I've been through so much, will I ever be happy again?

[lostinliife]

It seems like everyone has someone but me. Life seems so meaningless right now. I work a lot so I dont really have much of a life. I dont have any real friends anymore, most of them are all married/dating and have kids. They all have a life, except me. I feel so alone in this world. I am young but I've been through more then most people my age. I dated my first love for 4 years until he died suddenly in a car accident ...i loved him so much, we were engaged & he was everything to me. A part of me died that day too. I never thought I would find someone who I could love as much as him until I met another guy 2 years later. We dated for 2 years and then he left me, he gave up on me because the relationship was too hard(it was a LD relationship). 2 more relationships later, forward to a few months ago I met a great guy. Handsome, sweet, caring, loving, he was like the male version of myself! We spent almost every day together, we talked about everything. I thought things were going great until a couple weeks ago, he stopped calling. I called him but he never returned my calls. Finally he left me an email saying that his ex girlfriend came back into the picture saying she was pregnant and that even though he didnt want to leave me and that he missed me so much but he had to try and make it work with her for the sake of the baby. Yet again, another blow to the face. I miss him so much! I try to get over him but it is hard. I try to keep busy, go out and do things but everytime I go out all I think about is him. I think about what he's doing, if he's thinking about me, if he's happy etc.

 

I dont have anyone to talk to. I feel so alone. I just moved to a new city so many miles away from friends and family. Somedays I just feel like giving up. I'm a great person I know I am, Im beautiful, smart, good personality, caring, loving. I have so much to share in life with some one. I really feel lost some days. I want so much to find the right person, fall in love and move on with life. I want to find someone to share my life with. I want what everyone else has but it seems like no matter what I do I can never get to that point. I find great guys but something always has to happen and I lose them.

 

I don't have trouble meeting guys, it's just that now after this last relationship I really have some trust issues. I have so many "what ifs" in my mind. Im scared to get close to someone in fear of losing them. I dont know how to get over this feeling.

 

I dont know, just feeling so alone in this world. Im tired of crying myself to sleep everynight.

 

Im sorry if this sounds so depressing but I just needed somewhere to write this down and get it all out.

[Liquinn]

Well, this might not be the reply you want to hear, but I'll give it a shot.

 

I can imagine been in your situation where you have been in multiple relationships. I have met a few girls and they didn't bother to meet up with me, however that's a slightly different story.

 

I know what it's like to cry to sleep, since I have had a fail in relationships as well

 

I mean, it's annoying when everyone else is dating and you're left with no one, that hurts more than anything. I'm not sure what I would do if I was you. It's bad to know some people can go in a relationship and back out of it, and the same goes with meeting people online. I can really relate to you about the loneliness.

 

I really hope you find someone, and you can move on from the bad relationships you've had.

 

Much luck.

[Ronni_W]

I'm a great person I know I am, Im beautiful, smart, good personality, caring, loving. I have so much to share in life with some one.

Lost,

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down and disconnected. It becomes very difficult to nurture one's own hope for "better", when we start to let feelings like those control our thoughts, attitudes and perspectives.

 

Have you considered joining a bereavement support group, or hiring an individual therapist, to help you with fully recovering from the death of your fiance?

I have also experienced that feeling of a part of the Self dying, when someone very close to us dies. For me, it was my Dad, when I was 13. But, of course, that didn't actually (literally) happen to us. Grieve counseling may be able to help you 'reawaken' that part that you have 'buried' within yourself.

 

For me, that part held my willingness to trust in all things wonderful. And when I told myself it (my deep-down 'trusting part') had died, that is when my fear of loss/being abandoned took over. Which then manifested as a bunch of maladaptive coping strategies...including relationship insecurities and neediness, and made me not a very good relationship partner.

 

There is hope. Sometimes we just have to dig through a bit of muck to see it again. Hopefully your counselor will be able to help you reconnect with your part that will bring you encouragement and inspiration...and your life and feelings will become more of what you want and deserve.

 

Sending Comfort, Courage and Strength.

[lostinliife]

Well, this might not be the reply you want to hear, but I'll give it a shot.

