cheating on net: I can't stop thinking about what he talks to these girls about

[jokol]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I know he looks up porn on the net but recently i discovered that he has been sending sexual photo's and receiving some from different girls in chat rooms. He is also regularly having sexual chats with these girls. I have discussed it with him and he has told me it's just abit of fun when he's bored and that he loves me and not to worry so much. He know's i was very upset about it but did not offer to stop and i didn't want to ask him to stop as he has been doing it long before we met.

 

He only moved to the UK 3 years ago and doesn't have many friends. He used to have lot's including female friends and he told me these chat rooms are just friendly banter.

 

I can't stop thinking about what he talks to these girls about. I know he loves me but it's really affecting me. Is this normal? Is it considered cheating? Have i over reacted? Please post any views.

[Tony T]

First, you just have to trust him that he's have fun...although it's a bit weird. However, that he continues this unusual fun in the face of your displeasure and discontent shows a measure of disrespect for you. I don't think it's unreasonable for a girlfriend to ask her boyfriend to cease sending sexually oriented photographs back and forth to people on the Internet....and I understand why it would bother you. I'm sure it will continue to bother you until either he quits or you leave him. I know it would not make me comfortable at all to know my partner was carrying on like this on the Internet. Is there some other way you can entertain him?

[PurpleAngel]

I am so sorry but NO I do not think its normal nor do I think he should continue to do it if he wants to be in a committed relationship. Looking at porn from time to time, well I don’t think we can ever stop guys from doing it, and heaps of girls like it too, that’s cool… BUT if he is having sexual discussions with women online and exchanging photos with them instead of whispering sweet nothings into your ear, well… I’d tell him to shape up or ship out!

 

I cannot believe that a man would prefer chatting to girls online about sex and look at their pics in all sorts of positions and people think its ok. He may as well go out and do it for real!

 

I am sorry I have a very strong opinion on this and you are NOT overreacting! Cheating and demonstrating loyalty comes in many forms, you decide what these actions say about the man you love. What happened to good old fashion love, romance, excitement, magic etc…

 

~PurpleAngel~

[SmallnSad]

Tony - I'm sorry, but how can you trust someone who's still running around talking to other girls about their ti*s and as$es!

 

This is not normal, and I don't think you should feel ashamed of obsessing over it. Where is the line people? When does it turn into phone sex, and then just a quick blow job in the backseat of a car, no strings attached? When does it stop being ok?

 

Tell him you are not hunkey-dorey with this. It is affecting you, and your relationship. See how he reacts. I can't believe he would be so carefree about this. Porn is one thing, interaction with other females is another thing altogether. "When he's bored." What sort of bull crap is that? Why doesn't he sit down and write YOU something erotic, "when he's bored?" Or just look at pictures and masturbate?

 

He was also probably sleeping with other women before you two met too. That doesn't mean it is unreasonable for you to ask him to stop that activity, why this one?

 

Regarding, "some other way to entertain him," yes, he is your boyfriend, keep his needs met, but know that this isn't all your fault. It sounds like he's having a hard time being committed, and is justifying his behavior as, "Well, at least I'm not screwing around in real life." Except, he is. Spoiled little brat.

 

 

Good luck, and don't be a pushover.