Trying to make him see he can trust me again: Is my mistake just too huge?

[sndhlp]

3 months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I realize now that he is the one I want to be with, and he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He said he still and always will love me, But, some things happened while we were broken up and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to forgive me and be with me again. We have been occasionally talking and seeing each other again for the past 2 months. And the past 2 weeks, it’s like we’re back together, but he insists he can’t be with me. He won’t tell his friends or family how much time he’s actually spending with me and he hides the fact that we ever see each other. But, I don’t blame him because of what happened.

 

here goes, I made the biggest mistake and did something I will regret for the rest of my life. After 2 years, my boyfriend, Ted, and I broke up because we were having problems and we really needed to take a break. We practically lived together and spent all of our time with each other at school (college) and as a result we were at each other’s throats.

 

The mistake was not breaking up, this was something that could have been a good thing, but then I did something that is almost unforgiveable. I decided to date my ex’s best friend, Bob, days after our break up. This lasted less than 2 weeks and then I realized how wrong it was and I have been regretting it and paying for it ever since.

 

Just to better explain the situation, Ted and I have the same circle of friends and we’ve all known each other since high school and I have known Bob since grade school. Me, Ted and Bob all went to the same college, and hung out together a lot. Ted is the nice guy- perfect, brilliant, reserved, but knows how to have fun. Bob is the fun, party animal, womanizer, makes everyone think he's your best friend. But I always liked hanging out with Bob and we always had a lot of fun. I thought it seemed like I was better friends with Bob than Ted was. But Ted would always tell me he that me and Bob weren't friends, because Bob acts like he's good friends with all his friend's girlfriends. Ted would always tell me how Bob just thinks of girls as objects and plays mind games with them and even more so with his friend's girlfriends. Ted said it was an ego thing with Bob.

 

About 6 months before Ted and I broke up, Bob kissed me one night. It never happened again and we didn’t talk about it. Then a month later he said he loved me. I laughed it off and never told Ted about any of it. I know that I should have but I thought it would do more harm than good. ( i should have said something )

 

Ted and Bob started hanging out less and less, and then Bob ended up dropping out of school and moving back home. A couple weeks before I broke up with Ted, Bob started hanging out with my parents doing things like playing golf with them. (they've known him since grade school and always really liked him, he would always come over with Ted), I was at school (in another town) but Bob would occassionally call and I'd talk to him.

 

Anyways, when I did break up with Ted (which had nothing to do with Bob), Bob was right there and we hung out a lot. He had been hanging out with my parents and my parents liked that Bob and I were hanging out. Well days later I decided to date Bob. Less than 2 weeks later, i realized the mistake i was making and it ended.

 

But now that I have realized how big of a mistake I made, and that Ted is who I want to be with, I am trying to make him see he can trust me again. He said with time he might be able to be with me, but that he might want to date other people and I said I am fine with that. Is my mistake just too huge to ever be forgiven?

[Liss]

No sweetie, everyone makes mistake believe me im the queen of them. "You cant take back your past but you can improve your future" Its going to take him a while to forgive you, jut be pacient and if it is ment to be then it will happen. You need to be honest and open with him at all times. He knows how you feel, so let it be at that and let him come back to you when he is ready. And if he dosent come back, well then that goes to show you that it was not meant to be. Nothing is unforgiveable.

[braindead131]

Just giving you what might be your ex's point of view. A similar thing has happened in my relationship of 3 years. Except for what my girlfriend did was worse. She was manipulated by a guy over the Internet while she was at University. I had finished college last year and was working really hard in my first job to make it work. He knew this and knew the dates and times that he could make his moves.

 

He ended up getting my girlfriend very drunk and having his way with her on 2 seperate occasions and afterwards told her 'it'll all be ok as long as he doesn't find out.' I found out from an internet chat log (MSN can be dangerous!), and was able to read his words.

 

Anyways I really love this girl and she says she really loves me. She is my best friend also. It's been 12 weeks since I found out, and since then we've been through a lot. We've been on holiday for 2 weeks just for time to talk alone. I've lashed out at her at the least suspecting moments, and am sometimes very very nasty to her. (I have never hit her tho, and never will.)

 

The point is that anything can be forgiven if you want to forgive. I am trying and things are getting very slowly better. He can forgive you and it can work. If you both want it to that is. You would probably have to make more sacrifices than before and put up with some paranoyer from him. If you can handle that then you should try to make things work.

 

Don't get me wrong, I do not forgive what this guy has done. I know he has done similar things before. I let his partner know all about it and she I believe is still with him. He also has kids to look after. This is one selfish guy who is trusted to work at a local school.