Friend Likes me? I'm going flipping crazy.

[BlueHarvest]

Previous Thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t166684/

 

I quit the subtletly bull**** and came out and talked to her.

 

Told her I cared about her, I enjoyed being around her, and asked her if she felt comfortable around me. She said yes. I asked her "Hypothetically if you were divorced, how would you feel about me"...she responded that she knows I'm good with kids (cause of me playing with her kids when I've been over.) but she would want to get to know me better.

 

She, um, invited me over again last Friday for dinner and to watch a movie (again the husband is home.) First thing she did to me was Give me a kiss on the neck and hug me as I walked in the door (thankfully the husband was in a different room.)

 

I brought over 3 movies to choose from for us all to watch (Breakfast Club, Cars (pixar movie...in case the kids were still up), and Guess Who? (Ashton Kutcher/Bernie Mac). We ended up choosing Guess Who?

 

So the night goes by...drinking cocktails, eating burgers. Sit down to watch the movie. I sit in a rocking chair in one corner of the room. She sits down in the loveseat by herself. Husband is sitting on the couch by himself. Mr.Needy (Aka the psycho husband) says 'why didn't you sit down by me?'...she looks at me as she gets up and rolls her eyes. She sits down on the couch by not "close" to him. He complains about that too. Says "i thought i told you to sit by me", she says "i am" ...he kinds whines bout trails off about it.

 

He gets up to put the movie in, she motions for me to come sit by her while he is putting the movie in (back to us). Feeling ballsy from the few drinks I had that night I go over and sit by her. He turns around sees me sitting on the couch and goes into the kitchen...when he comes back out he sits on the loveseat by himself (pouting I spose). I couldn't help but laugh internally...the guy has to be diagnosed with BDO (Borderline Disorder)...there is no other explanation.

 

Anyways...he complains more so she finally goes and sits by him. Rest of the night goes by fine (more or less, I could go into details but they really don't relate to my issues here). I leave, thank them for their hospitatlity and leave.

 

Ya know...for all the **** I've gone through..this woman couldn't be sending any clearer signals to me.

 

Either she really does like me...or she has friendzoned me. Now being married I don't know if this is the "usual" friendzone. She has to friendzone me because despite her hating her husband she isn't about to go cheat on him.

 

But then those of you who read the previous thread link above will know that I ended up seeing some of her work emails while working one day and knows that she has feelings (something) for another co-worker of mine.

 

Like i said....this whole thing would be fine and dandy, and crystal clear mind you, if she wasn't sending these emails to this other male co-worker. That just screws up my whole mind trying to wrap my mind around this situation.

 

I've gotten over her somewhat. I just keep telling myself "Don't be surprised that when she does seperate from her husband, she doesn't come running to you"

 

I belive in the law of attraction to a degree (posted this thread in the general discussion sub-forum). I believe that if I think positively about this situation, I will get positive results. It's just a bit testing on the nerves and patience when you try to think positive about a woman who sends mixed signals.

 

All that in a nut shell right?

[Geishawhelk]

I would really truly walk away from this one.

TBH, it's none of your business what her R. with her H. is. And for you to play mind games with him, in his own home, and for her to go out of her way to piss him off with you there....and kissing you on the neck....?

That's just really childish, I think.

Sorry, but it is.

She's deliberately living the risky life to bring matters to a head....

 

Steer clear of her.

She's obviously unhappy in her marriage, and she's using all kinds of distractions (you, another co-worker) to divert herself from her problems.

This is an accident waiting for some time to happen.

You really don't want to be in the middle when the impact occurs.

get out and stay out.

[BlueHarvest]

Geisha, I appreciate your advice, don't get me wrong I really do.

 

But getting out right now is not possible.

 

Last friday when I "confessed" my feelings to her it was late in the day, a couple hours before I was going home.

 

I had told myself that morning on the way to work that I wasn't going to involve myself. I was civil to her, but didn't do any of my usual patterns that involved being near her, listening to her issues, even touching her. I avoided her like the plague...involved myself in projects all morning and afternoon. When I was asked If I was going to lunch with her and another co-worker (which I usually do) I declined.

 

I found out later from her co worker that she didn't eat her lunch. When I asked her about this she said she was sick to her stomach because I wasn't talking to her.

