In-Laws called DCYFS on ME.

[marriedandsad]

For the record, DCYF is basically CPS (Child Protective Services).

 

Back in July of this year my husband and I suffered our 3rd miscarriage. We already have a 2 year old little boy whom we love and adore. Well I took it kind of hard and something else happened, a miscommunication with one set of my in-laws (my mother-in-law and Step-Father-in_law...we'll call them Rick and Judy). I ended up attempting suicide the day after the emergency D&C, and I was going to do whatever it took to do it. My dh called 911 and I was taken to one hospital then transported about 3 hours away to one that had a psych ward. I was put on medications there and stabilized. While there my dh and ds went to stay at my other in-laws, so my FIL and Step-Mil...let's call them Charlie and Anne. Charlie and Anne were great to dh and ds and I felt at ease knowing they were close by since Charlie and Anne lived by that hospital. I got out and they seemed surprised I was already released. We all stayed one night and I noticed how they guarded the knives, like I might take one and start slicing myself. I just shook it off as paranoia on my part.

 

Meanwhile they were egging on my fear of Rick and Judy trying to push me out of the family. So I decided I wanted nothing to do with Rick and Judy. We go home and I kick them out of our home when they showed up to help. Then I got the e-mail. Apparently Charlie and Anne had offered dh quite the deal. He leaves me in the hospital...for good, and he and ds could move in there with them because they don't think I am safe or healthy to be around anymore. I was in shock. I sent back a scathing e-mail that I I no longer wanted anything to do with them. Dh agreed and backed me up. Apparently everybody in the family knew about the offer because they had all told them NOT to do that and they did it anyways. We have not spoken to them since August of this year when they sent that e-mail.

 

I have since talked to Rick and Judy and realized how wrong I was and I apologized for kicking them out of our home and they have been wonderful to me and caring of the situation. I did go back into the hospital in August because my physician took me off my meds and that was NOT a good idea. I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am in the hospital for a week and put back onto my meds plus another one is added. I come out and I am fine. Everything has been wonderful ever since.

 

End background. On thursday I got a knock at the door. I answer it and it's DCYF. Somebody had called them and said that I was severely mentally disabled and abusing/neglecting my son and that the apartment was in squallor and bugs were crawling around. Well the second one was quickly dismissed. But now I am under fire and being evaluated. They are calling all my doctors, ds's doctors, you name it. They were asking me questions only family would know, and it was about my FIRST visit to the hospital. Dh and I looked at each other and realized that was stuff Charlie and Anne would only know, or would know. The worker had no idea that I was in the hospital a second time of my own choice to get remedicated, I did tell her and she checked my medications and I showed her paperwork that I am safe and stable to be around me son. She did check out ds, he is def NOT abused or neglected. I was tears however. She left and is coming back Tuesday. After she left dh I both knew exactly who called. Charlie and Anne. We think they are starting a paper trail to either get visitation with Gregory or custody of him.

 

Does anybody have any advice? We have been wondering if dh should call them and tell them we are FINE, and that we really don't appreciate the harrassment. But we are also thinking saying nothing is our best course. Should we get a lawyer now? Or should we wait. Should we serve them with cease and desist letters? Thank you for all who answer.

 

I hope I kept all the names straight...*sigh*

[amaysngrace]

I don't really have an answer but I just wanted to say what a vicious thing to do.

 

Don't these people realize all the trouble you go to when Mothers' Day or Father's Day rolls around?

 

It sounds like you maybe just had a bit of a breakdown. It doesn't mean it's forever.

 

I'm sorry for your loss and your troubles.

[Ronni_W]

(((hugs))) Sorry you are needing to deal with all of this, on top of grieving your miscarriage and becoming mentally well again.

 

I don't have much insight. My gut is saying to NOT discuss this with Charlie, Anne or anyone other than DCYF. Because either of you may become over-emotional, angry, etc. (and rightly so, IMO), which will just give Charlie & gang something else to "document and report", which DCYF would have the obligation to follow-up.

 

Also, it may not have been Charlie/Anne who called DCYF -- it is possible that they were indiscreet, and had disclosed some of your private information to others. I guess you could ask them, and say that you are just curious as to who know what about your circumstances.

(That is, do not divulge info about DCYF to Charlie/Anne, just in case it WAS them; and do not divulge it to others, just in case is was NOT Charlie/Anne.)

 

Seems to me DCYF were satisfied that all is well within your home -- or they would have removed your son, no? From that, it doesn't sound as if you need an attorney at this point BUT...it would be wisest to follow your own thoughts and feelings.

 

Sending strength and wishes that this will soon be 100% behind you.

[riotgrrl]

i would not contact them. who knows if it was them but what if it was? if they think you are unfit and are trying to gain custody or visitation they might have a var (voice activiated recorder) by their phone and record any conversations you might have.

 

gee im paranoid.

 

eta: our own mental health is a fragile thing and it is great that you seeked out treatment and help for it. i have tried to commit suicide several times and i was diganoised with bpd and severe dilabiltating depression after being comitted when i was 17 - i am not on any meds at the moment but i am also not as bad as i was when i was younger - yes i still have bad days and there are periods where i need meds but overall i try not to be on them because they have their own side effects.

[Lizzie60]

WOW.. people don't understand depression.. they think that once you attempt to your life.. you are a serial murderer.. geezz.. what a bunch of idiots..

 

My advice... Stay away from them.. and do not let them close to your son.. you need the support of your husband on this.. don't trust them.. until you are very well back on track.

 

Your husband calling them could be a good way to let them know that HE IS supporting you and will NOT LET THEM ruin your family life.

 

As for the lawyer.. I would wait.. I don't see the need to spend some money at this moment.

