cutegirl Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 This is my first time in the marriage forum. Not married, but do see it as something I eventually want. However, at the rate that things are going now i'm not sure if marriage is something that I should think much about. I'm 33 and most of my friends are married. Most of them married shortly after undergrad. I wasn't ready then and I knew it. Not because I was dating a lot or promiscuous. I just needed to date MORE. Had little experience and needed to experience a few MORE heartbreaks...Not sure if I'm even ready now for marriage...Yes I enjoy the freedom being able to go as I please, only cook for myself when and if I feel like cooking, not have to answer to anyone when I stay out late, have to bed to myself unless I choose to have an overnight guest and not have to be responsible for the well being of anyone, but myself... HOWEVER...all that comes with a price of course. Not many people want to live this life in solitude 'til eternity. At least I don't. But as I said earlier, I'm 33. Yes I have "friends", just no one serious. I've been told that the vibe I put off is not always very warm and I'm not always aware it. So with that said, I'm at place where I am seriously trying to mentally prepare for a future of being single. It's not a bad thing per se, but it's something to be aware of. Are there any similar or contrasting views about this topic that is becoming more and more prevalent amongst females? Well, I'm 30 and I have no problems being single forever... I have no pressure to get married whatsoever and I don't want kids... I don't see what the big deal is. Nothing happened to "make me this way", I am just very comfortable being alone... I know quite a bit of other females my age who are single as well. I don't know if they want to be single forever, like me, or if they are looking, I presume it's probably the latter but I can only speak for myself. I don't see why it even has to be an issue to stay single forever. There's nothing a man can do for me that I cannot do for myself. I am not even dating btw.... I don't see a point because I don't want to meet anyone or be in a relationship or even get to know members of the opposite sex. I don't feel like there's anything missing from my life. I am content the way I am. I think women who are afraid of being alone are weak. I embrace being alone. I do whatever I want whenever. I make very good money. I don't need anything "more" in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 ROOSTER: lol...ahhh, ok. yes we all get a bit warm and fuzzy and euphoric when the luv bug bites. i feel you... i'm happy for you...enjoy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 Well, I'm 30 and I have no problems being single forever... I have no pressure to get married whatsoever and I don't want kids... I don't see what the big deal is. Nothing happened to "make me this way", I am just very comfortable being alone... I know quite a bit of other females my age who are single as well. I don't know if they want to be single forever, like me, or if they are looking, I presume it's probably the latter but I can only speak for myself. I don't see why it even has to be an issue to stay single forever. There's nothing a man can do for me that I cannot do for myself. I am not even dating btw.... I don't see a point because I don't want to meet anyone or be in a relationship or even get to know members of the opposite sex. I don't feel like there's anything missing from my life. I am content the way I am. I think women who are afraid of being alone are weak. I embrace being alone. I do whatever I want whenever. I make very good money. I don't need anything "more" in my life. HMMM...cutegirl. you sound like another "woggle". i can't believe never want to meet anyone...ever...? i'm ok w/ being single. however, i honestly don't want the single life for the rest of my life. i want the touch and companionship of a man. i am fully independent as of now. make my own money, my own car, home, no kids...but this is not what life is all about. i don't want to grow old alone...and have no kids to help care for me. do you not think of these things...??? it's not just about a man who can do stuff for me. but rather about a man who can do stuff with me and ENHANCE my life. if a man can't "add" to my life(spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc) then no there is not much i need with him... Link to post Share on other sites
cutegirl Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 HMMM...cutegirl. you sound like another "woggle". i can't believe never want to meet anyone...ever...? i'm ok w/ being single. however, i honestly don't want the single life for the rest of my life. i want the touch and companionship of a man. i am fully independent as of now. make my own money, my own car, home, no kids...but this is not what life is all about. i don't want to grow old alone...and have no kids to help care for me. do you not think of these things...??? it's not just about a man who can do stuff for me. but rather about a man who can do stuff with me and ENHANCE my life. if a man can't "add" to my life(spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc) then no there is not much i need with him... it's not the first time peopel have said I sound like a "woggle".... I don't see why it's scary to grow old alone.... Having kids is no guarantee they will take care of you, one should never have kids thinking they will take care of you. I think that's the wrong way to think... No one is obligated to take care of you... I am fine growing alone.. As long as you have acquaintances and some family it shouldn't be a problem, I don't need someone glued at the hip with me, even when I am 70... I have been alone for most of my life and I am used to it. I like living alone (without any roommates at all and without anyone else there to make any noise, I am just comfortable being alone. I noticed a lot of people