What is my problem?

[Ponderer]

first off im new to the forums

ok i know its been asked a bagillion times, but i just dont get it

im 18, smart, nice, not hideous looking, average size, not too shy, and sadly a virgin

when i was in school, i wasnt really into the whole "girlfriend" scene, i was more focused on school

im not a nerd, im just a person who actually did my school work hah

but now that im out of school, i would like to find someone

everyone else i know has "someone", and when i go to hang out with them, its so weird being by myself ya know?

any tips or anything?

i meet new people often, and am fairly outgoing

i talk to quite a few girls, a lot of them i am really close friends with (which i know is a horrible thing)

why do girls only see me as a friend though?

its really bugging me

[Suiyobi]

Knowing quite a few girls as friends isn't such a bad thing, actually. For one thing, you'll learn a little bit more about the female psyche. Secondly, some girls do find it attractive if you have lots of girl "friends", just goes to show that you CAN be a ladies man if you wanted to be, but just chose not to since you're more focused on your studies.

 

As for your question as to why girls only see you as a friend, though, it could be something that you're doing, or NOT doing, rather. Like, are you flirtatious? Are you making any subtle yet sexual moves?

[Lovegod]

any tips or anything?

 

You're asking to cover a very large subject, and there really is no great way to summarize the initial attraction, getting the number, setting up the date, first kiss, and first lay. However, I will try to summarize some of the most important things when you're going woman-hunting...

 

1) When you see an attractive woman, do not hesitate the approach. Count to three and force your legs to move in her direction.

 

2) DO NOT start a conversation with a complement or even "hello". Start with an observation about her or your surroundings. If her hair is a really neat color, tell her that (note: do not compliment. You will come across as "creepy")

 

3) If you can, interact with her in waves. In other words, interact and then do something else. Interact again, and then do something else. In other words, don't spend ALL your time with her on a first meeting.

 

4) Get her number.

 

5) Call either the next day or the day after, and promptly set up a date. DO NOT ask for her permission to date you. Just set up a place for the both of you to go. Make sure you have a destination, a date, and a time in mind. A coffee date is a good first date. If you decide that you really do like her, you can take her somewhere else after your coffee date.

 

6) Touch her as soon as you can. I don't mean grabbing her ass, but just subtle things like examining her fingers, giving her a hug, Playing with her hair, or even tickling her. You need to break down the sexual tension that exists between the two of you.

 

7) If you're not ready to lay her on a first date, don't. However, don't wait longer than 1 1/2 months to lay her or she will lose interest and look for sex somewhere else.

 

Any questions?

[messiah]

what do you mean by sexual flirting? i thought flirting is flirting.

[BlueHarvest]

What he is trying to say is that starting off as friends is fine. However if you perpetually just stay a friend without making SOME sort of move to SHOW how you feel, then you will forever be a friend. Eventually they will lose any sort of sexual desire they might have harbored for you and you get scooted over into the friendzone.

 

Then you are screwed because there is rarely a chance of coming back once you have been friendzoned. You are also then subject to seeing her go out with other guys while being her "friend". And you have to deal with the emotions you feel for her going unrequited all while she is banging some other dude.

 

Not a pretty prospect is it?

 

If you have been friends for over a month and your still unsure how she feels about you then you might want to start looking elsewhere. She might only see you as a friend to begin with. Look at any signs she might give off, does she touch you? (Rub your shoulders, neck, back etc.) Does she sometimes look directly at your eyes or lips? Does she hug you? Have you hugged her? If you have hugged her, how does she respond? (Does she fold deeper into the hug or does she kind of pull away or end it fast?) Does she compliment you?

 

These are all small signals.

[Ponderer]

sorry i took so long to reply, been really busy

thanks for all the info guys/gals

 

Knowing quite a few girls as friends isn't such a bad thing, actually. For one thing, you'll learn a little bit more about the female psyche. Secondly, some girls do find it attractive if you have lots of girl "friends", just goes to show that you CAN be a ladies man if you wanted to be, but just chose not to since you're more focused on your studies.

 

As for your question as to why girls only see you as a friend, though, it could be something that you're doing, or NOT doing, rather. Like, are you flirtatious? Are you making any subtle yet sexual moves?

 

yes im flirtatious, to an extent. and i dont really make any subtle moves, im sort of lacking in the "makin a move" department...i dont know why

 

You're asking to cover a very large subject, and there really is no great way to summarize the initial attraction, getting the number, setting up the date, first kiss, and first lay. However, I will try to summarize some of the most important things when you're going woman-hunting...

 

1) When you see an attractive woman, do not hesitate the approach. Count to three and force your legs to move in her direction.

 

2) DO NOT start a conversation with a complement or even "hello". Start with an observation about her or your surroundings. If her hair is a really neat color, tell her that (note: do not compliment. You will come across as "creepy")

 

3) If you can, interact with her in waves. In other words, interact and then do something else. Interact again, and then do something else. In other words, don't spend ALL your time with her on a first meeting.

 

4) Get her number.

