Will they ever become guilty?

[lilmrcheerful]

Hi all,

 

Just a quick question.

 

If you suspect a person of being emotionally involved with someone else, maybe even as far as being romantic with them, would that person eventually crack and spill the beans or can a person just continue to text/talk to that person without feeling guilty? Surely there has to be a time where they couldn't continue on as something will have to give? Or perhaps they could deal with it (eg put an end to it) before the other person even knew it got that far? Would it then ultimately be a case of who they would rather be with in the end which determines their fate? Perhaps they just can't bear to lose either of them?

 

Thanks for reading.

[2sunny]

Hi all,

 

Just a quick question.

 

1. If you suspect a person of being emotionally involved with someone else, maybe even as far as being romantic with them, would that person eventually crack and spill the beans or can a person just continue to text/talk to that person without feeling guilty?

 

2. Surely there has to be a time where they couldn't continue on as something will have to give?

 

3. Or perhaps they could deal with it (eg put an end to it) before the other person even knew it got that far?

 

4. Would it then ultimately be a case of who they would rather be with in the end which determines their fate?

 

5. Perhaps they just can't bear to lose either of them?

 

Thanks for reading.

 

1. depends on what each person's intentions are. for me, i have many men that i am friends with and correspond with regularly for years...12-18 years.

 

2. not necessarily - as i have no intention of becoming a threat to any of the men and their marriages. we share interests and common humor.

 

3. no need to hide anything... we can get carried away at times - but it's harmless and we know it will never cross inappropriate boundaries.

 

4. well, they choose to be with the wife... and i am the friend - so what's to choose?

 

5. why would a man want to lose a wife or a good friend? if you keep things appropriate - then there's no choice that needs to be made. it's called having healthy relationships in the world... same thing i do with my female friends as well.

[lilmrcheerful]

Thank you very much for your answers, they make a lot of sense.

 

OK, let me now add a few things in the mix and see if your answers differ?

 

The person who they are "friends" with was actually their ex in which their ex mistakenly ended their relationship and realises that they are still in love with them? Does that now make a difference? This would surely confuse matters?

[2sunny]

that wouldn't confuse anything for me... in fact i just did that with someone i dated a few months back, and he was a great guy.

 

i sent him back to her. simple as that. i explained to him that obviously he had unfinished business/feelings for her and needed to go back and try again before he would be healthy enough to date me or anyone else in the future.

 

now- several months later - they are still together and seem happy.

 

why would you want to stay with someone if they may be wondering if they should/could be with another person? let 'em go...

[lilmrcheerful]

Hmm.. Interesting.

 

I did give her that option recently and she begged me not to end the relationship although she said she would not stop the contact with their ex. Basically I don't want to be hurt, i'd rather let them go if they were not telling the truth. I just want to know where I stand, that's all, I have been more than lovely to her (which I think is one of the reasons why she does not want to end it), she has said that I've been the best partner she's ever had.

 

I feel that it's sexual between them, you see, my gf is Bi-sexual and her ex is a cross dresser in which she found very (fascinating). I think it's this fascination that she cannot let go of, she pretty much admitted it.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Ronni_W]

I feel that it's sexual between them, you see, my gf is Bi-sexual and her ex is a cross dresser in which she found very (fascinating).

So your concern is not so much the "texting/talking" (from your 1st post), but the possibility that they are having sex together?

 

How has your g/f responded, when you asked her about that? And what will you need her to do/say for you to 100% know and trust that their relationship is not sexual?

 

Because it IS possible to be fascinated by one or another aspect of a friend's life or lifestyle without necessarily needing/wanting to have sex with that friend.

If your g/f is happy in the relationship that you two have created, she really may have NO interest in having sex with anyone else. But that wouldn't preclude her from enjoying non-sexual relationships with people whom she finds fascinating...or boring, for that matter.

 

Possibly if you (both) work on having more open and honest communications, you would gain better insight into whether your lack of trust is a personal issue (fear of being hurt, rejected, abandoned) for which you ought to find your own remedy, or if there is a genuine reason that you ought to be suspicious of your g/f's actions and motives.