No Contact Worked In A Way! What Now?

[Jake C]

I could use a little insight or some advice. I posted before but I think it was too long. Anyhow, my ex gf and I had a great 6 month relationship, it was awesome, everthing I'd dreamed of. She broke it off due to me overreacting to something she did, and I sent her a pretty hurtful email, at least that's what she told me. I however feel she was beginning to see someone else, if not then, I think she is now, and that that was the reason she broke it off.

 

I went no contact for 5 weeks. Out of the blue I get two funny e-mail forwards from her. She only sent them to me and a couple other people. I've got to imagine that she didn't just send them to give me a laugh, that there is something else behind it. She said during the break up that she didn't want to lose me and that she still valued me and wanted me in her life. I guess I'm asking, ladies, or anyone with an idea, what is she trying to accomplish with these forwards?

 

Is she feeling guilty about how she broke up with me (it wasn't very respectful)? Is it out of pity? Is she just saving face? I guess it could be her just trying to remain friends, but nothing was written to me personally. I think she's with someone else, so why even bother to contact me? Has anyone out there done this, and if so why? I do still want her back as I have no proof it's someone else, so should I take this as a sign she wants to re-open communication? I'm confused and struggling for answers. Thanks for reading.

[Geishawhelk]

conscience.

 

By keeping in touch and being friendly, she doesn't feel so bad about the end of things and the way they panned out.

I know you accept responsibility for some things, and there are uncertainties about her goings-on, but I think she's just trying to iron out the creases, make herself feel better, by hoping to make you feel better....

 

maybe.

[Jake C]

It's a good possibility, and thank you for the response. Part of me wishes or hopes it's her trying to get me back. I know this is unlikely and I'm not sure how receptive I'd be to that anyway. I don't want to think it's done out of pity for me or that she's just doing it because she feels she has to so I won't think she's a liar. I just don't have the answers and I'm the type of person who always tries to figure things out, and it drives me crazy when I can't. Maybe someday it will all make sense. Till then, I'm struggling.

[BCCA]

Along with wanting to rid herself of any guilt, she also doesn't want to feel like shes a bad person or that you hate her. If she was interested in working things out with you, there would be no uncertainty. You wouldnt get a funny email forward, you would get a call/email saying that she wants to talk about things, etc. The funny email is basically an easy way to see if you have any bad feelings toward her.

 

Also, if it was someone else, and you'll never know for sure, do you really want to invest your emotions for someone that would leave you for greener pastures before trying to talk things over? I know you dont.

 

She said during the break up that she didn't want to lose me and that she still valued me and wanted me in her life

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but every girl that ever broke up with me (and sadly, there have been quite a few) said the same thing. Here's the catch, though: if she didnt want to lose you, why would she break up with you? Thats like saying I dont want to get fired, so I quit my job. The stuff about you overracting or a hurtful email is a way to shift blame. What I mean is that as long as she can blame some or all of her decision to break up on you or something you did, she doesnt have to feel guilty about it. Shes making it YOUR fault, like she had no other option.

 

It doesnt have to make sense, just look at how it makes you feel. My guess is that youre hurt and feel let down by this whole thing. Thats all that matters; she hurt you. My advice is to just TRY and move on with your life. Will she ever come back? There is no telling, but beleive me, its not worth waiting to find out.

[i11]

Just two forwarding emails, maybe she did it by accident, so dont take it serious, focus on the big picture, ignore these details, inculding "during the break up that she didn't want to lose me and that she still valued me and wanted me in her life", if she did really have that thought, why did she break up with you at the first place? Such kinda decision is not on the spur of the moment. Maybe you two still have chance to get back together, but for now, dont make any move until the big picture is clear enough for everyone, not just for yourself.

[MichiganMan222]

I guessing if you hang-tight you'll find out her real intention. If she wants to take another stab at it, then she'll probably do it again, but maybe a little more aggressively....like actual dialog. If it doesn't happen again, then perhaps no real interest.

[Sysyphus28]

Along with wanting to rid herself of any guilt, she also doesn't want to feel like shes a bad person or that you hate her. If she was interested in working things out with you, there would be no uncertainty. You wouldnt get a funny email forward, you would get a call/email saying that she wants to talk about things, etc. The funny email is basically an easy way to see if you have any bad feelings toward her.

 

Also, if it was someone else, and you'll never know for sure, do you really want to invest your emotions for someone that would leave you for greener pastures before trying to talk things over? I know you dont.