 

5) Call either the next day or the day after, and promptly set up a date. DO NOT ask for her permission to date you. Just set up a place for the both of you to go. Make sure you have a destination, a date, and a time in mind. A coffee date is a good first date. If you decide that you really do like her, you can take her somewhere else after your coffee date.

 

6) Touch her as soon as you can. I don't mean grabbing her ass, but just subtle things like examining her fingers, giving her a hug, Playing with her hair, or even tickling her. You need to break down the sexual tension that exists between the two of you.

 

7) If you're not ready to lay her on a first date, don't. However, don't wait longer than 1 1/2 months to lay her or she will lose interest and look for sex somewhere else.

 

Any questions?

 

thanks for the info

 

What he is trying to say is that starting off as friends is fine. However if you perpetually just stay a friend without making SOME sort of move to SHOW how you feel, then you will forever be a friend. Eventually they will lose any sort of sexual desire they might have harbored for you and you get scooted over into the friendzone.

 

Then you are screwed because there is rarely a chance of coming back once you have been friendzoned. You are also then subject to seeing her go out with other guys while being her "friend". And you have to deal with the emotions you feel for her going unrequited all while she is banging some other dude.

 

Not a pretty prospect is it?

 

If you have been friends for over a month and your still unsure how she feels about you then you might want to start looking elsewhere. She might only see you as a friend to begin with. Look at any signs she might give off, does she touch you? (Rub your shoulders, neck, back etc.) Does she sometimes look directly at your eyes or lips? Does she hug you? Have you hugged her? If you have hugged her, how does she respond? (Does she fold deeper into the hug or does she kind of pull away or end it fast?) Does she compliment you?

 

These are all small signals.

 

ya i kinda know that..."friendzone" sucks ><

[Limin]

This is just my opinion, I am not forcing this on you brother.

 

Do not pay attention to the girls around you. It is easy to have the girls to have your emotion and screw around with it. I am not asking you to be a complete ******* towards the girls that you like or will like. Pay attention to what they do and do not act on it. Eventually, things will go your way. I know you are not a desperate guy but it seems like the girls thinks you are. Do not give your emotions out. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

[Suiyobi]

yes im flirtatious, to an extent. and i dont really make any subtle moves, im sort of lacking in the "makin a move" department...i dont know why

 

You're probably not making a move because a) you're fearing rejection (even if you don't think you are or you don't want to admit it), and b) you're actually not sure if this is the girl that you want to be with, i.e. you're overanalyzing and preventing you from pushing forth.

[Ponderer]

This is just my opinion, I am not forcing this on you brother.

 

Do not pay attention to the girls around you. It is easy to have the girls to have your emotion and screw around with it. I am not asking you to be a complete ******* towards the girls that you like or will like. Pay attention to what they do and do not act on it. Eventually, things will go your way. I know you are not a desperate guy but it seems like the girls thinks you are. Do not give your emotions out. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

 

alright man ill try to do that

 

You're probably not making a move because a) you're fearing rejection (even if you don't think you are or you don't want to admit it), and b) you're actually not sure if this is the girl that you want to be with, i.e. you're overanalyzing and preventing you from pushing forth.

 

that sounds right hah

sounds like a mix of both

i just dont know how to just go forth and make the move..

my body just goes "no!"

[Suiyobi]

that sounds right hah

sounds like a mix of both

i just dont know how to just go forth and make the move..

my body just goes "no!"

 

You know how I overcame my fear of making a move? By "giving up" on the overanalyzing. One day, I literally said to myself, "**** this, I'm tired of building up needless pressure on myself. I'm gonna go and ask her out. If she's okay with it, then **** yeah. If not, then **** her and move on."

 

Suddenly these days I'm able to approach women and take them out. The only problem I'm having right now is that the girls I'm interested in are already taken. Don't mean to give a bad name to us guys, but I'm one of the few actually looking for a relationship and not just some meat to pound.

[SoulSearch_CO]

7) If you're not ready to lay her on a first date, don't. However, don't wait longer than 1 1/2 months to lay her or she will lose interest and look for sex somewhere else.

 

HAHAHAHAHA...this MIGHT be true if ALL she is looking for is sex and that's all he wants, too. But IMO, if you want something more than sex (like a RELATIONSHIP), then waiting longer than a month is no deal breaker. I guess I'd say just don't put off her advances. But don't push her into sex before a month and a half because you're worried she may look for another guy. This is definitely not a hard and fast rule.

[Ponderer]

You know how I overcame my fear of making a move? By "giving up" on the overanalyzing. One day, I literally said to myself, "**** this, I'm tired of building up needless pressure on myself. I'm gonna go and ask her out. If she's okay with it, then **** yeah. If not, then **** her and move on."

 

Suddenly these days I'm able to approach women and take them out. The only problem I'm having right now is that the girls I'm interested in are already taken. Don't mean to give a bad name to us guys, but I'm one of the few actually looking for a relationship and not just some meat to pound.

