What do I do with this girl?

[CXP]

I know this girl, B - she's a good person, and she's very sweet, but she doesn't make intelligent decisions all the time. I've known this girl about 5 years, and she recently confessed that she really likes me and has wanted to be with me for most of those 5 years. She also has a boyfriend, a punk named J, who has treated her absolutely terribly for the better part of four months (that I know of). He's made it very clear that he doesn't want to make any effort in the relationship, and in fact, wrote a text message saying how much he hated being with B. To complicate things, I just had a pretty ugly breakup with my girlfriend of 2 years.. 2 weeks ago.

 

Well, yesterday, B finally kicked J out, and told him to come back when he felt like trying to work things out. B calls me and tells me that she'd really like it if I could go hang out with her that night. Well when I get to her house around 8PM, one of her ex-boyfriends is hanging out there, along with her roommate. They were all planning on hanging out and getting wasted. I told them I had to go home, so I couldn't drink, but B persuaded me to hang out anyways, and not drink. They start drinking, and B gets into an involved discussion with her ex about how good their sex was. Maybe I'm weird, but liking this girl and having her like me, and listening to her talk to her ex about how good the sex was made me want to vomit. Immediately after she starts coming on to me. For the most part, for the next few hours we just hang out and talk, and listen to B say how much she wants to sleep with me. She finally asks me if I'll sleep with her, because she's depressed and lonely. I tell her that I would sleep with her, but that she was wasted and there would be no fooling around or having sex. We've slept together in the past, but just as friends, basically for moral/emotional support (meaning no sex, just sleeping in the same bed). She says she'll settle for that. Then, around midnight, she gets a call from J, who says he was out getting drunk and got picked up by the cops. Well, the cops let him go, and he calls back, saying that he'll just go crash at a friends house, since B kicked him out. B asks me to go get him and bring him back because she wants to talk to him. And because I'm the only sober one who can go drive. I went and found him and brought him back, with him begging for more beer the entire time.

 

Now I was expecting an argument of epic proportions from what B had said before. When I got back, J in tow, however, all she said was basically "Aw, poor baby. Come to bed with me." Leaving me, her roommate, and her ex stunned and wanting to rip her boyfriend apart. Oh, as icing on the cake her dog ate my motorcycle goggles and gloves. That was a freaking cold ride home..

 

So she tells me how much she likes me, tells me that she would breakup with her boyfriend to be with me, and then she goes and pulls this crap. I feel like I'm being jerked around. She was talking to me this morning like nothing happened last night, so I told her I thought she made bad decisions last night. She's been crying hysterically since. What the heck do I do with this girl?

[Geishawhelk]

You walk away.

Really, you do.

She is so messed up, and obviously doesn't respect your own wishes enough to let you do what you feel is right.

She pressured you into hanging around, even though she then proceeded to make it very uncomfortable for you.

She's haywire.

I think it would be bad news to hang around her.

 

Please, move on.

You can do better.

No, really.

Trust me.

You can.

[O'Malley]

There's nothing wrong with being honest, as a friend, that you feel some of her actions are self destructive, but the best thing you can do for both of you is to keep the boundaries as friends only -- no intimate conversations, no cuddling, no paying for 'dates', etc. No being the taxi service for her jerk of a boyfriend, either.

 

Personally, I'd cool on the friendship a bit, just for the fact that she wants to have you as a stand in for her boyfriend whenever she has problems with him. Until she matures and deals with her own issues, she's not a person to become invested in relationship wise.

[Tiger073]

I had a girlfriend like this a few years back, and got my affections similarly bounced back and forth both during and after my relationship with her. Trust me, this girl is dangerous to your emotions and your sanity. It seems like she's playing around with the affections of everyone involved to try and get attention to make herself feel better/special with no regard for "collateral damage." Even with the alcohol being a factor, this kinda of behavior tends to have deeper roots.

 

My opinion: keep the friendship if it's important to you, but focus your romantic pursuits elsewhere. If it really was her being drunk that was the problem, talk it over with her; she probably feels sorry about it. My guess, however, is that it's not the alcohol, but you know her better than I do.

[CXP]

Right on. Thanks for the advice, guys! Thats basically what I figured, and you guys confirmed it. I'll try and put some distance between us - I could definitely see how she could be hazardous to my mental and emotional health. I think this one will be tricky - she's a girl that always gets what she wants, and I've always been a sucker for a girl in need of a good boyfriend .

[lazlow99]

I've had a similar experience with a similar girl. Trust me, they always go back to dating a-holes no matter what happens. The girl I knew was dating an a-hole guy who she said treated her like **** and was aggressive, and she said she wanted to leave him for me, then broke up with him, started ignoring me and went out with the next a-hole guy who came along. Then she tried to get back in touch with me and I just thought **** this and ignored her.

 

It's difficult and confusing to deal with cause you can't understand why they do it, its like they're torturing themselves for some reason.