 

I can imagine been in your situation where you have been in multiple relationships. I have met a few girls and they didn't bother to meet up with me, however that's a slightly different story.

 

I know what it's like to cry to sleep, since I have had a fail in relationships as well

 

I mean, it's annoying when everyone else is dating and you're left with no one, that hurts more than anything. I'm not sure what I would do if I was you. It's bad to know some people can go in a relationship and back out of it, and the same goes with meeting people online. I can really relate to you about the loneliness.

 

I really hope you find someone, and you can move on from the bad relationships you've had.

 

Much luck.

 

 

 

Thanks.

At least I am not the only one who feels this way sometimes.

[Liquinn]

Thanks.

At least I am not the only one who feels this way sometimes.

Very hard to get over when you thought you had a relationshup with a few girls.

 

It hurts.

 

Wish you all the best

[BlueHarvest]

Ronni, as much as I know you are trying to help lost here. There is a certain thing I think that some people keep forgetting.

 

Lost WILL get over the loss of someone so close to them. But this only returns everything to the status quo of what her life was like 5 years ago. She is talking about being where she was 5 years ago with that feeling of loving someone and knowing they love you back.

 

I should know, I feel like I'm somewhat in the same boat.

 

It doesn't matter if you get back to "normal". Because then you are right back at square one.

 

Not to sound rude or harsh, but most of this type of advice pisses me off.

 

Me and Lost are the type of people who know we will eventually get through this depression either through therapy or willpower or whatever. WE KNOW THIS. What we are despairing over is the fact that it seems to be so hard to find people to connect with.

 

I cannot speak for lost, but I do know this much. I know that I feel like every girl I talk to doesn't mind telling me that I'm "cute" or a "great(nice) guy" but I'll be damned if none of them want to pursue anything past a friendship.

[Ronni_W]

Me and Lost are the type of people who know we will eventually get through this depression either through therapy or willpower or whatever.

BlueHarvest,

Thank you for your reassurance. I didn't get that from Lost's original post. I responded more to her question, "will I ever be happy again?", and also to her saying, "Somedays I just feel like giving up." And "...just feeling so alone in this world. Im tired of crying myself to sleep everynight."

 

But. If Lost is okay, and you are okay...then I am okay .

[Disillusioned]

I used to think my trust was just about shot... but then I realized I didn't mistrust or hate women, I mistrusted and hated the system that takes advantage of lonely people.

 

Try this approach: sit down with a pencil and paper, and write out all the things you're looking for in a partner. If you can't do it or if you just make guesses, then you're not ready for a relationship. But once you have your list, you have to do like Dusty Springfield said and go out and get him. It would be cute if he used his ESP to show up on your front porch with a bouquet of flowers, but alas, this is real life.

[MarieD]

Lost u r not alone!

I am 35 & have been dating since i was 17 & haven't found the one either.

I have been sad lately about it too!!

 

I don't know what to do either!

[Chinook]

Lost, you're not alone in this that is happening to you. 1/3 of all households in both USA and Europe are now 'single' households. As a society and as facets of our 'developed' world we're learning to live alone more and more. Is it what we want as individuals...? No. I would say, speaking as someone who is pretty much alone, no it isn't what I want.

 

But...also...

 

I don't want to buy into the 'I'm only someone if I'm with someone' ideal and expectations around me. I'm 38 years old. I 'lost' my life partner after I was diagnosed with cancer. He walked away (first emotionally and then literally) over four years ago now and although I have dated since then, the people I've somehow been involved with, weren't right people for me. Looking back on my last 18 months of solitude, I would say part of that was because I simply didn't take enough time out to grieve first the passing of my life as it had been and secondly, the end of a relationship I had loved, grown with and cherished.

