taylor Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 It's unbelievable how bold this girl is..and stupid. 2Sure, something else you may want to consider: This girl sent the e-mail and pic because she was fishing, perhaps wanting to see if your husband would take the bait. You interrupted the fishing expedition. Good for you BUT... this girl will still be left wondering if your husband would have taken the bait. She may try again to put out feelers, perhaps 6 months down the road. She is a bold one...and persistent...and appears quite interested in your husband. I think your husband should reply to her e-mail and tell her HE will contact her husband if she makes any further attempts to interfere in his (your husband's) life. He should make it clear to her that he wants NC and any violation will not be tolerated. He should also tell her that her actions were an invasion of his privacy, highly inappropriate, and disgusting. If she knows he is not interested, it may stop future contact. It will also give you and your husband a "record" that will help put your husband in a good light just in case the whole text-messaging affair becomes public (hopefully not). I don't think you should be the only one cleaning up your husband's mess. He should be involved, too. Also, just a question: What are the chances this girl will retaliate against you and your husband if she loses her job? It's a chance you take sending the letter the HR. But I still agree it's the thing to do to make her pay the consequences of her actions. I also agree with posters who say don't inform her husband. Yes, he has a right to know what his wife is doing, but if your main goals are to protect your husband politically and rid your marriage of drama, best to stay mum for now. Your husband sounds like he has alot more to lose than this woman's husband should the text affair become public knowledge. And you and your husband have enough on your plate than to have to deal with an angry BS at your door right now. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 It makes perfect sense that she would be a political groupie. Shes just not a smart one... Your plan sounds very sensible. And I think it is the path of least resistance (for all the headaches it has caused you). Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 After getting, quite honestly, the best and most straight forward advice right here on LS - I felt I was able to put the whole thing into perspective and handle it this morning. Turns out my H was more concerned than I knew regarding this person accessing our financial information and boldly making it obvious. Our policy has always been, we have nothing to hide, and during his career he has himself brought to light anything about himself that opponents may try to use negatively. It takes the power away from it. This is no different and even minor in comparison. H said the bulk of the text message were just chit chat and having seen many of them at the time, I had to agree they were boring. It was the volume of texts and the secrecy that betrayed me. I made an appt to see VP at bank this am. H and I went together to the meeting. Told him the privacy and security of our account had been breached and because of previous circumstances we were greatly concerned about the person that did it, especially since it now involved his bank as well. We explained that last year this person used her political associations to get H's personal cell phone #. Husband explained that the same person never contacted him about any business at all, but instead took the opportunity to initiate communication with him several times daily as if they were on friendly personal terms. While this was really not a problem at first, it became an annoyance. Finally, it came to a point where she had to be told to stop contacting him and his phone number was changed. Presenting the email and picture to him: As you can see this same person has now used your office and your records to initiate the same kind of unwanted contact. Obviously, we are now concerned that this person has a problem more serious than being overly friendly. What is most disturbing is that she is now using her association with this establishment to renew communication. Our privacy is very important as you know, and we are now in the unfortunate position of pointing out that it is your responsibility to make sure it is maintained. We then asked how much access this person had to actual figures, deposits, etc. (It is a small account, representing only a single fund raising activity - no big deal and publicly disclosed anyway) . VP advised us that all access was monitored and a report would be run. He told us both the banks policy was very strict regarding things of this nature and that we would be informed, if we wish, of any diciplinary outcome. We declined saying we were not interested in this persons problems only our current problem that involved the bank. We stated we had concerns this person would try to use any information obtained against us in the future and felt that we needed written and signed documentation that the bank acknowledge the problem, the breach in security of our account, and the assurance that none of our information would be disclosed by any personnell unless by my authorization or court order. This seemed to put the fear of God into him and we left him with our attorneys card so the documentation would be valid. We wanted this in writing just in case there are any future problems with her or with her spouse. I think we are good. I like the way my H stood with me. I do realize that his #1 interest was protecting our privacy, but still....it wouldnt have been right if I had gone alone. Whew. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Whew, and WOW! Glad you were able to handle that together! I think we are good. I like the way my H stood with me. I do realize that his #1 interest was protecting our privacy, but still....it wouldnt have been right if I had gone alone. He did certainly feel the consequences of his actions and delt with it personally. Maybe like you implied yesterday, their is some sort of blessing in this mess! Glad to hear it turned out well for you both! I would have also declined to know what disciplinary actions were taken against this girl, BUT I would have LOVED to know! Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Is it too late to staple the email to her forehead? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I'm still a little shocked at my whole initial reaction to this. I was sick, physically ill. In tears. The people here talked me down and gave me good advice. My knee jerk reactions could have created an ugly mess. And THAT would have been my fault. As it is, when we were leaving we stopped and said hello to a couple of people, all smiles, etc. When we finally sat down in the car I said two words: JACK ASS Link to post Share on other sites
