John777 Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 I had lunch with my ex-gf yesterday and basically she told me she 'just wants to be friends'. No sex, no hand holding, no kissing on the lips, just a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I wasn't happy with her answer but I rather have her as a friend than nothing at all because I love her. I will always love her and even if we can't be more, I'm not gonna stop feeling for her or thinking about her. I just don't know how it's going to work if I still have feelings for her and probably always will. I need advice. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Why did you guys break up? Did she break up with you or vice-versa? If she is your ex already why are you still expecting sex,hand holding, intimate kissing? These are all questions you need to ask yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John777 Posted October 11, 2008 Author Share Posted October 11, 2008 She broke up with my about 3 months ago. About one month ago, we got together and had a 45 minute make-out session then she doesn't even mention it. Recently she told me she doesn't dream about us anymore. And yesterday, she gives me the 'just friends' line. I want more than a friendship! That's why I'm upset she doesn't want a physical relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 THis won't work. Really. Ask anyone on here who has ex's who want to be 'just friends', or who break no contact. It's a constant heart-breaking nightmare. There is only one, truly effective, definitive thing for you to do. Establish total no contact; don't ring, don't text, don't face-book don't myspace, don't msn, don't e-mail don't write don't nuthin'. Zip. Nada. Finito. Knock it on the head. Push it off the table. Shut the book. Close the deal. I trust you're getting all this. Then: re-build your life. go out with firends. Meet new people. have some fun, and then, hopefully, meet someone else. Then - and only then - can you contact her and say - "Ok. I'm over you. We can be friends now!" Link to post Share on other sites
Gambler Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Geishawalk is dead right. Staying as just friends is an unending torture. Full no-contact works. It won't be easy, but nobody said it was going to be. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 I need advice. In the words of Cyndi Lauper...Girls just wanna have fu-uhn. Link to post Share on other sites
UnamedSeven Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 I had lunch with my ex-gf yesterday and basically she told me she 'just wants to be friends'. No sex, no hand holding, no kissing on the lips, just a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I wasn't happy with her answer but I rather have her as a friend than nothing at all because I love her. I will always love her and even if we can't be more, I'm not gonna stop feeling for her or thinking about her. I just don't know how it's going to work if I still have feelings for her and probably always will. I need advice. I have to somewhat go against the majority of responses here. I take it that you still want to be in her life, correct? more than a friend? I would only suggest this to you, my friend. Play the role of hurt. Show her that your hurt (since your really are!) and just tell her flat out that you have problems as being just a friend. Seeing as, you can never maintain a friendship, if you feel differently than she does about this! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 The person who cares the least has the most control. Good luck, OP Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 I agree with Geish. Until you're both indifferent, stay away! Link to post Share on other sites
BlossomingLotus Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Yep - Geish is right. You need a LONG break with NO contact. Only way you can ever be friends since you have such strong feelings for her. It is very possible that you will never be able to be friends with her. She may just have to be "that girl that once meant a lot to you". Link to post Share on other sites
alwayssme Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 The person who cares the least has the most control. Good luck, OP i like that quote it is very true! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 THis won't work. Really. Ask anyone on here who has ex's who want to be 'just friends', or who break no contact. It's a constant heart-breaking nightmare. There is only one, truly effective, definitive thing for you to do. Establish total no contact; don't ring, don't text, don't face-book don't myspace, don't msn, don't e-mail don't write don't nuthin'. Zip. Nada. Finito. Knock it on the head. Push it off the table. Shut the book. Close the deal. I trust you're getting all this. Then: re-build your life. go out with firends. Meet new people. have some fun, and then, hopefully, meet someone else. Then - and only then - can you contact her and say - "Ok. I'm over you. We can be friends now!" Beeeeeeeeeauuuutiful Advice !!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sagar Mehta Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 THis won't work. Really. Ask anyone on here who has ex's who want to be 'just friends', or who break no contact. It's a constant heart-breaking nightmare. There is only one, truly effective, definitive thing for you to do. Establish total no contact; don't ring, don't text, don't face-book don't myspace, don't msn, don't e-mail don't write don't nuthin'. Zip. Nada. Finito. Knock it on the head. Push it off the table. Shut the book. Close the deal. I trust you're getting all this. Then: re-build your life. go out with firends. Meet new people. have some fun, and then, hopefully, meet someone else. Then - and only then - can you contact her and say - "Ok. I'm over you. We can be friends now!" That's GOLDEN I'd say. Geish is right on the money with this piece of advice. I can so relate to your position because I've been there. Heck, I've been there a bit too long for my own good. But once you've moved on you'll realize something very profound - it DOESN'T matter. That is, once you've moved on, she would not really matter to you at all. That is when you can make a choice - to be friends or not to be friends. And isn't it much more powerful (and uplifting) if YOU are the one who decides? Sure, you could be friends with her now but as Geish said - it's one hell of a nightmarish heartbreaking adventure and trust me, you don't want any part of it. Hang out with friends, socialize with other girls, have fun and enjoy what you have. And all this while, stay totally out of touch with her. You could even go ahead and tell her that you need some time off to decide if you can be friends (say it in a way it isn't rude, depending on what kind of a relationship you shared). Give it a try Link to post Share on other sites
Author John777 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Share Posted November 7, 2008 Saw the ex a couple of weeks ago. Everything was fine. We hung out for a couple of hours and parted ways. A few days ago, we met again so I could give her something. As we said our goodbyes, our kiss goodbye turned out to a short makeout session. It was great! The next day, we met again. We hung out for 2 hours doing nothing but kissing, and holding each other. We didn't talk about the past or the future. Now, here I am again. WTF?!! What does this mean? I have no idea. We've been talking but we haven't mentioned 'us'. I don't know if we'll keep it up or if we're back to being 'friends'. Any advice would help! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 Advice? Stop it. She's doing a mind f*ck on you. You're easy. Men are always easy when you stimulate them sexually. Women just laugh about this amongst themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 Advice? Stop it. She's doing a mind f*ck on you. You're easy. Men are always easy when you stimulate them sexually. Women just laugh about this amongst themselves. Like weak in the knees.....but we women are the same saps when we hear : I love you :" . Same reaction when a guy is getting stimulated. Our mind is getting love stimulation... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 Well, IME, of the women I've been with, the reaction to my heartfelt sharing of emotion has been nearly uniformly unremarkable. However, good to know the meaning is not lost upon all Link to post Share on other sites
Amgila41 Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 have u thought about beimg honest with her... tell her how you are feeling... maybe she was confused at the time of the breakup.. What was her reason for breaking up with you, anyway? Do you even know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author John777 Posted November 8, 2008 Author Share Posted November 8, 2008 Advice? Stop it. She's doing a mind f*ck on you. You're easy. Men are always easy when you stimulate them sexually. Women just laugh about this amongst themselves. It's easy to say 'stop it' but all I want is to be with her. I don't care if we're intimate or not, I'll take whatever she gives me. I know from reading these threads, I'm settling for table scraps but, I don't care. I just wish I knew where we stood. This back and forth stuff is confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John777 Posted November 8, 2008 Author Share Posted November 8, 2008 have u thought about beimg honest with her... tell her how you are feeling... maybe she was confused at the time of the breakup.. What was her reason for breaking up with you, anyway? Do you even know? Yes, I think eventually I will ask her what's going on? I'm just afraid of the answer, I guess. I know why she broke up with me. The relationship was just 'too much for her'. So now, we talk daily but don't see each other much since the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 I'll take whatever she gives me. I know from reading these threads, I'm settling for table scraps but, I don't care.This is your journey to health. Once you're there, you will look back on this posting and nod your head knowingly, understanding that path completely. It's a great life experience Walked it, more than once. Some of us are hard headed Link to post Share on other sites
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