GF travelling the world with another guy

[silitbang1]

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now and things are seemingly going great. I truly am in love with her and like to think I would do anything to make her happy. The only problem is that I get quite jealous of things that she thinks are stupid. She was with her last boy friend for 4 years and has a best friend who is a guy. While she was with her last boy friend she told me she would regularly go round to her best friends house to stay the night and that they would fall asleep spooning and cuddling. I was taken quite a back by this and told her that this wasn't cool. She has been to this guys house a few times to stay the night while we have been together but has always told me about it before hand and promised to me they would not sleep in the same bed. Despite this however when she goes to his house I get really down and jealous.

 

 

She cheated on her last boyfriend twice. Once for a one night stand with some guy who she sometimes goes out with and has lunches with and the second time with me. After meeting me she told me that their relationship had fizzled out and quickly broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years to be with me.

 

 

The thing that bugs me the most though is that she is going away for nearly a year with her best friend who is a guy to travel the world. They have a sexual history together which really bugs me and I might have been OK with her travelling with another guy had it not been for the whole past history thing. Now I don't know what to do. I am utterly confused and jealous. Not to mention that I have terrible self esteem issues. We have talked about it before but who am I to tell her she can't go? They have been planning it since before she met me and it is something she has always dreamed of doing.

 

 

I've never been in a serious relationship before I met her and I just don't know whether or not I am in the wrong here.

 

 

I just don't know if I will be able to see her leave for such a long holiday with another guy with whom she has sexual history. Is this me being stupid or not? It is killing me

[norajane]

You're not being stupid.

 

However, you also cannot tell her not to go. She wouldn't listen to you anyway - she's taking this dream trip no matter how you feel about it, make no mistake about that.

 

And no, I don't think you can handle that, nor should you, really. If she'll be gone for a year, it's time to break up, and maybe reconvene and see how you feel about each other when she gets back. Otherwise, your anxiety will just grow and grow until you break up anyway.

[silitbang1]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I have thought about all of my options and breaking up with her has been something I have thought about, but I just love her too much. I lost my virginity to her and feel so close to her. And I just know that if we split up for the time she was away that I would never be able to get back together with her because I know that the jealousy of what they could have done on the trip would destroy me.

 

The last time we talked about it consisted of me telling her how uncomfortable I was with her travelling the world with another man, her crying and then telling me that she would cancel the trip. But I couldn't do that to her and told her that she couldnt abandon her dream like that and that she should go despite how I felt.

 

Since then we haven't talked about it at all. It's loose loose If she goes then I will be heart broken, if she doesnt go then she will have missed out on such an oportunity.

 

The thing I dont get though is that she said she would cancel the trip for me, but she is unwilling to delay the trip for a year or two to give me time to save up for it, as if she doesnt want me to go.

[lkjh]

dude, she wasn't really going to cancel the trip she was just saying it. I can't believe you let her sleepover at a guys house that she has a past with. I have seen guys that stay with horrible gf's because they lost the V card to them, don't be that guy. You know she has a past of cheating and shes going to be gone for a long time with a guy she has been with physically, you need to really think about why you are with her.

[Bryanp]

I am sorry my friend but you need a reality check. This girl has a history of cheating. She also saw nothing wrong going to another guys home and sleeping in the same bed with another guy who was the best friend of her boyfriend. If you did not think they were having sex then I have a bridge to sell you.

 

In addition, she still spends time staying the night at his house while still being with you but promises she will not sleep in the same bed? You would have to be a total fool to believe this. If the roles were reversed, do you think she would accept this type of behavior from her boyfriend?

 

She was being dramatic telling you she would cancil the trip. She had no intention of doing so. The fact that she was not willing to wait two years for you to come with her tells you all you need to know. She is going on a year trip with a guy she has had sex with in the past. Do you honestly think she will spend a year without sex sharing a room with this guy when they travel. I have also traveled around the world and let me tell you there is a sense of freedom that really lowers your inhibitions when traveling.

 

Putting her cheating in the past, staying nights with a guy in the same bed, traveling for a year with a previous sex partner all tells you what you need to get out of the fog. Understand that she will be screwing this guy whether you break up with her or not. This is the reality of the situation. Why you wish to delude yourself is beyond me. She has shown you disrespect while being in the relationship with you. She is not the only girl in the world for you. You seem very naive and she seems at times quite the player. You deserve better. I wish you luck.

