She will not express her feelings

[jtrap3]

Been seeing this girl for 3 months-we r both in our early 20's. We have hit it off and we both have said it has started better than any relationship in the past. The past 2 weeks I noticed that she seemed to be acting differant or hiding something. In turn, this made me act differant trying to find out what was wrong without confronting her. Finally sunday night after a date, i called back and asked her what the problem was. Sh ewas hesitant and would not tell me. She kept saying all was well between us/ On monday, i could not take it anymore. I called her and told her i would meet her while she did her homewrok at a coffee shop. Sh efinally came clean and said that our relationship had not been the same the last 2 weeks. She thought that i acted tense or nervous around her, but that was a problem that she would have to deal with. Since we r both in college-we live at home so every date we go out to a restuarant and a walk-she nows asys it is too much for her and wishes we could relax more often instead of being on the go so much of the time.

 

What am I to do?? I am having dinner with her Wed night-i am pissed she keps things in to herself-but i always ask if she has anything on her mind! 1 more example, on a weekend trip, i wanted to get intimate an hour after we had finished, she said no, bu ti kept hinting and fianlley gave up/ After we both took seperate showers- she was very quiet till i asked what was wrong. she would never tell me, then i finally got it out of her 7 hrs later on the drive home. She was mad that i wanted more after she had said no-but then got mad at herself for being mad at a small issue????????

 

Someone please help me. I want the two of us to go on longer, but i feel that i need to be bold and tell her to become honest or else! I always call her more than she calls me so i also figure i could give her time away (1wk) and not doing anything with her fo rmy bday next week. She is great, but how do i tackle this issue?

[emokid]

Hey man, Don't sweat her on the issue too much. My ex girlfriend was a lot like that. It was hard to get her to say anything, She would always get quiet and not talk, whenever something was wrong. It used to drive me crazy. BUT, that's just the way she deals with things. She gets quiet. Some girls just have trouble expressing their feelings. I used to talk to her about changing her ways, i'd get kinda mad and think, If you loved me enough, you would be able to tell me when things are wrong. But, who am i to change the way a person feels or the way she handles her emotions. Maybe she's just shy or isn't very good at confronting certain issues or doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe she didn't feel like having anymore sex, but was afraid to hurt your feelings or let you down and when she did let you down, maybe she was mad at herself for being silly about the whole thing. She sounds like she has some issues, but you shouldn't hate her for it.

 

I don't know dude, If you are looking for something more and Your needs aren't being met, Then let her go, Find someone else. I'm not sure that giving her an ultimatum will help things. i would just talk to her about it. Let her know again how it sort of bugs you that she doesn't express her feeling to you very well and ask her if she needs time away from you for a while. If you love her, tell her. But also, if you love her, Go easy on her and give her a chance.

[jtrap3]

Have been dating this girl for 3 months. All was great, we had the best start to any relationship either of us have had. Two weeks after she made that comment, she went quiet one day with me on a trip. I asked if all as ok and she said yes. 4 days later at dinner she said that she did not feel well that day, but I still thought something was wrong. I called her one night after seeing her earlier that day and asked what was wrong and she said nothing again, that it wasn’t us. Finally I sat down with her the following day and she told me things had seemed tense with us-something was wrong but she did not know.

I called her out of the blue 2 days later prior to dinner and told her to meet me at work-that we had to discuss a few things- I was very cryptic and I think I had her scared. We walked and talked and I told her that I need her to be open and honest and she said she did not like going out to restaurants every time we were together. We both are in our early 20s, but just out of college so we are at our parents for the mean time. She said she would like for us to spend time between just the 2 of us-instead of in public places all the time. She is off to her former college town (she graduated in the spring) for the 3-day weekend with a girlfriend from school. Her ex lives there and he used her for money-but I think she really loved him.

