Explorer Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I decided to visit my family today after not seeing them for a few weeks and I didn't leave feeling positive. I have noticed lately that my mother and father seem to be drifting apart primarily due to my father's 'grumpiness.' Although my father and I have never been close, I'm starting to become extremely concerned about this and so is my mother. He's never been a positive person, but his negativity and depression has taken levels deeper than I would of ever expected. He has this way of fronting that he's all solid/strong with no emotions, but I can sense he's hiding so much pain. My insight tells me that this pain is extremely serious and it's in the danger zone. Admittedly, I've been far from a perfect son, but at the same time, he's been far from a good father. We're both guilty of having a poor relationship. Knowing the above, I was hoping for advice on how best to approach this situation without stirring up our lives. If you advise that I should tell him how I feel, that's pretty much out of the question. Yes, we're that distant. I don't think in all my years of living, I've had an emotional talk with him. We're definetly not a functional family. I love him but I don't think he knows that. Link to post Share on other sites
Konfuzion Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I dont have a ton of advice in this area but the little bit I would like to offer up is it only takes one person to close the gap between two people. I did it with my father and so can you. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Ask your mom what's going on with your dad and see what she says. Call her up and tell her that you've noticed that something seems to be wrong with him. If that doesn't work, or if you don't want to do that, then you can either mention it to your dad by saying that you noticed something is wrong and if there's anything you can do to help, to let you know. This doesn't have to be a mushy conversation, just let him know that you have noticed that something is off and that you care enough to reach out. Link to post Share on other sites
ed-205 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I still feel the best way to deal with this type of communication gap is by a simple hand written letter. NOT an e-mail, text message, or greeting card, but a hand written letter on plain paper, sent by 'snail-mail'. You get the chance to tell him all the things you want to tell him, but don't think he wants to hear, and he gets to read them without worrying about how to react in front of you. Keep it positive, thank him for everything he did, forgive him for everything he didn't do, and tell him you love him. I don't care how stoic he acts on the surface, *every* human being needs to know that they are loved and appreciated, and maybe he wouldn't be quite so grumpy if he knew that. Link to post Share on other sites
vintagecat Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I agree with ed. Write the letter. Express your love and concern for his well being. Urge him to get a comprehensive medical check-up as some or all of his tension etc could be physical in origin. We had a situation in our family where my mother had gotten concerned about my father for similar reasons but since we are a family (except me until very recently) that doesn't talk about things she never told us or confided in anyone until after he had a massive stroke at age 55 that changed all of our lives forever. I urge you to do it sooner than later. Make it simple but say what you need to say. Save any regrets for another time. It's a low risk proposition and after you send it, the ball is in your father's court. Also let your mother know what you will be doing so she isn't in the dark. Let us know what happens. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 My insight tells me that this pain is extremely serious and it's in the danger zone. I noticed a similar thing with my friend's parents just past Saturday -- things have nose-dived to a WHOLE new level of 'negative and dysfunctional', which was pretty darned bad to begin with. Apparently they are seriously concerned about how the economy/stock market has, is, and will, impact on their current lifestyle (which already is quite economical, not anywhere close to "extravagant".) This is a retired couple, but working individuals will be facing same extreme levels of fear and super-increased stress, all related to ability to financially provide for selves and families, job security, and such. I do agree with the others, to try to reach out to your Dad in whatever way you will find most comfortable...or rather, least uncomfortable. I get that a level of discomfort will be there, no matter which method you ultimately settle on. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 What Ed said.. I would put whatever you want to say in a blank card which has a picture on it that resonates something close to your Dads heart. I suppose it is good to make the most of time and maybe this could be a way to make a new start, which is always good. All the best, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Looks like the Dow and Nasdaq jumped up by 6.4% and 6.7% - based on the governments decision to buy bank stocks. What say you, good people of love shack? Link to post Share on other sites
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