How long do you talk per day?

[Mylife]

I was just thinking, how long per day do normal LDRs talk? Sometimes, I feel it to be too much, when I have school work and all. But at the same time, I want to talk to him, but then feel scared of falling behind. So its so hard to get off the phone/webcam and then he gets sad too when I mention we should. He has good work ethics, I don't, I am the last minute assignment type person.

 

Like we usually talk in the afternoons for about 30 min - 1hr and at night for maybe 3 hours. The afternoons are ok, but at night it gets hard, even though you want to.

 

So how long do the rest of you talk? And what other responsibilities do you have? Eg: School/work?

 

Just as a side, he lives 5 hours away by driving and we have been together 6 months.

 

Why are LDRs so hard??

[LikeCharlotte]

I am curious to know if you would find it strange to do what you normally do with the cam and chat on. Could you work on your school or work at the same time? Could he? I think it may help you to feel a bit more normal. Honestly, people who are not LD spend lots of time together doing things that are responsibilities. Certainly keep doing things independently but I think that as long as it doesn't interfere with your life - spend as much time as you'd like.

 

As for how often I talk to (I should work on defining it soon) him. It depends on the day. Sometimes we are in contact all day. Sometimes I am just to busy or we are both doing other things. It's funny how you can miss someone you miss all the time even more when you cannot be in contact. I just try to be sure to message or call daily even if it is brief - if only to let him know when I will be available.

 

As for why LDR's are hard... I'm starting to think of it in a new way. I think all relationships are trying and this particular trial is one that tests all the important parts of a relationship. Trust, strength, integrity, communication... do you see what I am getting at?

[strongertoday]

every relationship si so vastly different...and there is a big difference between what men and women want...

 

What I want is at least a call or text or email each day...its a touch base thing for me...and he knows it and usually is good.

 

What he prefers is long chats (I mean like 6 to 12 hours) and then 2 days no contact. To him it is more like hanging out and less like reporting in (or some kind of weird male logic)

 

What we end up with is some days lots, some days nothing.

 

I know at times I like to walk away from him and do what I have to do...usually he will text or be SOOO happy when I get back to the keyboard.

 

HUGS...it doesnt get easier but it gets more bareable

[Rollercoasterr]

We email all day when we're at work, and then when he gets home(he gets off after I do), we talk until bed. One of us calls the other at about 10pm every night(I recently found out that for $5 a month I can have unlimited calling to Canada, and he's had unlimited calling to the US for a while), and we usually stay on the phone until at least 2. Last night it was around 4:30, though.

 

So I'd say roughly around 10 hours a day. But we still do things, still go out with friends and stuff, we just really like to talk to each other. He's my best friend, and I'm his. Just can't get enough of him and that cute accent!

[MrMe]

When I was in a LDR we used to talk from about 6pm to midnight on instant messenger and then for about an hour on the phone....that was during the academic year because we were both in college at the time.

 

During the summers it was usually IMing from about 2pm-2am non stop..then on the phone from 2am-4am..sometimes as long as 8am...

 

Just depends...i know thats excessive but what can i say..

[j_hunt_12]

It depends on the couple (like was already said here). Now, me and my girl write at very least 1-2 emails a day, we talk on the phone like 5 times a week for about 30 minutes to an hour, and we usually try to skype at least once a week for about 6 hours or so (that's our "date"). Seeing as how we both travel a lot, it does change; for instance, when we are in different countries it is much more difficult because of the different time zones. Iremeber another time when we pretty much had only SMS and I HATED it. It completely got in the way of my life. I actually told her I would prefer not to text unless it was an emergency, but I also made an effort to call her more often (even though it was really expensive).

 

The important thing is to keep a real connection somehow and work with each other. I have had situations where occasional emails are our only way of communication, our connection did kind of drop at that point, but we were commited enough to get through it easily by more or less just waiting.

 

Just make an effort and do what you need to. There is no one normal.

 

ohh yeah...

 

1) We are both in college and work too.

 

2) Our LDR has surprizingly become easier over time for us, and we still love each other more and more. It sounds weird but it is true for us and we have been going one year now.

[N2Natasha]

She is in Russia and I am on the East Coast so we have an 11 hour time difference. When I am going to bed, she is waking up, and vice versa. Thus, we usually talk or Skype around 8-9 every morning and around 10-11 at night my time (she sleeps in later than me). We talk EVERY day but cant skype every day. We also txt each other here and there to say quick I Love You's and stay connected. We were together for 5 months in the US, and have been doing the LDR thing for 5 months now. Since she left in May, I have been to Russia once to see her home and meet her family, and 2 weeks ago we met in Europe for 9 days. So far it is working out quite well for us. Maybe I am not a typical guy, but I NEED the daily contact, even if it is just a quick hi.

[DunnoWhat]

A few text messages and about 3 hours on msn per day. It's getting too much now considering we're only offically a couple for 4 days.

 

 

She also said she likes surprise texts sometimes. Problem there is when I do send a text message it continues for the day..

