I have bad jealousy, and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting to something

[ka_raidergurl]

My boyfriend of almost 3 months is away at college. I talk to him on the computer every night, and he calls nearly every day. I have bad jealousy, and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting to something. (He's only been gone for about a week now.) He has a friend that he met before he left. He met her because she was assigned to talk to him about college because she was from the same state. They are still friends, and I know that they hang out and talk sometimes. But she doesn't know about me. I'm starting to really worry about this, but he's already told me that they are just friends and there is NOTHING between them...but I still worry because she doesn't know about me!!! Should I be upset about this, or am I overreacting?

Please help!

[SmallnSad]

How do you know she doesn't know about you? Has your boyfriend told you this?

 

Ask him to tell her about you, letting him know it would make you feel more comfortable. I don't think it is an unreasonable request. If he doesn't fuss, don't make a big deal out of it. If he does, I would start to wonder why he's so reluctant to keep you of the picture.

 

V

[Kelebek]

Hey I don't think it's so unreasonable at all to want him to mention you. He's making you feel unimportant, which is not fair at all. You don't deserve to be kept a secret, and I'm wondering why he is doing so. Could you not phone him one night, and if she's there, say, "oh, say hi to your friend for me!" casually, lightly, and see what happens. If he says he'll do it later, or some other non-committal reply, then confront him later. I think a lighthearted approach is best though, in case you scare him off. But I do think you should do something, after all, he MAY just have genuinely not got round to talking about you yet.......but what is she thinking? Is she hoping for more? He needs to set her straight JUST IN CASE. This isn't fair on you, he may not realise what he's doing, but let him know, otherwise it'll eat you up inside and you'll end up destroying the relationship yourself.

 

Good luck!

Love Jill xxxx

[TruthFul]

Chances are, you'll be losing him. Face it, you have distances between you and she's there and you aren't. He's a man, of course he's gonna lie to you and say they're just friends. Guys just don't become "friends" with a girl without other intentions, he's gonna try and get her in the sack. talk to him about it, heck drive out there to meet her.

[ka_raidergurl]

No...we've already talked about it, and he doesn't even talk to her anymore...In fact, I've talked to her too. She's not interested; she has someone else. She was just a "mentor" to help him out. And besides, that's a 26 hour drive. But I'll be going there with his family later on this month.

[TruthFul]

ka_raidergurl, you do realize that you're totally contradicting yourself right? Your original post you stated, and I quote:

 

"They are still friends, and I know that they hang out and talk sometimes"

 

Now you're saying "he doesn't even talk to her anymore".. further more in your original post you stated, and again I quote:

 

"But she doesn't know about me"

 

Now according to your last post you said "In fact, I've talked to her too. She's not interested".

 

If she doesn't even know about you, then how in the heck have you talked to her? Furthermore, how do you know that she's not interested in him? Obviously you've had to had some sort of communication with her? And lastly if he doesn't even talk to her anymore than why did you even post?

 

You're not making a lick of sense here and totally contradicting everything you originally said. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to sugar coat things and make it all seem perfect. A 26 hour drive is a long distances, and regardless what you think 3 months isn't a whole lot of time in a relationship. I seriously don't think he's going to be so comitted that he won't see anyone else.

 

I think you should just call it off and move on, I'm sure he's done that already and more. Face it, he can do whatever the heck he wants with whatever girl.. chances of you finding out about it is just about as good as finding Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, slim to none.

 

So just in a matter of a few posts she went from a friend that he hangs out with to being just a mentor that he no longer talks to, sounds odd to me. Perhaps I'm on crack, but hey whatever.

[TruthFul]

Furthermore, if what you said in the last post is true and that she was only a mentor that he no longer talks to.. then yes I think you would definately be overreacting it you brought it up to him saying you was jealous.... and if what you said is true in the last post then where in god's name is this jealously coming from? You obviously got to have a reason to be jealous.

 

I'm just posing these cause you got me really confused here. But again, chances are he's already banging another chick.

[TruthFul]

And lastly, if you're boyfriend is the one saying "we don't talk no more" and "she's no interested in me, she has a boyfriend" than you need smacked upside the head with a steal beam with a nail attached to the end to be brought back to reality. No guy is going to admit "Yeah... I talk to her all the time and she totally digs me.. she's madly in love with me.. by the way she is single..". Guys lie, deal with it or move on.