 

She said during the break up that she didn't want to lose me and that she still valued me and wanted me in her life

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but every girl that ever broke up with me (and sadly, there have been quite a few) said the same thing. Here's the catch, though: if she didnt want to lose you, why would she break up with you? Thats like saying I dont want to get fired, so I quit my job. The stuff about you overracting or a hurtful email is a way to shift blame. What I mean is that as long as she can blame some or all of her decision to break up on you or something you did, she doesnt have to feel guilty about it. Shes making it YOUR fault, like she had no other option.

 

It doesnt have to make sense, just look at how it makes you feel. My guess is that youre hurt and feel let down by this whole thing. Thats all that matters; she hurt you. My advice is to just TRY and move on with your life. Will she ever come back? There is no telling, but beleive me, its not worth waiting to find out.

 

Funny email. A funny email. Is that what your love is worth? Erase those bulls*** "funny" emails, because i bet inside your chest your not feeling to funny. Your feelings are serious about this girl. You care about her in some deep way,shape,or form. Those half-ass emails, whether intentional or unintentional should be ignored completely. If it was intentional, it is insulting.

Dude, this person is right...every girl who has broken up with me has said the same(I want you in my life) lines. They are textbook and they are crap. If she wanted you she would reach out to you and get you back.

Does this feel good? Wondering the meaning of two stupid emails.

She didn't even say "HI". Two letters, one word. Just some crap forwards....like you were a 65 year old co-worker in an office. "Here is a picture of a fat guy hugging a cat".....for pete's sake man!!

 

My ex called me three times last weekend and I didn't answer...I have been analyzing this all day. WHat the hell...........like it even matters.

Yours sent you some forwards, I got some "missed calls".

 

These attempts are pathetic.............don't bite that stinky bait.

 

In fact, Don't take any bait. Just sit back in your chair of NC. SILENCE IS POWERFUL.

[Jake C]

Along with wanting to rid herself of any guilt, she also doesn't want to feel like shes a bad person or that you hate her. If she was interested in working things out with you, there would be no uncertainty. You wouldnt get a funny email forward, you would get a call/email saying that she wants to talk about things, etc. The funny email is basically an easy way to see if you have any bad feelings toward her.

 

Also, if it was someone else, and you'll never know for sure, do you really want to invest your emotions for someone that would leave you for greener pastures before trying to talk things over? I know you dont.

 

She said during the break up that she didn't want to lose me and that she still valued me and wanted me in her life

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but every girl that ever broke up with me (and sadly, there have been quite a few) said the same thing. Here's the catch, though: if she didnt want to lose you, why would she break up with you? Thats like saying I dont want to get fired, so I quit my job. The stuff about you overracting or a hurtful email is a way to shift blame. What I mean is that as long as she can blame some or all of her decision to break up on you or something you did, she doesnt have to feel guilty about it. Shes making it YOUR fault, like she had no other option.

 

It doesnt have to make sense, just look at how it makes you feel. My guess is that youre hurt and feel let down by this whole thing. Thats all that matters; she hurt you. My advice is to just TRY and move on with your life. Will she ever come back? There is no telling, but beleive me, its not worth waiting to find out.

 

You're absolutely right about everything you've said, and believe me I've thought about all of it a hundred times over. Despite being upset, I don't hate her. I hope she feels guilty, actually I hope she's drowning in it, but I don't hate her. It's hard for me to believe or accept that everything we had or what I thought we had was bullsh*t. It seemed so real, I truly thought she was the one, and now that she's thrown it all away i have to wonder if any of what we had was real.

 

So do you think by not responding to her forwards that I'm letting her know that I am bothered, or that she should feel bad? Despite what's happened and I'm not sure if I would but I think I'd like to get it back. I know I can't respond, for my own good but I don't want to say goodbye to her forever. I'd like to have a friendship at some point maybe when I'm ready. She's a quality girl at least what I knew of her then.

 

So it sounds like in your opinion that she initially placed the blame on me so she didn't have to feel like a bad person. But now that the dust has settled she is feeling guilty and wants to reach out with the forwards to make sure i don't hate her? That makes good sense and it definitely adds perspective, thanks for the post.

 

Call me crazy or naive but I think she did mean what she said about wanting me in her life or that she values me. Granted she broke up and said goodbye but I don't think she meant "lose you" in a relationship sense. I think it was meant in a forever sense. We had had conversations about how hard it is to meet quality people and she always told me from the beginning that she thought I was a great guy and a person to be admired. I think the forwards may have something to do with her wanting to remain friends as well. I mean hell she still has a picture of her and I up on her myspace. It's been two and a half months since the break up. Maybe I'm still in denial, maybe it means nothing at all. I just find it hard to believe that it didn't or I didn't mean anything.

