Okay I have to ask, I am just this naive.

[angie2443]

Oh I know. I've been unbalanced since I was around 12 or so. But it got REALLY bad when we got married and after I miscarried over and over and over. He literally wrestled me to the ground in front of our 2 year old son to get a bottle of hydromorphone from me I was trying to OD on. He has his issues, like he has ADD and sometimes to get him to do something is frustrating, but if he can deal with me constantly trying to slice my wrists, I can deal with repeating myself.

 

I'm sure I asked this before, so sorry if I did. Could your problem be hormone related? The fact that it started at 12 and that you've had multiple miscariages seems to point to hormonel problems. Or did something happen at 12?

[marriedandsad]

I had hormone testing, everything came back fine. I have lesions and what not on my cervix, so we're thinking it's physical. 12 is when my issues started getting uncontrollable. My mom has said I was difficult as a small child. My father abused my mom, sister and me, and when mom remarried after she left my dad, she chose my step-dad over me over and over and over. Even if he was telling me I was being stupid and was dumb, she'd take his side over mine. They are now divorced btw, they got divorced when I was 21 almost 22. She has since apologized to me about never backing me up. The damage has been done. I'm pretty self destructive. I prefer to either attempt suicide or self-harm. I am in counseling and on medications to help curb it. But because of my emotional scars, I tend to develop emotional attachments that are unhealthy with other men. Like I assume there is more there than there really is. Hence why my friendship with my MBF is so healthy, that attachment isn't there.

[FotoGrl]

i wonder why you would feel sick when confronted with a story of respect, fairness and love. its sad.

Not a martyr. Just holier-than-thou and absolutely obnoxious with it.

[GreenEyedLady]

As for the territory, plz keep yourself on yours, i wouldnt want to live or share your territory. As for the Affairs (again), the OW/OM are not playing on their territory, they invading someone else´s territory.

 

Don't worry your territory is akin to la-la-land...You won't find me there.

 

People don't own other people, so territory doesn't quite fit does it?

 

Besides it's akin to marking an appliance free and putting it out in your front yard. Is that considered stealing?

 

Some people really weren't meant for each other. Wrap your brain around that.

 

And say all you want. I'm not an OW. I'm the only woman.

[loveORlogic]

Either you're implying that we OWs assaulted our Ms against their will, invading their territory - which is patently not the case in most instances - or you're implying that they (MMs) are "territory" belonging to someone else (pesumably their BWs?). What a charming anachronistic idea - slavery was abolished in most countries more than a century ago, and so ownership of an individual vests with them, themselves, and they have agency over whom they grant access to and who they choose to "belong" to. In my case, my MM stated from the outset that he was "mine" - and his actions have provided evidence all along.

 

OMG i wasn't implying it in that way.

I gotta laugh at this.. plz be patient ill keep writing in a minute or two.

Heres the thing, when i refered to "territory" i meant that this MM´s are... well MM´s!, so this imply they already have a partner, they have responsability, they "belong to each other" (in a romantic way/marriage thing on la la la like GreenEyedLady says i live in, ill reply to you in a sec, calm your self).

In other words we all know OW´s are dating/seeing/whatever an other womans man, not that she haves property, but because she commited herself to him, like he allegadly commited to her (marriage thing again).

 

Am i being clear now? maybe not.. let me know.

[loveORlogic]

Don't worry your territory is akin to la-la-land...You won't find me there.

 

People don't own other people, so territory doesn't quite fit does it?

 

Besides it's akin to marking an appliance free and putting it out in your front yard. Is that considered stealing?

 

Some people really weren't meant for each other. Wrap your brain around that.

 

And say all you want. I'm not an OW. I'm the only woman.

 

i just hope you never come to my la-la-land or i bet you will be the one marching ahead of all the "share till i can get it, and hope i dont have to share it again" March.

 

As for the "Besides it's akin to marking an appliance free and putting it out in your front yard. Is that considered stealing? ;)"

are you implying the W/H are actually guilty of being cheated on? can you explain this better? i bet i got this wrong!

