Flirtatious Co-Worker Has Live-In GF

[sunshineanderson]

Tell that to John McCain, but I digress. I'm not cheating on my wife. And yes, I've met some people online before, but those people lie about their appearance or marital status anyway, just like in real life. However, if you read my earlier post, it's also not the right time to introduce anyone into my children's lives, which starting a relationship like that would eventually mean.

[Walk]

We are in constant contact with each other, seeing each other during the day and texting each other an average of 20 times a day since last week, but I'm not taking him away from her at all.

Hmm... I really don't feel I need to state the obvious, but I did feel a need to point it out.

 

This situation (and yes, we have crossed the threshold), has done nothing to de-stabilize me as a parent

In my opinion, your ability to be a parent to those kids can't be judged based on a few posts. What I find disconcerting is the fact that you KNOW he has a live in gf and you think it's acceptable to be involved with a man who's cheating on his gf.

 

And trust me, he isn't telling you the truth about his relationship status. If he were done with her, then they wouldn't live together. He's screwing both of you. His dick has seen more pussy lately then you've seen in the last ten years.

 

If you enjoy STDs then I say go for it! What's not to feel proud of when screwing another woman's man. I mean, Gosh, you deserve to get what you want. So go out there and screw the living day lights out of a man who's already involved in a relationship. Even if it completely demolishes another human being (i.e. the gf), then you deserve it!! You go girl. It's all about you!!

[sunshineanderson]

He never said he wasn't screwing her and I've never asked. I've always assumed he WAS. If you read my earlier post about open relationships, you'd know how I feel about this issue. Good for him as far as getting pu$$y, who's to say I'm not getting d*ck somewhere else, and I did sort of mention something like that to him (I have a friend I see from time to time) -- I didn't give the new guy a lot of detail, but he knows I'm not sitting at home waiting on him, that I have other options. I'm obviously posting on the wrong board. Enlightenment is not rampant here. And, no, I'm not taking his time away from her because we work at the same place and about half of those texts are done during the day and the other half are done obviously when he feels like it's not taking time away from her (or he doesn't care). It's not my responsibility to monitor when and where he texts me, calls me or responds to my texts, and I far as I know he is not going anywhere, so I'm not taking anything from her or them.

[sunshineanderson]

And no, I'm not proud -- I've been the wife before in a situation, if you read my earlier posts you know -- but I'm not ashamed about it either. And I don't know about you, but I practice safe sex (I know, abstinence is the only "safe" sex, but I've practiced that from time to time also). Make me out to be a selfish homewrecker if you want, hell yeah it's all about me -- it's about time and I'm sure as hell not ashamed of that. Imagine if you ignored your needs/wants/happiness for a long time, I deserve what I get, like you said, so thank you.

[sunshineanderson]

You're right about one thing. I shouldn't have posted here where there are a bunch of judgmental, self-righteous people. So I'm a nutcase because I'm involved with a man who "belongs" to someone else and I don't take anything anyone on this board says at face value, without valid justification. Some of the comments are okay, but it's all in the delivery. The standard lines about him lying to me, and this and that, don't even apply, because I'm not this ignorant "skank" who's sitting by the phone waiting on him or hanging on his every word. I don't deserve to be disrespected because of the choice I made, but of course I will be on this forum. If you really knew anything, and I may provide a link to the article, the "other woman" often has been cheated on multiple times and believes or has experienced that most men conduct themselves a certain way and merely choses to do the same herself.

 

If I were a nutcase dear, my children wouldn't be honor roll students, I wouldn't be involved in the PTA, and they wouldn't know that I love them unconditonally. I feel sorry for you for feeling the way you do. My kids don't get involved in my personal life, that's how it's always been, and that's how it will always be, so the constant rant on here that I'm setting a poor example for my kids is so ridiculous/nonsensical.

 

I hope people like you don't have children, because you don't know how to read or reason. I'm a Christian, extremely strong in my faith, and I have integrity -- I don't lie to my children (my personal life is, again, my personal life and we don't discuss anything like that at all -- that's not what our relationship is about, after all, they are CHILDREN). My standing in the community says it all, you don't know me at all, just a part of what I'm going through.

 

These judgmental folks will be the same ones voting for John McCain, who left his wife and children for his current wife, Cindy.

 

I'm just so used to dealing with people on a higher level, I don't know why I posted on here -- perhaps initial guilt, but I have gotten over that thanks to some of the bashing done here. I'm outta here for good, I'm sure you all are rejoicing, and I'm going to enjoy my situation as long as I have it.

[Walk]

He never said he wasn't screwing her and I've never asked. I've always assumed he WAS. If you read my earlier post about open relationships, you'd know how I feel about this issue.

This whole situation would be different if his gf was AWARE that he was screwing two women. Then she could have a choice in this situation. Until that point, you and this guy have taken away her right to choose, taken away her right to an informed decision about her own welfare.

