Co-worker mess

[swenorth]

There is this girl.

(That's how 50 percent of the threads here start i reckon.)

 

We worked together for about a year, and this was three years from now.

We instantly kind of hit it of. We had fun every second we were working together. Even if we did quite boring and difficult things we had fun and laughed. We had a lot of coffe breaks, lunches and a couple of outdoor walks per day.

 

I quit the job and started working in another place nearby. We still see each other now and then. Still have a walk when we can, coffee at some place and we do go to the gym together.

 

From common friends I know that she used to talk about me quite some at least when we worked together. I sure have feelings for her, I guess I've fallen for her.

 

When she talks with me she always look into my eyes for a long time and fires away a smile. She often fiddles with her hair. I guess those might be signs that she is interested in me.

 

However, we've never hugged each other or something like that. The reason? Well, I'm ashamed to say that we are both in separate relationships.

 

It feels like we are a bit more than just friends. Or potentially at least.

 

My relationship has, I guess, evolved into friendship. I'm basically living with a good friend, who I love.

 

I don't know much about her relationship, she never talks about it.

 

I've been invited to her place once and she then invited my girlfriend as well. My girlfriend did not come along, and that seemed to be a relief for her. But during this visit she was a bit nervous.

 

My problem is; if I end my relationship with my GF it will be a painful one since we have stayed together for such a long time and I love her.

I don't even know if this girl likes me for more than a friend. I'm not sure she would be able to tell the truth since she is in a relationship herself.

 

I might end up in a lose-lose-deal here...

 

Is there a kind and subtle way for me to find out what this girl really thinks of me?

 

What should I do?

 

If I knew that she was in love with me and if there was an easy way to end my current relationship without hurting someone, I would be willing to do it...

[Geishawhelk]

Whatever happens here, I see pain.

I don't know how your GF feels about your relationship with her.

Do you think it's salvageable?

Would she wqant to salvage it?

Would she want to go to counselling?

How would she take it if you break up?

 

How would your other friend feel if you said you were breaking up with your GF?

 

These are all questions which need answers. Openness and honesty is the best way.

Not necessarily the easiest.

 

Pain is just around the corner, whichever corner you take.

But cheating, subterfuge, underhandedness... all these, will take you to greater pain.

[swenorth]

Pain is already here, at least for me. I feel pain when I think of this girl and how she has a relationship, just like me.

 

I feel pain for perhaps causing even more pain with my GF if we break up.

 

I think my first step here is to try to find out what the girl thinks of me. If I'm just another friend or not.

 

Next time we meet, I'll find a quite place and ask her "Are you happy?".

If she says that she's not, I'll probe a little. And she will probably ask me the same question.

 

What do you think? Clever? Stupid idea?

[Geishawhelk]

The big problem is (here comes the old cliche) you love your GF, but you're not in Love with her.

 

I would address this issue first.

It's the kindest, most honest and open thing to do.

You need to cut your lady loose, and be honest with her about your feelings. She deserves to find someone who will love her - and be IN love with her.

As do you.

So, look to your own personal R. first....

Once you're a free agent, the other young lady can declare her interest. Or not, as the case may be.

In any case, you will have done the right thing already, by you and your current GF.

You will be available for a better, more loving relationship.

And so will she.

 

Please, please do it in this order first.

 

If your GF asks you if there is 'someone else' you can then honestly tell her 'No'. Because as things stand, there isn't.