Who am I?

[m00nstone]

It's been about two months since my ex-boyfriend moved away. The short story is that we were not "officially" together or whatever, but I slept with someone else while we were rebuilding our relationship. After I told him, we continued working on our relationship, but in the end, before he moved, he decided that he didn't want to get back together.

 

I still cry often about him. But now, I'm realizing that the reason I get upset over him isn't because he's gone. I am questioning who I am as a person. I have always considered myself to be a nice person and overall, a good person. I give lots of love, whether it's to my boyfriend, my family, or my friends.

 

Who am I that I could turn around and do something like that to someone who I have known for so long and loved for at least part of my life? What does that say about me as a person? One mistake may not define a person, but it contributes. And it defines me in his eyes. I betrayed his trust in me, but it seems that I have also betrayed my trust in myself.

 

Having been cheated on, I was one of those people who condemn cheating under any circumstances. I still believe that, even though it's hypocritical of me. I will still never understand how people can carry on years-long affairs or justify cheating. It happened once for me, and it has made me truly question myself as a person and question my purpose in life.

 

I guess I'm writing this because I know the main sentiment on these forums is that once a cheater, always a cheater. Make no mistake, I believe that cheating is a bad thing and that that is probably true for some or most cheaters. But maybe there is someone else reading these forums who, like me, is struggling with his or her personal identity after cheating. Right now, I feel very hopeless and alone because I just don't know who I am anymore. It's true that you are your own worst enemy.

[soconfused01]

mistakes are what makes us better people and helps us relate to others, it's part of life. it's good that you are thinking about your actions, but remember to be constructive. beating yourself up too much about it isn't going to make you a better person.

[norajane]

Sometimes, doing things out of character is a big flashing red sign telling you there's something that does not feel right with your stated course of action.

 

Example - say you're a person who is always reliable and responsible, yet you find yourself going in late to work, doing a half-assed job on assignments, etc. It's not like you to behave that way, and you want to be a responsible employee, but you ARE behaving irresponsibly. Generally, that means there is something wrong at work. You SAY you want the job, but more than likely you don't like the job, the work, your boss, something.

 

So, in your case, even though you were 'rebuilding' the relationship, I think the fact that you cheated is a sign that there was something about your relationship that you really DIDN'T want, deep down inside so you subconsciously sabotaged it.