 

And you're right, none of this matters anyway. What matters is how I'm feeling and moving on. And yeah, I am hurt, she's the one that did it. That's all I should be hanging onto. You'd think after so long I'd be over this by now but those forwards through me right back into it. I know I'll be fine and I'll move on but damn, this girl did a number on me.

[Jake C]

Funny email. A funny email. Is that what your love is worth? Erase those bulls*** "funny" emails, because i bet inside your chest your not feeling to funny. Your feelings are serious about this girl. You care about her in some deep way,shape,or form. Those half-ass emails, whether intentional or unintentional should be ignored completely. If it was intentional, it is insulting.

Dude, this person is right...every girl who has broken up with me has said the same(I want you in my life) lines. They are textbook and they are crap. If she wanted you she would reach out to you and get you back.

Does this feel good? Wondering the meaning of two stupid emails.

She didn't even say "HI". Two letters, one word. Just some crap forwards....like you were a 65 year old co-worker in an office. "Here is a picture of a fat guy hugging a cat".....for pete's sake man!!

 

My ex called me three times last weekend and I didn't answer...I have been analyzing this all day. WHat the hell...........like it even matters.

Yours sent you some forwards, I got some "missed calls".

 

These attempts are pathetic.............don't bite that stinky bait.

 

In fact, Don't take any bait. Just sit back in your chair of NC. SILENCE IS POWERFUL.

 

Thanks bro, your no bs attitude helps. You're telling it like it is and I need that. I remember when I used to have the same attitude. Lost it somwhere, but I'm sure it'll pop up again. And no, I'm definitely not feeling very funny. Yes my feelings are definitely serious about this girl. For some reason I can't seem to shake them off. Everything that's happened I should be saying F**k her, stupid b**ch, it's her loss. And at times I feel that way (not very regularly), but I was head over heels for her, hook line and sinker.

 

I'm positive the forwards were intentional, she wouldn't make that mistake. But you're right, it is an insult. She's gonna come at me with some funny crap and expect me to prop her up and make her feel better. She didn't do jacksh*t for me. I owe her nothing.

 

Fat guy hugging a cat...lol...that's good. And no, wondering the meaning of two stupid e-mails does not feel good. I need to move on and your posts are helping, it's just hard right now. I was doing good and feeling better, starting to forget about her and WHAM, she sends me a couple forwards and I'm right back to obsessing, analyzing, insomnia, all over again. Anyway, thanks for the response, very refreshing. I tell ya, I don't think I could have resisted three phone calls. I'd be going crazy if I were in your shoes. Silence is power, I'll remember that.

[CaliGuy]

Funny email? You know what that says?

 

"I didn't send this by accident. Just tossing some breadcrumbs out there to see if you'll take the bait. I don't really want you, I just want to know that you want me."

 

In other words, it's to feed her ego. Wanna squash that? Don't pine over her. Don't respond to any of her messages. Move on with your life. Hate is not the opposite of love.

 

What is?!

 

Indifference

[lofi_tokyo]

Funny email? You know what that says?

 

"I didn't send this by accident. Just tossing some breadcrumbs out there to see if you'll take the bait. I don't really want you, I just want to know that you want me."

 

In other words, it's to feed her ego. Wanna squash that? Don't pine over her. Don't respond to any of her messages. Move on with your life. Hate is not the opposite of love.

 

What is?!

 

Indifference

 

Pretty much sums it up. If she really wanted you back she'd be banging down your door.

 

Also, if she was SUPER serious and loved you, she'd give you and her a ton of time to grow, so that she can come back to the relationship later and be happy with you, she wouldn't come hunting after you ignored her a little bit - this is just her wanting to get her ego stroked.

[BCCA]

I think the forwards were an easy way to feel you out. If you responded in 5 minutes, she would know that she doesnt have to make much of an effort to get where she wants. It could be just friends today or whatever else, but anyone (IMO especially women) loves to have options. Not saying that she wants to get back together, but if she fell head over heels with a douche that treated her like crap and tossed her aside, she would like to have people lined up to boost her ego. Before you think too hard about what kind of person she is, and what she would/wouldnt do, understand that people do this SUBCONCIOUSLY. No one short of a complete a-hole would sit there and think up ways to use people, take advantage, etc, but they figure out what buttons to push to get the result the want, and keep pushing them until it stops working. Here is the way I explained it to a friend: suppose the ATM out front of your house spit out $20 everytime you pushed 3333. Now, most people would keep pushing 3333 until the thing was empty, but they wouldnt even consider that the money has to come from somewhere and that the owner of the ATM is going to lose cash, or could go broke because of it. They keep it very simple; I push buttons, money comes out - no more thought put into it.

