Okay I have to ask, I am just this naive.

[Angel1111]

I see that a lot when I'm on vacation.. couples sitting in a restaurant.. looking all around, not talking, not even looking at each other.. it's like they're bored to death with each other..

 

I guess they go down south just to 'watch people' ... maybe the H likes the 'people watch' on the beach..

 

I can kind of understand that happening a little. I mean, sometimes people just run out of things to say, I guess. I don't think it means their relationship is doomed. But it does seem that if you were on vacation, you'd have plenty to talk about. I do think people need to keep the spark alive in their relationships and never take for granted that it can just go dead and not have consequences. And then they act all shocked and surprised when it either ends, or one of them has an affair. Whenever I know of couples that split up or there's an affair, I am never surprised. The only thing that usually surprises me is that it lasted as long as it did.

[GreenEyedLady]

You are responsable you know that right?

 

No. What's responsable? That's not even a word.

[GreenEyedLady]

And let me tell you all this, i dont mean this with disrespect, but i think OW´s and OM´s dont have self respect, if they did they would not let themselfs to be in that situation.

 

It's a good thing that it's not left up to you. You don't seem to know alot of things.

 

There are plenty of OP's that have self-respect and plenty of self-esteem. It's too bad if people don't like that or accept it.

 

That's a personal problem and not one that I'm responsible for.

[Lizzie60]

No. What's responsable? That's not even a word.

 

this is the French word for responsible.

 

and I agree.. lots of OPs do have self-esteem and self-respect.. this had nothing to do with it.

[Lizzie60]

I can kind of understand that happening a little. I mean, sometimes people just run out of things to say, I guess. I don't think it means their relationship is doomed. But it does seem that if you were on vacation, you'd have plenty to talk about. I do think people need to keep the spark alive in their relationships and never take for granted that it can just go dead and not have consequences. And then they act all shocked and surprised when it either ends, or one of them has an affair. Whenever I know of couples that split up or there's an affair, I am never surprised. The only thing that usually surprises me is that it lasted as long as it did.

 

yes but goooossshhh do they ever look bored together..

 

If someone ever flirts with one of these 'bored' people.. WOW.. are they ever going to feel alive..

[Angel1111]

yes but goooossshhh do they ever look bored together..

 

If someone ever flirts with one of these 'bored' people.. WOW.. are they ever going to feel alive..

 

Most of the time, they're the ones who initiate the flirting....and other stuff.

 

Why people stay in those kinds of relationships is beyond me. "Fix it or f--k it up", as my ex used to say.

[loveORlogic]

No. What's responsable? That's not even a word.

 

ohh snap

well i am not good at english....

 

i meant responsible, is this right now? i should check a dictionary haha

[loveORlogic]

It's a good thing that it's not left up to you. You don't seem to know alot of things.

 

There are plenty of OP's that have self-respect and plenty of self-esteem. It's too bad if people don't like that or accept it.

 

That's a personal problem and not one that I'm responsible for.

 

If it had any power concerning this kind of situation, you can bet that they would cease immediately.

As for me dont knowing alot of things, let me tell that i am happy that i dont know the Affairs inside out, that only means i never had to deal with being the 2nd, and any of the other possible quirks that come with the territory.

 

I already posted somewhere about an experience i had, about me not letting a person i fall in love outside my marriage to be my mistress, so dont teach me about temptation, respect or what it takes to keep on track. I had the opportunity and the motive, but i didnt do it cause of respect to everyone involved, including this woman i was in love with.

[OWoman]

And let me tell you all this, i dont mean this with disrespect, but i think OW´s and OM´s dont have self respect, if they did they would not let themselfs to be in that situation.

 

Oh I have plenty. Plenty of respect for MM too. His BW is the one I have no respect for.

[OWoman]

If it had any power concerning this kind of situation, you can bet that they would cease immediately.

As for me dont knowing alot of things, let me tell that i am happy that i dont know the Affairs inside out, that only means i never had to deal with being the 2nd, and any of the other possible quirks that come with the territory.

 

I an sorry your experience of this territory left you so bitter.

 

I have never been 2nd best in an A - I've always come first and how they chose to explain that to their Ws was their business, and their choice.

[jj33]

xMM never said a bad word about her. I had the pleasure of meeting her myself and coming to my own conclusions, which matched those unflattering comments I had heard from others. Circumstances showed that she was not concerned about his well being only the money he brings home.