 

What did I learn from this...? I learned that things change. Life changes around us all the time. But it is our inherent nature to look back, at the best times, when things were happier and better. But ask yourself, why not look forwards too..? Why won't things be better at some point...? For myself, I am kinda of the mind that things will improve. I don't know when or how... like you I work long hours, all my friends either live far away or are married with families and I don't have alot of social activities outside going to the gym. Single life in our societies is very hard. It is something that we're actively participating in... but it's not something we're readily coping with or embracing. Don't get me wrong, some individuals are... but the majority of single people experience similar issues and difficulties to yours and mine. Sometimes it's a mindset to want to change something. I don't know what... but if you find out, please let me know

[Eve]

It seems like everyone has someone but me. Life seems so meaningless right now. I work a lot so I dont really have much of a life. I dont have any real friends anymore, most of them are all married/dating and have kids. They all have a life, except me. I feel so alone in this world. I am young but I've been through more then most people my age. I dated my first love for 4 years until he died suddenly in a car accident ...i loved him so much, we were engaged & he was everything to me. A part of me died that day too.

 

You have been through SO much! My mind kind of just 'stopped' when you mentioned the above bereavement. I am SO sorry for your loss. I too hope that you have had some bereavement counselling..

 

Life is a funny thing.. The world does not stop for us when we are hurt and yet we must continue. You do seem to want to continue but just dont have anyone to support you right now. I understand that your work committments are a major factor but please remember all the good that has come your way and react to these memories. Noone can take this from you and really both the negative and the positive experiences you have survived are your growth points. I admire people such as yourself, for many you are a Teacher.

 

I say have a look at your life very intimately. Counsellors are good but sometimes not as good as a close friend. I bet there are friendships around you which could help you right now, you just have to tune into them. Someone as anonymous as a counsellor could help you to hear these people moreso, or maybe you could help yourself by allocating certain times to focus on what you hear and see via going to somewhere which highlights such experiences - such as a walk or making the most of an evening 'with' yourself.

 

All I can say is that it is good that you are aware of what is making you cry. Keep walking honey.. I know that things have not worked out for you in subsequent relationships but keep walking and a new way will be found.

 

*Huge Hugs*

 

All the very best,

Eve xxx

[lostinliife]

I used to think my trust was just about shot... but then I realized I didn't mistrust or hate women, I mistrusted and hated the system that takes advantage of lonely people.

 

 

 

No I dont hate guys or the guys that I dated. They were great guys and they treated me really good but It's just the fact that after a while of dating each guy something happens that breaks our relationship apart and it happens everytime. Its to the point now where I dont even want to get to know another guy because Im already thinking why bother when the same thing will happen again anyway. It's frustrating sometimes.

[lostinliife]

You have been through SO much! My mind kind of just 'stopped' when you mentioned the above bereavement. I am SO sorry for your loss. I too hope that you have had some bereavement counselling..

 

Life is a funny thing.. The world does not stop for us when we are hurt and yet we must continue. You do seem to want to continue but just dont have anyone to support you right now. I understand that your work committments are a major factor but please remember all the good that has come your way and react to these memories. Noone can take this from you and really both the negative and the positive experiences you have survived are your growth points. I admire people such as yourself, for many you are a Teacher.

 

I say have a look at your life very intimately. Counsellors are good but sometimes not as good as a close friend. I bet there are friendships around you which could help you right now, you just have to tune into them. Someone as anonymous as a counsellor could help you to hear these people moreso, or maybe you could help yourself by allocating certain times to focus on what you hear and see via going to somewhere which highlights such experiences - such as a walk or making the most of an evening 'with' yourself.

 

All I can say is that it is good that you are aware of what is making you cry. Keep walking honey.. I know that things have not worked out for you in subsequent relationships but keep walking and a new way will be found.

 

*Huge Hugs*

 

All the very best,

Eve xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I try to live everyday to the fullest. Since the passing of my finace I appreciate life a lot more. Life is precious It can be taken away in the blink of an eye and I realize that now.

 

I love spending time on my own. I enjoy spending time on my own but after a while it gets kinda old. I have so many memories on my own that I wish I would have someone to share them with. I always try to think positive and enjoy every day of my life but after this last break-up it was a total blow to the face basically. I thought this one was going to last, I had so much hope ...we both did, but of course something just had to happen and take it all away from me. Im trying to think positive though and I know in time my heart will heal again.

 

Thanks for your words.