 

Its the same way with relationships. I'm not saying she never had feelings for you or anything else, but if she could say something like "you're the most wonderful person ever" and it triggered you to act like the model boyfriend, trust me, she'll keep doing it, whether she fully means it or not. Meaning it is also a gray area, because in my experience, women can say they love you right now, and be fully convinced they mean it, and then decide 5 minutes later to dump you. So, in that sense, its pretty relative.

 

As far as being friends, brother...I am not friends with any ex of mine. And its not because I hate them or I'm bitter, but what do we have to talk about? I dont want to hear about who youre dating ( and definitely dont want to see them ), and if youre the one being dumped, this person really hurt your feelings and made you feel like crap. Sure, they had to do whats best for them, but by doing so, theyve put their happiness above all else, which doesnt do a whole lot for me. I think you should always look out for #1, but when you do, you have to lie in the bed you made. You dont get to pick and chose who is in your life and what role they play. When youre with a girl, and you are in a serious relationship, both sets of needs are generally being met. However, once one person decides this isnt what they want, now only their needs are being met. In my opinion, it just doesnt do you any favors to keep them in your life. Theyll always think to go to you for an ego boost, or when theyre lonely, etc, but as SOON as the meet a new guy, you WILL be left out in the cold. Believe that. I've seen ex's do it to their ex's many times. You wanted a relationship with this girl, not whatever she could spare that didnt interfere with her personal desires. Thats a selfish move that only benefits her, trust me. Shifting guilt only keeps her from feeling bad for so long, and then it all comes down on her. Dont be there to pat her on the back and tell her that crapping on your feelings was ok. It wasnt ok with you, and thats all that matters. Let her sort out what she did and why herself.

 

Youre trying to be a good guy right now, and give her a chance to be a good friend, but the relationship is broken, thats why you are broken up. When you are with someone, they become your best friend, but when the relationship goes, so does the friendship. Down the road, a year or two...maybe longer, you can get to know eachother again and possibly become friends, but almost always, by that time youve lost interest in the whole thing.

 

By not responding you sent the best message of all: if all you have to offer is a goofy forward, its not even worth responding to. If thats the best this girl can offer you, you dont need it. I promise you it was little more than a feeler to gauge your availability, should she decide she ever wanted to give you a call or whatever. She was basically fishing to see what the bare minimum she can get by with is. She may try a little harder next time, you may never hear another word. There is no telling, but if I had to bet, my guess would be the latter, unfortunately.

 

She made her bed, let her lie in it. It has nothing to do with her being a bad person or you hating her, it has everything to do with you doing the best you can for yourself and your own healing. Disconnect everything you do from her. Its all about what works best for YOU from now on.

[Jake C]

Funny email? You know what that says?

 

"I didn't send this by accident. Just tossing some breadcrumbs out there to see if you'll take the bait. I don't really want you, I just want to know that you want me."

 

In other words, it's to feed her ego. Wanna squash that? Don't pine over her. Don't respond to any of her messages. Move on with your life. Hate is not the opposite of love.

 

What is?!

 

Indifference

 

Ok, what you're saying is definitely very plausible. I guess I would then ask, why (if she's most likely seeing someone else) would she need or want me to want her? Why would she want me to stroke her ego, doesn't she have someone else to do that now?? And if she wants to know if I still want her, then wouldn't that imply that she still cares about me? If she wants to know if I still want her, it would make sense that there were or are still feelings there for me, right? Part of what makes a breakup easier to deal with is knowing that they still care, that I wasn't just some chump to have a fling with, and that things discussed between us weren't all bs. Now granted, I'm not going to respond, and I'm going to squash her ego stroking, I'll move on, work on myself, and just see what happens. But I don't want her to think I hate her guts. I don't, I still think she's a good person. But I know that no contact is what I need to do for myself. What do you mean indifference, not sure I understand the meaning of the word in this context? Please explain.

[BCCA]

Ok, what you're saying is definitely very plausible. I guess I would then ask, why (if she's most likely seeing someone else) would she need or want me to want her? Why would she want me to stroke her ego, doesn't she have someone else to do that now?? And if she wants to know if I still want her, then wouldn't that imply that she still cares about me? If she wants to know if I still want her, it would make sense that there were or are still feelings there for me, right? Part of what makes a breakup easier to deal with is knowing that they still care, that I wasn't just some chump to have a fling with, and that things discussed between us weren't all bs. Now granted, I'm not going to respond, and I'm going to squash her ego stroking, I'll move on, work on myself, and just see what happens. But I don't want her to think I hate her guts. I don't, I still think she's a good person. But I know that no contact is what I need to do for myself. What do you mean indifference, not sure I understand the meaning of the word in this context? Please explain.

