imagine Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Yes, you could say that you remember the woman that you fell in love with and that you are going to fight for her. Don't sign the D papers. Do this if you want to fight for the marriage. You do do know what you want, right... ? Assuming you are fighting for it, I strongly advise you to pay attention to singledad's advice. I might contact OM and mention your confusion in that both you and he are sharing the same vagina. Go to the mattresses (ref. "the Godfather"). OT: What are you you doing about your debt in "good old Blighty". Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Man up!!!! Don't be a doormat, get a some legal advice and make her take care of herself. If she ask you to watch her daughter while she goes out with the OM say no and go out. She won't respect you if you don't respect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Since you can't do a full blown plan B while you're living in the same house, I'd suggest that you do a modified one... Pull back from her. Stop doing things for her. Don't fight with her, don't try to talk with her about ANYTHING...start acting like she's hardly around...or like you just don't care. Have you noticed that the more you move towards her, the more she moves away from you? Common dynamic... So change the dance...move away from her. And watch...odds are high, SHE will be the one to close the gap between you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 Thanks for all the advice.I'm hoping things will get better when I move out.So confusing right now.I know I should just be telling her to f$$&k off but sometimes i see glimmers of regret in her face.But realistically why do I still want to be with someone who would treat me like this?OT: What are you you doing about your debt in "good old Blighty". Not much I can do at the moment.Was hoping it would just go away.LOL.When we moved to canada the plan was to never go back.Definately was'nt prepared for this turn of events. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 As long as she has OM there is no way it will work. She can't be honest with you, her, or anyone. It will just fog her mind & nothing will get done. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Why are you moving out? Aren't you entitled to 50% of the house? Check out market value of the home v. what you owe and see if you can't force her to sell, so you have some funds to live on. Don't bow down to her authoritative manner. She's deliberately trying to intimidate you. Also, work longer hours at work for your nest egg. Tell her starting tomorrow, that she'll have to find someone else to look after the little girl, if this means that she has to come home early and do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 Ok ,so last night she said she was going out to see the OM.So I told her she would have to find someone to look after her daughter as I was not going to be a doormat.This was a bit upsetting though because the daughter said she would rather stay with me and truthfully I wanted her to stay anyway.But I stuck to my guns which caused the wife to turn nasty as usual.She spoke to the daughter on the phone as she was on her way home from work and the daughter asked her why she couldnt stay with me that night.The wife told her 'because dad doesnt want u'.I could see this upset the child as she asked me if this was true.I really wanted to tell her the real reason why I couldnt look after her but heldmy tounge.So today I am still in the house alone it is nearly 5 pm ,and the wife wont answer the phone or text messages to tell me when they are coming home.(if I was to do the same she would go crazy). Hope things get better soon.Really tempted to be nasty back to her such as phoning OM .Or calling her family and telling them what shes been up to.But this will make her hate me more.(I must be mental for still loving her and wanting to be with her). Will try and start with the No Contact thing when I move out on dec 1st.But I am pretty useless at that sort of thing.Especially as I have no one else to talk to out here. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 I told you early on that this wife of yours has no compunctions about using your affinity for her child to control you. She has attempted to pimp you for the purposes of caretaking for her child and additional cashflow to support her agenda to free herself to be the wh@re she is. This little vampress is not only sucking the life out of you but has also invenomated you while she feeds with a special and painful kind of poison that will take a long, long, long time to get out of your system. Get out though for your life, if not for your very soul, for far more is at stake than you know! Link to post Share on other sites
malcom5 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 She will only ever treat you as badly as you allow her to. Your devotion and love toward your wife is admirable, but completely misplaced, imo. I'm not trying to be mean, insensitive or cruel, but simply put, grow a pair. Give as good as you get. There's no need to spare someone's feelings when you're the one getting a raw deal. Your last post actually gives hope that you're finally moving on and not being a doormat for your wife to trample over. Some would say that exposing your wife and the entire situation is the wrong move to make, especially with a child involved, but I say, why not? In either case, I hope that it works out for you, either way it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Thats just brutal. Its good your moving on the 1st... do anything you can to detach... YOU CAN NOT HAVE SEX, this is her way of controlling you while your still there, just putting out enough so you do as she pleases. Do not give in again. Dont sign anything, seek out legal forums to figure out exactly what you can do in this situation. Dont sign any papers. This thing is over and shes using you righht now as a stepping stone to position herself better and could care less if you drown in the process. I wouldn`t do anything thats going to add aditional strain on you but once you move out then regroup and consider exposing her to her family and friends and even the new guy. The above seems immature but if your going to go down you might as well pull her with you. Remember to draw a line though and seperate after though, meaning moving to no contact and trying to re-establish your life without her. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted November 18, 2008 Author Share Posted November 18, 2008 Thanks for all the advise guys.I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I have been a fool to my self these last couple of months.She cheated on me and then proceeded to laugh in my face with it.I guess If my friends werent on the other side of the world they would have told me the same stuff you lot are.I will always love my wife but at the moment I hate her also.I just feel bad about the child as well. Only a couple of weeks to go till I'll be out of here.Definately toying with the idea of telling her family and friends the real story before she gets the chance to lie.I am starting to think I should give her a real reason to hate me, to make sure she never comes back and ruins my life again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted November 18, 2008 Author Share Posted November 18, 2008 And wowilose, I might need your help in the near future mate as to where to go for single ladies in vancouver lol.Not much into the club scene though.Would any girls be interested in an english guy over here?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Share Posted November 26, 2008 So I have less than a week to go untill I move out.Hoped this would start to make me feel better but I feel worse than ever.We have been getting on ok (as long as I dont ask any questions) but i still feel like an idiot for still loving her and feel used whenever she asks me to do anything for her.She said she wouldnt see OM again untill I had left.I dont think she has but yesterday night I had a panic attack when she didnt come home when she said she would.She texted me to say she was going out for a meal with her friends from work ,but by midnight she hadnt come home and was not answering calls.I felt sick and angry but she was actually at the hospital looking after a friend who went into labour.(she proved this by calling from there.) Another upsetting development is that I found out that she has been looking into having a tubal ligation reversal.She only ever joked around about having kids with me.I wasn't that worried because I thought of her kids as my own.If she had outright asked me I would have had children with her.I definately couldnt handle her getting deliberately pregnant after only knowing this guy for a few months.I confronted her with what I knew and she said she was looking into it and was maybe going to use a sperm doner. Does all this behavior sound like some sort of Mid life crisis to anyone else???. I also have a question.No one really knows about her afair .Should I tell all her friends and family how she has treated me??I know this will make her hate me but I think I should do it. Also thinking about confronting OM as I have his number and could tell him my wife has slept with me within the last month.What does everyone think?? Sorry for the rambling.In a bit of a state right now. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 Let yourself fancy the idea of revenge once, twice, twenty times if you'd like. But I guarantee if actually practiced it was not have the desired results. I totally feel ya on wanting her to feel your pain. I really get it. But the answer to your question is No, dont do any of these things because it will not keep you on the track of moving forward which is where you need to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 So today is my last full day in the house.Move out tomorrow.The atmosphere has been terrible.If I try and talk to my wife she starts screaming and yelling saying I am making her ill.(Not even a thought that I have felt Ill for the last 3 months.)Anyway ,last week she promised she would not see OM until I was gone.Well last night she said she was working overtime.Now I already has suspicions this was untrue because she always writes her schedule in her work diary which I had already seen.For last night it did not say work ,but she had written some weird abreviation on the date (loam???what does that mean)As she was leaving I asked If she was definately going to work and I just got more screaming. Well she normally arives home in the morning about 7.15 am.By 8.15 she still hadnt arrived.Now I had a mixture of worry (I know she was a bit stressed and thought she might have had an accident on the way home)and anger thinking she had slept round OMs house and couldnt even be bothered to cover it up any more.No answer on cell phone or answer to text message.Now she has turned her phone off.Rang one of her workmates who said she didnt see her at work that night. So here I am again,Shaking with rage with tears in my eyes,looking after my wifes daughter while she is most likely in bed with OM.What the hell is wrong with her.I texted her to tell her I hate her now .(I wish I could really hate her) Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 So she sent me a text message with some lie about she fell asleep at work.She came home so I asked her again.Still more lies.I told her I had spoken to her friend from work and she finally admitted to it.All this after she promised not to see him till I had gone. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Sorry you are having to go thru this but I would like to share one thing that might help you...... She WILL NOT TELL YOU THE TRUTH!!!!! She is cheating & it doesn't matter if you are there or not. When you cheat you don't care about the other person. She is only looking out for herself, she does not care what you want or feel. I know it is hard but it will be so much better once you move out......Hang in there!