 

I'm sorry, you don't get sick to your stomach and unable to eat lunch with someone who is just "friends". It means SOMETHING is there. I just don't understand the situation that's all.

 

But like I said...I can't extract myself. My only hope is to ride the storm and hope for the best.

[Owl]

Previous Thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t166684/

 

I quit the subtletly bull**** and came out and talked to her.

 

Told her I cared about her, I enjoyed being around her, and asked her if she felt comfortable around me. She said yes. I asked her "Hypothetically if you were divorced, how would you feel about me"...she responded that she knows I'm good with kids (cause of me playing with her kids when I've been over.) but she would want to get to know me better.

 

She, um, invited me over again last Friday for dinner and to watch a movie (again the husband is home.) First thing she did to me was Give me a kiss on the neck and hug me as I walked in the door (thankfully the husband was in a different room.)

 

I brought over 3 movies to choose from for us all to watch (Breakfast Club, Cars (pixar movie...in case the kids were still up), and Guess Who? (Ashton Kutcher/Bernie Mac). We ended up choosing Guess Who?

 

So the night goes by...drinking cocktails, eating burgers. Sit down to watch the movie. I sit in a rocking chair in one corner of the room. She sits down in the loveseat by herself. Husband is sitting on the couch by himself. Mr.Needy (Aka the psycho husband) says 'why didn't you sit down by me?'...she looks at me as she gets up and rolls her eyes. She sits down on the couch by not "close" to him. He complains about that too. Says "i thought i told you to sit by me", she says "i am" ...he kinds whines bout trails off about it.

 

He gets up to put the movie in, she motions for me to come sit by her while he is putting the movie in (back to us). Feeling ballsy from the few drinks I had that night I go over and sit by her. He turns around sees me sitting on the couch and goes into the kitchen...when he comes back out he sits on the loveseat by himself (pouting I spose). I couldn't help but laugh internally...the guy has to be diagnosed with BDO (Borderline Disorder)...there is no other explanation.

 

Anyways...he complains more so she finally goes and sits by him. Rest of the night goes by fine (more or less, I could go into details but they really don't relate to my issues here). I leave, thank them for their hospitatlity and leave.

 

Ya know...for all the **** I've gone through..this woman couldn't be sending any clearer signals to me.

 

Either she really does like me...or she has friendzoned me. Now being married I don't know if this is the "usual" friendzone. She has to friendzone me because despite her hating her husband she isn't about to go cheat on him.

 

But then those of you who read the previous thread link above will know that I ended up seeing some of her work emails while working one day and knows that she has feelings (something) for another co-worker of mine.

 

Like i said....this whole thing would be fine and dandy, and crystal clear mind you, if she wasn't sending these emails to this other male co-worker. That just screws up my whole mind trying to wrap my mind around this situation.

 

I've gotten over her somewhat. I just keep telling myself "Don't be surprised that when she does seperate from her husband, she doesn't come running to you"

 

I belive in the law of attraction to a degree (posted this thread in the general discussion sub-forum). I believe that if I think positively about this situation, I will get positive results. It's just a bit testing on the nerves and patience when you try to think positive about a woman who sends mixed signals.

 

All that in a nut shell right?

 

OK...I'M gonna call some "BS" on this too....

 

You call him a "pscho husband", "Mr Needy", and any number of names.

 

Just a thought for you...SHE'S CLEARLY SENDING SIGNALS THAT SHE'S EMOTIONALLY DISTANCING HERSELF FROM HIM...SO HIS RESPONSE IS NORMAL AND APPROPRIATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He's sensing her distance...he's trying to close that gap. He's doing it the wrong way, I grant you. Nearly most all "BS's" (betrayed spouses...which he is...she's cheating on him) make the exact same mistake he's making.

 

He may be a ho-bag...I don't know. But I can tell you she's AT LEAST equally to blame for the state of the marriage with HER actions as well.

 

And YOU, my friend...are a contributing factor as well.

 

You're looking to hook up with her...WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO DO WHEN YOU'RE THERE....SUGGEST SHE SIT ON YOUR LAP????

 

I'm sorry man...your previous threads made it sound like you were thinking about what was going on. This one makes it sound quite a bit different.

