lovestruck818 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Men are not worth it...love is not worth it...too many heartaches and games. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 And women? I'm truly sorry you have such a self-defeating attitude. It holds you back from what could be. Avoid the game-players and playing games yourself and it can be wonderful. It's a lot of work but well worth the effort when it works. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Men are not worth it...love is not worth it...too many heartaches and games. Women are worth it. Love is worth it. Its a matter of finding the right one...that's the hard part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 13, 2008 Author Share Posted October 13, 2008 And women? I'm truly sorry you have such a self-defeating attitude. It holds you back from what could be. Avoid the game-players and playing games yourself and it can be wonderful. It's a lot of work but well worth the effort when it works. curm, as usual you are right. on another note. as i've said previously i have not responded to my ex's messages because there's nothing for me to say.so he just sent me another message: "Hope you are doing well...I am working to sort out my drama you'd be proud of me." the drama he's talking about is the reason for our break-up. i told him when we first met that i like my life as drama free as possible. yes we all have some drama sometimes, but his drama was the reason he said that he didn't feel it would be safe or sane for me to get closer to him or be closer to him. (he mentioned he thought of me moving to where he was, but he knew it was not sane or safe due to us only dating each other a few months and the drama he's dealing with.) so that's a brief background. i assume you think i should not respond to him and i don't plan to unless he gives some sort of concrete evidence that he means business.he said that until he sorts out his drama he didn't want to bring any MESS /b.s./drama into my life, because he knows i despise it. to me his messages haven't warranted a response. he knows how i feel about talk and actions. actions speak louder than words and i am too through with men who speak more than they do. that's how my father is and i constantly pray to not become involved with a man like that because it's done some serious damage to me and i'm working to rectify these damages in me. just curious to know what you think about his message. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Just stay single. This way you won't break a man's heart when you love him but you are not in love with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I think you're on the right track! The ex was a dramas-gueen and it's an easy trap to fall into. Like you, I now avoid drama. If you have to respond, tell him that when the drama is all behind him, when he's in charge of his life and others and/or events aren't ruling his behavior and reactions/approaches then maybe, just maybe, you'll have something to talk about. Your first clue could have been when he talked about "safe and sane." That was drama at its highest and is something and someone best avoided until and if he's in charge of his life and himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 13, 2008 Author Share Posted October 13, 2008 Women are worth it. Love is worth it. Its a matter of finding the right one...that's the hard part. thanks youreasian. i agree.(i'm female) soi think most men are worth it. there are others who are hopeless, conscienceless and evilspirited. these type of people (men and women) most likely have not been given love so they don't know how to give it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Just stay single. This way you won't break a man's heart when you love him but you are not in love with him anymore. As Ronald Reagan would have said, "There you go again!" When are you going to begin to grow, Woggle, or are you always going to be a self-defeating, emotional adolescent? Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 13, 2008 Author Share Posted October 13, 2008 I think you're on the right track! The ex was a dramas-gueen and it's an easy trap to fall into. Like you, I now avoid drama. If you have to respond, tell him that when the drama is all behind him, when he's in charge of his life and others and/or events aren't ruling his behavior and reactions/approaches then maybe, just maybe, you'll have something to talk about. Your first clue could have been when he talked about "safe and sane." That was drama at its highest and is something and someone best avoided until and if he's in charge of his life and himself. ok. thanks CURM(wise-one)! you're better than me to come up with all that stuff to say. i didn't plan on responding at all. but as i'm typing i'm thinking he may be trying to keep me in the loop. we are 2 hours away and he is the one who initially said that he wanted me in his life while he's resolving his issues so that he would have something "good" and peaceful and pleasant to think about and keep him going. however, when i'm hurt even a little bit, i retreat and it's hard to get me back if i ever snap back. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 As Ronald Reagan would have said, "There you go again!" When are you going to begin to grow, Woggle, or are you always going to be a self-defeating, emotional adolescent? I am just a man who sees things for what they are. Women in general with a few exceptions are just not reliable as far as staying faithful and commited is concerned and it is better that muse realizes this before she breaks a man's heart. She would be better off having uncommited sex or at the most serial monogomy. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I see it the other way and that most men are unable to be committed and respectful of their relationship with their women. Considering all the different mediums men use to replace their women in some way, shape or form. ANd considering that most men seem to prize and value variety over having one woman that cares for him. I think men are worth it. I just don't see too many men out there that act like women are worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I am just a man who sees things for what they are. Women in general with a few exceptions are just not reliable as far as staying faithful and commited is concerned and it is better that muse realizes this before she breaks a man's heart. She would be better off having uncommited sex or at the most serial monogomy. Sorry to tell you but I see you as a broken man who lets the past determine his future and who looks at women and relationships through badly flawed and distorted lenses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 13, 2008 Author Share Posted October 13, 2008 I am just a man who sees things for what they are. Women in general with a few exceptions are just not reliable as far as staying faithful and commited is concerned and it is better that muse realizes this before she breaks a man's heart. She would be better off having uncommited sex or at the most serial monogomy. WOGGLE...sweetie, are you joking or what about all this stuff u keep saying. you obviously know nothing about women and even less about me of course. do you even know how to read? if so you should be reading the background of my situation. no one has even mentioned me having sex. even if we did it would be none of your business. this thread is NOT about sex. i am the one in this situation left with the short end of the stick. he is the one who has drama to take care of. i had not say in the matter accept i could have said "PLEASE PLEASE HURRY", but i will never force or rush a man to take care of his drama. men have been the ones who typically are unfaithful and you kow this. i think you're just trying to get a riot going on up in here. i spoke my piece now you can sit back and read it...if you can. ciao Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 14, 2008 Author Share Posted October 14, 2008 I see it the other way and that most men are unable to be committed and respectful of their relationship with their women. Considering all the different mediums men use to replace their women in some way, shape or form. ANd considering that most men seem to prize and value variety over having one woman that cares for him. I think men are worth it. I just don't see too many men out there that act like women are worth it. i'm totaly with you jersey shortie! Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 14, 2008 Author Share Posted October 14, 2008 Sorry to tell you but I see you as a broken man who lets the past determine his future and who looks at women and relationships through badly flawed and distorted lenses. yes, well put CURM! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I see it the other way and that most men are unable to be committed and respectful of their relationship with their women. Considering all the different mediums men use to replace their women in some way, shape or form. ANd considering that most men seem to prize and value variety over having one woman that cares for him. I think men are worth it. I just don't see too many men out there that act like women are worth it. Look at who files most divorces. There is a reason why there is not even a term called walkaway husband and that is because men are not known to just wake up one day and want out of a good marriage but women do it all the time as evidenced by the threads on the divorce forum. I think that most women are more in love with chemical high of a new relationship than they are with the actual man as evidenced by the way women tend to dump a man when things are no longer a 24/7 romance novel. When a man loves a woman he feels it to the core and his love does not ebb and flow like a woman's emotions do. If muse were to marry she will eventually become a walkaway so she should just have casual sex to avoid breaking a man's heart. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Look at who files most divorces. There is a reason why there is not even a term called walkaway husband and that is because men are not known to just wake up one day and want out of a good marriage but women do it all the time as evidenced by the threads on the divorce forum. I think that most women are more in love with chemical high of a new relationship than they are with the actual man as evidenced by the way women tend to dump a man when things are no longer a 24/7 romance novel. When a man loves a woman he feels it to the core and his love does not ebb and flow like a woman's emotions do. If muse were to marry she will eventually become a walkaway so she should just have casual sex to avoid breaking a man's heart. I was the person who filed for a divorce to end our marriage. Did I file because I was a "walkaway wife" ? no. I filed for the same reason that I was the only one working and supporting us, I filed for the same reason that I was the only one who'd scrub a toilet or wash a kitchen floor.Because if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done. And yes, if I hadn't filed, he'd still be sitting here happily settled into his routine, watching porn, working out at the gym, sleeping, drinking,playing poker with the boys and making me feel like utter crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Look at who files most divorces. There is a reason why there is not even a term called walkaway husband and that is because men are not known to just wake up one day and want out of a good marriage but women do it all the time as evidenced by the threads on the divorce forum. I think that most women are more in love with chemical high of a new relationship than they are with the actual man as evidenced by the way women tend to dump a man when things are no longer a 24/7 romance novel. When a man loves a woman he feels it to the core and his love does not ebb and flow like a woman's emotions do. If muse were to marry she will eventually become a walkaway so she should just have casual sex to avoid breaking a man's heart. Yes, women file for divorces more often. Do I think that means that men don't file for divorce because they want to work harder at the marriage? No. I think it means that men have more risk as far as money and kids go and rather stay in a bad situation the risk those things. Woogle, maybe from your persepective women don't work hard enough at marriage. But from mine, men don't. I see so many husbands that do the bare minimal to get by and think their wives should be happy with any small scraps they throw their way. I really don't know one woman that wants life to be a romance novel. I do know women that do want to be touched and have time spent with them that isn't always sexual. I don't see alot of men that put the effort in to really respect their wives. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 This is my first time in the marriage forum. Not married, but do see it as something I eventually want. However, at the rate that things are going now i'm not sure if marriage is something that I should think much about. I'm 33 and most of my friends are married. Most of them married shortly after undergrad. I wasn't ready then and I knew it. Not because I was dating a lot or promiscuous. I just needed to date MORE. Had little experience and needed to experience a few MORE heartbreaks...Not sure if I'm even ready now for marriage...Yes I enjoy the freedom being able to go as I please, only cook for myself when and if I feel like cooking, not have to answer to anyone when I stay out late, have to bed to myself unless I choose to have an overnight guest and not have to be responsible for the well being of anyone, but myself... HOWEVER...all that comes with a price of course. Not many people want to live this life in solitude 'til eternity. At least I don't. But as I said earlier, I'm 33. Yes I have "friends", just no one serious. I've been told that the vibe I put off is not always very warm and I'm not always aware it. So with that said, I'm at place where I am seriously trying to mentally prepare for a future of being single. It's not a bad thing per se, but it's something to be aware of. Are there any similar or contrasting views about this topic that is becoming more and more prevalent amongst females? I don't get it.. who said that you're going to live in solitude because you're not married.. You're happy but you don't know it.. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Well, if it's any help, I know a woman who stayed single from age 30 until age 48 and didn't even date for the last 13 years or so. Somehow I persuaded her to go out with and then marry me and we're about to celebrate our 12th anniversary. Never say "never." Hi Curm, I was very tempted to copy your original message and wouldn't have until your comment. Check it out: Well, if it's any help, I know a woman who stayed single from age 21 until age 41 and didn't even date for the last 20 years or so. Somehow I persuaded her to go out with and then marry me and we're about to celebrate our 13th anniversary. Never say "never." Muse, my wife was a bombshell. There were a lot of guys trying to get into her pants. These guys thought that because she was divorced and single that she absolutely needed a man. She could not even sunbathe in her own back yard without some guy leaning over. What she needed was a friend. And we still are. Both she and I were lonely at different stages before we met. She focused on raising a daughter as her main priority. I had been focusing on "stuff" and did genuinely miss a woman's touch in my life. We have a handsome and beautifully mannered young nine year old son who is a delight to anybody that meets him. God has been good. May He be that for you too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 14, 2008 Author Share Posted October 14, 2008 Look at who files most divorces. There is a reason why there is not even a term called walkaway husband and that is because men are not known to just wake up one day and want out of a good marriage but women do it all the time as evidenced by the threads on the divorce forum. I think that most women are more in love with chemical high of a new relationship than they are with the actual man as evidenced by the way women tend to dump a man when things are no longer a 24/7 romance novel. When a man loves a woman he feels it to the core and his love does not ebb and flow like a woman's emotions do. If muse were to marry she will eventually become a walkaway so she should just have casual sex to avoid breaking a man's heart. woggle is so funny...and he won't even talk to me. he talks to everyone in this forum about me. lol, we may need to ignore him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 Hi Curm, I was very tempted to copy your original message and wouldn't have until your comment. Check it out: Well, if it's any help, I know a woman who stayed single from age 21 until age 41 and didn't even date for the last 20 years or so. Somehow I persuaded her to go out with and then marry me and we're about to celebrate our 13th anniversary. Never say "never." Muse, my wife was a bombshell. There were a lot of guys trying to get into her pants. These guys thought that because she was divorced and single that she absolutely needed a man. She could not even sunbathe in her own back yard without some guy leaning over. What she needed was a friend. And we still are. Both she and I were lonely at different stages before we met. She focused on raising a daughter as her main priority. I had been focusing on "stuff" and did genuinely miss a woman's touch in my life. We have a handsome and beautifully mannered young nine year old son who is a delight to anybody that meets him. God has been good. May He be that for you too! imagine, that too is a beautiful story and gives me hope. in spite of what "some folks" may think, i am in no way looking for a romance novel and i'm not about to break a man's heart.i'm just want something REAL. not sure if it is meant for me. it's a fact that there will be some of us women who will remain single...it's just a fact. the fact that i'm a product of divorce honestly makes me wonder... lizzie made a good point too, but as i think about family and how one of my friends has no sibblings. so when her mother passed she had no immediate family to lean on or depend on, although she had/has some pretty darn good friends. but yes, lizzie, a lifelong mate can still be had even without mariage. not sure about that though... Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Just stay single. This way you won't break a man's heart when you love him but you are not in love with him anymore. LOL! I can relate to this statement, it's almost instrumental. Nice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 LOL! I can relate to this statement, it's almost instrumental. Nice! rooster...you don't agree with woggle do you?! nooo...lol. what about me? you don't think my heart will be broken before the man's heart??? Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 rooster...you don't agree with woggle do you?! nooo...lol. what about me? you don't think my heart will be broken before the man's heart??? Ha, I just understand where he is coming from. I still think both sexes are guilty of errant behavior, I was merely trying to portray sarcasm. Personally, I have let go of some of my attitude, probably because I met a long lost flame and now I'm on the slope of falling for someone again. Ugghh! Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts