problem is that he smeared you with his lies, which is what makes me wonder about NPD. Regardless, I'm glad you sent the text. Now back off from having any dealings with this guy. Truth be told, I'm glad someone sent the anonymous email. At least now, his wife knows and can make some educated decisions. Let's hope your female friend has learned her lesson too. Had a Narcissistic friend too. A little less than a year ago ran into somewhat similar drama. Notice key word is HAD. Make sure you're educated on dealing with a narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 I am not sure about the whole Narcissitic Personality thing. It is a rare diagnosis in the UK mainly because we all share a certain amount of the traits at different points within our lives. Mostly this is because the traits within the scale are actually synonomous within displays of a balance of GOOD mental health! As always its a question of self control and moderation.. Personally I think that the male you mentioned is just being a bitch. Sometimes people as such just need a bit of reality thrown their way. If they do not have a crowd to play towards, maybe you will get through to him? - but weigh up the risks, only you can do this. I dont usually play up to people because I know that I cant change anyone but myself. I do tell people what I feel but really dont engage that much thereafter because I see that people should really 'know' how their actions affect others. I am sure that you will work things out but I would watch your GF closely to see if she is a drama queen and is actually making things worse. Link to post Share on other sites
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