AJ87 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Right.. Im brand new to this site.. and i realli need help with this pickle... I met this girl 2 years ago to date, but she was seeing someone as of august 06, but from the grapevine he was an absolute horrid person to her and i couldnt stand there and hear all this nonsense and crazyness. I NEVER would think of breaking them up cos she barely knows me, i barely know her and i wanted her to be safe cos i realli liked her at the time. anyway she ended the relationship with him, and moved on to me and she was wondering, "wow, i never thought guys like u existed!!" now i was speechless cos i am a genuine nice guy, im not bad.. i dont smoke or drink, im not big headed at all whatsoever!! as the story goes on, recently i felt a bit of a different atmosphere... like all of a sudden she got insanely jealous of me speaking to girls who i dont seem to know or even care about in a "loving" way at all... my fiance is the one for me.. i showed it and i made sure i did anyway she had these outbreaks of pure jealousy... i was beginning to wonder what on earth is going on?.. why is she like this? until recently i went onto her msn.. pretending to be her, to her mate that knew an awful lot about my fiance. now i was pretending 2 be my fiance to her friend by saying to her friend "omg this guy i talked to when i went out with u, was hot"... and her mate started tellin me what my fiance did like.. "omg u dont remeber much do u?"... and she was tellin me how my fiance kissed her ex bf from 2 years ago... and how she kissed his mate to make her ex bf jealous is she still stuck in the past?.. did she like being treated horrid, she admitted attention seeking ALOT! she kissed her ex bfs mate twice and she cried practically all night and was hitting him in anger like "omg what have i dun?" she hasnt told me unless she didnt want to hurt me in anyway, but i had to find out how and why she is like this, any man would try and find out. there was no sex involved "apparantly" but the reason she kissed her ex was to tease of what hes missin out on... and kissed his mate to say hahaha in his face type of thing... is that childish? crazy?... why did she kiss her ex and then his mate... surely being with me and being engaged shuld be heartbreaking enough for him to endure surely but she didnt think about me at all in this story.. she got her satisfaction but.. why hurt me? im confused... and i dont know what 2 do anyone help? Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 It kinda sounds like your girlfriend (I'm assuming you havn't broke up yet?) never got over her ex. A BIG PROBLEM with moving from one relationship immediately to another is, even if you knew in your heart you wanted out of that old one, moving to the next never gives you time to heal up properly. I believe true healing comes from having alone time, being single for a bit really lets you figure out a lot about yourself, what you like and don't like in relationships, and more importantly, it helps you get over your ex. When you just jump into a new relationship after one just ended, you don't grieve over the ex, you don't really accept the ending of your relationship, you just kind of move on to the next thing. The problem is, the next relationship becomes a bandaid, you never let the wound heal, but the bandaid covers it up, so you forget about it for the most part. Sounds to me like after two years, your girlfriend still hasn't let go of her ex, chiefly because she never really HAD to think seriously about letting go, she just moved on to something that distracted her and made her happy. Also, because she has not been single for a long time, she has never really had that "growing" process that happens when you're single. So shes immature a bit and unhealed. Shes making bad decisions because of it. I am NOT justifying her actions as alright. They're not. You need to talk to her seriously about what she is doing. I am just trying to help you understand why whats happening is happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AJ87 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 but the thing is, she always described him as a horrible person.. involving him sayin shes fat... too skinny... she was anorexic.. and never felt secured.. until i came by she was over the moon how brilliant i was to her but she has said shes over him.. she even says im better than her.. i can get better girls than her.. but i love her dearly she couldnt wait to get rid of him i just dont understand why she had to kiss 2 guys (her ex and his friend) to justify her satisfaction, without thinking of me and how i would feel... she kept this inside for 10 months and hasnt kissed or anything with anyone in that time Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Even if someone treats you horribly, you can still miss them. There are countless stories about woman who are beat by their husbands but do not leave them. You showed her she could walk away, and she did, but I suspect if shes playing the make him jealous game, shes not over him. Why would she lie about that? Because even if she wasn't over him entirely, she still wants you in her life. As you have said, she knows you are 100% better than him as dating material. Why didn't she tell you she kissed other men? Because, as I said, she still wants you in her life. The question is now, what are you going to do about this? Do you want someone dishonest in your life, for the rest of your life? She is your fiance, correct? Perhaps talk to her about what you have found out. Suggest couples counseling if that is an option. It will give her a chance to finally say what she needs to say, and it will let the two of you work together towards happiness and rebuilding trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AJ87 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 i suppose... i'll keep this thread alive anyway... cos the thing is she has said shes WAY over him, and wat bothers me too... i proposed and she didnt mention that she done what she did but still said yes... its mind games to me.. like she has 2 lives... theres me... and theres making her ex jealous im not sure but i bookmarked this... thanks Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 i suppose... i'll keep this thread alive anyway... cos the thing is she has said shes WAY over him, and wat bothers me too... i proposed and she didnt mention that she done what she did but still said yes... its mind games to me.. like she has 2 lives... theres me... and theres making her ex jealous im not sure but i bookmarked this... thanks Yeah I think more people than me need to post here Don't want the thread being too biased! It is strange she'd accept your proposal, having done what she did... kind of questionable! Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_pan Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 thats crazy, i wouldn't be engaged to someone that kisses there ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey McG Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I'm not sure being as "understanding" as you are is such a good idea. I think if this doesn't get dealt with now it will come back to bite you in the ass in the future. First off. Marrying this girl now is a big mistake. She has already proven herself a liar! And you know it. You're letting her get away with it. Maybe her ex was horrible, but what tokyovogue said about grieving and getting over someone -even if they were terrible- is all part of the healing process she hasn't experienced. I can tell you'll be hurt by her actions and begin to have some trust issues. Quite right. You should address her and suggest a break so that she can sort her head out. Some time apart will make her realise what she had with you or make you realise you don't want to be with a liar. Take tokyovogue's advice and take the bull by the horns -if you even still want to be with her Link to post Share on other sites
Author AJ87 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 i really do want to be with her... i proposed 2 her... but i found all this out when we was on a break which is even crazier, i dont know if shes scoring points but she sed "why does it matter now?"... although 20 minutes later after saying that she realises what shes lost and what she has done.. 10 months ago she did this... and since then she hasnt kissed another guy... but its still cheating and i dont know toyovogue is providin great advice, maybe she hasnt gotten over her ex.. i'll ask her 2nite and keep u updated thank you everyone... but this one crazy story keep givin me advice.. i dont want to lose her entirely... i cant be a friend to her.. cuz its be one day she tells me shes happy with sum1 else.. and i havent done anything wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Author AJ87 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 also i must say the reason i suggested a break before i found out she cheated was work issues... my dad died over xmas 07 so i left that job cos they called me back to work 2 days after he had died and even when i was working there.. they were really strict about me takin a few hours off so i can spend sum time with him. my fiance wanted me to have a weekend free job but thing is.. 90% of work nowadays require weekend... so i left the job so i can see her (i know i shouldnt ave quit, but i dont wanna keep losing everyone in my life) but the break was to sort me out with work wise so its not too much pressure on me... but now were on a break for a different reason... she cheated when she was with me. and wen i found out.. she had the excuse of "i was with my friend when u was on my msn"... but thing is... when i called her up to ask about what i heard and to tell her what i heard from her friend... i didnt say what one of her friends told me.. but 2 mins after i told her, that her friend told me what my fiance had done to me, (if this makes sense to u so far lol) that she "was with her friend on her friends MSN and was winding me up, and i shuldnt go on her MSN" (so they were messin with my feelings)... thing is... i never sed who told me but she came back with a name which was correct on who told me... how did she know it was her?... it was because her friend was there the night my fiance cheated... i just cant believe the extent ive gone to find out the truth and the lies she told me in order to cover up her innocence... ive got the MSN history conversation between me and her friend (when i was being on my fiances MSN) to prove what she had dun its gut wrenching reading what she had dun... but shuld i 4give and 4get? or be single?.. she didnt wanna hurt me but she has... i'll keep u updated and please anybody.. keep givin me advice and to answer the one guy who posted... i didnt know she cheated when i proposed cos i thought we were going on great Link to post Share on other sites
Author AJ87 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Share Posted October 24, 2008 i think i shuld get rid of her.. good idea? Link to post Share on other sites
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