My girl cheated

[Rockondevil]

Hey everyone I need some advice. I recently found out my girl of 2 years has kissed another guy while out clubbing.

 

I was going through peoples myspace pics when I saw one of a night about a month ago of when she went out, I thought i would take a look and I saw her dancing with another guy. So I confronted her about it and asked if she did anything else and she then said she kissed him.

 

She said she was drunk, but I dont feel that excuses the matter. I asked her not to drink or even go out. But I still let her and then she did this.

 

I dont know what to do because I have loved the past 2 years so much and I loved her so much. Now I really feel like all my love, respect and anything I had for her is gone.

 

What do I do, leave her or deal with it ???

[Bryanp]

I feel very sorry for you. If the roles were reversed how do you think she would be reacting if you went clubbing and was kissing another woman because you claim you were drunk?

 

It is sad that she has so little respect for you. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. I think her actions are showing you a clear message how she feels about you and your relationship.

[lkjh]

Do you think she is telling the truth? Most of the time people tend to minimize what really happened.

[Rockondevil]

I do think she is telling the truth but she never told me in the first place, I had to ask about 3 - 4 weeks later to find out. But yes I do think the only thing she did was dance and kiss him.

 

And yeah breaking up with her might solve this problem but how can I just leave her if I have loved her for so long. We have lived together like 18 months also. I really loved her, she was the girl of my dreams and I so wanted to have a family with her.

 

I just feel heart-broken.

[Sks]

ehm, why was she out "clubbing" ?

[soyou]

It's just a kiss. I kissed another guy while I was too drunk. Nothing further than that. No emotions attached. But I am smart than your girfriend that I never told and will never tell my boyfriend.

 

I do love my boyfriend, very much. Nothing to complain. It was just a moment when the acohol devil won.

[Davey McG]

It's just a kiss. I kissed another guy while I was too drunk. Nothing further than that. No emotions attached. But I am smart than your girfriend that I never told and will never tell my boyfriend.

 

I do love my boyfriend, very much. Nothing to complain. It was just a moment when the acohol devil won.

 

Pretty bad advice! The alcohol devil only brings out what is already there. It can't turn a saint into a sinner.

[Al_Bundy]

Hey everyone I need some advice. I recently found out my girl of 2 years has kissed another guy while out clubbing.

 

Easy. Get rid of her. Not only because she cheated, but because she is a clubber.

[Al_Bundy]

It's just a kiss. I kissed another guy while I was too drunk. Nothing further than that. No emotions attached. But I am smart than your girfriend that I never told and will never tell my boyfriend.

 

I do love my boyfriend, very much. Nothing to complain. It was just a moment when the acohol devil won.

 

Do your boyfriend a favor. Break up with him.

[salinedreams]

I think you should weigh out how much you are hurt by her actions, and how much you feel you need to be in the relationship. I would also talk to her about how you feel about the whole situation. Let her know that the reason (I would assume) that you don't like her out clubbing is because things like that happen. If she won't follow your wishes, she obviously does not care about you as much as you care about her. I would not hold onto a relationship and possibly get married or have a family with someone who does not care for you as much as you care for them. You obviously love her and are committed, so don't throw everything away without first looking at all of your options and all sides of the story. But don't be a fool either. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. Good luck. I hope everything goes for the best.

[lkjh]

And yeah breaking up with her might solve this problem but how can I just leave her if I have loved her for so long. We have lived together like 18 months also. I really loved her, she was the girl of my dreams and I so wanted to have a family with her.

 

Would you rather end up marrying her and getting burnt in the long run?

Weigh your options and then decide but don't be so naive in thinking she has never done this before especially if she is the going out type.

[AAlike]

Hey everyone I need some advice. I recently found out my girl of 2 years has kissed another guy while out clubbing.

 

I was going through peoples myspace pics when I saw one of a night about a month ago of when she went out, I thought i would take a look and I saw her dancing with another guy. So I confronted her about it and asked if she did anything else and she then said she kissed him.

 

She said she was drunk, but I dont feel that excuses the matter. I asked her not to drink or even go out. But I still let her and then she did this.

 

I dont know what to do because I have loved the past 2 years so much and I loved her so much. Now I really feel like all my love, respect and anything I had for her is gone.

 

What do I do, leave her or deal with it ???

 

Well, I do agree with you that alcohol is no excuse. Granted, she may not have actually gone through with something like that if she hadn't been drunk, but as others have pointed out, the tendencies had to be there somewhere deep down. So the situation isn't perfect...what is her disposition toward this? I understand that she says that she was drunk - but is she acting like that should make it no big deal or is she extremely apologetic?