 

Ohh and sure, i can believe in a romantic way that some ppl aren't meant to each other, although AGAIN that doesn't forgive cheating, get a divorce.. BEFORE you have something with someone else. thats the way to go, theres no need for cheating.

 

honest question here: have you ever been an OW? (yeah i know i am new on the forum)

[marriedandsad]

I think my dh and I would confuse a LOT of people out there. First thing is, my wedding ring/engagement ring is not my finger. It was cutting off my circulation and had to be cut off, we are currently saving to either resize it or just reset the stone. In public we don't show affection really. Usually one of us is off chasing our almost 3 year old, and plus I like my space. I don't like dh constantly grabbing at my hand to hold it or kissing me in public. I do rest my head on his shoulder if we're sitting down and our son is behaving. Otherwise, we really seem like different people. Now behind doors it's something completely different. We'll grab each other's butts, wiggle our eyebrows...you name it hehe. But we save that for home. Makes me wonder if OW who are looking for a little something see him as open territory ROFL! How wrong they would be Whenever I look in my dh's eyes, I see nothing but love and adoration, and worry. And that's only for me

[signedin2008]

My dad ended up marrying his OW, go figure. But I think it's mostly because my mom was aware of the affair and wanted the divorce , so rather than going to singledom, my dad married his OW. But unless the W finds out, most men won't initiate a break up or D on their own unless it's forced on them.

 

How can you do to your MM's family and wife what your dad's OW did to your family and to your mom?

[GPFan]

i just hope you never come to my la-la-land or i bet you will be the one marching ahead of all the "share till i can get it, and hope i dont have to share it again" March.

Oh my, that's clever!

 

This is the crux of dissonance between the group of women who choose to become (or remain) other women versus groups who hold to more traditional values -- the topic of sharing. The reality for one group is anathema to the other.

 

A few OWs proclaim that it is they who are the primary or "only" woman whilst the man remains in the marital home and actively participates in the marriage (not even a hint of separating). This is most likely a manifestation of their internal conflict over this very issue of sharing.

 

I can see how this would eventually lead to a sense of resentment or leave a bitter taste of bile in the mouths of OWs who are not OK with sharing.

[OWoman]

How can you do to your MM's family and wife what your dad's OW did to your family and to your mom?

 

My Dad's OW rescued him from a life of misery and dispair, and gave us - his family - our father back, rather than the hollow shell he'd become in his M. If I can do that for my MM's family, I'd be really proud of my accomplishment.

[Owl]

My Dad's OW rescued him from a life of misery and dispair, and gave us - his family - our father back, rather than the hollow shell he'd become in his M. If I can do that for my MM's family, I'd be really proud of my accomplishment.

 

Owoman...quick question...and again...an honest one.

 

What does this make you feel about your mom? About her role in your family, about her as a person, as a wife? How do you think this may have affected YOUR views (as a child or teen who watched this process) about monogamy/marriage?

 

Do you think your views on monogamy/marriage may have turned out much different had your parents had a better relationship?

[OWoman]

Owoman...quick question...and again...an honest one.

 

What does this make you feel about your mom? About her role in your family, about her as a person, as a wife? How do you think this may have affected YOUR views (as a child or teen who watched this process) about monogamy/marriage?

 

Do you think your views on monogamy/marriage may have turned out much different had your parents had a better relationship?

 

Owl, to pin it on my parents would be to give their M undue weighting... if THEY had had a better R, but all the other Ms I was exposed to were just as dysfunctional, I'd have thought that they lucked out, alone in a sea of dysfunction. Truth is, their R was pretty much par for the course of what I saw growing up, and have seen since, so I doubt it would have changed much had it been different.

 

My views on my mother were formed long before my father got involved with anyone else. She had a very very difficult childhood, and did the best she could given a complete lack of resources of all kinds. I don't resent her for failing so miserably at being a wife or mother (though I did as a kid) but neither do I resent my father for looking elsewhere for someone who could fix what was broken. I can understand where they came from, and why and how they made the choices they made. And I am going to try my damndest not to repeat those - there are so many new, shiney, different mistakes to make instead!

[Owl]

LOL...fair enough, Owoman.

 

Thanks for the info and viewpoint...what you say makes sense.