My new boyfriend recently broke up with his ex: fear that I'm just his rebound girl

[Dawn73]

Please help!! About a month ago I began dating a guy that I met online. We instantly hit it off and have spent quite a bit of time together. A couple of days ago, he told me that he recently (two months ago) had broken up with a married woman that he had been dating for the last 14 months. Apparently he thought that she was going to leave her husband but she never did. He was heatbroken. He told me that he had been in love with this woman and that although he still has feelings for her, he had no respect for her and would never take her back. He said he was ready to move on. On top of everything else, he works with her every day.

 

I don't quite know how to handle this. I really have feelings for this guy. I thought that we had totally hit it off. I can't imagine being intimate with him any time soon knowing that he still has feelings for someone else and for fear that I'm just his rebound girl. He says that he loves the time that he spends with me and that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't. I'm pretty confident that he doesn't see this woman anymore and that he doesn't talk to her outside of work.

 

What do you think of this situation? Am I being a fool in thinking that his spending time with me will eventually rid him of his feelings for her? Please help!!

[Thor]

I don't know if what I'm going to post will be helpful to you or not, but here it goes...

 

In my past, after dating someone that I had "loved", I had NEVER gone into another serious relationship right off the bat. I guess it's a routine, but what I tend to do is hang out with the guys a little more and just "casually" date. I don't give in any real feelings, but I'm very honest about this as well. Then, usually without any warning, I'll start to feel like searching for someone again. IF your current "man" is the same way, then I would definitely try to give some emotional spacing. If you're in doubt, just ask him how he feels.

[tiki1]

Wow. I've just been through somewhat of the same thing. However, I had broken up with him then tried to get him back. Anyway, that's not the point. Last week mutual friends of both of ours had told me why he had gotten a divorce because they thought I already knew. Turns out that he married his high school sweetheart, had a baby, fell out of love. He began seeing his married receptionist. He divorced his wife and continued to see this receptionist. They say he fell in love with her and loves her but he wanted her to leave her husband to be with him and she didn't. I guess he decided to move on just recently. He dated someone for about two months then just stopped returning her calls. I've been told he dated this girl to make the receptionist jealous but it didn't work. Two months later we met and hit it off.

 

The fact the guy you are dating told you about this affair shows he has respect for you to tell you the truth. I think he does still have feelings for her but that is normal. I still have feelings for people I have dated in the past, but I have no desire to get back into a relationship with them.

 

Obviously this guy likes you but be warned, he has been extremely hurt by this girl and it may make him emotionally close off from you on occasion when he is experiencing strong feelings for you. He is afraid of getting hurt again and will play it off by saying he doesn't want anything serious. A lot of people go into relationships/dating not wanting anything serious but feelings happen and things can become serious through time.

 

The only concern I have is that if this girl does leave her husband, will this guy leave you for her?

[Teri]

My advice would be to continue spending time with him if you chose to be his friend, not to help him forget about another woman......that's not your job, he's got to work that out all for himself.

 

You might want to keep your dating options open and see other's too, don't put all your eggs in this one basket. Take it real slow and sit back and see what happens, otherwise you could end up being the rebound girl.