 

Indifference means you could care less one way or the other about her. It wouldnt bother you if you saw her making out with someone else, and it wouldnt bother you if you never saw her again. She just doesnt have much of an effect on your life or feelings.

 

Why would she do that? She could be having a bad day, the new guy could have pissed her off or hurt her feelings, she could just be lonely. Its usually pretty simple reasons, nothing complex. She probably didnt even think it out loud to herself, it was purely an instinct. Shes used to being able to get attention from you by acting a certain way, and when she wants that attention, shell try the same method until it stops working.

[SushiX]

Dude you're so lost you don't even know where you stand. Call her asap and ask her whats going on. If she's with someone new then go NC and move on. How can you go NC when you've got unsettled business? It'll keep you wondering and might drive you crazy.

[lofi_tokyo]

Dude you're so lost you don't even know where you stand. Call her asap and ask her whats going on. If she's with someone new then go NC and move on. How can you go NC when you've got unsettled business? It'll keep you wondering and might drive you crazy.

 

 

I wouldnt listen to this. If you're broke up, you're broken up. Thats finished business. Are there things to talk through, maybe, but why bother? At the end of the day, if she was committed to working things out, she'd let you know.

[Jake C]

I think the forwards were an easy way to feel you out. If you responded in 5 minutes, she would know that she doesnt have to make much of an effort to get where she wants. It could be just friends today or whatever else, but anyone (IMO especially women) loves to have options. Not saying that she wants to get back together, but if she fell head over heels with a douche that treated her like crap and tossed her aside, she would like to have people lined up to boost her ego. Before you think too hard about what kind of person she is, and what she would/wouldnt do, understand that people do this SUBCONCIOUSLY. No one short of a complete a-hole would sit there and think up ways to use people, take advantage, etc, but they figure out what buttons to push to get the result the want, and keep pushing them until it stops working. Here is the way I explained it to a friend: suppose the ATM out front of your house spit out $20 everytime you pushed 3333. Now, most people would keep pushing 3333 until the thing was empty, but they wouldnt even consider that the money has to come from somewhere and that the owner of the ATM is going to lose cash, or could go broke because of it. They keep it very simple; I push buttons, money comes out - no more thought put into it.

 

Its the same way with relationships. I'm not saying she never had feelings for you or anything else, but if she could say something like "you're the most wonderful person ever" and it triggered you to act like the model boyfriend, trust me, she'll keep doing it, whether she fully means it or not. Meaning it is also a gray area, because in my experience, women can say they love you right now, and be fully convinced they mean it, and then decide 5 minutes later to dump you. So, in that sense, its pretty relative.

 

As far as being friends, brother...I am not friends with any ex of mine. And its not because I hate them or I'm bitter, but what do we have to talk about? I dont want to hear about who youre dating ( and definitely dont want to see them ), and if youre the one being dumped, this person really hurt your feelings and made you feel like crap. Sure, they had to do whats best for them, but by doing so, theyve put their happiness above all else, which doesnt do a whole lot for me. I think you should always look out for #1, but when you do, you have to lie in the bed you made. You dont get to pick and chose who is in your life and what role they play. When youre with a girl, and you are in a serious relationship, both sets of needs are generally being met. However, once one person decides this isnt what they want, now only their needs are being met. In my opinion, it just doesnt do you any favors to keep them in your life. Theyll always think to go to you for an ego boost, or when theyre lonely, etc, but as SOON as the meet a new guy, you WILL be left out in the cold. Believe that. I've seen ex's do it to their ex's many times. You wanted a relationship with this girl, not whatever she could spare that didnt interfere with her personal desires. Thats a selfish move that only benefits her, trust me. Shifting guilt only keeps her from feeling bad for so long, and then it all comes down on her. Dont be there to pat her on the back and tell her that crapping on your feelings was ok. It wasnt ok with you, and thats all that matters. Let her sort out what she did and why herself.

 

Youre trying to be a good guy right now, and give her a chance to be a good friend, but the relationship is broken, thats why you are broken up. When you are with someone, they become your best friend, but when the relationship goes, so does the friendship. Down the road, a year or two...maybe longer, you can get to know eachother again and possibly become friends, but almost always, by that time youve lost interest in the whole thing.

 

By not responding you sent the best message of all: if all you have to offer is a goofy forward, its not even worth responding to. If thats the best this girl can offer you, you dont need it. I promise you it was little more than a feeler to gauge your availability, should she decide she ever wanted to give you a call or whatever. She was basically fishing to see what the bare minimum she can get by with is. She may try a little harder next time, you may never hear another word. There is no telling, but if I had to bet, my guess would be the latter, unfortunately.