[Konfuzion]

Holly crap she thinks its ok to spend the night at another mans house... best friend or not. Madness! And they have in the past spooned and cuddled... Damn time to show her the door.

[Yamaha]

She's playing you, man. She thinks you love her so much that she can do anything, tell you anything and you will still be there to support her (what a gamer she is). You need to take her off the pedestal and see her for the person she is, a cheater.

 

No person spoons and spends the night without attraction on their end. Friends do not behave in this manner.

[jockson]

Hey dude, before if you want to take any decision , think once whether is she correct for you or not? Because in the past also she cheated some one that shows that there is no guarantee that she may not cheat you.Why don't you think that if she has another boy friend who is much better than you,then there is a chance of forgetting or cheating you. So think once about your future and Love the one who is really loving you.

And one thing is ask your girl friend again about what you said her, if she agrees and follows you then no problem at all. Otherwise " Choose the best one who loves you truly"

[Writer]

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now and things are seemingly going great. I truly am in love with her and like to think I would do anything to make her happy. The only problem is that I get quite jealous of things that she thinks are stupid. She was with her last boy friend for 4 years and has a best friend who is a guy. While she was with her last boy friend she told me she would regularly go round to her best friends house to stay the night and that they would fall asleep spooning and cuddling. I was taken quite a back by this and told her that this wasn't cool. She has been to this guys house a few times to stay the night while we have been together but has always told me about it before hand and promised to me they would not sleep in the same bed. Despite this however when she goes to his house I get really down and jealous.

 

 

She cheated on her last boyfriend twice. Once for a one night stand with some guy who she sometimes goes out with and has lunches with and the second time with me. After meeting me she told me that their relationship had fizzled out and quickly broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years to be with me.

 

 

The thing that bugs me the most though is that she is going away for nearly a year with her best friend who is a guy to travel the world. They have a sexual history together which really bugs me and I might have been OK with her travelling with another guy had it not been for the whole past history thing. Now I don't know what to do. I am utterly confused and jealous. Not to mention that I have terrible self esteem issues. We have talked about it before but who am I to tell her she can't go? They have been planning it since before she met me and it is something she has always dreamed of doing.

 

 

I've never been in a serious relationship before I met her and I just don't know whether or not I am in the wrong here.

 

 

I just don't know if I will be able to see her leave for such a long holiday with another guy with whom she has sexual history. Is this me being stupid or not? It is killing me

 

 

It is normal to be jealous of this, id like to know how old she is late teens early 20's??? what age. this is impeccably important, is she's late 20's 30+?

 

If you guys are young then it's totally normal for this to happen when i was 17 i had a girlfriend (friend) that we did everything together, we were just friends, we enjoyed each others company a lot, she had a boyfriend. he got just like you but she told him that we were just friends which we were. though we had a sexual relationship only when she was single in the past once too. strange, i know, but when your young these things happen.

 

This is your great test don't be 'Jealous', you will loose her for sure if you continue with this. The best thing you can do is just let her do what she wants. Don't push her at all. Just be her boyfriend as you are.

 

Let her go on her trip and tell her your really glad that she's doing something she really wants to do in her life and that you will support her and what ever she wants to do - tell her that your glad she's going with a friend and not by herself - and then tell her that you will keep in touch with her if she likes. Play it cool as though he's just one of her girlfriends.

 

The next part is going to be really really hard, but you must hold it out and never give up what ever you do, you can do it!

 

In your heart let her go and set her free, but still of course love her as you do. To do this spend time with your friends more, they will help you. But never EVER talk about her, talk about funny things, make jokes. Meet another girl who you can be FRIENDS with (i repeat, FRIENDS!) DONT BE FRIENDS WITH HER TO MAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND JEALOUS! big mistake. Genuinely be friends with this girl. If your girlfriend becomes jealous then you will most likley understand it even more, but thats not the purpose of this. The purpose of this is to help you with your questions!

 

It will be hard. But if you truly get this far successfully, then you will know exactly what to do. You can do it!

 

Cheers.

[In Like Flynn]

If she goes she will be banging this guy 4-5 times a weeks all year!! Look you hooked up with a cheating loser. If she doesn't cancel then your done.

[silitbang1]

I really do apprieciate all this advice so thanks for all the replies.

 

To 'Writer', we are both 20 at the moment and in our last years at university.

