I still miss my ex even though it has been 6 years?

[chronocross208]

Hey guys, although this may be something that I need to figure out for myself, I am curious about what everyone has to say about the subject.

 

When I was still in high school 6 years ago, I felt lucky to have met the love of my life. She, in my opinion, was definitely a rare find, perfect in every way; she was very mature for her age, smart, extremely kind and understanding, and very beautiful. I, on the other hand, felt like she was way out of my league throughout most of the relationship. With that being said, I was an idiot for being so insecure about our relationship (with the idea that I would lose her). We never fought throughout the relationship, but when we did have our first argument, we broke up. It was over something so silly, so menial, so insignificant. For 5 years, I never turned my head around to look at all the good times we had together.

I tried to move on with my life.

To accomplish just that, I made myself busy, too busy to even think about relationships. I worked for many hours a day, went to school for many hours a day, stayed in the library for hours, hanged out with friends once in a while, and for 5 years, I've kept my life busy, very busy. Everyone would tell me that I should get a girlfriend, but I'd respond that I'm too busy to be a good boyfriend right now, and that it'd be unfair for the girl in the relationship. However, although some of that was the truth, the whole truth is that I still love that girl I met 5 years ago. I lost the ability to fall in love with anyone around me since my standards have already been set so high. Though it hasn't always been on my mind like I describe it, it has been consistently bothering me recently when a classmate in the university basically inferred that she liked me. I was honestly surprised. We DID hang around each other a lot, but for studying purposes. But I did the only thing that I thought was fair to her. I smiled, I thanked her for the courage that it took for her to do that, but it wouldn't be fair for her to date me right now, since I would make a bad boyfriend (And I haven't moved on). After her inferred confession, we stayed good friends, but she made me think. She made me think a lot about that girl I met 5 years ago. I feel like I cannot move on in my love life without getting this problem resolved. I still remember her old cellphone number and her old address, but I feel like intruding into her life would be downright selfish, and unfair to her. She probably has moved on since then, already found her true love. After 5 years, I, myself have changed. I've grown much more mature now, much less impulsive, and I am sure she has also. Even if we did meet, it probably would be like a meeting between 2 strangers that just happened to know each others' past. Now, I ask of you, readers, what should I do? What can I do to move on? Thanks for reading.

[norajane]

Start dating.

 

Nothing will knock that girl off the pedestal you've put her on like opening up to someone else.

 

Your ex may have been great for you back then, but isn't now and hasn't been since the day you broke up. You are deliberately enshrining her in your memory by refusing to even try going on a date. She's like that furniture in the living room that grandma put plastic over to keep it 'nice'...you've encased her memory in shiny plastic and you refuse to get comfortable with your life and the opportunities to enjoy what's right there in front of you...a girl who likes you for who you are and is interested in you and asked you out on a date!

 

You are sabotaging yourself. Ex may have been quite lovely, but that's over. You haven't quite accepted that she's never going to be your gf again, which is why you won't even consider going out with anyone else. Stop carrying that torch - your arm must be so tired after 5 years.

 

Let. it. go. Accept that you have to forget your ex. And go on a date.

[lofi_tokyo]

My suggestions:

 

a) Call her and see how things are going. Can't hurt, right?

b) If things with this girl are whateverish, try dating. Try not to think of your ex too much when you're seeing the girls you date. Maybe you'll find something new to like, since you haven't tried, you never know!

 

A big problem, I fear, could very well be that this girl has been placed so highly in your mind that even if you met her, you will be dissapointed. Its been 5 years, all of which you have spent kind of constructing and reconstructing this ideal woman. Nostalgia is a dangerous thing.

 

But, you never know. One of my best girlfriends, she dated a guy in grade 10 of highschool. They split up after only a few months, she just was not feeling it.

 

She dated a ton of guys, none of which really broke her heart, but definately some were very emotional relationships in the meantime. As for this guy from gr 10? He dated too, but, little to my friend's knowledge, always compared his girlfriends, even the ones he fell in love with, to her.

 

4 years later, my bestfriend was coming home from Austrailia (she lived there for a year), and this gr. 10 ex asked her if she wanted to hang out (they both like mountain biking, so they did that). Guess what? Theyre dating now! In fact, they just moved in together!!!!

 

So what does this mean? It means... give it a try. See where this girl is at. You may not have the same sucess as my bestfriends boyfriend did, but you NEVER know until you try. If things don't work out? Do your best to move on and be happy in your life.

[ninjaturtles]

Hi there:)

 

A few questions...

 

Did YOU break up her, did SHE break up with you, or was it MUTUAL?

 

Have you spoken with her since the break?

 

Depending on how the relationship ended, calling her may not be a bad idea. It all depends on so many factors like, who did the breaking up, who was more hurt about the break up etc.

 

It has been 6 years, and I honestly don't see any thing wrong in contacting her. Even if she HAS moved on, it's not like you are going to tell her you still love her the 1st day you speak to her.

 

If you don't call her, you may keep wondering 'what if'.

 

However, a lot depends on who did the breaking up etc.

 

Maybe if you give us more insight into the story, then I can tailor my opinion most apt. to your situation.

[Ruby Slippers]

Nothing will knock that girl off the pedestal you've put her on like opening up to someone else.

Sage advice. I agree completely. It's very easy to think someone is perfect when you don't have much relationship experience and are in high school!

 

The guy I broke up with 2 1/2 years ago hasn't dated since, though he's had a number of women interested in him. We are still friends, and I have encouraged him to date again. He said things similar to what you said: "You were the love of my life", "No one could measure up to you", etc. Of course, that's flattering in a way, but it's also kind of sad. Dude, get on with your life. I certainly have.

 

I think what it really comes down to for him is fear. He says he was "wrecked" by our breakup, and he's scared of going through that again. Guess what? I was wrecked, too. But I picked myself up and moved on. I suggest he (and you) do the same.

 

Why not ask that girl from your university out? I'm sure you'll have fun, and even if it doesn't turn into anything lasting, you have nothing to lose, right?