 

But apparently thats how he likes it... or he wouldnt still be there.

[jwi71]

I an sorry your experience of this territory left you so bitter.

 

I have never been 2nd best in an A - I've always come first and how they chose to explain that to their Ws was their business, and their choice.

 

 

How do you measure "I've always come first"?

 

Do you mean that all the MM's you were with left their spouses for you?

[OWoman]

How do you measure "I've always come first"?

 

The deal was that they'd come immediately when summoned, as and when I wanted. They did. That they'd always be ready for action, and provide lots of hot steamy passion. They did. That I called the shots. I did. I never once had someone say they couldn't make it, or would be there a little later than I wanted. I never had shagged out seconds or bored routine mediocrity between the sheets. I was never hidden nor excused nor explained away. I had it all my way.

 

That, in one sense of that statement. You can work out the other.

 

Do you mean that all the MM's you were with left their spouses for you?

 

I didn't want them to, and dumped those who did (of the previous ones). They knew that, it was part of the deal.

[loveORlogic]

Oh I have plenty. Plenty of respect for MM too. His BW is the one I have no respect for.

 

 

I am still new here, what BW mean?

[loveORlogic]

I an sorry your experience of this territory left you so bitter.

 

I have never been 2nd best in an A - I've always come first and how they chose to explain that to their Ws was their business, and their choice.

 

I didn't left me bitter, actually i feel i was strong and responsible, all good stuff to feel about yourself. Sure it was hard to resist the temptation, i really wanted to, i dreamed with it. i loved her, i felt i never loved anyone else so strongly as i loved this woman, to my eyes she was everything i wanted from a woman. But she wasn't the woman i was with. and i think my decision not to turn her my OW was the most respectful decision i could have made to everyone involved (directly and indirectly), i feel good to have kept respect... believe me when i say, i dont regreat or feel bitter at all.

[GreenEyedLady]

If it had any power concerning this kind of situation, you can bet that they would cease immediately.

As for me dont knowing alot of things, let me tell that i am happy that i dont know the Affairs inside out, that only means i never had to deal with being the 2nd, and any of the other possible quirks that come with the territory.

 

Oh how sweet, a martyr. And here to tell everyone the err of their ways because they rejected temptation.

 

And I didn't have to deal with being 2nd; I didn't stand for it.

 

So you stick to your territory and I'll stick to mine.

[loveORlogic]

Oh how sweet, a martyr. And here to tell everyone the err of their ways because they rejected temptation.

 

And I didn't have to deal with being 2nd; I didn't stand for it.

 

So you stick to your territory and I'll stick to mine.

 

Well just want to say 2 things.

 

1. I am not a martyr in any way, i am responsable towards myself and others, it doesnt turn me into a martyr, i was fair and respectfull, thats all. I only share my lil story to show you that i do understand all that little excuse ppl find for themselfs to justify their actions, but in the end they dont justify a single thing.

As for your "sick" smiley, thats sad , i wonder why you would feel sick when confronted with a story of respect, fairness and love. its sad.

 

As for the territory, plz keep yourself on yours, i wouldnt want to live or share your territory. As for the Affairs (again), the OW/OM are not playing on their territory, they invading someone else´s territory.

 

Just for the sake of it, let me use that green smiley (sick) ... ohhh snap.. it doesnt make me feel better.... ill just use this one instead..

[loveORlogic]

Double post.

[OWoman]

i feel i was strong and responsible, all good stuff to feel about yourself.

 

 

Yep, I know that feeling well. I'm strong and responsible too, as well as loved and cherished and respected. It feels really great. :love: Wouldn't trade it for anything. OWs rock!

[OWoman]

As for the Affairs (again), the OW/OM are not playing on their territory, they invading someone else´s territory.

 

Either you're implying that we OWs assaulted our Ms against their will, invading their territory - which is patently not the case in most instances - or you're implying that they (MMs) are "territory" belonging to someone else (pesumably their BWs?). What a charming anachronistic idea - slavery was abolished in most countries more than a century ago, and so ownership of an individual vests with them, themselves, and they have agency over whom they grant access to and who they choose to "belong" to. In my case, my MM stated from the outset that he was "mine" - and his actions have provided evidence all along.