are really uncomfortable being alone; they can't go to the moves alone, or go to the theater alone etc... At times I admit I felt weird as well but I am getting used to it. I don't need the touch or a companionship of a man. A vibrator works just as well... As for companionship, I don't think I really need it. Having just ONE good girlfriend is enough companionship for me. I am not afraid to die alone, I don't need a man at my side when I go. I think that the only person you can count on in life is yourself. I can always hire someone to take care of men when I am old.... I do not want to give birth because of the pain and also in part because of vanity... I am also not very motherly, I don't like kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I don't get it.. who said that you're going to live in solitude because you're not married.. You're happy but you don't know it.. One ad hominem deserves another. Of course, you never responded to or answered me about yours so I'll take a crack at one. What compels you to never consider a committed relationship is your business. However, what compels you to show up on marriage-based threads and preach you "don't even think about it" mantra when people are seeking reassurance that real, lasting, loving relationships can and do happen. Do those of us who are not commitment phobic, especially us males, somehow threaten and confound you? Enquiring minds want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 ...but rather about a man who can do stuff with me and ENHANCE my life. if a man can't "add" to my life(spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc) then no there is not much i need with him... My wife and I don't and never did NEED one another but we enhanced one another professionally for five years and have since enhanced one another personally in all ways. It's really nice! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Muse, you're in the very early stages post-breakup. I'm not saying that you won't or shouldn't think about this stuff... because if it helps, it helps. But at the moment, you should focus on getting through recovering. Even if you want another relationship and you would feel like you don't want to be alone, chances are... you're not ready yet. I had a pretty bad breakup almost 18 months ago now (jees is it that long..?!) but even now, I would say I'm not ready yet. I'm 38 years old and although some people here have said, when you accept you're going to be single for life, it will happen... I kinda did that some time ago and it hasn't happened to me... and for a very good reason. When we're heartbroken, we give off very particular vibes of either over-exuberance or desperation (even though we dont think we do). That results in us not only not being true to ourselves... because we really don't know who we are... but we also portray ourselves as someone we're really not. In the short term, that doesn't make good relationship material. So rather than focusing on I don't want to do this alone... I don't want to be by myself for life... assume that it will happen at some point, don't ask it, just know it. You're just not there yet. I'm single and no real plan of action for a future with anyone, but I know it isn't always going to be like this. I'm not going to be alone. I don't know how - I just know Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 So rather than focusing on I don't want to do this alone... I don't want to be by myself for life... assume that it will happen at some point, don't ask it, just know it. You're just not there yet. I'm single and no real plan of action for a future with anyone, but I know it isn't always going to be like this. I'm not going to be alone. I don't know how - I just know wow, that's pretty profound chinook and i appreciate your words. i am going to try to think healthy thoughts and heal. just yesterday and the day b4, 2 guys approached me. i wasn't looking their way and hadn't really noticed them. i had tunnel vision and was very preoccupied. this always happens, why? they keep coming when i'm not interested. i'm not in any way excited about either of them...so no i am in no way ready for a "new" guy right now... i'm ready to heal... Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 i think... Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 wow, that's pretty profound chinook and i appreciate your words. i am going to try to think healthy thoughts and heal.Well, if I'm honest... I really don't think this is something you can force or it's something that you put effort into doing. I think the only way it happens is by time passing. I think for about a year, I tried to focus on other things but I couldn't really do it. I just had to wait. With the passage of time, things became easier. Then later, I didn't feel as hurt and I felt more 'settled' if you like. I didn't really feel lonely anymore. i'm ready to heal... ... I think... I think still, it's early days. It's good that you're feeling okay and life exists after the breakup. But stay focused on you at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Well, if I end up alone I end up alone and I am sure I will be fine. But it would be nice to have a good man be a part of my life that I can connect with. Too bad today's men aren't really looking for connection unless its the connection they find between their eyes, the internet, and their hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Well, if I end up alone I end up alone and I am sure I will be fine. But it would be nice to have a good man be a part of my life that I can connect with. Too bad today's men aren't really looking for connection unless its the connection they find between their eyes, the internet, and their hand. That connection never nags us or tries to change and it it doesn't leave us to find itself once we finally let down out guard and fall in love with it. People can knock what I am saying but any man that is honest with himself knows that what I say is true and all you have to do is look at this board for proof. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Well, if I end up alone I end up alone and I am sure I will be fine. But it would be nice to have a good man be a part of my life that I can connect with. Too bad today's men aren't really looking for connection unless its the connection they find between their eyes, the internet, and their hand. That connection never nags us or tries to change and it it doesn't leave us to find itself once we finally let down out guard and fall in love with it. People can knock what I am saying but any man that is honest with himself knows that what I say is true and all you have to do is look at this board for proof. Jersey and Woggle, can't you both find some middle ground? Not all men are jerk-offs and not all women are nagging harridans. It's sad to see the two of you so set in your ways, determined to wear negative blinders and make sweeping generalizations by gender. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Too bad today's men aren't really looking for connection unless its the connection they find between their eyes, the internet, and their hand. LOL! :laugh::laugh::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 That connection never nags us or tries to change and it it doesn't leave us to find itself once we finally let down out guard and fall in love with it. People can knock what I am saying but any man that is honest with himself knows that what I say is true and all you have to do is look at this board for proof. Okay Woogle, porn is better then real women because it doesn't nag or doing anything human. You win. Better now? Jersey and Woggle, can't you both find some middle ground? Not all men are jerk-offs and not all women are nagging harridans. It's sad to see the two of you so set in your ways, determined to wear negative blinders and make sweeping generalizations by gender. I know that not all men are jerk-offs, but they still do crappy stuff sometimes. I wish I didn't have the negative thoughts abou tmen that I sometimes do but I am going on what I have learned to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Okay Woogle, porn is better then real women because it doesn't nag or doing anything human. You win. Better now? Sometimes porn is better than a real woman and it is far less risky. Build robot women and there would be no use for humen women at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Wow. I might have negative perceptions about men on certain subjects but there is no way I think that a computer could replace a man. But hey, you aren't so far since there really are alot of men that replace their own woman every day for a computer. Like I said, I would love to have a close connection with a man. I think it would add to my life. I guess men rather just have close connections with an unrealistic fantasy world. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Women are worth it. Love is worth it. Its a matter of finding the right one...that's the hard part. of course we're worth it- we play less games than men do! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 of course we're worth it- we play less games than men do! Are you serious? Women have mastered the art of manipulation. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Are you serious? Women have mastered the art of manipulation. Men are just as manipulative, if not more. Btw, it appears that men nag too. Unless you're not like other men, they all must nag like you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I have noticed over the last few years of being single, that many women who are leaving relationships have very similar reasons. The biggest one I hear is that their man is too controlling. In fact I would say that most of the women I've talked state that exact quote. What's even stranger, when my fiance was cheating on me she eluded to my being cautious and a bit controlling. Of course, this was her justification for cheating, I was shocked because I am the most un-controlling you could ever know. I wonder if this just coincidence or relative. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I have noticed over the last few years of being single, that many women who are leaving relationships have very similar reasons. The biggest one I hear is that their man is too controlling. In fact I would say that most of the women I've talked state that exact quote. What's even stranger, when my fiance was cheating on me she eluded to my being cautious and a bit controlling. Of course, this was her justification for cheating, I was shocked because I am the most un-controlling you could ever know. I wonder if this just coincidence or relative. Not even that- it's not even the controlling factor about men- it's that they don't ever want to get married. I have left 3 relationships now that were long-term and i wanted marriage out of it and they didn't. It is impossible to find marriage-minded-men! Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Men are just as manipulative, if not more. Btw, it appears that men nag too. Unless you're not like other men, they all must nag like you do. and is it just me...or do men whine & whine & whine like babies when they can't get sex 24/7? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 and is it just me...or do men whine & whine & whine like babies when they can't get sex 24/7? Mine whines when I force him to have sex with me!! :lmao: NOOOOOOOOOO don't suck it....... why do you have to do that..... noooooooooooooo...... It's not fairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........ nooooooooo. W does need to stop nagging..... women yammmer yammmer yammmer.... women blah blah blah ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 and is it just me...or do men whine & whine & whine like babies when they can't get sex 24/7? No, that would be me! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts