Burning Question....Will Pay Millions For Answers

[Bern]

To All Kind Readers:

 

This is a problem that has haunted me for a very long time.

 

I am a very nice, generous guy and believe I am a great friend to many people. I don't talk bad about others, I try to help them in any way I can, I am a good listener, I don't have bad breath, and I think I make a great friend for anybody.

 

I have many friends I have known for a long time. But in recent years with more and more frequency, just platonic friends, not lovers or romantic interests just all of a sudden break off, stop calling, stop returning calls, just declare me persona non grata and want nothing more to do with me. They just write me off out of the clear blue.

 

There are no arguments, no disagreements, they owe me no money and I owe them no money. I haven't said anything nasty about them to anyone. I mean I sit for hours just wondering what I have done. I can think of nothing. I mean I would give the world to have more friends like me. I don't make demands and I give what I am able to. I am very intelligent and would be able to figure out if my behavior was out of line.

 

Does anybody have any idea of what is happening here. It really hurts to lose good friends that I really care about. Could I be doing something wrong that I don't know? Or is it just normal for people to drop off the face of the earth from time to time for no reason? Is what is happening to me normal? Are people just like this?

 

I will say that it seems females do this more often than males. No, I do not ask them on dates, make passes at them, or anything. It is completely platonic. I go out of my way to be just friends. With many, I am good friends with their boyfriends as well.

 

Please tell me what is happening here? The answer is worth millions to me.

[Lana]

Please keep in mind that this purely IMHO...

 

It probably has nothing to do with anything you could have done, just that these 'friends' probably don't take your friendship that seriously.

 

Keeping friends is a lot of work, and some people just can't cut it, so they drop friends. Women and friendships seem to be different from men. Guys can not see each other for a long time, but when they meet again, they're still cool. Women tend to put more time, emotion, and energy in maintaining a 'deep' friendship, usually with other women, their love interest, or the occasional rare platonic male friend.

 

Sorry, there are no clear answers, just one big grey area, just like humans are.

[Bern]

Well, in that case, is it that people stay friends as long as there is something in it for them? As long as there is a pay-off? I guess that may be true for all relationships but it is sort of frightening to think that one person can put their love and energy into a friendship but if the other person makes a decision to terminate, it's completely over.

[Desperado]

Bern,

 

I'm sort of like in the same situation as you are in. You probably gave your all to people you call friends, but they do not apperciate it. It happens, humans are selfish. They would rather spend their time with their g/f, b/f or other friends that share their similar interests than with someone like you. Go find friends that share your ideas, hobbies, passion etc...

 

I've many friends, but they are more or less just acquaintances, a couple of beers once in a while......but my true friends, I've only two. And both of them were from my high school......they are the ones I turn to when I'm feeling down and out, we have the same passion for music so I guess that really bonded us together.

 

I personally don't believe in platonic relantionships, guys and gals are too different to stay together as purely friends.

 

Remember, you are not alone in this world......there are friends out there waiting to be found by you.......trust me, losing a friend is much better than being involved in a one-sided love affair.

 

Be yourself always and you'll find friends that like you being you......