Anxiety ruining my life

[talreka]

Hello-

 

I am 29 and have been with a wonderful guy for three years. Last month at my request, we discussed marriage and that we would like to get married within the year. I felt good, euphoric even, then that evening I started experiencing the worst anxiety I have ever felt in my life. I was feeling it in my limbs, my stomach and chest. The next day, it continued. It got so that I was questioning my feelings for him and questioning whether I loved him. I know that is not true but then, everytime I started to feel the anxiety, I felt like I was having trouble accessing my feelings for him. Little things he did that I always found cute started to annoy me. It was so disturbing that I got really depressed and would cry all day. This happened for about a month. I have had a few days where I felt like my feelings came back but then the anxiety would set in again and it got harder and harder to drag myself out of it. I have since been prescribed Celexa for the anxiety and depression but my anxiety now seems to have gotten worse and my feelings are not coming back.

 

A little background, I have been in therapy for a year. Before, my anxiety issues manifested themselves as jealousy in that I was really paranoid that he was thinking about other women and exes all the time and that he would eventually leave me. When he told me he wanted to marry me, the jealousy issues vanished but I was left with this emptiness. I think I had always told myself the relationship wouldn't work even though everything pointed to the contrary. It seems like now my psyche has decided without me that the relationship won't work and is making me grieve/prepare for the end of it with the anxiety and depression and loss of feeling. I want to fight for this relationship as I know that I love him and that he has made me happy in many ways. He supports me, knows I am crazy sometimes and still loves me despite that.

 

I have seen a few forum posts out there where people have had similar reactions to marriage prospects etc and I am just wondering if anyone has had anything similar happen and actually RESOLVE it. I very much want to do everything I can to salvage this and make it really great for both of us but these feelings are very distracting and disturbing to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[KEC]

Hi talreka

I just want to let you know that your email is identical to my situation!! 29 - been together 3 years and they have been glorious years. As soon as my fiance proposed (which was a complete surprise) I straight away had this massive wave of anxiety and like a flick of a switch pushed him away. Some days I have wondered what all my fuss is about and other days its like the end of the world with anxiety about the marriage. Its been going on for 6 months for me and I am doing my best to get through it but it is tough. I also feel like I have grieved the end of the relationship without this ever being my intention and my poor fiance is still sticking by me and loves me to bits. Its a horrible horrible feeling but I promise you are not the only one. I think we need to not let the power of the mind take over and remember in your heart why you love him so much. Are you based in the UK? I am off for coaching tomorrow from someone who understands 100% these feelings and would recommend calling her for advice. I can pass on the website to you if it is of any use.

[brokenboy]

Hi talreka

I also feel like I have grieved the end of the relationship without this ever being my intention and my poor fiance is still sticking by me and loves me to bits. Its a horrible horrible feeling but I promise you are not the only one.

 

Interesting observation, and admission. Mourning the end before it happens. I've been down this road a few times. It's horrible.

 

I think the original post had some interesting nuggets too. That, those of us who fret and obsess tend to have nothing to fill the void. those feeling of negativity are all we know, so we run to them. And if they aren't there, we have no good model to replace them.

 

I tried cognitive therapy for this, had some success.

 

I would be interested the website too... no such thing as too much help.

[2sure]

Anxiety. Yep. I grew up with it , I get up with it.

 

Therapy will help. I'm 40 and I would say it is manageable. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

 

The really scary thing is that when so many things make you worry, make you doubt, make you physically anxious...its hard to tell the valid concerns from the imagined.

 

Not much help. But I totally get it.

[brokenboy]

Anxiety. Yep. I grew up with it , I get up with it.

 

Therapy will help. I'm 40 and I would say it is manageable. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

 

The really scary thing is that when so many things make you worry, make you doubt, make you physically anxious...its hard to tell the valid concerns from the imagined.

 

Not much help. But I totally get it.

 

Have you ever used meds? I think I'm willing this time to try anything to manage it better. I'm [almost] 40... don't want this to consume me the rest of my life.

[2sure]

No, I havent used meds but think I might consider them. One of my sisters has in the past with not so great results - and ended up addicted which was a real inconvenience. BUT, it is my understanding that there are better things out there now.

 

My other sister, meditates and exercises and she seems a LOT better. In fact, I would say she used to be the worst and now she is the best.

 

I laughingly say "We come from nervous people" but its hard. My mother and her family suffered from anxiety. Its obvious to me now, but growing up it was just crazy. So, Ive inherited some of the behavior and my worst fear is that my daughter will too.

[brokenboy]

No, I havent used meds but think I might consider them. One of my sisters has in the past with not so great results - and ended up addicted which was a real inconvenience. BUT, it is my understanding that there are better things out there now.

 

My other sister, meditates and exercises and she seems a LOT better. In fact, I would say she used to be the worst and now she is the best.

 

I laughingly say "We come from nervous people" but its hard. My mother and her family suffered from anxiety. Its obvious to me now, but growing up it was just crazy. So, Ive inherited some of the behavior and my worst fear is that my daughter will too.

 

I hear that, mother was/is an anxious person... I seem to have adopted that biological/learned trait full on. I'm hopeful that med will at least even me out to allow better work to happen (e.g. therapy, CBT). Hopefully there's a broad enough range of options too that addiction won't be a big risk and efficacy will be better.

 

I've thought about meditation... know any good leads on how to get started on that?

[2sure]

Kind of. My sister , and also one of my guy friends both practice it. And neither of them are people that you would consider "zen". lol.

 

There is something in my city, a center, that may go by the same name in other cities. It is called the "Himilayan Institute"

 

Now, I know that sounds all spiritual and yogi-ish...and it can be BUT:

They also offer excersise, foods, etc. My daughter - who is 12, learned some meditation techniques as part of a yoga class.

 

The cool thing about meditation is that you dont have to "prepare" for it once you know how. My sister uses it any time she is in a pinch and needs to "talk herself" down.

[brokenboy]

Kind of. My sister , and also one of my guy friends both practice it. And neither of them are people that you would consider "zen". lol.

 

There is something in my city, a center, that may go by the same name in other cities. It is called the "Himilayan Institute"

 

Now, I know that sounds all spiritual and yogi-ish...and it can be BUT:

They also offer excersise, foods, etc. My daughter - who is 12, learned some meditation techniques as part of a yoga class.

 

The cool thing about meditation is that you dont have to "prepare" for it once you know how. My sister uses it any time she is in a pinch and needs to "talk herself" down.

 

thanks for the info. I am going to look into it, no options or potential solutions left on the table this time. I guess, more than anything, I want to know there's hope to be better, so I'm glad there are other options out there.

 

food and excersise also good, I've been reading that certain foods exacerbate it, others may help reduce. so... there's apparently lots that can be done.

 

thanks again.

[MarieD]

Hello!

I have had this happen to me in some of my relationships & never knew what it was. I am happy to know that i am not alone.

 

Have you done anything lately for it?? Ever get that website about it??