[marriedandsad]

Another thought:

 

Do you think that the MM/MW sometimes start to believe the things they say? For example: The BS is actually very sweet, just not "wild" enough for their spouse anymore. Or the MM/MW is actually having a bit of a break down and wants a change. So instead of approaching their spouse with the idea of spicing things up they choose to have an affair. So they tell their OW/OM that their BS is very boring, doesn't 'understand' their needs and what not. And in the end, they start to believe what they themselves are saying because they've been saying it all along when in fact they never tried to make it work with their spouse.

 

Or if you flip it on the MM/MW. How would THEY feel if they found out their BS started having an affair to make up for what they are lacking due to their spouse giving affection to another OW/OM. I wonder how many MM/MW would be upset at this, or if they would be grateful and accept their BS's affair, or use it to their advantage and ask for a divorce based on their BS's affair when they themselves were the first to have an affair and the alienation of affection their affair cause the BS to seek the affection elsewhere. How would that work?

[marriedandsad]

Either you're implying that we OWs assaulted our Ms against their will, invading their territory - which is patently not the case in most instances - or you're implying that they (MMs) are "territory" belonging to someone else (pesumably their BWs?). What a charming anachronistic idea - slavery was abolished in most countries more than a century ago, and so ownership of an individual vests with them, themselves, and they have agency over whom they grant access to and who they choose to "belong" to. In my case, my MM stated from the outset that he was "mine" - and his actions have provided evidence all along.

 

What I think she meant when she said territory was the space between a man and a wife. When someone is married, you make a vow to not forsake your spouse for others. That vow sort of creates a security I think. I know if I found out my husband had slept with another woman, I would feel like she was infringing on my space and all of a sudden there are 3 people in it instead of 2. It can get cramped. And one person is going to have to move over, is it going to be the OW to move over, or the BS?

 

Let me just say, I've heard of reasons people cheat. My dh had every reason to cheat on me when I was admitted into the hospital over and over this past summer for suicide attempts. He was even given the chance to leave me and take our son and move in with his dad and step-mom. He didn't take it. Instead he stood by me 100%. We worked through it together. He had to carry me a bit of the way. And we realized my issue this past winter when one of our friends kissed me and I didn't fight back was a result of my mental illness.

[angie2443]

Another thought:

 

Do you think that the MM/MW sometimes start to believe the things they say? For example: The BS is actually very sweet, just not "wild" enough for their spouse anymore. Or the MM/MW is actually having a bit of a break down and wants a change. So instead of approaching their spouse with the idea of spicing things up they choose to have an affair. So they tell their OW/OM that their BS is very boring, doesn't 'understand' their needs and what not. And in the end, they start to believe what they themselves are saying because they've been saying it all along when in fact they never tried to make it work with their spouse.

?

 

This happens quite often and it's not just when people cheat. If you tell yourself something long enough, even if you don't really believe it in the beginning, you'll eventually start to see it as the truth. This can be possitive or negative depending on what you're telling yourself.

[angie2443]

Let me just say, I've heard of reasons people cheat. My dh had every reason to cheat on me when I was admitted into the hospital over and over this past summer for suicide attempts. He was even given the chance to leave me and take our son and move in with his dad and step-mom. He didn't take it. Instead he stood by me 100%. We worked through it together. He had to carry me a bit of the way. And we realized my issue this past winter when one of our friends kissed me and I didn't fight back was a result of my mental illness.

 

I don't see this as a reason to cheat. I do see it as a reason for some to leave the relationship. I mean this as no offense. It would simply be to much for some to handle. Obviously, your husband was strong enough to stick with you, which is why I still say he is a keeper.

[marriedandsad]

I don't see this as a reason to cheat. I do see it as a reason for some to leave the relationship. I mean this as no offense. It would simply be to much for some to handle. Obviously, your husband was strong enough to stick with you, which is why I still say he is a keeper.

 

 

Oh I know. I've been unbalanced since I was around 12 or so. But it got REALLY bad when we got married and after I miscarried over and over and over. He literally wrestled me to the ground in front of our 2 year old son to get a bottle of hydromorphone from me I was trying to OD on. He has his issues, like he has ADD and sometimes to get him to do something is frustrating, but if he can deal with me constantly trying to slice my wrists, I can deal with repeating myself.