We have talked about moving in to our own little place after university but obviously this would have to be after all the travelling.

 

I think one of the problems I have is that I have been romantically envolved with every friend I've ever had who was a girl, except for one of them (though not for a lack of trying). I know how guys think but I doubt she will ever understand this.

[silitbang1]

If she goes she will be banging this guy 4-5 times a weeks all year!! Look you hooked up with a cheating loser. If she doesn't cancel then your done.

 

I do apprieciate the advice but comments like this I could do with out. I'm trying to cool myself off and try to think of a rational solution to my very serious problem, and saying things like this is only igniting the irrationality and jealousy inside of me

[Lizzie60]

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now and things are seemingly going great. I truly am in love with her and like to think I would do anything to make her happy. The only problem is that I get quite jealous of things that she thinks are stupid. She was with her last boy friend for 4 years and has a best friend who is a guy. While she was with her last boy friend she told me she would regularly go round to her best friends house to stay the night and that they would fall asleep spooning and cuddling. I was taken quite a back by this and told her that this wasn't cool. She has been to this guys house a few times to stay the night while we have been together but has always told me about it before hand and promised to me they would not sleep in the same bed. Despite this however when she goes to his house I get really down and jealous.

 

 

She cheated on her last boyfriend twice. Once for a one night stand with some guy who she sometimes goes out with and has lunches with and the second time with me. After meeting me she told me that their relationship had fizzled out and quickly broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years to be with me.

 

 

The thing that bugs me the most though is that she is going away for nearly a year with her best friend who is a guy to travel the world. They have a sexual history together which really bugs me and I might have been OK with her travelling with another guy had it not been for the whole past history thing. Now I don't know what to do. I am utterly confused and jealous. Not to mention that I have terrible self esteem issues. We have talked about it before but who am I to tell her she can't go? They have been planning it since before she met me and it is something she has always dreamed of doing.

 

 

I've never been in a serious relationship before I met her and I just don't know whether or not I am in the wrong here.

 

 

I just don't know if I will be able to see her leave for such a long holiday with another guy with whom she has sexual history. Is this me being stupid or not? It is killing me

 

 

I have a friend like that.. we sleep in the same bed, cuddle but no sex.. he was once my lover.. but I'm sooo over him.. I have absolutely no sexual attraction to him..

 

It's hard to say whether she will cheat or not..

 

Good for her to pursue her dreams and shame on you to try to discourage her.. if you cannot cope with the fact that she has male friends then move on.. you don't own her..

 

She strong and independant.. good for her..

[Al_Bundy]

I have been with my girlfriend for about a year now and things are seemingly going great. I truly am in love with her and like to think I would do anything to make her happy. The only problem is that I get quite jealous of things that she thinks are stupid. She was with her last boy friend for 4 years and has a best friend who is a guy. While she was with her last boy friend she told me she would regularly go round to her best friends house to stay the night and that they would fall asleep spooning and cuddling.

 

huh? She thinks its stupid for you to be concerned that she spoons and cuddles with a male best friend and stays the night?

 

 

 

I was taken quite a back by this and told her that this wasn't cool.

 

Of course its not. Would she accept you spending the night with a girl and accepting the bs story that you only cuddled with her?

 

 

She has been to this guys house a few times to stay the night while we have been together but has always told me about it before hand and promised to me they would not sleep in the same bed.

 

Why stay over at all? Don't believe a word she says. Its pure bs.

 

 

Despite this however when she goes to his house I get really down and jealous.

 

 

She cheated on her last boyfriend twice.

 

 

Well there you go. I'd cut my losses with her and move on. You'll only wind up in the same position as her last boyfriend. Obviously she hasn't learned anything about inappropriate behavior when in a committed relationship.

 

 

The thing that bugs me the most though is that she is going away for nearly a year with her best friend who is a guy to travel the world.

 

A whole year, and you think that this proven cheater isn't going to simply "spoon" and "cuddle" this guy for a year? think again.

 

 

They have a sexual history together

 

 

You need say no more. This says it all along with the spending the night thing. Get rid of her. She doesn't know the meaning of the word committment and respect.

 

 

I just don't know if I will be able to see her leave for such a long holiday with another guy with whom she has sexual history. Is this me being stupid or not? It is killing me

 

 

You are not being stupid. She needs to not have a boyfriend. You need to break up with her and move on. Or are you going to sit and wait a whole year for her while she is off with some other guy, and yes, they WILL be having sex.