 

If you want to help the situation...get out of it. Let her and her H resolve the issues. If you opt to tell him about the other affair...be honest and tell him that you're looking to hook up with her too, as soon as she's available.

 

I'm sorry man...but just the tone of your post here really paints a picture.

 

BTW...you can ALWAYS "get out of it".

 

You're just choosing not to.

 

There is a HUGE distinction here.

[Yamaha]

You don't know what's going on in her mind. Women will straight out lie to you to keep you around if that is their wish. I think she is using you as a tool because she is unhappy in her marriage. This does not mean she wants you but you are there and she is enjoying the ego feed of your interest.

She knows you want her. The real question is, does she want you?

You have convinced yourself that she does so trying to tell you different is a waste of time. You will ride it out no matter what.....

[Geishawhelk]

But getting out right now is not possible.

(because I just love the uncertain thrill of it all)

 

I had told myself that morning on the way to work that I wasn't going to involve myself. I was civil to her, but didn't do any of my usual patterns that involved being near her, listening to her issues, even touching her. I avoided her like the plague...involved myself in projects all morning and afternoon. When I was asked If I was going to lunch with her and another co-worker (which I usually do) I declined.

 

Right!

 

I found out later from her co worker that she didn't eat her lunch. When I asked her about this she said she was sick to her stomach because I wasn't talking to her.

 

I'm sorry, you don't get sick to your stomach and unable to eat lunch with someone who is just "friends". It means SOMETHING is there. I just don't understand the situation that's all.

Wrong! She's playing you like a cricket on a string....!

 

But like I said...I can't extract myself. My only hope is to ride the storm and hope for the best.

 

And that my firend, is the biggest load of BS on the forum tonight.

You can extract yourself. of course you can. There's no contract, you're not obligated, there's nothing in writing, you haven't written anything in stone or with blood....

Silly, huh?

Yes, I agree.

Just about as silly as your "I can't extract myself".

You mean, this is all such fun, it adds spice to your life, you're being chased by a woman, how great does that feel...??

 

That's why you feel compelled to go on.

 

Explain to me, in clear succinct terms, exactly why it is that you cannot extract yourself?

What is absolutely, positively definitively obliging you to go on with this idiocy, again....?

[BlueHarvest]

I never stated I wasn't intending to hook up with her. I stated that from the beginning. If she should seperate from him I'd be inviting her out for drinks that very night. But I'm not about to disprespect her marriage. I'm not about to tell her I love her when you can't honestly say something like that to a married person without it being something more then just pure infatuation.

 

If she were to have just said to me when I confessed my feelings "I just want to be friends" then I could have accepted that.

 

And how would you suggest me to "get out of it". I work with her, when i tried to be purely platonic with her last friday you saw how that ended...she wouldn't eat and knew i was acting differently.

[BlueHarvest]

Besides. I know I'm not being pursued by her. If I were I wouldn't be here right now asking about this situation. I'm asking why she is giving me mixed signals. Why? I even confronted her about it. I blatently said how I felt and asked her how she felt.

 

What else am I supposed to do?

[Geishawhelk]

You are either exceptionally and unbelievably naive, or you're playing some kinda thick....

 

 

.

But I'm not about to disprespect her marriage.

 

You've already done that by your actions when you went round there. You should have declined the invitation!

 

I'm not about to tell her I love her when you can't honestly say something like that to a married person without it being something more then just pure infatuation.

But you will let her fling her arms around you, in her own home, with her husband in the next room, and start behaving like an idiot with him. Interesting.....

 

If she were to have just said to me when I confessed my feelings "I just want to be friends" then I could have accepted that.

Ah, of course. But she didn't. so you're looking for some come-back.... otherwise you'd be out of there out of respect for her H.

 

And how would you suggest me to "get out of it". I work with her, when i tried to be purely platonic with her last friday you saw how that ended...she wouldn't eat and knew i was acting differently.

 

A member here does pretty well at that working in the same office as his ex, who keeps attention-grabbing.

He makes sure she fails by establishing his own workplace boundaries. It's called 'professionalism'.

 

Besides. I know I'm not being pursued by her.

 

 

YES YOU ARE!! hence the so-called sick feeling in her stomach!

 

If I were I wouldn't be here right now asking about this situation. I'm asking why she is giving me mixed signals.