[ka_raidergurl]

I've talked to her SINCE I posted the first message. Because he got so upset that I wasn't trusting him...

And no he's not "banging" anyone. He's never done anything like that, and neither have I. This is the first relationship for the both of us, like I said. I'm not worried about it anymore now that I've talked to her. They aren't even friends anymore. I just misunderstood. She was only a mentor.

[Kelebek]

Hey Brooke!! Glad it worked out for you, I was hoping for you

 

Good luck

 

Love Jill xxx

[ka_raidergurl]

Jill---thank you so much! And thanks again for the advice! : )

[chaotic]

TruthFul

 

I am appalled that you would tell her that because her boyfriend is a guy, and he is hanging out with another girl, that you are certain that he will cheat on her.

 

I have been in a LDR for the last year in a half, and NEVER ONCE have i considered cheating on my girlfriend (i am a guy, and i hang out with other girls all the time). Never kissed, never held hands, never cuddled, and certainly never fooled around with another girl. And guess what happened, my girl screwed another guy 3 times.

 

So next time you want to stereotype guys and say they all cheat, remember that not all guys are evil, and not all girls are angels.

 

chaotic

[ka_raidergurl]

chaotic---thank you SO much! It makes me feel SO relieved to know that guys CAN hang out with other girls ONLY AS FRIENDS when they are in a relationship. But like I said, I totally trust him...and yes, I do know that girls tend to cheat too, but I know that I would never do that to him. Never. : ) Thanks again for writing!

[IceAngel415]

I'm so glad I'm not the only girl who worries about her boyfriend hanging out with other girls. My boyfriend met this girl at college & for some reason I can't trust her. What's funny is that we go to the same school! It seems like we never have that togetherness in our relationship that we had before school started. What really bothers about this girl is that when she missed class (she's in a class with us), my boyfriend said he was going over there to drop off the notes. No, he ended up staying there for at least a good four hours.

 

Another thing is that I had mentioned a concert that we were going to in class the other day & she butted in & asked about it & then asked him to go with her!! That made me furious that she would ask that if I'm sitting right there.

 

The last thing that happened, which was last night, was that I had asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go out with some friends last night & he said no because he had lots of homework to do. Well, I went to eat dinner & thought I'd stop by his room on the way back. He wasn't there. I called him & he was at "the girl's" place. I pretty much told him I'd talk to him later, said bye & hung up. I haven't talked to him since, but I wrote him an email. I don't know whether to just give up on our relationship or keep trying. I don't think my feelings are going to change about this girl. I even gave her a chance, but we just don't get along. My boyfriend considers her a "good buddy". I think this is just ridiculous.

[DJ-TK]

Hey...

Well, I gotta say, I'm a guy and even though my girl cannot catch me cheating, I have never cheat and don't intend too...

I feel sorry for chaotic... Man that's gotta hurt... You were so truthful and the girl just cheat on you.. F her...

 

Anyhow !

Ice girl, I think you should be quite suspicious about your boy cos' it sounds rather odd what's going on there, I gotta tell you... A few things I have to say...

 

1. About the thing with the notes, when he ended up staying there for 4 hours - He can be like me, just doing whatever he feels like at the moment.. They might have just talk... even though it's kinda weird, this truly can be nothing... Certainly you should consider other events to see the big picture...

 

2. About the concert, how did he react when she asked him ? that's kinda important to see what he feels... If you can recall his behaviour at that moment, his face, you might understand better if he has something for her...

 

3. This is ridicules what happened there ! Man, that's just too much ! He's not hanging out with you cos he "gotta study" and when you go to surprise your tired-from-studying boyfriend he is not there, but at this girl's house ?!?!?! And why the hell didn't he called you since then or tried to explain or even give you an excuse ?! You gotta talk to him and ask him what's going on here... You gotta look him in the eyes and ask if he feels something for him ! Furthermore, I think you have the right to ask him to stay out from that girl for a while or something cos it's just too much !

 

 

YOU GOTTA CHECK WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON !!!

Don't let him fool you or something, ask him to be honest and tell you the truth.. What he feels for her and whatever....

 

Good luck, Hope it'll be OK...