 

Question, what the hell is she doing going on a year holiday with another guy in the first place? Why not with you? And why a year? Is she a trust fund baby or something?

[Al_Bundy]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I have thought about all of my options and breaking up with her has been something I have thought about, but I just love her too much.

 

 

Man up and break up. She is not the only fish in the sea. And she is definitely one I'd throw back because she isn't worth keeping.

 

There is someone out there for you that will respect you enough to not be spending more time with another man than you.

 

Get rid of her.

[onlyicansee]

Wow bravo to you sire for toughing this out as long as you have, I for one would have not been able to handle it... I think a lot of people would not have been able to. Your gf sleeping over at another mans house who she has a sexual history with is not cool.

 

But hey, you said that she cheated on her ex bf with you, and now you guys are together. Here is a little hint, what a women does with you she will do to you. So, you would only be a fool to stay in this relationship.

 

Peace

[soconfused01]

she either goes and cheats, and you get burned but eventually move on

 

 

or she goes and doesn't cheat and you two have a great relationship when she gets back.

 

 

50/50. sometimes it's hard not to play it safe but being too safe may make you miss out on something good.

 

i'm not saying you should let her go on the trip and not break up with her. *I* couldn't be ok with that. but it's just a possibility to consider

[Rooster_DAR]

This whole thing stinks to high heaven. Something is definitely wrong here.

[lkjh]

Dude, she is going away for a year and you have only been together for a year! She won't wait for you to save up because she does not want you there she wants the other guy. Look you sound like a few friends of mine who basically believe their gf's are not capable of doing bad things even though all of the evidence is right there. Don't let her call all of the shots, she is cheating on you even if its only emotional.

[Al_Bundy]

she either goes and cheats, and you get burned but eventually move on

 

 

or she goes and doesn't cheat and you two have a great relationship when she gets back.

 

An entire year with another guy, one that she cuddles up with and stays the night(according to her thats all that happened:rolleyes:).

Apparantly there is a little thing called "needs" that she will want met while being a year away from her boyfriend.

That and she has cheated before on another boyfriend.

 

If you were a gambler, where would your money go with regards to her going off with another man for an entire year, cheat, or no cheat?

[Alma Mobley]

Well, she is 20 and has a history of cheating on her BFs... gee, I wonder what will happen on her trip around the world? I don't even think it's the fellow she's traveling with whom you should have a problem.

 

Perhaps you are unfamiliar with what happens when teens and 20-somethings get the money and the leeway to travel and backpack the world? They have sex -- LOTS of sex. It's part of the experience. It's very exciting to meet other attractive people in other countries.

 

She may or may not have sex with this male companion, but really, he is the least of your worries.

 

Move on. Have your own fun.

[bobdole]

From what you've told us, you're being an idiot. Dump her ASAP and move on. Shes not good for you regardless if she was leaving on a trip with this guy or not.

[Al_Bundy]

From what you've told us, you're being an idiot. Dump her ASAP and move on. Shes not good for you regardless if she was leaving on a trip with this guy or not.

 

In a nutshell, this is what he should do. Cut his losses with someone so untrustworthy.

[Treasa]

I have a friend like that.. we sleep in the same bed, cuddle but no sex.. he was once my lover.. but I'm sooo over him.. I have absolutely no sexual attraction to him..

 

It's hard to say whether she will cheat or not..

 

Good for her to pursue her dreams and shame on you to try to discourage her.. if you cannot cope with the fact that she has male friends then move on.. you don't own her..

 

She strong and independant.. good for her..

 

Ditto. My best friend in the entire world is a guy, and he was my boyfriend a long time ago before we decided we were better off as friends. I have my boyfriend who is completely separate, and I don't cheat on him with my best friend.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Ditto. My best friend in the entire world is a guy, and he was my boyfriend a long time ago before we decided we were better off as friends. I have my boyfriend who is completely separate, and I don't cheat on him with my best friend.

 

I like that you put that into present tense only.

 

Bottom line is that you should restrict the types and frequency of activities with Mr. BestFriend. Why? Because that is being respectful of your current relationship.

 

Which is the problem Silitbang is confronting. His GF is not respectful of him, and no respect=no love! There are plenty of great women out there, this isnt' one of them.