Tiger073 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 So there's this girl I met at college who I became good friends with and it was clear she wanted a relationship after awhile. I was ambivalent, because she's a couple years behind me in college and we're in the same apartment building floor, which can make things awkward. Anyways, we wound up hooking up after a big party that my friends had; no sex, but it was very intimate. I feel really weird now, because I think I would pursue a relationship under different circumstances. However, I'm working on my thesis and have a lot of work, and barely have time for my friends as it is, let alone a relationship. She says it's fine if we don't see each other all the time, but it's more the fact that a relationship is an additional obligation/responsibility and I'm frankly not sure I can take anymore on at the moment. I'm not sure how to get out of this situation. Part of me feels like I already entered into it, and should let it continue on for a bit (if i break it off right away I'll feel like a jerk), and part of me feels like the more it goes on the more emotional damage there will be when I tell her I don't have time. I just really don't know how to handle this, and would appreciate any advice you guys have. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
caramel drops Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I'm the type of girl who likes to be told straight out because I HATE playing games with guys. Of course, not all girls are like me. Some like the games because it builds them up and erases their emotional instability or whatever but coming from my perspective, if it were me, I would want you to tell me that you didn't have time for me and be real with me and then I wouldn't push it anymore. Because in the end, if you string her along, things WILL get worse and she'll only feel like you're acting like an @sshole. Also, ask yourself this: is you not having time the ONLY thing that is keeping you from having a relationship with her? Do you really like her like that and do you see it going somewhere? If so, give it a chance! If she agrees and understands that you will be pretty busy and unable to commit completely for a while, you too might be able to compromise and things might go smoothly. If you would rather just stay friends because you don't feel her like that, then you need to keep it that way. Which would mean NOT hooking up with her again. Because that only confuses things. If I were you, I personally wouldn't wait it out to break it off if I were you. The sooner you let it go, the sooner you can focus on other things. If she doesn't understand, there's nothing you can do about it (as harsh as that sounds), especially if you suspect there will be emotional damage either way. If you want to continue to be friends with her, try to make that work, otherwise, squash the idea of a relationship if thats not what you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Ah If I had a dollar for every time I've been in this situation Be honest with her.... no relationship, no time for one. She'll have a cry then meet someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I know exactly what you are feeling... I was in your position and it isnt very nice... I ended up just saying i wasnt ready for anything after the first date... It turn out really well as he agreed that it would be a waste of his time if i strung him along and thanked me for being truthful... He said he wouldnt put his life on hold but if i change my mind and want to give it a go i know where he is... Keeping her around would be a bit mean cause your not really into it and even if she says she doesnt need to see you all the time, the pressure when you have to say no to her would just add complication to your already busy life... Unless you feel really really strongly for her now i would end it ASAP cause maybe when things settle down you could try...If she is still willing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tiger073 Posted October 14, 2008 Author Share Posted October 14, 2008 Thanks for the advice everyone. I talked to her today and well...there's no way for this NOT to end in a certain degree of awkwardness/emotional pain, but I think I minimized it to the best possible degree. Guess I should probably just stay away from her to make it easier for her to recover (i.e. although we live on the same floor try to be around the floor a lot less I guess :/) Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyisme Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 For one moment look at it from a different point of view... When will you ever have enough time? Once you are done with college, then you'll have a career--plus the time it takes to look for your job--you will always have bills, and honestly, the older you get the less time you have for many things, including friends. Will you regret this five-ten years down the road? Be upfront about your time restraints and let her know you'll spend as much time as you can with her but it won't be much. Think it through before you end this, whatever it is now. (know that you "ended" it, but now is the time to fix it, not five years from now when she won't give you the time of day) Because you never know, things might not work out the way you hope with your career, and you'll be left with thoughts like "why did I push her away?" I understand where you are coming from, but while you think about it from the perspective of how you should end it because you have no time, you should also think about the idea, at least, that somethings are once in a lifetime, and once you pass them up, you NEVER get them back... Link to post Share on other sites
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