 

Because she just wants the thrill of having guys pay attention to her! It's an ego-thing! She's stuck in a marriage she should frankly do something about, but what she's doing instead is looking elsewhere for validation, flattery and attention.

 

Why? I even confronted her about it. I blatently said how I felt and asked her how she felt.

 

What else am I supposed to do?

 

Keep flailing like a fish at the end of a fishing rod.

She's got you hook, line and sinker.

[Owl]

I never stated I wasn't intending to hook up with her. I stated that from the beginning. If she should seperate from him I'd be inviting her out for drinks that very night. But I'm not about to disprespect her marriage. I'm not about to tell her I love her when you can't honestly say something like that to a married person without it being something more then just pure infatuation.

 

If she were to have just said to me when I confessed my feelings "I just want to be friends" then I could have accepted that.

 

And how would you suggest me to "get out of it". I work with her, when i tried to be purely platonic with her last friday you saw how that ended...she wouldn't eat and knew i was acting differently.

 

So she wouldn't eat...she's gonna starve herself to death over you? Not bloody likely.

 

Getting out of it is easy...stop going to her house. Start setting some hardcore boundaries about discussing ANYTHING with her that is not totally work related. Tell her point blank that you're no longer comfortable with the way the situation is, and that your friendship is over. PERIOD.

 

You're not some little boy who's got no self-control, and no ability to make choices in your life.

 

If the situation gets too uncomfortable, one or the other of you can find a new job if need be.

 

You know darned well that she's sending you mixed signals...therefore, she's confused herself about what she wants to happen with you.

 

WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS???

 

Do you WANT an affair with her? Do you REALLY expect this to work out like some kind of fantasy, or fairy tale?

 

Dude...you're a man. That means you get to decide what you'll allow to happen in your own life. That means YOU are responsible for your choices and actions. So if YOU decide to go to a MARRIED WOMAN'S HOUSE...YOU are responsible for the outcome. No one else.

 

You say that you care for her...ok...then step up, be a man, and PROVE IT.

 

Prove it by doing the RIGHT thing for her, instead of what you WANT.

 

Let her solve her own marital issues (or not)...don't make matters worse by participating in the situation. You go to her house, while her husband is there...knowing that you're fantasizing about what might be between the two of you...and you call him "Mr Needy"???? Can you NOT see how wrong this whole situation is????

 

I'm not sure why you asked me to come take a look at your thread, honestly. What were you hoping that I'd tell you?

[BlueHarvest]

NO I DON'T want an affair with her. I want her to leave her damn husband so I can go out with her like a normal date.

 

You want me to quit my job over some woman? In this current economy? You gotta be outta mind to suggest that. Sorry but I've worked at the company little over 3 years. Shes been there year and a half. I'm not about to quit because of her.

 

As for the fantasy part, yes. I am a damn romantic. I'm hoping she'll leave him and I'll be able to provide the support and caring that he couldn't.

 

Like I said if she had said to me "I only like you as a friend" I could live with that. But she didn't.

 

Well I call him Mr.Needy because of the multiple times he has called and texted her at work asking her to "reassure him".

 

I guess I can't see what's wrong with the situation.

 

I guess I'm asking for advice on what to do from here.

 

You and geisha are telling me point blank that you think that ME, fantasizing (but NOT ACTING) about her is wrong? You both are telling me that me hoping that she drops her husband is wrong? I'm not telling her to drop him, I'm not influencing her to drop him. I'm just HOPING she'll drop him. That's it.

 

That's wrong? To wish to be with someone you know that is about to end a marriage anyways?

 

I exchanged gifts with her last christmas when I just cared about her as a friend... I gave gifts to her kids, her, and her husband. Is that wrong?

 

I may be naive, or thick (whichever way you look at it). But I don't see myself as being in the wrong.

[Yamaha]

That's wrong?

 

Yes it's wrong to wish to be with someone that is still married. You should be encouraging her to work out her differences with her H but you are on the sidelines waiting for your chance. My opinion is that even if she separated from the H she would not move on to you.

