Sophie123 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Hi About a month ago my boyfriend moved away to university. Our relationship is generally really good & we've been together for approx 6 months now. However, since he has started uni I've noticed that he tries to get a jealous reaction from me quite often when I visit him or when he comes back home for a weekend. My boyfriend's friends are mainly female, which I have no problem with as that's just the way it is. I'm normally not a jealous person but he's been saying a few comments recently that have got on my nerves and it's as if he is doing this on purpose!! Here are a couple of examples:- After the first week of uni, he told me that one of the girls he hangs around with has a crush on him. This is understandable as he is a lovely person and is good looking. However, a group of them went to the cinema rencently & he told me that he was feeding her popcorn whilst watching the film. I told him this was a bit odd and his response was that she asked everyone to feed her, so everyone did & he joined in! Is this not a bit strange? Why would he tell me this?! Also, there were a few pictures of him with this girl out on a student night hugging on facebook, which he kept asking me if i had seen on a number of occasions. The pictures were innocent enough but it bothered me that he really wanted me to see them. This girl has now asked him to start salsa lessons with her. He says he is going to go, great lol! I told him I thought he was mentioning this girl quite a bit & after that he seemed to mention her even more just to wind me up!!! Also, the last time i visited him, he was constantly logging into facebook & showing me things girls had written to him etc. He showed me one of the comments he made a few weeks ago on a picture of his ex-girlfriend saying 'looking good '. Why show me that?!!! He also told me that he checks facebook 'like a hawk' & he told me he doesn't like it when some of my male friends write on my wall. He seems to tell me these things, just to make me jealous. I find this hard to understand as I would never purposely do this to him and I find it hurtful that he would want to make me jealous. Aren't partners meant to make you feel secure and comfortable?! He says that we are soul mates etc but then he turns round and purposely makes me feel jealous. Am I just being petty?! Or is he acting out of order?! Any input would be much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 I think in a way it's his own insecurity about being separated, and he's worried you'll go off him, so he needs reassurance that you still care enough to - care! It's also (if true) a boost to his ego, and he likes to see you jealous because it means he's 'got a hold on you emotionally.... It's a complicated little mind-game thing he's got going... in any ways, it keeps you on your toes, in his euyes. It's a bit immature, but young guys are less mature than ladies... it balances out after a while, but that's the way it is. You can either call his bluff, or start telling him a couple of guys have begun hitting on you to.... see where that takes him. But that's another way of playing games, and may not be the right or nice thing to do..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie123 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 Thanks for your reply. I think you're right, it is very immature. My boyfriend is in his mid 20s which makes it even worse cos he shouldn't really be behaving like this at that age! Link to post Share on other sites
MrMe Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 My ex did this with me I think, she would constantly tell me how other guys would hit on her. I think she was trying to get a jealous reaction from me reassure her that i cared... But..the funny thing is, even tho I knew this is what she needed and wanted....more than anything it pushed me away. It bothered me quite a bit. It was having the opposite effect of what was intended. I will say to all the women and men out there...jealousy doesnt work. Link to post Share on other sites
perpdartNY Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 one word, well two. he most likely has some sort of inferior complexity. i suggest that you should just just confront him and ask him why he is doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I agree. He is obviously feeling insecure perhaps because you are so far apart or perhaps he is just inherently an insecure person. He tries to make you feel guilty to reassure himself that you care for him and or want and need him. Either that or he gets a kick out of being cruel. I mean it's one thing to attempt to incite jealousy by throwing things in your face and another to take up salsa dancing with a girl? Or perhaps he is doing this to try to get you to break up with him? Confront him about this. Tell him you feel he is trying to make you jealous and ask why. Ask if he is happy with the relationship as it is. If he opens up to you then great. If not then this is a difficult issue - do you really want to be with someone who acts so immaturely instead of communicates their needs to you? I remember I was once the same. Because I could not communicate my fears and insecurities (I felt they were a weakness) I attempted to make my boyfriend jealous by sort of evening the playing field (If i'm jealous you need to be too - that way you can understand). In the end playing this game only makes you yourself more paranoid and jealous because you start thinking if i'm playing games, they must be too! Just confront the issue because once someone confronts you it's much easier to throw your hands up and say 'you got me' and realise that this childish approach does not help a relationship at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ShadowU12345 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Me and my girlfriend were having the same exact problem, but instead we were trying to make each other jealous for some odd reason I just talked to a girl at school and on myspace for a few comments, and then I was talking about her just a little bit and I could tell my girlfriend got jealous(btw, me and my GF were seeing each other for 6 weeks as well). This lead to us not talking for an entire week. And a week later she separated from me for some random guy she had a crush on and told me that she just wanted to see other people people and take a break from our current relationship. Well, she hasn't hardly talked to me since, and I've been very sad . As you can see, jealousy is a really big crusher of relationships. I've felt like crap ever since me and her started having our jealous wars.lol. And I'm a guy, so I've been kinda guilty of the same thing your boyfriend was doing, and I know how it feels, it gets under you skin. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Because he's immature and playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
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