sos1971 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Ok, I'm confused about this weird thing I do these days with men. Apart from not making good choices about whom I choose to partner with, I also do this weird push/pull thing. I feel the making-better-decisions thing will clear up because I'm aware of it now. the other stuff, I'm not so sure about. I don't know about anyone else but when I start to like someone I find myself being super critical of them. It's so mean! And then because I'm thinking these mean thoughts, I overcompensate by being overly generous, overly affectionate. So it's like this, I'm very analytical and even while I'm possibly really falling for someone, I see the negative things at the same time. Therefore I always have a ready excuse if it doesn't work, which it rarely does. The last guy I slept with I literally pushed away from me when he was kissing me and I REALLY liked him. I just cannot handle it or something. He was so confused, he called me before I even got home to ask me if I was pissed. I wasn't pissed, I was more like... scared. He was such an amazing kisser and I had mixed feelings about him. The loss of control was unpleasant. How I feel about someone can change over time, from day to day. Esp. if I've just met them. The last time I saw him I had found out some things... he told me about some really crappy stuff he'd done to his ex girlfriend. By the time he left I felt like I'd been duped, that he was a horrible person and I was furious. I didn't take his calls all that day and part of the next and I think he got pissed. Anyway, the next thing I know, he has diminished interest in me and it's going down in flames. But then I wobbled, I felt him pull back from me and I had to follow. Bad idea!! he got to really shoot me down and hurt me after that. When we first hooked up he invited me to this Halloween party and then suddenly last weekend he wasn't going and he wasn't sure about that other one that we got invited to, he thought I must have been confused about that one. Then he dodged me, oh he had SOMETHING to do, mow the grass, deal with his ear wax.... I freaked out and wrote him this really nasty email and told him I never wanted to see him again. (This is not as horrible as it sounds, he doesn't have a phone or I would have been happy to speak with him in person). We "over shared" about a lot of things and I knew a bunch of really personal stuff about him. It was bad. I feel sick again. He was totally pissed and confused. So now he hates me or something. As a side note, he really is someone to avoid. Cheater, user, liar... he told me all of that about himself and that he had changed. He was all entitled and used my stuff like it was his right away. There were lots of things. Both of my best friends thought I had lost it. I got rid of him almost immediately-- this whole thing took less than 2 weeks but I miss him now though! Am I stupid!? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Your behavior sounds a little erratic. If you want the relationship to work, call him and explain why you are feeling the way you are and that you want to be with him. If how you feel about someone changes everyday, then you might require more time with that person? I don't know - but I hope the two of you can work things out. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 The last guy I slept with I literally pushed away from me when he was kissing me and I REALLY liked him. As a guy, I can tell you that's pretty normal for a woman. But yeah, it usually royally screws with a man's brain. I'm just so used to it that I play along with your sudden 'lack of desire' and you usually end up dragging my ass back into the bedroom The problem is guys today are so bloody afraid of offending women. If you're doing the hot / cold thing, he automatically assumes he has an ugly penis or something. If he were more experienced with women, he would know it's just a woman thing, and it shall pass. BTW, men don't have this problem. They have to deal with performance anxiety... in other words, their wang turns into a mushroom because they're nervous. And again, they're afraid they've offended the woman, and it's all just the same crap over again. Today's men are wimpy. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 You lost this one but it's really no big deal if he told you he's a liar, a cheater, treats women badly, etc. When men speak about themselves pay close attention because they are telling you the truth. Everyone has good and bad. No big deal. But I'm guessing these things he's revealed to you were a big enough deal to push him away. That's a gut reaction. Listen and love it. Chances are if you doubt your choices on who you partner up with you don't have a lot of confidence in the choices you're making. Even if they are good ones. Sometimes potentially good relationships can be sabotaged by you having these doubts. The best thing to do when you're in a new relationship is to periodically step back and really give some thought into the positives and the negatives of being with this person. Take your time and weigh it all out. Make an intelligent decision and trust your gut. This will help you to not be so guarded when you are finally "okay" with the choices you're making and little by little you can let someone in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sos1971 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 Wow, thanks for the advice. I think I'm just too hysterical to be with anyone right now. I reread that email I sent him and I'm sitting here wishing it was possible to go back in time. I sound like such a freak! Oh well, I wanted him gone, GONE. And he is but he thinks I'm bats*it crazy. My inner idiot savant was kicked into high gear. I think that's what you meant when you said listen to your gut and love it. I wish I naturally had more normal reactions to things. I think I'm still afraid or something and that's why it's so delicate. I wish I hadn't written that email!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 You lost this one but it's really no big deal Perhaps I should clarify what it's like when a woman pushes the man away. It's on the same level as a man pulling out before anybody has an orgasm and says "I don't know if I should continue." It's actually quite rude bedroom behavior. If you're not sure you should be having sex with someone, then don't do it. Don't change your mind in the middle of the act. But, girls will be girls and men will keep thinking their penis has yet again offended the opposite sex Link to post Share on other sites
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