[lonelyisme]

OK, don't know if others have said this but, this woman is using you to get her husband jealous... I would run away fast and hard from this one... Going over to her house with her husband there, and having feelings for her--and thinking she has feelings for you too--and playing games is going to do nothing but hurt you, her kids, her husband, and even her. Tell her if she wants you then she has to get a divorce from her husband--if you want to be with her--I'll bet she'll say no way and she will get pissed at you for it. This means she's playing a game of trying to get her husband to give her more attention etc... Stay away from her.

[Owl]

NO I DON'T want an affair with her. I want her to leave her damn husband so I can go out with her like a normal date.

 

You want me to quit my job over some woman? In this current economy? You gotta be outta mind to suggest that. Sorry but I've worked at the company little over 3 years. Shes been there year and a half. I'm not about to quit because of her.

 

As for the fantasy part, yes. I am a damn romantic. I'm hoping she'll leave him and I'll be able to provide the support and caring that he couldn't.

 

Like I said if she had said to me "I only like you as a friend" I could live with that. But she didn't.

 

Well I call him Mr.Needy because of the multiple times he has called and texted her at work asking her to "reassure him".

 

I guess I can't see what's wrong with the situation.

 

I guess I'm asking for advice on what to do from here.

 

You and geisha are telling me point blank that you think that ME, fantasizing (but NOT ACTING) about her is wrong? You both are telling me that me hoping that she drops her husband is wrong? I'm not telling her to drop him, I'm not influencing her to drop him. I'm just HOPING she'll drop him. That's it.

 

That's wrong? To wish to be with someone you know that is about to end a marriage anyways?

 

I exchanged gifts with her last christmas when I just cared about her as a friend... I gave gifts to her kids, her, and her husband. Is that wrong?

 

I may be naive, or thick (whichever way you look at it). But I don't see myself as being in the wrong.

 

Yes...you're wrong.

 

Its that simple.

 

It sounds to me like you were posting here hoping for validation of your desire to see her marriage end so you could have her.

 

This isn't rocket science.

 

I've given you my advice...who knows...if you keep asking, you'll get someone who'll have good input on how to go about destroying her marriage so that she's available for you.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

So BH,

 

When/if she leaves her husband, you start dating, going out for drinks, hanging out watching movies, EXACTLY how are you going to feel when she invites another man along (lets say the coworker she exchanges emails with)? SHE is the one manipulating everyone! She is the drama seeker, risk taker, ect... You are ALL puppets on a string by your choice (well, possibly not her husband). This isn't about you, or the co-worker, or the H, its about HER! Good Grief, man grow up! You can't see the forrest for the trees.

[BlueHarvest]

@ Owl. No I wasn't posting here for validation. Maybe it was wrong for me to sit on the sidelines waiting, but it's not like I was making out with her, having sex with her, or any other acts of cheating. Yes it was a stupid move of me to let her coerce me into making her husband jealous. I regret doing it.

 

I haven't done anything to destroy her marriage either. She's the one building that ship. She stated 3 times in the last 2 weeks for him to leave. He won't, so she is figuring out where she is gonna stay for a few days until he gets the message loud and clear.

 

I wasn't looking for validation on what I was doing. I was just looking for guidance. Some of it I accepted and did. Other stuff I didn't.

 

You want to know what? He abuses her. Sorry but that right there is reason enough for me to walk right over and knock his ****ing lights out. I don't give a ****. I have NEVER hit a woman in my life, and never will. It took all my restraint to act civil around him last time when I was invited over. Does his act of abuse validate my own behavior of waiting on the sidelines? No it doesn't. I want her to have a better husband, whether that is me or some other guy. All I wanted was some guidance on how to deal with the situation of someone I have feelings for.

 

@ Horses

 

I really have no idea what your paragraph said. Other then you saying hypothetically that if i were dating her she would go out and invite the other guy to come along...which IF I ever even came to that bridge, I would cross it then. Until then I'm not gonna speculate about those kinds of awkward scenarios. And then your paragraph rambles on about how this is all about her and I can't see the forest for the trees...of which I don't understand either of those sentances or the metaphor you are trying to include.

[Owl]

@ Owl. No I wasn't posting here for validation. Maybe it was wrong for me to sit on the sidelines waiting, but it's not like I was making out with her, having sex with her, or any other acts of cheating. Yes it was a stupid move of me to let her coerce me into making her husband jealous. I regret doing it.

