I am vulnerable to him and he's back...

[Yamaha]

I don't want you to sugar coat it Yam... I like straight talk.

I'm not going back- I am not going to participate in this again with him.

 

My question was more about how to distance yourself from someone who makes you feel a certain way that isn't healthy... Ultimately, he always makes me feel bad- and that is why I WON'T return.

 

I felt you had skimmed my post and responded to a notion that I was fighting going back. I am not fighting going back. I am fighting vulnerable feelings. I won't go back.

 

I don't like being vulnerable.... I hate feeling vulnerable! I am capable of restraint. Having feelings sometimes (which happens at all ages).... well, they hurt.

 

My big question is how to overcome being vulnerable to someone.

You will never see another post from me saying I have gotten entangled with this guy again. I promise everyone that.

 

I just want to re-iterate that I am aware he is bad news... but haven't yet reconciled with perhaps, um, maybe loving him. I don't want to love him- I won't get involved again. But how do you stay strong in this scenario?

 

I am not going back Yam... I just want some tools to help me stay away.

Have you ever loved someone that was wrong for you? I think most of us have. I am telling you that MY AGE and experience HAS provided me with the realization that going back is dumb and that's why I won't.

 

The feelings part- not as easy to control.

 

I am cool when he's not around to antagonize. But he's around again, and he's antagonizing. It makes one feel sort of lost. I don't want to be lost- I want to be found... by someone worthy.

 

 

Wouldn't it be great if you could say "I love that person, but they don't deserve it- so I am going to push a button and change my feelings". It doesn't work that way.

 

If someone could recognize someone is bad for them, then just turn off the feelings as an extension of that... we wouldn't have Loveshack, or therapy.

 

He wasn't bad news when I met him.

I would have ran if I thought so.

 

I have been in your situation so I know what it is to be hurt by someone you really care about. I was weak with a gal and she took advantage of me and she still calls me from time to time to see if she can get more out of me. It is hard because I still have feelings for her but, like you, I know she is bad news. You HAVE to stop talking to them and think of the way they treated you and that it is not acceptable. We deserve more. I know we think that as we get older we should be able to spot the bad ones but if we let them in and our heart gets involved we keep giving excuses for their behavior. All we can do is move on and try to not let ourselves get involved with someone that doesn't have our best interests at heart. I wish us both well.

[Lizzie60]

I don't really have an advice.. because right now I feel a little bit like you with only ONE guy.. he's the young hottie I've met down south last January...

 

Shoot do I miss this one.. but it's not like you .. not as bad anyway.

 

In a way it's a good thing we're not closer.. I'd be dead by now.. there is lots of sex and there is lots of sex.. I believe I could die of too much intense sex..

 

He called the day before yesterday.. I saw his number on my phone.. he doesn't leave a message because he's not rich and he wants ME to call back and pay for the long distance calls..

 

Try to keep busy..

[BubblyPopcorn]

Don't know of any "magic" cure tactics except time and distance, keeping busy, surrounding yourself with friends/family, etc. If you have someone who is close to you like a gal pal or family member, spend as much time with them as you can. That always helps me especially because she's someone very close to me and she knows just what to do/say to try and cheer me up, so being around someone like that helps.

 

Its hard to push yourself but keep trying and each day that goes by it will get easier. Hang in there!

[D-Lish]

Well I did do the one thing that would take my mind off of him and prevent me from calling. I put a little more time into being with someone else- someone I have recently met. I wasn't feeling I wanted to give it a shot because hearing from the bad-news-dude put me a bit out of sorts.

 

So, we've just done some sight-seeing and engaged in some fun stuff, which has kept me off the computer since Wednesday- which was helpful.

 

I think it's going to turn out okay, I just rec'd another e-mail from him saying he is moving back home- 3 provinces away next week and wants to see me before he leaves. I am not going to see him and I told him so.

 

It did help to focus on all the crappy things he did. I was just thinking about how awesome he was the first 2 months... instead of how selfish and hot and cold he's been for the past 9 months since we split!

 

Having loads of fun and positive attention from this new guy- who is just a sweetheart- reminds me of how I should be treated by someone!

 

So, only another 6 days to go before I know he'll be gone.

[D-Lish]

I have been in your situation so I know what it is to be hurt by someone you really care about. I was weak with a gal and she took advantage of me and she still calls me from time to time to see if she can get more out of me. It is hard because I still have feelings for her but, like you, I know she is bad news. You HAVE to stop talking to them and think of the way they treated you and that it is not acceptable. We deserve more. I know we think that as we get older we should be able to spot the bad ones but if we let them in and our heart gets involved we keep giving excuses for their behavior. All we can do is move on and try to not let ourselves get involved with someone that doesn't have our best interests at heart. I wish us both well.

 

Well you were probably right about the tough love response.

I think it got under my skin at first because I was angry at myself for allowing him to get to me. And you were right, this isn't highschool, I should be way past letting anyone push and pull and manipulate me when I am completely aware that is what he is doing.

 

It's been the same pattern for about 9 months. "I'm sorry, please forgive me, come on really strong (I give in).... then he disappears. But I guess I taught him it was okay to treat me that way.

 

Not this time:mad:.

I also wish us both well:cool:

[Yamaha]

But I guess I taught him it was okay to treat me that way.

 

 

Bingo.....

[BubblyPopcorn]

You just haven’t had that “final push” yet.

 

It’s like the old saying, the final straw that breaks the camel’s back and that’s when you know you’re done. You’re feelings won’t be as intense as they once had been but you can’t force the “when and how” of it. Keep active, date, etc., and eventually you’ll meet someone else who “does it” for you.