tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 So my ex and i broke up a few weeks ago and had a bad break up. But i havent contacted her for a few weeks. But i saw her at the bar tonight. She came right up to me and we just started hugging and dancing without saying a word. This went on several times but her friends kept taking her away from me. We talked a little bit. But her friends kept taking her away, So i got this very hot girl to dance with me to make her jealous. it worked except she had a guy on her two seconds later dancing with her. This went on and on. Then at the end of the night i walked up to her by myself and was like have a good night i hope you noticed that i am going home by myself. And she said she did notice and smiled and said have a good night. What do you guys think? Also, whats my next move? Any advice is appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 Come on guys, what should i do now? Obviously she is still interested in me but her friends dont like me... Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Don't do anything. You SHOULD have brought home the hot girl you danced with. You just fed your ex's ego, big time, by showing her that you're not over her. Move on. If she wants to be with you again, she will find you. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Why exactly did you guys break up? Why are you trying to make her jealous... if you love someone, thats a messed up tactic to use! Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 He wants to make her jealous so she'll come back to him, clearly. But he sold out at night's end when this exchange took place: Then at the end of the night i walked up to her by myself and was like have a good night i hope you noticed that i am going home by myself. And she said she did notice and smiled and said have a good night. What do you guys think? I agree, it's a messed-up tactic. There is no "next move," other than to get on with your life. I'm sure she and her friends were out at breakfast laughing at the fact that you're still henpecked. You obviously are capable of attracting other lovely ladies, why fixate on the one who left you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 well i just figured that if she thought i tooka girl home then she would be so mad that she would never want me again. Im going to the bar tonight, and she will be there. any advice on what i should do? Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Yes: Go to a different bar, and meet some new women. Who cares what she thinks? Stop living your life worrying about her approval. She is not your girlfriend. You have a life to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 Yes, but i want her back. obviously she still likes me and the only reason we didnt end up having sex was because her friends cockblocked me. should i make her jealous again tonight, or just focus on her at the bar? Please help me out guys Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 tepthatass. Why do you keep asking for advice on these forums when you NEVER EVER listen to people? Its like you just keep asking for advice until you hear what you want to hear, which is not going to happen because everyone is saying the same thing: Don't use crazy tactics to win her back. Its insane, and the moves your using making you look sleazy. Wanna know what happens if you keep up sleazy behavior? Her friends will hate it, and CONSTANTLY keep her away from you. So here is what you do. If you go to the bar she is at, play it cool. Don't be a jerk and try to make her jealous, don't try to tempt her over, just be yourself, and do your OWN thing, independent of her. Right now, even if she wanted you back, her friends know better. They are going to keep her hands off you. This is how girls work. If our ENTIRE group is against a guy one of us dated, even if we want him back, it WILL NOT MATTER. Because we lookout for our girlfriends and keep them out of trouble, and when you've got a whole group of your closest friends backing you on being strong, it works. So how do you get her back? You appeal to her friends. Stop being insane, listen to what some of the other people have told you on these threads and get over it. When you turn into a nice guy, not a manipulative one, her friends MAYBE will let her forgive you. Until then, expect to be cockblocked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 I must say thank you tokyovogue, because you are completely right. I just thought everyone was saying to get over her and forget about her and thats the last thing i want. But you hit the nail on the head with the appealing to the friends thing, i could have taken my ex back home easily but her friends would NOT have let that happen. So just play the nice guy card and dance as friends? Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Yes, be a good friend first, and a better boyfriend later. If you start just being cool, talking to her friends nicely, if one of them gets sick, looking out for them - you know, things you'd do if you cared about that girl a ton, and her friends too. Play the nice guy card and stick to it. Its probably gonna take a few months to melt her friends hearts. A lot of times in breakups, the girl in the breakup is feeling weak and unsure how to act - her friends become her strength, an unbreakable wall that will defend her until she can hold her own. It takes time to get that wall to go down. But, be patient, don't be demanding or rude. Just be respectful of their feelings, and your ex's and see where things take you. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 I should also mention. WHEN that wall does go down, if it does - it can go back up in an instant. If you **** up ever again, you will lose that girl in a second. Trust me on this. My bestbest friend recently considered going back to her ex - she tried, and he SEEMED to be behaving okay, so I let her do her thing, but watched carefully from the sidelines. If he did well, I'd let her be happy - but he screwed up big time (sleeping with two other girls while they were still feeling things out), so I told her to get the hell out. And she did. I think she knew by then it was done, but all of us backed her up on it and are NOT letting him touch her ever again. Ever. So when/if you get that second chance, treat her like gold. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 Do you believe that the only reason she was with the guy was because i was with a girl? Also, if i do get another chance ill be the best boyfriend possible to her. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Its honestly hard to say. I don't really know WHY you two are broken up. I can't really put her actions into perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 tepthatass, I partially agree with Tokyo that if you run into your ex and her friends, you should act polite, gentlemanly, and happy. That's IF you run into them. You should not be seeking her out at the bar tonight, especially with the goal in mind of either getting back together with her or having sex with her. What makes you so sure she wants you? True, exes often fall back on each other as f*ck buddies for a few weeks, then one leaves for greener pastures. Is that what you're looking for? Even if you HAD slept together last night, that doesn't mean it was going to turn into a second chance. You know what message you are conveying by knowingly going to their hang out and trying to be their friends? "I am not over you and need you in my life." Unless you are 100% over her and prepared to be JUST friends with her, you are playing with fire. You are a supplicant and she will sense this immediately and may string you along. Now, I know tokyo is telling you to be Mr. Nice Guy and stay chaste while "feeling things out." You're welcome to take her advice but I respectfully disagree with her. Because while you're "feeling things out," you don't know who SHE might f*ck while you have your hopes pinned 100% to her. And buddy, unless you're exclusive, it's your right and hers to do so. You are way too fixated on one outcome and setting yourself up for a disappointment. You're either resigned to surrendering your power to her or playing petty games of jealousy. You need to step back. I'm guessing you won't heed my advice, but at least consider it. Did she dump you? I'm guessing that's the case because "we broke up" means "she dumped me" unless otherwise specified. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Lol I agree with ya Sam 100% in what you say. I kind of resigned myself to telling him to back off though because hes posted like 3 threads on this and isnt taking "do your own thing" for an answer ;p Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 well, she broke up with me because she thought i only wanted the sex and i was being way too clingy and she was and might still be very mad at me because of it. But lately i have been playing it perfect i believe at least, by acting hard to get and making her realize i am a prize by showing her i can get with other gorgeous girls. Its just weird though because she only wants to talk when we run into each other during the day or night, like she still wont respond to my texts...so i dont kno what to think, haha girls are very confusing! Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 But lately i have been playing it perfect i believe at least, by acting hard to get and making her realize i am a prize by showing her i can get with other gorgeous girls. You don't get it. You don't "act" hard to get. She's already had you as a prize. And she knows you can get with other girls and probably doesn't care. You are trying to make her jealous. And you're trying to stay in her life. The only way you have a ghost of a chance of getting back together is if you stay away, she misses you, and she comes to you. But you have to stay away for your mental health, not to "get back together." Its just weird though because she only wants to talk when we run into each other during the day or night, like she still wont respond to my texts...so i dont kno what to think, haha girls are very confusing! I don't think that's weird at all. She must be polite and mature enough not to ignore you in person, which is good of her. But if she's not responding to your texts, she's sending you a clear message to piss off and leave her alone. What's the confusion? Not only is she not initiating contact with you, she's not replying when you cave in and contact her. Clearly you are bothering her. And tokyo - you're right. He's not willing to take advice. But the last thing we should do is tell him what he wants to hear right now. His ex dumped him partly because he got clingy, and now he's clinging on again. Why would that succeed in getting her back if it pushed her away to begin with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 lol well how bout this, i do my own thing and hang with my boys at the bar tonight and if i see her or run into her then ill be nice to her and her friends? haha thats a mixture of what you guys have been saying. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Dude. You are looking for ways to run into her. You want to give yourself any excuse possible to see her again. You need to enlist your buddies to help keep you away from her. If they are good friends, they will do everything they can to keep you from breaking down and pursuing your ex. Kind of like her friends are doing. They should be taking you to a strip club tonight and buying you a lap dance, or at LEAST taking you to a different bar and introducing you to new girls. It's okay to admit you need help...tell them! And if you live in a one-horse town with one measly bar then DRIVE TO THE NEXT TOWN. You are pinning your happiness to this woman. You need to be happy on your own. I know that sounds hard, because you miss her, but this woman is not going to complete you. You need to give her - and yourself - a LOT of space. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 i gave her 3 weeks of time and space, also she came up to me at the bar the second time after her friends took her away to talk to me just so you know! Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Three weeks is not even close to enough. And you need to give YOURSELF space, not her. I can tell you're determined to ignore my advice and chase this girl. You obviously came here looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear. Look around on these boards - plenty of people have made the same mistake you're about to make. If you get back together, more power to you, but the odds are stacked very highly against you. You are feeding this girl's ego and giving her a VERY powerful reminder why she broke up with you, which is because you are acting like a total, hopeless wuss. So....go play games and hatch plans if you want to. I recommend you forget her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 When you say forget her, do you mean forget her for now or forever? Also, i do completely agree with what has been said, but wont some girls expect the guy to chase after them if they want the girl back? I ask, because it was painfully obvious that she missed me and was still interested in me when she kept coming back to me after her friends would drag her away...but i also know that she is a very shy girl and has always wanted me to make the first move... Link to post Share on other sites
candiix Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Why don't you just tell her straight instead of plotting and sneaking about. Read my thread on what my ex that I dumped and want back did to me last night. If he was trying to make me jealous, it didn't quite work. It made me feel sick to the core, and means I will never be able to feel the same way about him again having seen with my own eyes him kissing someone else. He has ruined everything. He probably was just moving on and kissing her cos he fancied her rather than trying to make me jealous. But whatever his motive, my reaction was to leave and put the shutters down and try to forget the image. I didn't go marching up and declare my undying love for him and ask to try again. He hasn't made me jealous, he's upset me and made things more complicated. The damage has been done. Before it was just a split that could have been resolved if both of us met in the middle. Now it's a mess. So in short, go to a different bar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tepthatass Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 I agree with you, and that is why i made sure not to kiss anyone and she did not kiss anyone either. I was making her jealous by dancing and flirting with the hottest girl at the bar, and thats it. Obviously it worked because she kept leaving and going outside with her friends, who i am 99% sure told her to make me jealous back by dancing and flirting with guys...so i have not went so far as to disgust her and in fact when i left and said bye to her she gave me a hug and had a big smile on her face... Link to post Share on other sites
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