 

Try not to think about them.. let the Children's Aid do their work.. they're not stupid... they have ways to know if a child is neglected and/or abused.. they can ask for a doctor's check-up as well.. no big deal.. just cooperate.. they'll eventually leave you alone when they'll see that the in-laws are only trying to make trouble..

 

Good luck.. don't let those idiots get to you.. I know exactly how you feel.. btdt..

[quankanne]

spot-on advice lizzie: As bad as this whole thing feels, know that CPS doesn't want to split up families unless someone is truly in danger. The fact that you're under close and constant medical supervision, and the fact that you and DH stay on top of these things would be in your favor, IMO, and whoever alerted CPS doesn't know a bulk of the real story.

 

best advice is to be open and honest with CPS, and to keep limited contact with FIL and wife. That may mean you and hubby meeting up with them in a neutral spot so they can see their grandbaby ... but that's assuming they're not behind any schemes.

[whichwayisup]

My gut is saying to NOT discuss this with Charlie, Anne or anyone other than DCYF.

 

I agree. You and your husband deal with this and don't have anything (meaning do NOT discuss ANYTHING with the rest of them as they do NOT have your back) to do with them.

 

You're a good mom, and your actions will show this. Just remember to stay calm and don't react IF by chance the inlaws (outlaws) try to rattle you..

 

Lizzie is right, let your H deal with them and make sure HE lets them know things are fine at home.

[marriedandsad]

Thank you all. I met with some other family members who have been supporting us through all this BS, they too think it may have been them. It just makes so much sense. Charlie and his wife are very dramatic and vindictive.

 

I was actually considering letting them see ds on Christmas Eve this year while we were in the area. Dh and I have decided that idea is completely out of the question as of now. We can't trust them and we've cut them out, and we are adamant they are toxic.

 

On a sadder side note. Dh's aunt told us today that FIL's mother is dying and only has a few weeks to live. We cut them out a year or 2 back after his grandfather made some VERY nasty comments about me and to us. Pretty much insinuating ds is not dh's. I told dh he should call his grandmother. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to go to the funeral either. It's about 3 hours drive, but I think he may regret not calling her. His grandfather is pretty much being so nasty to anyone who visits with her that nobody will go over there period unless they are in a group of people.

[Lizzie60]

Thank you all. I met with some other family members who have been supporting us through all this BS, they too think it may have been them. It just makes so much sense. Charlie and his wife are very dramatic and vindictive.

 

I was actually considering letting them see ds on Christmas Eve this year while we were in the area. Dh and I have decided that idea is completely out of the question as of now. We can't trust them and we've cut them out, and we are adamant they are toxic.

 

On a sadder side note. Dh's aunt told us today that FIL's mother is dying and only has a few weeks to live. We cut them out a year or 2 back after his grandfather made some VERY nasty comments about me and to us. Pretty much insinuating ds is not dh's. I told dh he should call his grandmother. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to go to the funeral either. It's about 3 hours drive, but I think he may regret not calling her. His grandfather is pretty much being so nasty to anyone who visits with her that nobody will go over there period unless they are in a group of people.

 

 

WOW what a family.. DO NOT trust them with your son.. ever.. do not let them see your son alone.. you never know to what extent sick people will go to prove your son has been neglected or abuse..

[amaysngrace]

Wow...with a family like that you actually sound like the most sane one!

 

It's really in your favor that the bug accusation was a lie. It helps to make the abuse/neglect allegation seem untrue too in a way.

[GPFan]

Hi marriedandsad,

 

I wish people would stop using CPS as a weapon. Those social workers are already overworked and real cases aren't getting the attention they deserve because of reports like this. This means that children who are truly in danger aren't getting the help they need. Horrid...

 

The best you can do now is cooperate with the social workers. For the future, be sure to remain in treatment for as long as your doctors deem necessary and be vigilant about taking your prescribed medications and following up on other treatment options.

 

Cutting off communication and excising them from your life, as a joint decision, is best. Future harassment, if any, should be handled through proper channels. Do not attempt to confront Charlie and Anne directly.

[Lizzie60]

Hi marriedandsad,

 

I wish people would stop using CPS as a weapon. Those social workers are already overworked and real cases aren't getting the attention they deserve because of reports like this. This means that children who are truly in danger aren't getting the help they need. Horrid...

 

The best you can do now is cooperate with the social workers. For the future, be sure to remain in treatment for as long as your doctors deem necessary and be vigilant about taking your prescribed medications and following up on other treatment options.

 

Cutting off communication and excising them from your life, as a joint decision, is best. Future harassment, if any, should be handled through proper channels. Do not attempt to confront Charlie and Anne directly.

 

I totally agree.. there should be a law that people who use them as a weapon would get charged..

 

Those agencies have no choice but to investigate whenever they have a complaint.. they are overload.. not fair for kids who really need them.. arrgggh that makes me fume..

[marriedandsad]

HUGE UPDATE!

 

Last night something happened with a very good friend of ours (the story is over in the OM/OW board, no I am not having an affair). We believe it was our friends wife who did it. She is VERY VERY angry with ME because she is nuts and is convinced he and I are having an affair. Totally untrue. But last night I ended up calling the police where she lives and where we live because she kept calling starting at 2am just to call me a whore and what not. I didn't say anything back, I simply hung up. As soon as the phone company opens on monday we plan on having her number blocked. The police here called her and told her to stop calling us ASAP. She tried to tell them I was calling her too, well our phone bill is always itemized and if we go to court over this and her calling DCYF we'll have proof we never called her. We've never met her or anything, she lives in a completely different state. So she had no reason to call DCYF except for revenge.

 

I am so glad we are getting to the bottom of this and family was NOT responsible.