 

 

So I have a question. Does contact get more or less over time?

[strongertoday]

OMG

 

Can you guys tell MY GUY this?? I wish he would want to chat so much...

 

**me runs off mumbling - yeah I know he is stressed - mumble mumble**

 

lol

[crimsonrose]

It started off with just myspacing back and forth throughout the day, with like 10 messages per day. When it became official that we were together, and I finally got a webcam, we spoke to each other on msn for like 4 hours a day after he got back from work (in the middle of my night, since his night is my day. lol). And on weekends we'd speak literally all day and half of the night. Now, because he moved to a new house thats a bit further from work and it takes him longer to get home than before, we speak for about 2-3 hours a night, till he goe to bed. Much of this, for the past 6 months, is spent playing computer games together. He's burnt out from all the talking, and so am I, but I still hate not seeing him on webcam. So games is the best way for us to be together and have an activity for him to do. I'd much rather talk sometimes but yeah, can't have everything . And on weekends he hornally goes out with his family for a few hours, then comes home and we speak for 6-9 hours. Most of which is again, game time. Guys can only take so much communication, poor things

[crimsonrose]

She is in Russia and I am on the East Coast so we have an 11 hour time difference. When I am going to bed, she is waking up, and vice versa. Thus, we usually talk or Skype around 8-9 every morning and around 10-11 at night my time (she sleeps in later than me). We talk EVERY day but cant skype every day. We also txt each other here and there to say quick I Love You's and stay connected. We were together for 5 months in the US, and have been doing the LDR thing for 5 months now. Since she left in May, I have been to Russia once to see her home and meet her family, and 2 weeks ago we met in Europe for 9 days. So far it is working out quite well for us. Maybe I am not a typical guy, but I NEED the daily contact, even if it is just a quick hi.

 

I wish my guy NEEDED the daily contact! lol. I'm the one who needs it and I know a majority of the time we spend webcamming each other is for my sake and not his. O well. Makes him all the sweeter for doing it for me.

[Chrysanthemum]

Well, my boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 yrs. and 2 mos. as of right now. My boyfriend goes away to college but its only like, 45 min.-1 hr. by train..and he''s told me before that he's not much of a caller. So generally, he calls about 1-2x a day with texts but i usually call around 3 times...but all of our conversations are about 15 mins. or less so usually its not that bad.

[addictingpancake]

OMG

 

Can you guys tell MY GUY this?? I wish he would want to chat so much...

 

**me runs off mumbling - yeah I know he is stressed - mumble mumble**

 

lol

 

my bf doesn't seem to want to talk to me as much either.. sometimes i get really depressed about it.. which just makes things worse. but i get over it.. eventually >.>

I just wish he would understand why i wanna talk to him.. i just love him so much and when he doesn't seem excited to talk to me it hurts.. *sigh* things will get better though.

as for how much we talk.. i'm now playing soccer so only about 4hrs through IM, unless i decide to stay up all night with him which ends up being about 6-7.. however.. most of the time we don't actually talk.. he just plays his games. we haven't gotten on skype very much recently, but just like when we IM, not much is really said. weekends vary, i normally have a very busy weekend with school, soccer, and just wanting to hang out with friends.. he just stays home and plays his game -.-

he lives in central america, and i live on the east coast (he said it's about a 10 day walk that he's willing to make)

 

please don't think that he doesn't actually love me XD i know he does:love:

[Hoosier09]

My SO is in England and I am in the US. Right now, we talk seriously probably anywhere from 5-12 hours a day. Now, it's not all talking. I am homeschooled for various reasons and she happens to be too, so we sit and do work together. We just leave the cam on and do things together. Sometimes, we'll rent the same movies and start them at the same time and watch them together. Other times, we get on skype and she teaches me how to cook (I'm getting good!). Actually, today, I wasn't feeling too well and she told me to lie back and close my eyes while she did some work so I ended up sleeping for like 2 hours. That's just how we are. It may seem extreme, but we love each other so much and its hard for us to be alone. Even if we aren't talking, it's nice to see each other as much as we can.

[Island Girl]

In the beginning (first 2 years or so) we talked every day for as much time as we could afford. Sometimes 45 minutes but sometimes only 15 to 20. We wrote LONG letters to each other as well and mailed them the next day so after the initial 2 weeks we had a steady flow of letters coming in on both sides. I have kept all of mine and have almost 200. He has closer to 450.

 

The next couple of years settled down to talking every night for 10 to 15 minutes and then one hour a day on the weekends.

 

He would call random times to talk whenever he wanted. I called at scheduled times unless there was some urgent situation.

 

Last October (2007) the phone lines went down. When we would talk most of the time one or both of us couldn't hear. The phone lines were repaired in April and we finally got to have a full real conversation that was clear the entire time! Oh happy day! And it had been so long since we'd had that so we talked for hours a day every day for week...and then calling cards quit working.

Dialing direct worked but it was $1.50 a minute. So again we were down to little communication. Just the most important things and we would try to get everything discussed quickly. We'd save stuff up for the phone calls which were 2 to 3 times a week for 5 to 10 minutes.

