I feel so horrible but I understand he needs time to break up with her

[lost_girl]

If you've read my earlier post, you will know that I just ended my own marriage and processing my serparation papers.

 

I am currently dating a guy with a 7 years relationship with his gf. He is living with her but claims that he is not sleeping with her at all for a year already. He is clean cut and truthful to me while it comes to the fact on the situation with his gf.

 

He claims that he does not love her and just stayed with her because of responsibilty. He told everyone that.

 

He is 9 years older than me and I am 23. I am so happy when I am with him. We went out in secret without anyone knowing because we work in the same place. We don't want to let anyone to gossip behind our back.

 

He has been very supportive in giving me advice for my own failed marriage. He has been there when I need him. I am not thinking of marriage nor long term relationship cos I am too afraid of commitment at this moment. I did not reveal this to him.

 

He told me he is going to leave his gf but he needs time to break the news gently to her. She is very fragile.

 

I had time and time broke up with him because I can't live with myself being the one who broke up a relationship. I couldn't stand being the other woman. Yet every time, I just went back to him because I can't stand being away from him. He can't stand being away from me too. We tried to break up and remain as friends but we just couldn't.

 

I feel so horrible being the other woman but I understand he needs time to break up with her. How much time do you think I should allow him? Am I doing the right thing being with him?

[PurpleAngel]

He claims that he does not love her and just stayed with her because of responsibilty. He told everyone that.

 

If that is the case, what 'responsibilities' does he have that he cannot do from outside the home?

 

He told me he is going to leave his gf but he needs time to break the news gently to her. She is very fragile.

 

SHE is so fragile... RIGHT, so what about you??? Does he know that you are hurting and are also fragile, does he even think of this?????? DO you think that you are JUST as important as she is? If he loves you he should be thinking about how this is affecting you too!

 

He can't stand being away from me too. We tried to break up and remain as friends but we just couldn't.

 

Well if this is true then why give him his cake and let him eat it too??? This man has NO reason to leave his wife. Cos no matter what YOU wont leave him, he knows this. It’s too easy for him! IF you do love/care for him, I am sorry but he needs to prove to you that he is ALL THAT! and right now, in my eyes he is NOT treating you right. No matter how supportive he is! I have heaps of male friends that would chop off there right arms to help me , SO! If you are looking for a partner in this man then you should be a little more discerning about what you say and do with him.

 

I feel so horrible being the other woman but I understand he needs time to break up with her. How much time do you think I should allow him? Am I doing the right thing being with him?

 

TIME, how much time has he taken already??? Look as far as i am concerned IF he does care and is a good person he should (a) seas the relationship with you because he is still committed to someone else and/or (b) tell the woman he committed to spending the rest of his life with that he has met someone else and will move out soon, but will help her to sort herself out etc...

 

NO I definitely don’t think you are doing the right thing by being with him. By being with him you are not giving him ANY reason to leave her to be with you and you are not showing yourself any self respect by agreeing to be with someone like this.

 

Please don’t make excuses for him, people do anything for love SO if he really doesn’t love her, sleep with her etc.. and wants to be with you, then let him prove it. Leave him alone until he’s got his **** sorted out for a little while!

 

Good Luck

~PurpleAngel~

[Mandy]

Okay, you are recently divorced or seperated. How would you have felt with some woman running around with your ex while you were still together?

 

I heard a saying on another board that goes "what starts bad, ends bad" , kinda like "what goes around comes around".

 

Surely you can find someone not already in a relationship.

 

The other thing, is if he does ths to her (running around behind her back) then he will proably do to you at some point, if he does leave her.

 

I think that whole "she is fragile" stuff is a line of crap. If he wnted to leave her he would, He sure doesn't mind running around behind her back, so he has no real consideration for her feelings.

[Mandy]

One other thing, you say "He claims that he does not love her and just stayed with her because of responsibilty. He told everyone that. "

 

 

Who did he tell that to, you?

 

Do you want to be with a man who runs around telling people he does not love a woman he has been with for years?

 

If he was responsible, honest and truthful:

 

1) he would not be cheating on her

2) would not be bad mouthing her behind her back

3) would be honest enough to tell her how he feels.

 

Good luck to you whatever you decide. If you decide to wait him out and give him the "tme" he needs, or if you relaize the problem and get out before it gets worse.

[lost_girl]

I know I am just jumping from one bad marriage to another horrible relationship.

 

But he has been there when I need him. His responsibilty to his girlfriend is that he has been with her for the past 7 years and both her parents are really old. They look upon him as the son they never had and its giving him pressure to leave her.

 

He claim that he had never thought of leaving because of the familiarity and because he thought he could just live in a relationship without love..... until he met me. He told me that he loves me and he wants to be with me but I had to give him time to sort it all with her and break up with her gently.

 

I am so in love with him. I never thought I could love another because of my heartbreak in my bad marriage. He just bought new hope in my life. But at the same time, I am afraid of being hurt again. I do not want to be let down again.

 

Its tearing me apart to have to see him in secrecy and have to snoop behind others back when we see each other which is not very often. I told him and I cried that I want to be with him totally. I can feel that he is very frustrated and angish. He wants to be with me but he just do not know how to break it gently to her.

 

I know I am just opting the wait-and-see game. I do not wish to give up him just like that. My heart is all out for him and I am suffering. I am hanging on a single thread that leads me to hope.

 

Whenever I am with him, I feel so happy, so top of the world. We are so alike and we share so much together. Its going to be very hard to walk away from him.

 

Every night, he knows I cried myself to sleep. I am a thinker so sometimes I think too much. I thought of my failed marriage, my unemployed ex husband and my situation with him. I really want so much to be with him, to able to hold him, to able to hold hands in public places. I can't do that now.

 

How to leave him when he is the only one who is keeping me from breaking into pieces?

[baycityroller]

Sounds like you're barely separated, not even near being divorced; why don't you just deal with the baggage from your failed marriage (at such a young age, what a shame) before you go jumping back into the frying pan again.

 

Secondly, you need to wake up and smell the coffee if you really do believe the line of crap your "lover" is handing you, about how he's not happy with his live-in girlfriend but merely remains with her out of a sense of obligation and responsibility, oh yeah, and that he's not sleeping with her. That's the biggest pile of horse poop around. What he's got is the perfect arrangement. He's got the security and comfort of her, someone he's been with for 7 years (and if you think he's really not sleeping with her, I've got a bridge to sell you), and he's got the excitement of having a "younger" (I'm sure he feels like quite the stud, the fact that you're 23 and he's 32) MISTRESS ('cause that's all that you are to him, be real) on the side. Some guys thrive on the mysteriousness of having a fling on the side; the sneaking around, the secrecy, the risk of getting caught, living on the edge, feeling like a stud for having 2 women who want him, etc.

 

There is no reason under the sun that a stable 32 year old man is going to remain in an unhappy, unfulfilling, unsatisfying live-in relationship other than he WANTS TO BE THERE. This crap about her elderly parents, and this s*** about him being the son they never had, girl that's the stuff that trashy novels are made of, it's a bunch of untrue crap.

 

Look within yourself and do some soul searching on why you are 23 and have one failed marriage under your belt and are already hot on the trail of someone else---someone who's taken, and someone who's taking advantage of your confusion and vulnerability. And stop with this "he's been there for me" because chances are he listened to your problems because he wanted to get into your pants.