 

I haven't done anything to destroy her marriage either. She's the one building that ship. She stated 3 times in the last 2 weeks for him to leave. He won't, so she is figuring out where she is gonna stay for a few days until he gets the message loud and clear.

 

I wasn't looking for validation on what I was doing. I was just looking for guidance. Some of it I accepted and did. Other stuff I didn't.

 

You want to know what? He abuses her. Sorry but that right there is reason enough for me to walk right over and knock his ****ing lights out. I don't give a ****. I have NEVER hit a woman in my life, and never will. It took all my restraint to act civil around him last time when I was invited over. Does his act of abuse validate my own behavior of waiting on the sidelines? No it doesn't. I want her to have a better husband, whether that is me or some other guy. All I wanted was some guidance on how to deal with the situation of someone I have feelings for.

 

She's the one building that ship...but by making her H jealous, by allowing her to continue the flirtation/etc...with you, you're handing her the hammer and nails.

 

Here's a thought...making her husband jealous...participating in flirtation with her...all the while knowing that he's sensing SOMETHING is going on and so is insecure about the whole thing....ISN'T GOING TO STOP HER FROM BEING ABUSED. IT ADDS STRESS TO THE SITUATION AND WILL MORE THAN LIKELY ESCALATE THE ABUSE FURTHER!!!!

 

Again, not rocket science.

 

Here's what's going on from what I've gathered from your posts...he's apparently abusive towards her...physically. She's reacting defiantly, by emotionally abusing him back (the jealousy, cheating, etc...). YOU are standing there in the middle.

 

None of this is new...this is a very common situation.

 

Some more thoughts for you...no matter how much you want to...YOU CAN'T SAVE HER. Read that again.

 

SHE has to be the one who decides she has had enough, and she chooses to break the cycle. All your participation in this will accomplish is an escalation of the abuse.

 

Its that simple.

 

If she really, REALLY wants the situation resolved, all she's got to do is go to a woman's shelter for a few days. File assault charges against him. Get a restraining order against him for abuse while she's in the shelter...and make sure that she lists her home as her address.

 

Guess what...he'll get kicked out...once he's done being processed for assault. The cops will escort him to the house, and stand by on site while he removes his property...they'll do so to protect her.

 

This is all that's gotta happen.

 

She's been able to do this at any time...its always been an option for her.

 

Why hasn't she done so already?

 

Give it some thought.

 

My advice is simple...tell her all that I just told you. Tell her that you can't be her "knight in shining armor", because this is a situation where nothing can be done to rescue the princess until SHE decides to do something about it.

 

You have no idea how common this story is on these forums. An 'abused' woman cheating on her husband with someone else. Someone wants to 'rescue' her.

 

Well...here's a gameplan for you to accomplish just exactly that. Hope it helps. My money is that she'll find every reason under the sun NOT to do this. She won't consider a woman's shelter. She won't press charges. She won't do a single thing to change the situaton.

 

Until she does...you're wasting your own time, and adding fuel to the fire.

[whichwayisup]

Blue, you need to RUN from this situation. This woman is totally flirting with you and gaslighting her husband, making him crazy. THAT is why he's acting out, he's jealous and she's doing this ON PURPOSE too! WTF.

 

What I want to know is, why on earth you continually put yourself in this situation, knowing that she's married, knowing that she's interested in you, knowing that her husband is jealous as hell.. Yet, you keep going back to her house and helping her flaunt whatever it is IN his face!

 

What if that was YOUR wife? Come on buddy - Wake up and realize she's using you in so many ways.

 

Tell her WHEN and IF she divorces, you will date her, but until then to leave you alone. Stop spending time with her outside of work. Stop being involved in her life.

[BlueHarvest]

I guess you are right Owl.

 

I really don't have a choice at this point. I've got to tell her what to do, and tell her that I can't be involved anymore unless she seperates from him.

 

And whichwayisup, I'm glad you said that. I guess from the husband's perspective this would be very annoying.

 

Though I do find this interesting, she told me just today that all of the invites over were here Husband's ideas. Wierd...

