Exector For Divorced Parent... Asking For Trouble?

[solo_flyer]

My parents split up about a year ago when my father abruptly moved out. Now it seems that a divorce is very likely.

 

My mother has asked me if I would be willing to be the Executor listed on her will.

 

Initially I agreed to this because it sounded like a good idea compared to the problems you can have if you don't have a well-appointed Executor.

 

But now I've been thinking this over and it seems like I might be asking for trouble here:

1. This may give the appearance that I could be taking sides, when I really want to remain neutral in this whole thing. It would hurt my relationship with dad.

 

2. If my dad also asked me to be his Executor, which could very well happen, I could be in a big conflict of interest and/or the focus of family fights over money and property.

 

3. If one of my other siblings became my dad's executor, it could also create friction in many ways.

 

Do you think I am worrying about nothing here or are these legitimate concerns? Is is smarter to have an Executor who is not a family member? Please comment.

[quankanne]

my dad named me as one of the executors of his estate when I was 22, saying that he felt it'd be best to have two in case one of us couldn't get down to STX immediately (my brother, the other executor was in the Army at the time and assigned all over). As young as I was at the time, I think he did it because he trusted me to do the right thing, and he's never 'unasked' me in the 20 years that has passed.

 

I'm thinking your mother feels the same about you, so by all means say yes if you feel her trust in you is warranted – my only suggestion is to ask her to name a back-up (related or not related) in the event you are not able to complete the task for whatever reason. You know, double coverage, as my daddy puts it!

 

as for your dad ... well, does he feel the same way about you that your mother does, that he can trust you to follow through his wishes no matter what? If so, explain to him about a possible conflict of interest to give him the opportunity to appoint someone else, or to just say, "It's okay, there's no conflict" – that way he understand where you're coming from and vice versa.

 

as far as the other sibs being named, well, it all boils down to who your parents trust to follow out their will down to the final period. And while you might have doubts, you've got to remember that your folks know their kids the best, and will choose the person they trust the most, be it y'all, another relative or an outsider with an unbiased position/POV.

 

mostly, what they're seeking by naming you executor (or power of attorney, when the situation warrants) is the assurance that you're willing to help out/do right by them when the time comes. Encourage them to stay on top of what they've got going on so that when the time comes to deal with the estate, everything is in order and there are no surprises. My sister was named dad's power of attorney (POA) back in February, when we put him under hospice care, and she's done a marvelous job of getting all the business end of things taken care of, including selling the family home and tracking down all billion insurance policies he's taken out in his lifetime.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't see any conflict with appointing a loved and trusted one with being a parent's executor. Once they've split, assuming a legal separation agreement was filed and all the children are of age, neither have any rights to each other's assets.

 

As well, what kind of parent would hold their child or children responsible for each other's failings? Unless there was infidelity involved, I'm uncertain why there would be a major polarization.

[SoleMate]

I don't see the conflict.

[Ronni_W]

The legal duties, obligations and responsibilities of an executor are lengthy and quite onerous, so you may want to become fully informed of what, exactly, you would be agreeing to before you accept.

 

In (legal) reality, there is no conflict or "taking sides", as the executor is duty-bound to act in the best interests of the deceased, and wind up the estate according to the deceased's expressed wishes. If your mom's will is as detailed as it should be, then your job would just be to ensure that everyone receives what your mom wanted them to inherit. (The executor does not decide who gets what, so to speak. That is, not if the deceased had done a thorough job when making out the will.)

 

But. "Emotional reality" is a different story. If there already exists sibling rivalry (for affection or possessions) then, yes, your parents can expect that family pattern to survive their deaths. In which case, you may not want to put yourself in the position of being seen as an unfair or "greedy" arbiter.

 

This article may be useful, as a general guideline. Your mom's estate attorney, however, will likely be the best source for the most up-to-date laws that govern your jurisdiction.

http://www.huahintoday.net/en/money-and-law/estate-executor-duties-and-liabilities.htm

[solo_flyer]

Thanks for your comments, everyone.