 

I also disagree with soyou in that "it's just a kiss" - is it as severe as going home with the guy? no, but it's still something that anyone in a relationship should be well aware of is not acceptable within the confines of that relationship unless otherwise clarified. I like to think of my own relationship as rather liberal - we do our own things a fair amount, and I hang out with female friends from time to time (and in many cases get drunk around them), and I would never even THINK that kissing one of them was at all acceptable behavior.

 

I have read prior posts from the people that have answered you thus far, and it comes as no surprise that they are going to tell you bar none to kick her to the curb. That very well may be the right decision - but I'll play devil's advocate here for a moment, just in the interest of objectivity.

 

The one thing that jumped out at me from your post is the following: "I asked her not to drink or even go out." Are you talking about just that particular night or is this an activity that you forbid in general?

 

I think salinedreams is pretty much on the money - there's no doubt that what she did is a serious negative and a breach of trust. The question is whether or not you feel that breach did irreparable damage.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hey everyone I need some advice. I recently found out my girl of 2 years has kissed another guy while out clubbing.

 

I was going through peoples myspace pics when I saw one of a night about a month ago of when she went out, I thought i would take a look and I saw her dancing with another guy. So I confronted her about it and asked if she did anything else and she then said she kissed him.

 

I would not dump her. Instead I would make her move out... or move out myself depending on the situation. Then continue to date her with the idea that she will only do things to make you feel respected, and show herself to be worthy of your trust.

 

She said she was drunk, but I dont feel that excuses the matter. I asked her not to drink or even go out. But I still let her and then she did this.

 

I note that you requested that she not go. Is this an ongoing issue? Do you feel the need to keep tabs on her, or control what she does?

 

Also, ignore the advice from Soyou... it's ignorant and holds no value.

[Rockondevil]

No it isnt ongoing, I mean I don't like it but I have never stopped it because I dont want to push her away.

 

Yes she does seem really apologetic but its still so hard to decide.

 

As for its just a kiss, maybe to some people but to others its the issue of trust, respect and love.

[Bryanp]

I sincerely doubt that you have the full story. I doubt is was just a single kiss. It shows her lack of respect for you and your relationship. I am sure she is very sorry....sorry that she got caught. Why are you settling for a person like this?

[Rockondevil]

I do think I have the full story, I have been with her long enough to tell if she is lying or not. But even a kiss hurts as much as anything else.

 

As for settling, because I loved her and every minute before I found out.

[bhweller]

First of all , do you think you can put it in the past and stay with her like it never happened? If the answer is no then nothing else matters.

[TruthCrushedToEarth]

I agree with Bryanp. How many othger times has it probably happened. A young girl who is going out clubbing is most likely a whore, all about herself. At the very least, she is a high risk candidate for a healthy mature relationship. Take it from someone who has outgrown that whole scene.

[theobserver]

I do think I have the full story, I have been with her long enough to tell if she is lying or not. But even a kiss hurts as much as anything else.

 

Until you stumbled onto that MySpace page right. According to your post you checked the Myspace page finding the picture of your girlfriend dancing with another man a month back at a club.

 

Well ... you clearly lacked the skill to know when she was hiding something or it wouldn't of taken a random browsing to find out before you got the kiss out of her mouth.

 

Look I know you think you KNOW your girl but the truth is you don't and she's capable of things you've never even imagined. I think it is POSSIBLE more went on with a kiss it's also POSSIBLE that this has happened more then once in the past. Now my reply post to your situation is a little late but I hope you had a talk with her that this is not acceptable.

 

Believe it or not people when you enter a relationship you are not "FREE" and you know this just like outside of a relationship in society you are not free but merely have a set of compromise and laws , now removing laws out of a relationship there are still compromises you give up a little for the greater good of the relationship.

 

I think it would be a good time to make sure you're both on the same page. It's funny how I always have to read about all these drunk excuses as someone said deep down she wanted this plus she shouldn't be attempted to get blindly drunk not only is this disrespecting the relationship she's disrespecting herself as well as putting herself in danger (if this is true).

 

Was she even with friends? I never understand why friends don't look out for each other at a bar/club especially if you know that person has a partner back home, say something stop covering up JESUS.

 

 

Just keep an eye on her , because I guarantee you if this ever happens again you wont find a picture.

[samspade]

I have been with her long enough to tell if she is lying or not.

 

You, my friend, will never have this power with any woman. They are much better liars than men. It's part of their nature.

 

The fact that this woman is out clubbing and looking for guys to kiss (at least) means she has little respect for you.

 

I mean I don't like it but I have never stopped it because I dont want to push her away.

 

Standing up for yourself will not push a woman away. Letting a woman walk on you certainly will. And you shouldn't care if it pushes her away or not. These are your standards we are talking about.