Miss K Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 2sure you are my hero! Throughout this situation, you kept your dignity and didn't react out of emotion. Your meeting at the bank was a very classy thing to do! I hope everything works out for you....keep us informed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Wow, wow and WOW!! Go YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 And THAT, boys and girls...is how you do BIZNESS!!! Very, very well done all the way around. There is no way that this does NOT come back to bite her in the behind. If she's not fired, I'm astounded. This should (hopefully) send a screamingly loud message that she's not welcome. Taking ownership of your life is always your best option. It sounds like your H is taking responsibility for his lousy choices as well...instead of hiding his head in the sand like many WS's do, he faced this situation down. Good juju. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Well done. You handled it with the seriousness that it deserves. And I am very glad your H saw just how serious it is. Dont think for one minute he is not quaking in his boots thinking that being a jr Bill Clinton is not for him... and OMG what has he started... This will (God willing) be enough to scare him out of his love for the adulation of the political groupies. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 And I have to ask. Other than quaking in his boots... what was the reaction of the VP? Was he alarmed? outraged? profusely apologetic? or was he keeping his bankers calm. Thank you for bringing this to our attention we take these matters very seriously and will look into it immediately (my guess is the latter while hoping he didnt faint on the spot...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 LOL. The VP was pretty personable and casual until we had to ask for the legal acknowledgement. He completely understood, but began to relaize this could not be considered a complaint, and that this employee reflected the bank. I think we did handle it as well as we could. I feel bad for this girl though, I have to admit. She is just stupid. In fact, I fully realize that my reaction would not have been as strong if my husband and I had not had previous problems. I'm a whimp , a bleeding heart, it is a real effort me to do anything negative to someone else. My H was very surprised at my demeanor, my knowledge, everything in the way I handled this! And appreciateive. If he only knew about my hidden arsonal....LS!! I think I may even start having OPINIONS OF MY OWN. THAT I TALK ABOUT AT COCKTAIL PARTIES. Well no, I have to be realistic. lol. But I do feel empowered. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 LOL. but began to relaize this could not be considered a complaint, and that this employee reflected the bank. I think we did handle it as well as we could. I feel bad for this girl though, My H was very surprised at my demeanor, my knowledge, everything in the way I handled this! And appreciateive. 1. It absolutely reflects the bank. She got your personal info because she was a bank employee and she misused it. Now that the bank is on notice of her actions, if she does ANYTHING else with your information, the bank can not say oh she did that without our knowledge and consent. They are on notice... 2. It has nothing to do with feeling bad or the prior history. This had to be done. Misuse of confidential bank information is extremely serious - you did not sign up to match.com AND she has access to your financial information... the lack of judgement she exhibited can not be countenanced by a bank in these days of identity theft etc. 3. Clearly you have many opinions and a fabulous wit and charm. You choose not to express all of those opinions at cocktail parties because it is more expedient not to... You did good Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 It would be a bad judgment on the bank's part not to fire her, in my opinion. Is there any way you could find out if she eventually end up being fired? How is she going to lie to her husband why the bank fire her? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Of course it would. They have no choice but to fire her. She banked on 2sure and her husband being as silly as she is and keeping it personal. Dangerous dangerous naive immature unprofessional twit. I am always amazed when people make sexual advances in a professional setting without calculating the risk of what if it backfires.... the unmitigated disrespect and breaking of boundaries where the contact is not very very clearly welcome is something I find difficult to understand. But for a bank employee to do what she did? It defies imagination. My guess is if 2sure and her H know the bank Pres he may let them know. I would be surprised if they dont get a call from him letting them know the situation has been taken care of. Its just too egregious a situation for them to hear nothing more about it. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 (excuse me this fascinates me... ) but the fact that 2sure opened the account and the girl emailed her H is... its just all so bizarre. She very very clearly flaunted her access to confidential information. Frankly she doesnt deserve to work in a bank. Im not sure Id trust her in a Dairy Queen. The lack of judgement is just unlike anything I have ever heard. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 2sure, you're a class act. My humblest admiration to you in your handling of this! We should all aspire to such nobility and graciousness. How is she going to lie to her husband why the bank fire her? Two birds, one stone. Kudos! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted October 23, 2008 Author Share Posted October 23, 2008 Oh man, if you knew me in person you would realize that the help I received here was NEEDED. I am not so polished. My knee jerk reactions are cause for concern. This woman thought she was emailing my husband because the e-address I used for contact on the account is literally H's first and last name. But still, I am surprised she thought he would be handling this type of financial thing himself. Even that is a stupid notion. After finding out her name and working with the information I previously had on her - H found out this is not the first time she has tried to ..ingratiate herself politically. He even added that the nature of her communication to him was beginning to get creepy back when it was happening. He didnt elaborate more, but no longer seems concerned with backlash from her spouse. JJ- You are SOOO right on! Last night my H told me that after our meeting, the VP called him . Told him the woman was immediately dismissed and also that she had tried to explain that she and my husband were "friends" and that it was Me that objected to it. (Explains why the VP tried to discreetly call H only). Also, the VP said he would understand if we wanted to terminate our relationship with his bank. No freaking chance buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Told him the woman was immediately dismissed and also that she had tried to explain that she and my husband were "friends" and that it was Me that objected to it. Well, that explains the picture and the invite to lunch. Its a great thing that you two stood together! It is also a good thing that YOU opened that account and not him! Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 She actually tried to defend herself??? And YOU opened the account so what if it was his email address. Its YOUR account. And even if it wasnt your account using bank information to reconnect is outrageous. How stupid is she that she actually said we are friends but his wife doesnt like it... after being caught red handed.... Im telling you she is the trashy wife telling her husband shh pipe down while she smiles and waves and pushes out her chest to get the attention of the "important men" she longs to leave that H for... She is trouble. Dont feel bad for one red second. And dont be surprised if you hear from her again. Be ready for that and ready for your lawyer to send her a letter. She obviouly doesnt understand what she did wrong and by suggesting she and your H have some sort of special relationship she has learned nothing from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Its hilarious that she tried to blame this solely on you. And...it might have worked, had your H not been right there with you in the VP's office!!! She was clearly shown to be full of [radio edit here!] and that just made her look even worse! You couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
sadintexas Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Never mind! I didn't read all the way through. Glad it worked out the way it did. Much better than my idea LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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