 

And 2 weeks ago I moved so I can no longer direct dial. Calling cards still do not work. (I have since found out that his cousin has the same issue and his wife is in NZ so it isn't just me or the US.)

 

So he has to travel to his cousins on the other side of the island to be able to use their computer and we talk over Skype for as long as we want. He does that twice a week.

[Maggs]

It all depends on the day and our work schedules. He's usually 4 hrs ahead in time, but sometimes up to 6 if he's away working. Some days we won't speak at all but just send an email or 2 to touch base. That's if I'm working a double shift or if he's travelling. Usually only happens a couple of times a month.

 

Most days it's a chat on MSN or a phone call via Skype lasting anywhere's from 15 min.-3 hrs. Sometimes if he's working or home and has internet all day and I'm off, we'll talk off and on throughout the day.

[crimsonrose]

So i already said how long and how often we talk

 

He told me today that he doenst look forward to talking to me. cuz he does it every day. We do little messages every hour or on myspace when hes at work, and then when he gets hoem we video call each other online for a few hours. but basically theres like a 15 minute my day was good, so was mine, alright then. And then he plays games and i sleep.

 

I don;t understand how he can be tired of speaking to me when we rarely do it. We speak for half an hour on days he works, at most, and its not depe conversations. Its just retarded thigns we could have went without saying, and then he plays computer games till he goes to bed.

 

I'm guessing this is just a typical male and female difference? i need mroe relaitonal crap and he needs more activities? But i feel liek even when we do talk, I have to compete with his attention over computer games cuz hell literally turn them on, cuss at it, and play it while im trying to speak to him. Or he cant even hear me over the noise of the computer

 

Anyone else hae this?

[Island Girl]

He told me today that he doenst look forward to talking to me. cuz he does it every day.

 

Ouch.

 

I'm guessing this is just a typical male and female difference? i need mroe relaitonal crap and he needs more activities?

 

It hasn't been my experience that males need less relationship crap. This is from my years of dating exp. My relationship now is the same. My husband actually 'needs' more of the emotional talk than I do although I welcome it.

 

But i feel liek even when we do talk, I have to compete with his attention over computer games cuz hell literally turn them on, cuss at it, and play it while im trying to speak to him. Or he cant even hear me over the noise of the computer

 

Anyone else hae this?

 

This isn't my experience at all. But you should probably cut and paste this in another thread for discussion. You'll get more responses and there won't be a threadjack.

[Jay34]

we used to talk about 4-5 hours a day for the first 8 months, now i just seem like her boredom relief, and she calls me around all of her plans, its sad but i don't know what to do, we rarely have an emotional talk anymore and it hurts, but maybe when i see her this time, we can rekindle though i really doubt it

[crimsonrose]

Ouch.

 

 

 

It hasn't been my experience that males need less relationship crap. This is from my years of dating exp. My relationship now is the same. My husband actually 'needs' more of the emotional talk than I do although I welcome it.

 

 

 

This isn't my experience at all. But you should probably cut and paste this in another thread for discussion. You'll get more responses and there won't be a threadjack.

 

haha amen to the ouch. he said that like it should be obvious, and i was like... excuse me while i curl into a ball and dub myself uninteresting and unwanted. lol

 

yeah it jsut depends on the guy i guess. i dunno. i guess im just looking for a sign from someone on here that im not crazy for wanting more talk time with him. i mean i DO respect and een appreciate his need for manly gamer time, i just... i dunno

[Jay34]

this is the worst feeling, she used to always be calling we were best friends, now there are other things that are more important. new friends, it seems as whenever she is out with friends that i am dirt, i get maybe 1 5 min call, dump the guy if her doesnt appreciate talking to you, i stopped appreciating my girl and it all went down from there, i treated her like crap and now it will never be the same. i have tried to make it up but now im the one treated like ****

[DunnoWhat]

this is the worst feeling, she used to always be calling we were best friends, now there are other things that are more important. new friends, it seems as whenever she is out with friends that i am dirt, i get maybe 1 5 min call, dump the guy if her doesnt appreciate talking to you, i stopped appreciating my girl and it all went down from there, i treated her like crap and now it will never be the same. i have tried to make it up but now im the one treated like ****

 

How did you treat her?

 

Sometimes I don't appreciate my GF. Like tonight I couldn't be bothered logging in to the MSN and she wasn't online when I did. Later I checked my phone and saw a message saying she was extremely tired and needed to go to bed. She usually stays up for hours chating to me and makes up for it my sleeping for an hour during the afternoon.

[matchbookromance]

I created a journal dedicated to her, and she created one too. So we leave messages there and tell each other what we've both been up to and how much we miss each other and stuff. This is for in case we miss each other on live chat. Which sucks btw, cause I'd rather that. But its also sweet to have something to look forward to when I come online.

[Jay34]

for many months i did not appreciate her, i just have no idea how to fix it, i have been trying so hard for nearly 4 months and it isn't the same