How do I deal with this?????? Should I break it off before it gets worse? Or will this 7-day break form seeing each other work. My B-day is the 3rd, but I am considering holding back form seeing her till the weekend and then trying to go somewhere for a night-just to chill and relax. We are still together-but I do not know how to handle it. I initiate almost all of the calls and phone texts-is it time to do nothing till she calls? Please provide any assistance you can… I am lost here and any input would help me.

[Tony T]

You have given insufficient data for anybody to give you serious feedback. The only thing I see in your post that you're upset about is your lady going back where her ex is at. Do you not trust her? If not, bail out. That seems to be the only thing you want to know how to deal with.

 

I don't think you should be so neurotic about this relationship. Calm yourself and make decisions rationally as situations present themselves. If I were you, I would step back, take some deep breaths, and correct your thought process. If in a week or so you still don't feel good about the relationship, tell her adios senorita! If you do decide to stay in the relationship, start treating her with more romance and less neurosis and you might find you have the love of your life on your hands.

[jtrap3]

My Situation:

We have been together for 3.5 months and all was great till 3wks ago. Something was on her mind and it took me a lot of convincing to get her to tell me what it was. She said that she thought I acted scared or nervous around her and that it was something she would have to deal with. The day she started acting different-I had noticed and she had said all was ok. She told me this on a Monday so on our usual wed dinner date I scared her by calling her voicemail to tell her to meet me at my office so we could talk about us. The talk went well and she made the indication she wanted to continue on. That weekend she went to her college town for the weekend with a girlfriend of hers (that also graduated from there). She returned on a Sunday but it took a call to her voicemail from me for her to call that following tues. The next night was my bday and she took me out for dinner. All seemed ok and it was the first time we kissed to a passionate point in weeks. I offered for her to go to an engagement party that sat. for my good buddy, but she said that she had already planned to go to a friends housewarming party that night and would think about it. I called an hour after the date and told her not to go to my party, but to go to her friends since she already committed. She went on to say that if it was important to me than she would go to my party. I did not think she was being honest and sincere so we argued and eventually I told her I though that she would pick her friends over me and that it would make me upset.

Well the next day we talked via phone and she had a baby shower that sat as well(I had known about it) and could not attend. I said ok and to enjoy her sat. Sun we were to hang out at her parents house(we both live at home since we r fresh out of college) but she texted me that morning and said she had a ton of homework and was off to visit an extremely close family friend who was in the hospital. I understood Sunday not working out due to the circumstances. I asked her over the phone Sunday night if we could go to her grandparents place near the beach this weekend-but she is going to a get-together with a gf of hers. If she goes back to the college town again this weekend fo this-should I be worried? Or if this is local, should I tell her have a good time. I asked her if we could go to her grandparents place the following weekend and she said ok?

Am I overreacting? How should I play this? It seems lately that I always start a discussion about the 2 of us and we have recently gotten into our first argument. PLEASE, GIVE ME ANY INPUT OR ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE. I WILL BE HAPPY TO SHARE MORE DETAIL SWITH YOU. I AM 24 AND SHE IS 22. HER EX BF TOLD HER THAT SHE ACTS LIKE A GUY A LOT BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT SHOW A LOT OF FEELING, SO IS THIS JUST HER PERSONALITY???

[jtrap3]

My Situation:

We have been together for 3.5 months and all was great till 3wks ago. Something was on her mind and it took me a lot of convincing to get her to tell me what it was. She said that she thought I acted scared or nervous around her and that it was something she would have to deal with. The day she started acting different-I had noticed and she had said all was ok. She told me this on a Monday so on our usual wed dinner date I scared her by calling her voicemail to tell her to meet me at my office so we could talk about us. The talk went well and she made the indication she wanted to continue on. That weekend she went to her college town for the weekend with a girlfriend of hers (that also graduated from there). She returned on a Sunday but it took a call to her voicemail from me for her to call that following tues. The next night was my bday and she took me out for dinner. All seemed ok and it was the first time we kissed to a passionate point in weeks. I offered for her to go to an engagement party that sat. for my good buddy, but she said that she had already planned to go to a friends housewarming party that night and would think about it. I called an hour after the date and told her not to go to my party, but to go to her friends since she already committed. She went on to say that if it was important to me than she would go to my party. I did not think she was being honest and sincere so we argued and eventually I told her I though that she would pick her friends over me and that it would make me upset.

