Author Lishy Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 I am shocked that there is ANYONE who could argue that it is ok! It is simply NOT!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Don't look at me! I never said it was! Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 I've been pretty much pro-sex ever since my first orgasm. That convinced me that any type of discrimination is bad. If you want sex, then you should be able to have it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Teen pregnancies in general, are sad...but...most are between teenagers or young adults within 5 years of each other, which to me, isn't a blatant display of predatory behaviour. It wouldn't take much for a 27 year old, to emotionally manipulate an impressionable 16 year old. A little wine, a little dine, a few compliments and a 16 year old could be had. Sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Could I please just add something here: (And it has been said before). We in the west have a definitive idea of sex, the age of consent, decency, assault, paedophilia.... But we really should remind ourselves that firstly, it's cultural, and secondly, it's not so long ago that girls even in the west were betrothed and promised in wedlock at a very young age. Standards, opinions, morals and mores change with time. What is acceptable now, was not acceptable 50 years ago, and vice versa.... Again, America (land of the Free, Home of the brave) has wildly differing ages of consent, betrothal and marriage all over the country. kind of like the Death penalty. In what we would call "under-developped" countries, the age of consent is even lower. We see this as oppressive behaviour, exploitation and indecent. They often don't. So I think, whilst I agree that within our own society, such incidents may seem horrific, these strictures and standards are only measurable against similar countries' Morals, Ethics and Standards - countriwes who think like we do. It's not global, and it's not general. That doesn't make it right. But it doesn't make it wrong either. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 It wouldn't take much for a 27 year old, to emotionally manipulate an impressionable 16 year old. A little wine, a little dine, a few compliments and a 16 year old could be had. Sick. It depends on the 16 year old. I know a lot of adult women who fall into the same category you describe above. I think it has more to do with self-esteem than age. I knew exactly what I was doing at (almost) 16. I was there for the fun, the company, the sex. I had no illusions that he was "the one". I knew he wasn't, he knew I wasn't. It was great while it lasted (about three months) and I bear him no ill will. If that isn't consensual, I don't know what is. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 It depends on the 16 year old. I know a lot of adult women who fall into the same category you describe above. I think it has more to do with self-esteem than age. I knew exactly what I was doing at (almost) 16. I was there for the fun, the company, the sex. I had no illusions that he was "the one". I knew he wasn't, he knew I wasn't. It was great while it lasted (about three months) and I bear him no ill will. If that isn't consensual, I don't know what is. You enaged with someone within a 5 year age gap. A mature 16 year old can handle a 21 year old. A mature 16 year old, cannot handle a 27 year old. Most would find one too old and be disgusted for being approached. The balance would be naive enough and flattered, some with "Daddy" complexes. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Yes, TbF, but you're missing the point..... annieo's partner then could have been 27. The point she's making is that SHE knew exactly what she was doing, and had a good time doing it..... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Yes, TbF, but you're missing the point..... annieo's partner then could have been 27. The point she's making is that SHE knew exactly what she was doing, and had a good time doing it..... There's a pretty big difference between the mentality of a 21 and 27 year old man, as perceived by a 16 year old. Would she have engaged in this interaction with the same kind of knowledge, emotional understanding, ability to handle, a 27 year old? Even she can't understand that because she never did it. Once again, my abhorrence is derived from the predatory behaviour displayed by a 27 year old, in relation to the emotional maturity level of a 16 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 You can't generalise like that. You don't know every 27 year old man, and every 16-year old girl. So it's just the idea of it you find abhorrent, not the actual dynamics of it, because every situation would be different. I grant you maturity plays a big part, but judging by some of the contributions on this forum (I'm sure we've both come across), maturity is not defined by age. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 , maturity is not defined by age. Great point. Too many people want to interfere in other people's lives, and tell them what is acceptable. We are masters of our own destinies. Sadly, the sort of broad-sweeping generalisations, and stereotypical bigotry being spouted on this thread is quite common in today's society. Prejudice is everywhere. What they fail to realise, is that no two relationships are the same. Yes, every relationship has its own unique dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 You enaged with someone within a 5 year age gap. A mature 16 year old can handle a 21 year old. A mature 16 year old, cannot handle a 27 year old. Most would find one too old and be disgusted for being approached. The balance would be naive enough and flattered, some with "Daddy" complexes. If you want to get technical about it, since I was not yet 16 and he was 21, we were outside the 5 years. And I guess that is what I think is silly about this. Why 5 years? Don't you think that a little too proscriptive, and not representative of the true realities, true maturities, of two people? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 There appears to be some control issues within that "relationship". Regardless, it doesn't change the fact that a 27 year old could have biologically been her father. Do you condone this relationship? I don't. I find it sick and creepy that someone who's 27 years old, finds a mate in a 16 year old. A 27 year old could have biologically been her father???? Only if he was having sex at 9. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 If you want to get technical about it, since I was not yet 16 and he was 21, we were outside the 5 years. And I guess that is what I think is silly about this. Why 5 years? Don't you think that a little too proscriptive, and not representative of the true realities, true maturities, of two people? Take the mentality of your average 21 year old, your average 27 year old and your average 16 year old. Your average 27 year old has the emotional maturity that far exceeds your average 21 year old. This is fact. Most 16 year olds believe they know everything or at least believe they can handle ANYTHING. Most can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 A 27 year old could have biologically been her father???? Only if he was having sex at 9. Do Australians have a two year gestational period? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I didn't read teh whole thread ..but I think that, although, 16 used to be the age a lot of women married, 50+ years ago.. I still it is young to get into a serious relationship... I think 16 is a good age for the age of consent.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Do Australians have a two year gestational period? Whatever - it's a leap to say he could have fathered a 16 year old - but hey, nitpick instead of admitting it's a stretch LOL As geish said you are doing an awful lot of assuming and generalising. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 You can't generalise like that. You don't know every 27 year old man, and every 16-year old girl. So it's just the idea of it you find abhorrent, not the actual dynamics of it, because every situation would be different. I grant you maturity plays a big part, but judging by some of the contributions on this forum (I'm sure we've both come across), maturity is not defined by age. I'm glad somebody else here is not all bunched up about this subject. Geisha is right, you don't know the circumstances surrounding their relationship. Disgust and perversion is probably the reaction I would expect from conservatives and uptight religious people. I think circumstances can validate the age difference, although I do think it's rare. Not every male is a predator because he befriends a younger female, sometimes they actually can just incur the attraction and chemistry. I do feel that if my 16 year old daughter was under the eyes of a twenty something year old, my first reaction would be to grab my Smith and Wesson. However; if I found out the guy was a mature. responsible. and docile human being, I may have second thoughts (but well monitored). Also, it would depend on the maturity of my daughter as well. Teenagers are growing up way faster than they used to anyway, it's not uncommon to find 11 and 12 year old's already engaging in sexual activity regardless of how wrong you might think it is. Just my two cents, Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Take the mentality of your average 21 year old, your average 27 year old and your average 16 year old. Your average 27 year old has the emotional maturity that far exceeds your average 21 year old. This is fact. Most 16 year olds believe they know everything or at least believe they can handle ANYTHING. Most can't. I think it would be useful to define what emotional maturity is exactly. I've met a lot of emotionally stunted adults. I don't think your age and your emotional maturity, responsibility are necessarily growing in tandem. I think you are talking about the fact that a 27 year old has more life experience, and therefore could be more manipulative. That's not maturity, that's cunning. Anyway, when I was 16 I didn't think I could handle anything. I just knew what situations I wanted to get myself into and those I didn't. While I've made my mistakes along the way, I haven't changed much. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Whatever - it's a leap to say he could have fathered a 16 year old - but hey, nitpick instead of admitting it's a stretch LOL As geish said you are doing an awful lot of assuming and generalising. I didn't say he was her father. I said he was old enough to be her biological father. This isn't a stretch. Puberty hits between 10 - 17 years old for boys. I can guarantee you one thing. If I have a daughter who's 16 years old where a 27 year old predator is looking to her for anything sexual or romantic, you can bet I'd be doing whatever I had to do, to ensure that he never thought this way again. I think it would be useful to define what emotional maturity is exactly. I've met a lot of emotionally stunted adults. I don't think your age and your emotional maturity, responsibility are necessarily growing in tandem. I think you are talking about the fact that a 27 year old has more life experience, and therefore could be more manipulative. That's not maturity, that's cunning. Anyway, when I was 16 I didn't think I could handle anything. I just knew what situations I wanted to get myself into and those I didn't. While I've made my mistakes along the way, I haven't changed much. How old are you annieo? Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 How old are you annieo? I'll tell you if you tell me. Hate to be coy, it's not in my nature, but I'm not sure why you are asking me this question. OK, I'm 43. I can't play games. You asked, I tell. What's your point? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I'll tell you if you tell me. Hate to be coy, it's not in my nature, but I'm not sure why you are asking me this question. OK, I'm 43. I can't play games. You asked, I tell. What's your point? I'm 33 and have difficulty remembering exactly what I was thinking, with each dating experience I had when I was 16. I also dated older college boys, pretty much throughout my highschool years, with the belief that I could handle them. That I never ended up with a date rape situation, might have been through my judgement of them, or realistically speaking, was just plain good ol' fashioned luck. 21 was my cut-off though. I found anyone older, too old and creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 I'm 33 and have difficulty remembering exactly what I was thinking, with each dating experience I had when I was 16. I also dated older college boys, pretty much throughout my highschool years, with the belief that I could handle them. That I never ended up with a date rape situation, might have been through my judgement of them, or realistically speaking, was just plain good ol' fashioned luck. 21 was my cut-off though. I found anyone older, too old and creepy. Might have been luck, might have been the "gift of fear" (Gavin De Becker) which is basically your intuition. I know mine has kicked in once or twice. Anyway, this is off track and I pray that my daughter (who is 14) has self-preservation instincts and good sense. But that's not about age differential, but who the other person is, despite of age. There are a lot of boys in their mid-teens who have serious issues and I wouldn't want them within 3 feet of my daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 However you dress this up a 27 year old is far too old for a 16 year old Just saying the ages makes me cringe!! The fact that a 27 year old would be interested in a 16 year old is worrying beyond belief! I wouldnt care if the 16 felt as mature as a 30 year old and the 27 year old felt as mature as a 14 year old it is still WRONG!!!! Yak yak Yakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 My father is 11 years older than my mother. They met when she was 17 and he was 28. They married when she was 21 and he was 32. They've just celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary. You were saying? Link to post Share on other sites
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