 

Enlightenment is not rampant here.

I'm okay with being unenlightened if it means I don't condone frolicking with other women's men. I live by that "do unto others" philosophy. But then again, you've already stated that you expect others to screw you over so you'll just screw them over first, eh? You feel like you've been giving the shaft by life and you're hell bent on screwing as many people over as possible to get back at "them" for what they did to you? Is that it?

 

It's not my responsibility to monitor when and where he texts me, calls me or responds to my texts, and I far as I know he is not going anywhere, so I'm not taking anything from her or them.

I see that you do not believe that there is anything gained from a monogamous relationship so therefore you cannot understand what would be "taken away" by breeching that commitment. There is no reason for you to believe there is anything being stolen from this girl if you don't believe there was anything there to begin with. However, you're wrong in that belief. There was something there, and this girl is still under the impression that the commitment is still there, that the bond is still there. You, and this guy, are sharing a deeper bond then him and his girl because you and this guy now know secrets that this girl is shut out from. You and this guy are sharing more intimacy then him and his gf are. You have helped to shut the gf out from the relationship that is developing between you and this guy. How can you state you've taken nothing from her, when you now have a more of this man's mind/heart/time then his gf girl has?

 

You say you deserve this guy because you have been deprived for so long. With that thinking, I could justify robbing your home because I have been without money for so long that I deserve what you have. Would that be fair, or the right thing to do? If you feel your actions are right, then put it in words the rest of us "unenlightened" retards will understand because from MY view, you're no better then the guy who breaks my window to steal my vcr. In fact you're worse, because you definitely don't need a man in order to survive. You won't starve without a man, you won't die without one... whereas potentially the guy stealing a vcr needed the money to buy food.

 

You definitely have a way of justifing your actions to yourself. I'm not convinced your way of thinking is healthy, or rational. Your arguments for "why" are flawed.

[sunshineanderson]

I'm not trying to screw anyone over, I'm just trying to take care of my needs for once in my life.

 

Your analogy of robbing your home is invalid. Property and people are two different things. People have their own free will to come and go as they please. They are not each other's "property" even if they "belong" to each other, especially if they are not married, and I have no reason to believe they really are because I've seen his house records and the house is in his name only even though recently acquired, and he does not wear a ring. But whether he's married or not, the police aren't going to cart me off to jail for sleeping with him, but they will if they catch me breaking into your house.

 

However, I do appreciate your comments and the tone in which they were delivered.

[Walk]

Your analogy of robbing your home is invalid. Property and people are two different things. People have their own free will to come and go as they please. They are not each other's "property" even if they "belong" to each other, especially if they are not married, and I have no reason to believe they really are because I've seen his house records and the house is in his name only even though recently acquired, and he does not wear a ring. But whether he's married or not, the police aren't going to cart me off to jail for sleeping with him, but they will if they catch me breaking into your house.

 

I know he's not her property, or yours... his gf is probably doing numerous things for him in the belief that he is sticking to a verbal agreement of monogamy with her. She has a "stake" in the relationship. Sort of an ownership because she has put a great deal of time and effort into keeping the relationship alive.. Even if that's just washing his mud streaked undies for the past 2 years and carefully folding them every sunday while he sits around watching football. She's invested her time and energy into the relationship to grow it. So in a way she does have ownership over the relationship. Same as he does. Jointly they created something that both of them own. Its not tangible, but it exists as long as they are together.

 

When you step in to that picture by participating with this guy in activities him and his gf used to share together, then you are "stealing" the gf's relationship. Which would be completely fine IF the gf were aware that you were stepping in. But I don't think she is aware of the situation. So while the gf is still investing heavily into something she values a great deal, you and the bf are benefiting from her investment without giving the gf the opportunity to make an informed decision on whether she would like to continue paying on something while you recieve the benefits. In my mind, that's a lot like someone "borrowing" the vcr I was still paying for every week without asking my permission to do so. I wasn't given a choice, and I wasn't told about the "borrowing" prior to it being taken. And assuming I didn't realize it was missing... I'd keep paying on that errant vcr while someone else enjoyed watching it.

 

My only real issue with your actions is that you are okay with the fact that the gf doesn't know.

 

I don't feel someone is 'free' to behave how they want to when they have made a commitment to someone. Until they verbalize that the commitment is over, then they aren't free to behave as they want. Take you for example... you have a commitment to your children and you seem to take that incredibly seriously. Your ex on the other hand doesn't take his commitment very seriously (from what you said) and you don't seem to think very highly of him for it. Why is it okay for this new guy to blow off the commitments he's made, yet you detest the same action in your ex? Part of me thinks you choose a man so polar opposite from what you believe simply to ensure that there was no possible chance of every having a future with him. I know you think a relationship is fruitless, but I question why your actions seem so potentially explosive when what you want is to be happy.