Well the next day we talked via phone and she had a baby shower that sat as well(I had known about it) and could not attend. I said ok and to enjoy her sat. Sun we were to hang out at her parents house(we both live at home since we r fresh out of college) but she texted me that morning and said she had a ton of homework and was off to visit an extremely close family friend who was in the hospital. I understood Sunday not working out due to the circumstances. I asked her over the phone Sunday night if we could go to her grandparents place near the beach this weekend-but she is going to a get-together with a gf of hers. If she goes back to the college town again this weekend fo this-should I be worried? Or if this is local, should I tell her have a good time. I asked her if we could go to her grandparents place the following weekend and she said ok?

Am I overreacting? How should I play this? It seems lately that I always start a discussion about the 2 of us and we have recently gotten into our first argument. PLEASE, GIVE ME ANY INPUT OR ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE. I WILL BE HAPPY TO SHARE MORE DETAIL SWITH YOU. I AM 24 AND SHE IS 22. HER EX BF TOLD HER THAT SHE ACTS LIKE A GUY A LOT BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT SHOW A LOT OF FEELING, SO IS THIS JUST HER PERSONALITY???

[Nazima]

It takes a lot longer than 3.5 months to build a close relationship. It will not help by 'scaring' her with phone calls to talk about a relationship that is only just beginning. Those tactics will only drive her away from you in the long run. You are both still young, perhaps she is not completely ready for a serious relationship. Maybe you need to back off a little bit and give her some breathing room. Treat her like a lady, with trust and respect, without being clingy or demanding of her time, and she will trust and respect you in return. If she truly wants to be with you then nothing will stop her from doing that, except maybe your attitude and/or behavior. Be straightforward and honest, and don't play games with her head or emotions. I can't think of a bigger turn-off.

[frenchypolynesia]

Well, I hate to say it, and I know I'm trying to go through somewhat of the same problem right now... BUT. It sucks, but it really sounds like this girl doesn't want to see you. I've got a busy guy, but he always makes time, even if it's just a drive-by. PLUS, we've been going for over 2 years, which is why I'm really freaking out. It's a lot of time to invest in a relationship. I freak out easily. He's said that he's at least a little confident that he can potentially allow me into his independence, so - I'm worried, but it may not yet be the end of the world. If he can't find a reason to need me, it's probably over. We're working through that. I'm using logic. "If you need me, I need you, ergo if you don't need me, I can't need you."

 

But back to you - you're less than a quarter of a year into this, and though it might be painful, I think you should seriously cut your losses. This is extreme avoidance. Sick friend? Yeahhh. Give her one more chance, ask her what her deal is (but don't accuse), tell her that if you can't work it out, you may need something else. I have a feeling that she'll either spill her guts or bolt. If you stay, you'll just become more dependent on every shred of attention she tosses you, and I don't think you really want to end up being a lapdog like that.

 

Anyway - just my 2¢

[jtrap3]

I have been dating this girl for 4 moths-known for 7. When we first go togehter-i would call her and she would rarely call me-instead send a text. Things were great and recently things have gone south(see my other post). Well i am still the one calling more and setting up plans. I told her to have fun with her friends becasue i didnt want her to alientate them-so she has made plans the past 3 sat nights with her gf's. I am confused though-is she still inot me or just one girl who likes men to call her? she went out of town for her labor day weekedn and she came back sun-last i spokme to her by text was fri, and she never called till tues. It took a text from me telling her i would call at noon since i had not heard from her-she ended up calling at noon. She told me that her ex said that she was not a lovey dovey girl, but instead acted like one of the guys. Am i overeacting or should i ask her wahts up again?