What is she thinking

[jonybgood007]

OK so here goes, kind of lenthy but just to give backround. My GF and I have been dating for about 18 months. Things have been going pretty well until just over a week ago. We had plans to hang out and have dinner with my family.(me and my three boys) and she called me up and said we have to talk. Well, she came right over and you and I both know where it went from there. So here is the background.

 

We met after I had been seperated from my wife in the process of a lenthy divorce. By the time we met I was well over my wife and she over me. I had dated afew times but nothing serius. My GF on the other hand was fresh out of a divorce. As a matter of fact it wasn't even final yet. She had dated some, but like me, nothing serious. This was red flag for me, but after talking about it and being assured that she had never met anyone like me and she was sure about me (what an ego boost), I decided to go forward with this girl. After all she really was everything I have ever looked for in a woman.

 

Here is the thing, in the year and a half we date she never showed any signs of this being a rebound relationship. I really thought it was just meant to be as long as we were open and honest with each other. I always thought that if issues did come up, we would deal with them. They just never did. Until now I guess. Well, we started talking about a future and marriage and she brought it up all the time.

 

Also I might add we both have children that we have custody of. But they all get along pretty well. So my week went like this.

 

Wed: We had lunch and she came over to my house that night and we just hung out.

Friday: She left a note in my car at work and a rose. We talked at night and she was upset because she had an event with her daughter and she was at another kids parents house and there were all couples there talking about there boats, vacation homes and such. When she talked to me about it, I just kind of told her that it would all come to us someday but we are rebuilding a life and we weren't in that place yet.

Saturday: We had stuff with our kids. so we didn't see each other. We talked on the phone at night and made plans for Sunday. Her kids go to their fathers on Weekends.

Sunday: She came over and said she had never taken time for herself. and said she needed time. Then she gave three BS reasons why we would never work and left crying.

The reasons she gave were not BS but nothing big that we cant work out. We just can talk about them. things like we could never blend our families. No real reason why - we just can't.

 

Well that night I called her and told her if she needed space then that I understand, but as far as the other stuff that was stuff we could come together on. She said she is not willing to comprimise on anything at all. I tiold her OK then there wasn't much more to talk about. Told her good luck and if she ever needed anything or wanted to work on things to call me. I want more than anything to have a relationship with this girl, but I am not going to pressure her into it.

 

So after a couple days I sent her an e-mail to see how she was doing. I called her once. She told me that she loves me but wont ask me to wait cause she doesn't want me to wait and her realize she can't have a future with me. I do not believe there is anyone else involved here.

 

We texted a couple of times ths week. Not everyday or anything and she is cordial but keeping me at arms lenth. She found out today my sister is in the hospital and seriously ill and called all caring and such. I don't want her pity. She told me to call her tonight and I will. I am going to keep it light. Here is the question.

 

Is she still thinking of me like a man she may want to be with? (am i still in the game?)

 

If we do talk some will she let me know when she is ready if ever to resume?

 

Does she really want me to date others or is she just being a really unselfish person?

 

And the last. If we do start to talk how much is too much from me before she starts to feel pressure? We used to talk every night.

 

Any ideas out there

[hayworth24]

Hi,

I'm a newbie here and dating a separated man for over a year and let me say it is tough.

 

I can't tell you what she is thinking, but it sounds like you two basically get along, but she is scared. So she does what comes natural to her and that is push you away. Believe me - I'm a pusher.

 

She may also be uncomfortable talking about her feelings and her situation so she keeps quiet. My BF is just like that. Only wants to talk about good stuff. Its his escape.

 

So, sounds like she cares deeply for you, but right now, all you can do is what you are doing. Tell her you love her. Tell her you are there for her. Tell her everything will be okay. Tell her you are there for her no matter what.

 

Then.......take up a hobby, hang out with the guys, etc. Spending time away helps you get grounded and gives her some breathing. And lastly, pray for yourself and pray for her. I'm not super religious, but prayer and even counseling can help in times like this.

 

Whatever happens, keep your chin up. It will all work out. xoxo.

[Billy Bob]

Souds like she is basically telling you that you're not the right guy for her. She wants to move on, but is trying to let you down easy, trying not to shatter your ego. She would love to be friends with you.. but that's all.

 

Basically she wants to see what else is out there, and rightly so.. A person fresh out of a divorce or in the middle of a seperation truly believes they aren't in a rebound relationship, but they are..

 

I dated someone during my seperation (pre-divorce) and although my feelings seemed true at the moment.. after my divorce was finalized I realized she wasn't the right girl for me and had to break up with her.. all the while I had been telling her there was no way I was rebounding.

 

I think you ought to try and forget about this girl, get out and date, let her come to the conclusion that you are right or wrong for her. Touch base in a year after she has had some additional dating experiences. She knows how you feel, if she wants you she will pursue you.. it does no good for you to pursue her or try and continue a friendship relationship with her right now, all it does is make it harder for her to break away.

[jonybgood007]

thanks - I also posted in the breaks and breaking up area if you want to check it out. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t167791/ I am starting NC in order to keep my sanity.