 

But I still have another question...why is she doing this huge flirtation/"I love you" thing with the OTHER male co-worker. Why is she flirting with me and him at the same time. And I'll say this much about the other guy: This OTHER co-worker cheated on his wife a couple years ago, has two newborn baby twins (couple months old), and is having issues in his own marriage. SHE KNOWS he cheated on his wife...so of all the people to run to...why is she flirting with a married man who has 2 newborn kids? And I'm talking HEAVY FLIRTATION with him too. Emails, a cell-phone just to talk to him, etc etc. It makes no sense. She's keeping me at arms length for now it seems but is rubbing up on this other guy. She was cheated on...she knows what its like to be cheated, yet she runs to someone else who has been KNOWN to cheat on his wife? *Boggles mind*.

[whichwayisup]

And whichwayisup, I'm glad you said that. I guess from the husband's perspective this would be very annoying.

 

Yes, he is more than annoyed. You should start looking at this more from his perspective, maybe you'll start seeing him in a new light..Possibly see that HE has every right to be feeling the way he does.

 

But I still have another question...why is she doing this huge flirtation/"I love you" thing with the OTHER male co-worker. Why is she flirting with me and him at the same time.

 

Because SHE HAS ISSUES and is only thinking of herself. She loves having two of you fawn over her, like she's the queen. Boy, her ego must be sky-high, 2 MM and a husband.

 

I have to ask, WHY are you sticking around for the act?

 

Though I do find this interesting, she told me just today that all of the invites over were here Husband's ideas. Wierd...

 

She's lying to you.

 

OR, he is purposely doing this to sit and watch you two together, see your dynamic, maybe piece together something. I'm sure he thinks you two are having an affair.

[whichwayisup]

Emails, a cell-phone just to talk to him, etc etc. It makes no sense. She's keeping me at arms length for now it seems but is rubbing up on this other guy. She was cheated on...she knows what its like to be cheated, yet she runs to someone else who has been KNOWN to cheat on his wife? *Boggles mind*.

 

Just more proof that she is using HIM as an ego feed. You're single and available, so she will only take it so far with you. She probably knows you're falling for her and the other guy is safer because he's married. It's a fun game and flirty - Going nowhere. Even if they DO have an affair, he isn't going to leave his wife and babies.

 

She wants an affair with someone, she's just taking time to pick.

[BlueHarvest]

Because SHE HAS ISSUES and is only thinking of herself. She loves having two of you fawn over her, like she's the queen. Boy, her ego must be sky-high, 2 MM and a husband.

I have to ask, WHY are you sticking around for the act?

 

Should I come clean and just ask her why she is messing around with this other guy when she knows what his history is, when she knows she needs to making a plan on what to do with her own marriage, when she knows she needs to start planning on where she will live, how she'll pay bills, how to get her husband to move out without physically abusing her? She has alot to do, she said she's "started the ball rolling"

 

But I know she is heavily flirtering with this other Co-Worker , but she doesn't know that I know. Should I put her on the spot or not?

[whichwayisup]

No, don't ask her anything. Stay out of it...It isn't your place to get involved, besides, if you ask her about it she IS going to accuse you of being jealous.

 

Trust me, her husband is NOT physically abusing her. If he was, do you think she'd be stupid enough to invite you over and act flirty infront of him? Be all over you etc?

 

I still want to know why you're so hung up on her and wanting to rescue her from her husband and now from this other guy?

 

She is a very messed up and selfish woman. Go take a look at stampdaddy's threads. Go to the OW/OM section, click on his username and find all threads by stampdaddy, and start reading. Trust me, your MW sounds ALOT like her. Selfish and a cake eater.

 

I seriously doubt she's really making plans on leaving him, let alone separate.

[BlueHarvest]

Wow...I just read a few of stampdaddy's old posts. Sounds strangely like my situation, I guess I should be thankful this has only been going on for a few months instead of four years like his situation.

 

This post probably is the most inspiration to me yet.

 

Imagine a world with her.

 

One day you get a call from her. Your heart leaps. The love for her has never died. Her voice brings the past memories back into your mind. You have forgotten the pain she caused, and you remember only the joy she brought. You decide to meet her against the advice of your friends. You tell them that she has changed. She does love you.