 

She made her bed, let her lie in it. It has nothing to do with her being a bad person or you hating her, it has everything to do with you doing the best you can for yourself and your own healing. Disconnect everything you do from her. Its all about what works best for YOU from now on.

 

About your first paragraph, where you said women like to have options? Would it stand to reason then, that regardless of what I do now (ignore her, or contact her), that if I meant what she said i meant to her, I would hear from her after some douche or whatever relationship she's in now dumped her or went south? Not that I'm going to hang onto this or wait or hope for it. But I'd like to think I was an important part of her life, so regardless of whether I contact her or not, I'd still like to think I'm her best option. At the very least most recent. Would it also make sense that because I ignored her presently, that when she gets dumped next that I would look even more attractive because of the rejection I'm displaying towards her now? I've had ex's come back after calling it off, some I wanted for nothing more than sex, others I wanted back but it didn't work. And I've been friends after a break up, as well as never seen or heard from them again. The ones that I've never heard from I wished I'd stayed in contact. The ones I was able to be friends with, was only after the emotions or feelings I had towards them had diminished. So I know it's possible, and at some point would be open to it.

 

I'll be the first to admit it, I'm not ready for a friendship or relationship with her yet or again right now. Do I want it, yes. My heart tells me I want the relationship/friendship. My brain tells me I'm not ready. Brain vs. heart, logic vs. emotion. That's probably where the struggle is coming from and not knowing what to do. I know that by blowing her off and continuing no contact is what I need to do for me right now, and that's what I'm going to do.

 

I promise you it was little more than a feeler to gauge your availability, should she decide she ever wanted to give you a call or whatever

 

So is what you're saying is that if I replied to her forwards, she would use that as a gauge to determine if she should call me or not, down the road? I'm not going to respond, because it would just open me up for more pain, but do you think she's going to base further contact on how I handled the forwards? She told me when we were breaking up that she saw me as relationship immature. Which in my opinion is another bs excuse, as I feel I'm very level headed and logical and mature. But I told her I would be mature about this break up, and I obviously want to prove that. You don't think that by ignoring her she would take that as immaturity? I know it doesn't matter what she thinks, and I need to get that through my head, I just don't want give the wrong impression. And I know, going back to the last part of your post, it's not about her or hating, or being a bad person, that it's all aobut me. And I'm going to work on that, I've already started working out, I just got a part time job to keep me busy. I'm just trying to gain as much perspective as possible;)

[BCCA]

Nothing in life is certain, least of all other people and relationships. As you've said yourself, you've had ex's that you never heard from again, got back together with, were friends with...a full range of possibilities. There is really no telling.

 

What I was trying to convey to you about the options is that they want options for ATTENTION, not neccesarily for anything else. People want to be able to know that people out there care about them and will be there for them, even if they don't deserve it and wouldn't return the favor. The feeler was only to see if that scap of food she tossed your way was sufficient enough for you to respond in some way. It was pretty much an insincere, bare-minimum, little effort as possible email. Keep that in mind if your worrying about not responding. I wouldn't have either, and you know what? I'm willing to bet if SHE was in your shoes, SHE wouldn't respond either.

 

ALL she was trying to do was get a little attention out of you in as easy a way as possible. I think if you would have responded, she wouldn't have wrote you any more. Then, if she needed a boost some other time, she'd toss you another handful of breadcrumbs and see if the getting is still good. You absolutely did the right thing by not responding. Now, if she sends you a heartfelt letter about what a huge mistake shes made and how she intends to fix it, then sure, maybe think about replying to that one...if it's the right thing for you.

 

Don't encourage bad behavior. If she wants to talk to you or has something meaningful to say, she can call/email you like an adult. You don't need her office humor. As someone else said, its almost like you're no different from the lady working in the next cubicle. She couldn't even say "thought you would find this funny"...I mean, how much of a lazy ass move is that?

[Jake C]

Dude you're so lost you don't even know where you stand. Call her asap and ask her whats going on. If she's with someone new then go NC and move on. How can you go NC when you've got unsettled business? It'll keep you wondering and might drive you crazy.

 

Well, I do know where I stand. The last time I saw her before going no contact was when I showed up at her house unannounced. She was pretty mean, and harsh and was making sarcastic hurtful remarks. Sure, I did the surprise visit so she may have been upset about that, but she spelled it out that we were over. She said "we're over". So given the way I was treated I cut it off and went away. She obviously didn't want me around, had stopped answering my calls the whole nine. I assume if I were to call she wouldn't answer anyway, so I'd be right back to square one. I'm glad you posted, because in a way there is unsettled business that I hadn't thought about, and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy but I think for now, the best thing for both of us is to keep to ourselves. Yes I want her back but I don't want the pain to start all over again. I need to focus more of my attention on myself.

[CaliGuy]

Ok, what you're saying is definitely very plausible. I guess I would then ask, why (if she's most likely seeing someone else) would she need or want me to want her? Why would she want me to stroke her ego, doesn't she have someone else to do that now?? And if she wants to know if I still want her, then wouldn't that imply that she still cares about me? If she wants to know if I still want her, it would make sense that there were or are still feelings there for me, right? Part of what makes a breakup easier to deal with is knowing that they still care, that I wasn't just some chump to have a fling with, and that things discussed between us weren't all bs. Now granted, I'm not going to respond, and I'm going to squash her ego stroking, I'll move on, work on myself, and just see what happens. But I don't want her to think I hate her guts. I don't, I still think she's a good person. But I know that no contact is what I need to do for myself. What do you mean indifference, not sure I understand the meaning of the word in this context? Please explain.

 

What does it matter what she thinks YOU think of her? And yes, I do think she is stroking her ego. What you should be asking yourself is "Why do I care?"

 

Plenty of other women out there. Many of them would want to be with you and many of them would be a much better fit for you than her. The problem is you will never find the right woman nor will she find you as long as you're trying to figure out that which can not be deciphered.

 

Focus on you. That's the only thing you control in this life. And here's one more gem: "YOU are the only person on this planet reponsble for your wants, needs and happiness."

 

Put all of your focus on you and life will take care of itself.

[Narf]

I could use a little insight or some advice. I posted before but I think it was too long. Anyhow, my ex gf and I had a great 6 month relationship, it was awesome, everthing I'd dreamed of. She broke it off due to me overreacting to something she did, and I sent her a pretty hurtful email, at least that's what she told me. I however feel she was beginning to see someone else, if not then, I think she is now, and that that was the reason she broke it off.

 

I went no contact for 5 weeks. Out of the blue I get two funny e-mail forwards from her. She only sent them to me and a couple other people. I've got to imagine that she didn't just send them to give me a laugh, that there is something else behind it. She said during the break up that she didn't want to lose me and that she still valued me and wanted me in her life. I guess I'm asking, ladies, or anyone with an idea, what is she trying to accomplish with these forwards?

 

Is she feeling guilty about how she broke up with me (it wasn't very respectful)? Is it out of pity? Is she just saving face? I guess it could be her just trying to remain friends, but nothing was written to me personally. I think she's with someone else, so why even bother to contact me? Has anyone out there done this, and if so why? I do still want her back as I have no proof it's someone else, so should I take this as a sign she wants to re-open communication? I'm confused and struggling for answers. Thanks for reading.

 

I know you dont want to read this cause everyone is saying the same thing... It isnt a second chance... but i honestly think you need to let other posters words sink in...

Im female and i HATE being the bad guy.. when i break up with someone i honestly dont want to hurt their feelings... and often i cry more about it then they do even thou i am the one that doesnt want to be in a relationship with them...

If i can get them to be friends that makes me feel so much better... and in all honesty i think that is what she is doing.. I usually will send an email asking how they are? What they are upto? In the hopes that they are over me and that i didnt crush them (after reading this site i will never do that again as i know it is selfish of me)

 

anyways i would stay no contact until she has more to say...

[CaliGuy]

I know you dont want to read this cause everyone is saying the same thing... It isnt a second chance... but i honestly think you need to let other posters words sink in...

Im female and i HATE being the bad guy.. when i break up with someone i honestly dont want to hurt their feelings... and often i cry more about it then they do even thou i am the one that doesnt want to be in a relationship with them...

If i can get them to be friends that makes me feel so much better... and in all honesty i think that is what she is doing.. I usually will send an email asking how they are? What they are upto? In the hopes that they are over me and that i didnt crush them (after reading this site i will never do that again as i know it is selfish of me)

 

anyways i would stay no contact until she has more to say...

 

I would suggest not doing that. Going complete NC is the best way, no matter what. If you maintain any contact with an ex who really didn't want things to end, they will hold on to the hope you are coming back.

 

It's really not fair to them. Sounds cruel to cut them off, but it's the BEST way to handle it for all involved.

[Narf]

I would suggest not doing that. Going complete NC is the best way, no matter what. If you maintain any contact with an ex who really didn't want things to end, they will hold on to the hope you are coming back.

 

It's really not fair to them. Sounds cruel to cut them off, but it's the BEST way to handle it for all involved.

 

 

Yeah i know that now.. Before i thought it was for both of us... That i know they didnt want to totally lose me and i did want to still be friends after all we were so close to just have nothing was near impossible it was just that i knew we werent working as a couple...