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 This would have been the perfect opportunity to expose your wife by taking her child over to her parent's home and asking them to baysit while explaining that you've recently discovered that your wife is having an affair, has not been to work all night, has turned her cell phone off and that you have no intention of being used this way by her anymore. After providing the parents with the phone#'s or better yet calling work and her cell to confirm these facts in front of them you could have followed up by texting her with the message that you dropped her child off at her parent's home and divulged everything that was going on so that she would have to face them with the ugly truth of what she's been doing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 This would have been the perfect opportunity to expose your wife by taking her child over to her parent's home and asking them to baysit while explaining that you've recently discovered that your wife is having an affair, has not been to work all night, has turned her cell phone off and that you have no intention of being used this way by her anymore. After providing the parents with the phone#'s or better yet calling work and her cell to confirm these facts in front of them you could have followed up by texting her with the message that you dropped her child off at her parent's home and divulged everything that was going on so that she would have to face them with the ugly truth of what she's been doing! This would be a great idea ,unfortunately she nor me have any family over here in canada so she doesnt really have to face anyone with her actions.I will definately be contacting her family in the future though. I have been thinking about her past relationship with the kids father.Apparently they were together 10 years and never shared a home.I get the feeling he was messed about by her aswell. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Rats!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 What a day!!So today was move out day and I was prepared for it to be pretty misrerable.How wrong I was.It started off pretty bad because I was in a bad mood moving my stuff and everything was going wrong.The Wife woke up and said she wanted to help .Felt like saying 'no f%&ck off' but was struggling on my own.As we was moving stuff she seemed to be visibly upset.She hugged me a few times and kept half joking about me having to move back in a few months?????We had to go to IKEA for a bed for the new nanny that will be looking after the daughter and she mentioned several times how she was going to miss me.Fast forward to that evening ,She had to go to work at her part time job and I recieved a Text from her saying she had broken up with OM.Apparently she was contacted by HIS FIANCE!!!!!HA HA HA !HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!! When she got home the first thing I said was 'serves you right'.Things are getting better folks .Will keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Lord have mercy!!! She went to this extent to destroy the family that she had without looking deep enough into her affair to know whether OM already had somone?!! I guess she never caught onto the meaning of the phrase "a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush", huh? Judas Priest! Link to post Share on other sites
The_Flawed_Gawd Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 Sorry you are having to go thru this but I would like to share one thing that might help you...... She WILL NOT TELL YOU THE TRUTH!!!!! She is cheating & it doesn't matter if you are there or not. When you cheat you don't care about the other person. She is only looking out for herself, she does not care what you want or feel. I know it is hard but it will be so much better once you move out......Hang in there!!!!! PXSX3 is RIGHT ON THE BALL with this one... Brother...or "Mate"...should I say...I feel your pain...more than you could ever know! Not to Hi-jack your thread, but, I have been going through this same type of thing for over 5 years now (currently separated for 2). We have been married for 10 years, she has been cheating for 5! At least 3 OM that I KNOW ABOUT...possibly more (women too!). 5 kids (2 hers, 3 ours) and I love them all the same! I don't really WANT a D either, but, I have accepted the fact that for MY OWN SANITY and well being it HAS to be done! And to further complicate things...I do STILL love my W! (not what she's done to me or the kids, but I still have those feelings for her). I only get calls when she needs something from me, and I also feel used...but NO MORE!...I only talk about what benefits and concerns the children. No US...NO nothing else... Her ACTIONS speak louder than her words...OM has a fiancee? Broken up? Tough luck I say...she made her bed and now let her lay in the polluted thing. Get on with your own life...improve yourself and get on with it! I came to the realization that if she wants to be with OM then let HIM shoulder some of the burden and wash your hands of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused71 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Share Posted December 7, 2008 There is something seriously sick about my wife.So as I said when I was moving out she appeared to be having second thoughts and seemed upset.She told me she had broken up with Om and kept mentioning about me coming back in the house soon.She texted me one day to say she had started wearing her rings again.She even asked me to come to her apointment for her sterilisation reversal.I was extremely happy but had this nagging doubt in the back of my mind.So I have been to the house nearly every day to grab some more of my stuff and to help the daughter decorate the christmas tree.Late in the week the wife started seeming distant again.Managed to get a look at her phone ,and what do you know?Calls to and from OM.I confronted her and she just replied with 'i dont know'.I told her we are completely finished and left in tears.Thats it.I hate her now. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Ouch man... playing with you she is. No way you should be anyone's back up plan. Link to post Share on other sites
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