 

She is divorced from him, and she meets you. Her eyes are brimming with tears. That look of love is in her eyes. She says that she has given much thought to you and decided that you have been the best thing that ever happened. She expresses her sadness that she caused you so much pain. She never realized how much you made her complete. She wants to share her life with your forever. No one else does to her what you do. You put your arms around her, and she melts in them. You embrace and kiss. The love that was there never left. You know she is the one.

 

You begin all over again. She is yours. You decide to get married to her, and she is just wonderful. The sex is awesome. Every time you make love the symphony is playing in your mind. She is just as you imagined she would be. You have the woman of your dreams. Every morning is a joy as you look in her loving eyes. Everything about her is wonderful...her messed up hair and even her bad breath. This is true love.

 

Time goes on. Life has a way of bringing the mundane into our lives and splash us with reality. The days stretch out and small arguments pop up. Money issues arise. She spends more than you think she should. She is not so selfless as you thought, but you love her. That messed up hair looks better combed. And that morning breath? You bring her a glass of water before you kiss her now. But you notice something else...her love for you doesn't seem as strong.

 

Could it be your imagination or is she cheating on you? You ask her, and she denies it. She says you are the only one for her. You try to believe her, but in the back of your mind you wonder.

 

The months pass by, and she begins to act differently. She still shows love to you, but she spends more time away from the house. She buys new dresses and gets a new haircut, but you wonder...are they for you? And so your life goes. There is this constant wondering and fear...is she being faithful?

 

You never really trust her, but there is no evidence to the contrary. You confront her. She denies it and is angry at you. Your marriage begins to lose its passion and closeness. You cannot remember the last time you made love. She never wants it anymore. You wonder...is she being unfaithful?

 

And then the day arrives that you realize that she has been cheating on you for a number of years. You felt that it was there, but you always thought you were different. You wanted to believe her when she denied it. You wanted to believe that this was just a phase that the two of you would survive. But you were wrong.

 

She wants the fantasy man of her dreams, but he doesn't exist. She tried to believe you were the one, but like her ex husband, you could not be that "knight in shining armor." She wanted to live "happily ever after," but with you this never happened. So she went looking....just "knowing" that her real soul mate was out there somewhere. If she had simply matured and realized that life is not a fairy tale, then when the feelings of love subsided she would have known that with time and work they would return. Marriage takes work, and marriage will have its ups and downs, then she would have realized that the meaning of love is not a feeling only but also a commitment. If she had known this, then she may actually have the man of her dreams. But like her last marriage, when the passion died, she went to reclaim that passion with someone else.

 

And so you split. Your heart broken once again by her. And you remembered how five years ago, you made the decision to marry her against the advice of many.

 

If only you had listened.

 

You know what's funny? I never thought I'd be in this situation...ever. I'm 24, attracted to a 30 year old co-worker who has two children of her own and was married at the age of 20 with a guy she's known since 17.

 

I never thought I would be attracted to that type of person. I always figured I'd meet some cute little gamer chick at some sci-fi convention or gaming convention. We'd meet, do the dating thing, live together for a couple years and then get engaged (yadda yadda yadda---you know the rest). I guess I compromised...I looked around me and saw all these people I've known be in relationships for years...getting married in their mid twenties..and here I am...yet to be in a serious relationship ever. The longest I ever had a relationship last was 3 weeks and that was in high school.

 

And I guess, like I said, I compromised. I thought maybe I could help and she would run to me. Instead she runs to another guy. So I'm gonna let her little fantasy "fufill" itself. I'm gonna let her divorce her husband (if she ever does it), and then run to this other married guy. I'm gonna watch him divorce his wife, and watch the two of them go out. And then I'll laugh...as their world comes crashing down. She thought taking care of one extra-marital kid was hard before...try three extra kids now LOL!

 

I guess in retrospect I'm probably not ready to jump into a serious relationship with a woman like this, much less one with two kids. Heh...wow...

*WARNING-Nerdiness Incoming*

"I can feel your anger. It gives you focus. It makes you stronger...Learn the power of the Dark Side!"

*Warning-Nerdiness Over*

 

I think for the first time in a few months, I'll finally go to sleep without wondering why she didn't call or text me yet again.

[Owl]

Hurt leads to anger...anger leads to hate...hate leads to no contact....this is the path back to the Light.

 

 

Sounds silly, but its what the little muppet would have said if he'd ever had to give relationship advice!