 

im sure you know this, but its a lot easier said then done

i guess ill really try to do it, but it may take some time hah

also, a lot of the girls i hang around are already taken or are not ones id be interested in...so this isnt going to be easy

 

HAHAHAHAHA...this MIGHT be true if ALL she is looking for is sex and that's all he wants, too. But IMO, if you want something more than sex (like a RELATIONSHIP), then waiting longer than a month is no deal breaker. I guess I'd say just don't put off her advances. But don't push her into sex before a month and a half because you're worried she may look for another guy. This is definitely not a hard and fast rule.

 

yes, i actually want a relationship

sex would be a bonus, of course

but thats not one of my top priorities

[icelove]

first of all, what's the deal with guys being a virgin? it that so important? i mean me? i haven't experienced sex until i was twenty,believe, when girls find out that you're still av virgin tell them, you're just a gentleman..

[Ponderer]

Firstly being an 18 year old Virgin is nothing to be ashamed about. They don’t make films titled the 18 year old virgin for a reason. Secondly, you need to stop looking at yourself as being average looking, but handsome. How we view ourselves is how we are viewed by others, because we give off signals and signs based on how we view ourselves. It’s not weird being by yourself, being a singleton has many perks that a single person takes for granted, but I can understand why you want a relationship. Feeling all the emotions your friends feel about having a girlfriend, having someone to hold your hand and share your inner most fantasies and secrets with, a person to kiss, hug and engage in hours of sex. It’s natural and you will find someone, now you have two options a) you can work on yourself through a process known as self improvement, gain more confidence and approach girls you fancy and ask them on a date. B) You can get on with life and when you least expect it someone will come into your life. It’s a cliché but it’s resoundingly true. The choice is yours, my friend.

 

I can’t answer why girls see you as a friend. It might because you act like their friend? When I’m interested in a girl; I make sure they know I am interested. Then the ball is in their court and if I know they are interested, then I ask them on a date. The only advice I can offer you is change the way you are with girls you fancy. If a girl you fancy sees you as a friend it’s probably due to them not being interested in you and the fact you are giving off signals of friendship rather then romance. Be confident, be assertive and when you are presented with the Green light, paint your target.

 

Oh and make use of these female friends you have, I do and from them I have learnt a lot more about women than I have done through a book I bought and more experience male friends of mine.

 

well i guess it may come off as me being a friend cause i dont act like im a horny as hell dog like the rest of the people i know, i actually just be nice to them and they just see me as "the friend"....

and how do you make use of your female friends?

examples?

[Ponderer]

i guess im not giving off the signals, cause it seems girls are only attracted to dickheads and horny guys

and again, my body says "no" lol

its hard to overcome

[SoulSearch_CO]

Don't let the virginity thing be a hang-up. I think you're overthinking it. I was a virgin until less than one month before my 23rd birthday. Not a big deal. And seriously - I'd rather be with a guy that doesn't have a ton of notches in the bedpost. Nothing wrong with a virgin. I don't understand why it's acceptable for men to whore around (and even encouraged), but not women. It'll happen when it'll happen - it's a whole lot easier if you let it happen naturally rather than forcing it.

[Ponderer]

i know i probably am

but it seems like pretty much all girls around here want a guy thats experienced....no one wants a virgin

and im not trying to "whore around" and get a bunch of notches on the bedpost

im just sick of being one of the only virgins out of most of the people i know

i dunno, i guess i am overthinking it

ugh

thanks for the replies guys/gals

[Commando]

Don't feel down. I'm 20, lost my virginity at 19, and half of my friends at least are still virgins and they are my age. Why are they virgins, though? A big reason is that they don't hang around women enough.

 

If you feel confident enough - try hanging around more girls. If you hang around girls enough, one of them is bound to dig you and vice versa. Having that feeling of comfort makes it easier to make a move on a girl.

 

I used to think I'd never get laid, too, but as soon as I stopped hanging around all of my guy friends and around more girls - things changed. Sure, the girls usually ended up being crazy, but that's just my luck.

 

So, trust me, hang around more girls! Having a good friend that is a girl also helps as they can give you helpful advice on what to do when picking up a girl. Don't give up, it'll happen eventually!

[fudge_cake_89]

from the things you've said already, you sound like a really nice guy, a guy who isnt a twat, isnt up your own arse, and a guy who is more of a gentleman. personally, the kind of guy i go for:p

 

so i guess you just need to find the girls who arent after the arseholes. ha. easily said than done i know but still.

 

on the close-friends issue. ive been the girl who only thinks of a guy as a best friend. and from my experience, telling this girl you like her, may make things difficult for a while, but if nothing closer comes of it, it might make you more comfortable as friends knowing whats going on in each others minds.

 

hope its at least a wee bit helpful, if not, just a bunch of jibberish, of which i apologise for. heh.

[fudge_cake_89]

oh and adding on to that, on the virginity side of things, i was still a virgin at 18.

but even now, being less experienced myself, having an experienced guy...is not all its cracked up to be. makes a girl feel more self conscious than anything.

 

and some girls like to corrupt a man's innocence. ha.