soserious1 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I understand you putting your family first. That's what some women do, more in previous generations. The only problem is that if you don't respect yourself and your own needs, no one else will. The more a woman does this, the more she enables being taken advantage of. As for now, there's no reason why you can't be selfish and treat yourself to whatever meets your needs. Your children are grown and your husband is an ex. Truth be told, what's happening to me now is that I'm overwhelmed at times by a deep sense of personal failure and of shame. I failed at sustaining a lifelong marriage. I chose really poorly and ended up basically dishonoring myself by taking back the vows I took in front of my family,priest and God. I did not keep my word and that troubles me very deeply. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 So Serious, I am glad that you were able to break the chains of social conditioning and are finally reaching out for that happiness, that like you said, was never mentioned. I wish you luck and happy times!! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I did not keep my word and that troubles me very deeply. The only word that is meaningful is your own word and not something that has been drilled into you. To thine own self be true. That is what is most important. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Truth be told, what's happening to me now is that I'm overwhelmed at times by a deep sense of personal failure and of shame. I failed at sustaining a lifelong marriage. I chose really poorly and ended up basically dishonoring myself by taking back the vows I took in front of my family,priest and God. I did not keep my word and that troubles me very deeply. Don't do this to yourself. While the option of good, solid decisions are every persons' right and ability, if you made a poor choice, accept it and move on. Self-flagellation does zero good and can do A LOT of damage. It doesn't mean you're in denial about it, it just means you learn something from it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Truth be told, what's happening to me now is that I'm overwhelmed at times by a deep sense of personal failure and of shame. I failed at sustaining a lifelong marriage. I chose really poorly and ended up basically dishonoring myself by taking back the vows I took in front of my family,priest and God. I did not keep my word and that troubles me very deeply. Awww, please don't feel that way, Soserious. Please don't. We're all human and as such we make mistakes. We're not infallible. What's great about life and our time here is that we get to have a "do over" in so many areas of our lives. As I said, I don't know your background...did you raise children? Are they ok now? So start over. What's so wrong with that? You think I beat myself up over my past failures? No way. I can't. I can only go forward. I can only jump back on the horse and keep riding. I've never been happier in my life...ok, so it took me awhile but better late than never...(I'm 47.) Please don't think of your life as a failure in that regard. You lived and you learned. Now go forward with no bitterness. Look forward to happiness, in whatever form that takes for you. Please don't be troubled. You did the best you could. Learn from that and do better the next time. Let the guilt go. Stop beating yourself up. It's not productive to a happy life. And you only have this one time to get it right! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Please don't be troubled. You did the best you could. Like we all did. The idea of failure is ludicrous. There is no such thing as failure. I never, ever entertain that notion. If anything, it is the peolple who survive misfortune that are the true winners. Especially where human interactions are concerned. There is only life and whatever experiences come our way. No such thing as success and failure. Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Hummm... methink he is 'hiding' something.. OR he needs therapy.. I've got to hand it to you Lizzie. You are ever faithful to your self-styled mission. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 I've got to hand it to you Lizzie. You are ever faithful to your self-styled mission. ................ I'd be a good politician or humanitarian Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Wow. Not in love anymore? That kinds sucks. I'm not sure I could just be "okay with the monotony." It sounds depressing. It's been nearly two years since breaking my engagement, and I still think I made the right decision, based on the reason I thought it would be monotonous and lack "something." I don't really see marriage as a means for financial stability, though I suppose it'd be nice to join financial forces with someone, but I see marriage more as a safe sex haven. I want to be in a committed relationship, with someone I love, where I can be as slutty as I want and not feel bad about it. And also just a companion I enjoy doing anything with. audrey...i am totally with you on what you said. i too want a committed relationship, joint finances (somewhat) and a safe sex haven. however, marriage this day and age doesn't necessarily mean any of these things.it should , but it doesn't. i too want to let out each freaky thought and urge i have and have had, with my husband(or lifelong companion). i think so many people want this, but the whole wanton gratification has both men and women acting like fools when they get "hot" in the pants. people lack self control and patience, now more than ever before i think. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Simple solution: dark-colored underwear! Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I've learned that managing apartments, really means, managing a bunch of people and their life problems: go figure !?! As such, I have so much less energy or LS, which I miss ! Back on topic, I think the last three pages I've read, have been the combined life wisdom of some VERY smart woman, and I advise anyone reading this to take these ladies to heart. Touche: I love your marriage and your takes on relationships ! SS1: you sound like my Italian family members from the generations just beore me. Please, take care of YOURSELF and enjoy every damn minute !:) Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks, Melody! I've been thinking about you as our trip down your way is just weeks away. Hope you and your dear are doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Hi there, lovely lady. Retiring as of the end of December and heading east (from here) probably in February. Looks like we might lite in Missouri right on the Mississippi. That's not all that far from you! Best to the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I agree 90% with Lizzie and that's why I'm not married. Link to post Share on other sites
wildflowerchild98 Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 people seem to take marriage to lightly i think and then we wonder why divorce rate is so high! it is sad that many people go in marriage (I say most not all) thinking heh if it doesn't work out We can always divorce.~Chrissy Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts