What is the problem? :(

[Mylife]

So I am just upset...just very much so. I just can't figure out why.

 

I know it has to do with my LDR, but what about it? I am really trying hard not to cry so that I can think logically.

 

I have never been in an LDR before, I am 19 he is 24 and we have been together 6 months, LDR from the start. We met online and he lives about 5 hours away driving. We have met a total of about 4 times now in person but we talk every night on webcam.

 

So now I am just feeling sad, for the past few days actually. I dont know why but I can list out a few of the possibilities.

 

I am the type of girl who does not play around, this is only my second relationship of my life. My first one lasted just less than 3 months and he was my first kiss, my first date, my first everything. I in fact joined loveshack on oct 10th last year when me and him broke up. I joined for support and I got loads of it and got over him. I also realised he just wanted my body since I was his first kiss too. He didnt take my virginity but we were intense at times, and he used my body for all that, never actually loved me.

 

So, I guess I am scared that I am giving up my second kisses and all too and what if he is not the one. I am not of North American/European culture, so having a BF is a big thing, and if anyone of my culture does, most are serious and settle down instead of dating 5 different people before they do. So, for me and my current BF, we know that is the case and that possibly we want to. But what if I am giving up myself again, and he is not actually "the one" for whatever reason. How do I know he is? Is it too early into the relationship to think that?

 

Another thing making me sad about him is his looks. He is just about my height and weights the same. He is an athelete but I feel that he lacks that manliness. I didnt feel this before, just recently ever since the last time I met him 2 weeks ago, I have been feeling sad about that. I was attracted to him physically before, now I don't know. Thing is that is personality is just so sweet, he cares so much and always does cute things for me. Even though I know that personality is important, why is it hard to look past it?

 

He has been a little hurt in the past, so he has trust issues. He is insecure I will leave him and the above things I obviously cannot tell him. He will be so hurt. Although he is mainly insecure that I will leave him for another guy, which is not at all true. That I will never do to him or anyone. So he gets sad when he thinks about it all and I feel sad even more.

 

I really don't want to leave him...because I do love him. But sometimes I feel like I no longer know what love is. If I care for him, want him happy, does that count as love? If yeah, then why am I getting all the other feelings? I am trying so hard no to cry...but I feel like I am aching.

[crimsonrose]

So I am just upset...just very much so. I just can't figure out why.

 

I know it has to do with my LDR, but what about it? I am really trying hard not to cry so that I can think logically.

 

I have never been in an LDR before, I am 19 he is 24 and we have been together 6 months, LDR from the start. We met online and he lives about 5 hours away driving. We have met a total of about 4 times now in person but we talk every night on webcam.

 

So now I am just feeling sad, for the past few days actually. I dont know why but I can list out a few of the possibilities.

 

I am the type of girl who does not play around, this is only my second relationship of my life. My first one lasted just less than 3 months and he was my first kiss, my first date, my first everything. I in fact joined loveshack on oct 10th last year when me and him broke up. I joined for support and I got loads of it and got over him. I also realised he just wanted my body since I was his first kiss too. He didnt take my virginity but we were intense at times, and he used my body for all that, never actually loved me.

 

So, I guess I am scared that I am giving up my second kisses and all too and what if he is not the one. I am not of North American/European culture, so having a BF is a big thing, and if anyone of my culture does, most are serious and settle down instead of dating 5 different people before they do. So, for me and my current BF, we know that is the case and that possibly we want to. But what if I am giving up myself again, and he is not actually "the one" for whatever reason. How do I know he is? Is it too early into the relationship to think that?

 

Another thing making me sad about him is his looks. He is just about my height and weights the same. He is an athelete but I feel that he lacks that manliness. I didnt feel this before, just recently ever since the last time I met him 2 weeks ago, I have been feeling sad about that. I was attracted to him physically before, now I don't know. Thing is that is personality is just so sweet, he cares so much and always does cute things for me. Even though I know that personality is important, why is it hard to look past it?

 

He has been a little hurt in the past, so he has trust issues. He is insecure I will leave him and the above things I obviously cannot tell him. He will be so hurt. Although he is mainly insecure that I will leave him for another guy, which is not at all true. That I will never do to him or anyone. So he gets sad when he thinks about it all and I feel sad even more.

 

I really don't want to leave him...because I do love him. But sometimes I feel like I no longer know what love is. If I care for him, want him happy, does that count as love? If yeah, then why am I getting all the other feelings? I am trying so hard no to cry...but I feel like I am aching.

 

Oh love, it's just good ol' LDR depression. Happens to ALL of us. It's normal, nonsensical as it feels.

 

I know what you mean about the whole not dating around and not wanting to give yourself away to someone you're unsure about. My ex did the same thign. We loved each other, sure, but not nearly as deeply as I love my fiance. And we did some childish exploration and yeah, still regretting it..

 

I think if someone's not the one, you know within the first few weeks of dating them. When you begin to love someone, you have peace, ya know? One thing you have to be careful of though is the fact that you're not very physically attracted to him. When you love someone it's so easy to see past physical flaws. I had this with my ex. At first I thought he was perfect and then soon, I got embarrassed to show him to others.Horrid of me, but true.

 

Also, do you lack confidence at all honey? I love my guy manly as he can get, chest hair and height and muscles and all. And though I know that's simply how God made me to love, I think it started when I felt I wasn't pretty or thin enough, so I wanted my guy to be so manly no one could think I didn't look feminine enough next to him. I'm sorry if that seems crazy but MAYBE you can relate?

[Mylife]

Oh love, it's just good ol' LDR depression. Happens to ALL of us. It's normal, nonsensical as it feels.

 

I know what you mean about the whole not dating around and not wanting to give yourself away to someone you're unsure about. My ex did the same thign. We loved each other, sure, but not nearly as deeply as I love my fiance. And we did some childish exploration and yeah, still regretting it..

 

I think if someone's not the one, you know within the first few weeks of dating them. When you begin to love someone, you have peace, ya know? One thing you have to be careful of though is the fact that you're not very physically attracted to him. When you love someone it's so easy to see past physical flaws. I had this with my ex. At first I thought he was perfect and then soon, I got embarrassed to show him to others.Horrid of me, but true.

 

Also, do you lack confidence at all honey? I love my guy manly as he can get, chest hair and height and muscles and all. And though I know that's simply how God made me to love, I think it started when I felt I wasn't pretty or thin enough, so I wanted my guy to be so manly no one could think I didn't look feminine enough next to him. I'm sorry if that seems crazy but MAYBE you can relate?

 

Yeah crimson...I think it could just be LDR depression. Its possible.

 

But thing is...I used to be attracted to him, physically as in. Seems like since the last time i went to see him, its gone. You think its because I am missing him and because I am sad that its an LDR?

 

Also, my Dad is 6 feet tall. You know how they say girl's want their man to look like their dad. Maybe its psychological?

 

I know what you mean about regreting your ex, I feel the same. The loser took my first kiss, I could have saved it for this guy now who loves me so unconditionally. (And I am a bad gf...and I think I don't...but I dont know)

 

And you dear, I never thought about it, but it could be true that I feel people see me as more feminine if he is more manly. I am average size, not super skinny. So maybe deep down inside I do feel that. Never thought about it, but maybe. You do bring up a good point, I should give it some thought.

 

(Although he does have very sexy chest hair ) Hhehe

 

I am feeling much better than a couple of days ago though...got some work done for school. Feeling happy with that..

 

So maybe it was school stress...I dont know..

 

But its ok...lets see what happens..

 

I think I am going to see him...Nov 7th!!

 

YAY!

[Lucky_One]

You are less attracted to him now than at the beginning of the LDR?

 

IMHO, that is odd. I have always had the experience that you are more and more attracted to someone the deeper you fall in love with him. And the longer we go without seeing each other, the more we want and miss and romanticize the other.

 

Nope - never have thought that someone was less attractive as time went on - until I realized that I just wasn't that into him. At that point, it was just a matter of time until we broke up. Who in the world wants to be with someone when you don't think they are attractive, especially if you have only met him 4 times?

[Ronni_W]

So I am just upset...just very much so. I just can't figure out why.

What came to my mind is that you already KNOW (on a deeper level) that he is not the one who will be your life-time partner. And your cultural beliefs may be dictating that now you "need to" break up with him instead of giving more of yourself to a man you have a strong suspicioun is not going to be your husband.

 

And that is making you sad. It is understandable, from every angle, to feel sad when a significant relationship ends, or even just when we feel the likelihood of it ending sooner or later. (((hugs)))

[Mylife]

Thanks for the responses.

 

I am better today and have a very strong feeling thats this whole thing is just the missing him in a LDR thing. Its possible.

 

Right now I am planning to go and see him...NOv 7th!! Yay. Only for the weekend though. But atleast I get to see him!!

 

He is like the sweetest guy any girl can ask for. He makes me candle light home cooked dinners when I go to see him. And sits and strokes my hair while we talk. He has done cute things like make me stuff out of paper and write me poems.

 

He really does love me a lot, and I think I am just missing his presence so getting sad and going into different tangents.

 

I'll give it time, lets see what happens....