 

After coming here due to a break up i initiated yet he forced on me.. i now see why it isnt fair... that the hope remains and when the hope slowly dies it hurts like only emotional pain can... and it prolongs that pain

 

Anyways OP, if you wanted someone back would you forward a few funny emails? and even if that is what she wants after the pain of being dumped and then insulted by her when you went to her house... Would a few funny emails erase all that? Would her wanting you back make it all better? It wont change the fact that she crushed you, It will make you feel good for a little while but the thoughts will be back about what happened last time.. Then when it all doesnt go how you plan you will blame yourself even more cause you were the sucker that went back...

 

Dont be the sucker... It takes more than a few emails a hell of a lot more

[Jake C]

Yeah i know that now.. Before i thought it was for both of us... That i know they didnt want to totally lose me and i did want to still be friends after all we were so close to just have nothing was near impossible it was just that i knew we werent working as a couple...

 

After coming here due to a break up i initiated yet he forced on me.. i now see why it isnt fair... that the hope remains and when the hope slowly dies it hurts like only emotional pain can... and it prolongs that pain

 

Anyways OP, if you wanted someone back would you forward a few funny emails? and even if that is what she wants after the pain of being dumped and then insulted by her when you went to her house... Would a few funny emails erase all that? Would her wanting you back make it all better? It wont change the fact that she crushed you, It will make you feel good for a little while but the thoughts will be back about what happened last time.. Then when it all doesnt go how you plan you will blame yourself even more cause you were the sucker that went back...

 

Dont be the sucker... It takes more than a few emails a hell of a lot more

 

No the funny emails didn't erase anything. I guess I thought I would never hear from her again and had really set my mind to that reality. It hurt but I was getting over it. When I got them it really confused me. I gave her the opportunity to just go away, so why didn't she? Everything she was showing me said she didn't want anything to do with me and probably never would again, so it really made me wonder, why now, why two funny forwards, why even bother to send them? She still has a myspace picture posted of the two of us that says friends. Why leave that up? These are all questions that I'll probably never have answers to, and that's fine, I'll get through it.

 

And I know CaliGuy, I shouldn't be thinking about these things, that they don't matter and are holding me back. I should only be concerned about rebuilding me and I'm sure I'll get there, but I'm still pretty raw right now. I would like to get it back, maybe not get it back but just know that she cared and that everything we had wasn't all bs. I'd like more than anything for her to want to get me back, then I'd be in the driver's seat. That's the struggle I'm facing. I'm sure its frustrating to see the outside perspective on this and have the person you're trying to help not heed your advice. I guess I still have my blinders on, I'll see the big picture someday.

 

And you're absolutely right Narf, yes I want her to want me back, and it would feel good at first. But, the underlying issues would be there. I would be extremely resentful and distrusting. It would take alot to get over all of that. Probably more proof than she's willing to put forth. So thank you, I can see that even if she did come back it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be a good situation. I'm addicted to the feeling of being in love and it's what I miss the most. It was so intense. It may not even be her that I want back so bad but the feeling I had. Just curious Narf, about your other post where you said you would reach out to the ex to make yourself feel better. How did you feel when they didn't respond? Did it make you more upset, sad, hurt, or just indifferent?

 

Maybe down the road we'll have some sort of friendship, forever is a long time to say goodbye to someone and I don't like to burn bridges or think that I'll never see or talk to someone again, it's a depressing thought. It's obvious that her forwards are not an attempt to get back together, but just a feeler or guilt reliever. I need to get past this girl and move on with my life which I will. I thank everyone so much for their input and support, it's helped alot.

[Jake C]

I would suggest not doing that. Going complete NC is the best way, no matter what. If you maintain any contact with an ex who really didn't want things to end, they will hold on to the hope you are coming back.

 

It's really not fair to them. Sounds cruel to cut them off, but it's the BEST way to handle it for all involved.

 

I think you're right CaliGuy, when she sent those forwards, despite the fact that nothing was said in them, it gave me hope. It put me in a great mood. I thought YES, she finally reached out, what a great sign! When you go no contact you don't want to believe that they'll never contact you again, you don't want to believe that you meant nothing to them, so when she did, it gave me a great deal of hope, just like the hope I had as we were breaking up. I never really believed back then that we would actually end up over and finished. And I think it's the reality of that hope fading that's setting in now, which leads to me struggling all over again. Yeah, great, so she dropped me an email, maybe she does still care, maybe she wants to be friends, maybe there are still feelings there for me, whatever. But part of me wishes she'd never sent anything at all and I'd be more over her now instead of set back again.