Ex-girlfriend

[samspade]

When you say forget her, do you mean forget her for now or forever? Also, i do completely agree with what has been said, but wont some girls expect the guy to chase after them if they want the girl back? I ask, because it was painfully obvious that she missed me and was still interested in me when she kept coming back to me after her friends would drag her away...but i also know that she is a very shy girl and has always wanted me to make the first move...

 

You are confusing her expectations in the beginning stages of dating with right now. Sure, at first, she wanted you to be the man and make the moves. You are on the other side of the relationship now, and she has dumped you. The only way you can still 'take the lead' is by ignoring her and living well on your own. Moving on. You cannot get her back by chasing her! You probably will not get her back, period. So the best thing to do, for your sake, is to forget her.

 

Forget her forever, for now. That means, maybe down the road when you are healed you can be friends with her, if you can handle it. Clearly right now you cannot, and you are attempting to "be friends" with an ulterior motive. She will resent you for this, as will her friends.

 

I will concede, she may miss you. She probably feels sad about the breakup, too. This does not mean she wants you back. She probably wants to make sure that you don't hate her so she doesn't feel so badly about it. She also wants to make sure that you aren't out dating other women, in other words, that you aren't OVER her. This feeds her ego. You are demonstrating to her that you are not over her.

 

I hope you didn't chase her last night.

[tepthatass]

No, i did not see her last night. I just feel like right now, she wants to call me and text me to hang out but her friends are in the background saying not to and badmouthing me. So as previously said, anything she feels is not going to happen because she has her friends in the back of her mind saying all these negative things about me. Im going to do what you said though, and forget about her for now as much as i can and give her the time and space. Because i truly do believe that she misses me now, so in two weeks hopefully with more time and space she will miss me enough to contact me and work things out or the next time i run into her at the bar i can talk to her friends and show them that i am a good guy! Also, i am done playing the games of jealousy and hard to get. Im just going to do my own thing, and let her come to me. But i have to admit that i do believe that her coming back to me at the bar after she texted me that she shouldnt and after her friends told her not to was HUGE. Because she wanted to be with me so badly that she went against her friends. It showed that she missed me and is still intrigued by me and this is especially huge because just three weeks ago when we broke up she was saying she never wanted to see me and to never contact her again. So obviously the "no contact" worked. I hope it will continue to work even more by giving her and myself more of it. Any last suggestions or advice?

[samspade]

You still don't get it.

 

No contact isn't employed to "work" for anything other than YOU getting over her. It's not part of a plan to get her back. If that is your mindset, you will fail, because you will still be focused on her.

 

Right now, she does not want to be with you, or she WOULD be with you. I don't care what her friends say or do, when someone wants to be with someone else, she will go through heaven and earth to get there.

 

You are OVER ANALYZING this woman to DEATH. You need to stop it. You are wasting a colossal amount of time analyzing her every action and extrapolating what you choose to make you feel better. Meanwhile, she is probably out getting banged by some other guy, and what are you doing...hoping and praying?? And quit worrying about what her friends think and gaining their approval. F*ck her friends, man. Her drunkenly approaching you at a bar adds up to nothing.

 

So here's my last advice: Grow a pair, delete this girl from your life, and find someone new. Start taking control and stop wasting your time. If this woman who dumped your a*s ever wants to be with you again, it will be MORE than obvious to you. In the meantime, if you chase her, you will repulse her because she will see you for what you are: A wuss. Got it?

 

(I have to be harsh because you are not listening.)

[BCCA]

Sams right man, you're wasting a whole lot of energy on stuff thats out of your control. I'll give it to you straight: even if her friends hated your guts, if she liked you enough, it wouldnt matter. I dont care what anyone else tells you, thats the truth. I got back with my ex, depsite EVERY one of my friends being against it, and my parents telling me they wouldnt even go to the wedding if I married this woman. Why? Because I loved her, plain and simple.

 

The friends bit is an excuse, nothing more. Takes some of the blame off of her, makes her feel less guilty, gives you a reason it wont work out. The fact is that she doesnt want to be with you, and whatever reason she gives you is irrelevant. Trust me, in the history of break ups, I'm betting less than 5% of people ever got the real reason. And again, doesnt matter, the only thing you need to understand and accept is this: you are no longer together.

 

Go no contact, try to think about her as little as possible, keep yourself busy with other stuff, go out and date other girls, and for the love of god, DO NOT GO TO THE SAME BAR SHES AT!!! If you see her out at a bar, leave immediately! It seems ok right now, and Im sure you like seeing her, but mark my words friend, one day youll see her leaving with someone else and youll never be as ready for it as you think you are. You two being broken up has nothing to do with anything but her not wanting to be with you. Dont lie to yourself about her friends, and what you need to do to win her back. Give that up, its a bad route to chose to get over this. And despite how much you dont want to give up and get over this, you really need to. Its your only option, all your doing now is pulling the knife out of your heart slowly and kidding yourself. Neither of those are helping.

 

Assume this one is a done deal, stop talking to her at all, avoid her like the plague, and focus on standing on your own two feet long enough to meet the right ont.

 

Good luck

[tepthatass]

I understand, so it all comes down to if she wants me back then she will come back to me huh? It seems like no matter what i do it does not matter...so i will try my best to get over it.

[lofi_tokyo]

I understand, so it all comes down to if she wants me back then she will come back to me huh? It seems like no matter what i do it does not matter...so i will try my best to get over it.

 

That really is the best of all plans. Just do fun things for yourself. You cannot manipulate her feelings, friends or no friends, if you trick someone into wanting you, the spell will wear off after a few months.

 

The best idea is just do your own thing. If she comes back, that's wonderful. She probably will eventually, but it seems like... ex's only come back when you're over them.

 

This isn't just something I'm saying from personal experience, its something I hear often on these forums - the ex's try to get your attention eventually, but its tooo late.

[samspade]

Yes, now you're getting it. No contact is for YOU. Anything else you do will set you back and ultimately push her away.

[tepthatass]

I completely agree, but in the back of my mind i have a feeling like she wants to contact me but her friends are either constantly badmouthing me and telling her not to or making her promise them that she wont, is there any truth to this concern i have?

[samspade]

I completely agree, but in the back of my mind i have a feeling like she wants to contact me but her friends are either constantly badmouthing me and telling her not to or making her promise them that she wont, is there any truth to this concern i have?

 

Nope. It's just wishful thinking. Go back and read everyone's posts on this thread. Stop listening to your "feelings." You have a penis, right? Think logically about it. Her friends can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. You simply want there to be another reason she's not begging you to come back and you'll make up a reason if you don't have one. Here's the reason: SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

 

Moreover, if she attempts to contact you, I advise you to ignore her. I doubt you will be able to do this, though.

[tepthatass]

if she contacts me, then do not contact her because I should never ATTEMPT to get her back or to play hard to get?

[samspade]

Because you are trying to move on and forget her. Quit thinking in terms of playing hard to get or get her back. Start thinking in terms of finding someone new or enjoying single life.

[tepthatass]

So with what ive told you...about how she came up to me to dance and was jealous when i was with another girl, and how she came back to me to dance even after her friends told her not to and after she texted me that we shouldnt do this ...and all of the other stuff. Do you think she will come back to me?

[samspade]

Look, man. I'm starting to think you are just dense.

 

You have started THREE threads about this woman, and everyone has told you the same thing: Move on and go no contact.

 

Yet, you persist in sifting through everyone's advice for some tiny nugget of hope that your girlfriend is going to come back to you.

 

You are wasting your life away by pining for this girl. You are investing all of your happiness on her and whether or not she still loves you. You attach meaning to every little glance or word from her. You let her manipulate you into feeding her ego by signaling to her that you still want her even though she, judging by her behavior, does not want to be with you.

 

In short, you are behaving like the biggest pu$$y-whipped wimp on the face of the earth. Why WOULD she want to be with you? You're depressing, you lack confidence, you're co-dependent, and you play games.

 

What you NEED is to take time for yourself, stop thinking about her, and get your house in order. Because until you grow a pair and start realizing that no woman is going to complete you, and that only YOU can make you truly happy, no woman - including your ex - is going to want to do anything more than use you for a quick lay.

 

That means, no going to her favorite bars, no IMing her, no texting her, no calls, no talking to her friends. She's dead to you. Move on, meet other women, and for God's sake, find a hobby other than obsessing with this chick, who is probably sitting on some other guy's d**k by now. Stop chasing, stop obsessing, be a man, and MOVE ON.

[tepthatass]

any other advice???

[BCCA]

any other advice???

 

Yeah, stop making yourself crazy over things you cant control. Listen man, I know how you're feeling right now, and what you're doing is normal, but denial isn't going to get you anywhere. She wasn't jealous because you were with someone else, she was probably just irked that she could get some attention from you before she booted you right back to the curb.

 

Dude, it doesn't get much simpler than this: if she wanted to be with you, the two of you would be together. You are doing all the wrong things right now, and asking - ASKING for a serious dissapointment. You are making yourself out to be an insecure bozo, waiting on the bench if she needs to call your number. No offense man, but you need to get your head straight and stop trying to come up with ways and reasons you're going to win her back. I promise you it will never work, and again, if you keep going out to the bars shes gonna be at, get ready to see her with someone else soon enough. Dont believe me? Keep going and find out the hard way.

 

People are trying to help you here, seriously. If you insist on looking for ways to get burned and feel hopeless, it seems like you're coming up with those on your own.