smm80 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Ladies, what are your thoughts of a woman who stops reciprocating feelings to her man. Basically my gf and I had things start really hot and heavy and we moved fast. We would tell each other all the time about how we were eachothers true loves, that we wanted to be together for all time and on and on. Shes been married twice before and both ended in divorce. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I know this is true love, atleast on my part. i txted her this am, "I can't wait to see you baby, you are truely my true love and i look forward everyday to spending my life by your side" Now before this kind of thing would have generated a like response...in turn today I get "I cant wait to see you...I love you" Mind you this has been going on for a week of 2 now, I have been trying to pull away little by little in hopes she might see something is arry, I've tried talking to her about it, but it doesnt get us anywhere.....ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
MrMe Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Maybe she's afraid to fully commit to you, especially after having been in two failed relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Not to be a nay sayer here, but she's been married and divorced twice. Do you think there is a reason for that? I mean, I know people make mistakes, but one thing I have learned: Relationships that start off like a rocket will come crashing down like one. In other words, slow things down and don't be in such a rush. Pull back a little and see what happens with her. Don't be a jerk or anything, just temper your enthusiasm. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 You don't mention how long you have been dating, but after a while, aren't you secure enough in your relationship that you don't have to have these huge long protestations of how madly in love you are? Maybe she is tired of texting those great long messages. Maybe she is tired of having to tell you every time she sees you how you are her (final) soulmate and that she will love and adore you for all time and never care if you fart in your sleep. Or maybe she has come to see that she has a pattern of falling really quickly (great rocket analogy) and that she needs to learn to slow down and really get to know someone before she commits again. What was the length of time for dating/marriage/divorce for her first two husbands? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smm80 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 so basically just curb those kinds of texts and see if she comes back around. not going NC or anything but just kind of sit back and see what happens? Link to post Share on other sites
bhweller Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 she may be getting saturated by all that gooey stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smm80 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 we have been dating for just over 4 months now. She is 13 years older than I am. Its not so much that im not secure, its more that I enjoy saying those things to her. See I lost a woman I loved dearly because I got comfortable in the relationship and let the love showing dwindle. I vowed to never let that happen with the next person I fall in love with. I understand its a natural course of relationships to have that sort of talk diminish over time...but after only 4months?! The first marriage was because she got pregnant, last a couple years and she left him. Second one happened after they dated for a few months, lasted many years, but it still ended. I can understand taking things slow because of her past...but im not trying to rush into anything, just looking for that love/affection. Link to post Share on other sites
serialgf Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 not to psychoanalyze you, but you sound like you have some issues to work out and you are projecting them on to her. you also sound like you're being kind of self-centered in a way. what i mean is that you're only thinking about the fact that you enjoy saying those things to her. you're not thinking about how those words impact her. i don't mean to say she doesn't love you or doesn't like to hear it but it may be too much for her. people have different tolerances for intensity. think about that. good luck. it sounds like she really likes you. just take it slow because it sounds like thats what she wants... Link to post Share on other sites
Author smm80 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I will admit to that, I have some issues I am working..just as she has admitted she has some she is working on, but we have agreed we want to work thru them together. Its just a complete 180, I know she wants to take it slow and go day by day...but when you were talking about the future and all that goes with it from the beginning and now not so much. Makes one wonder, ya know. She told me last week that her feelings have not changed at all and she still loves me and knows we will have a happy future together. Maybe I just got used to hearing those little diddy's everyday... Link to post Share on other sites
bhweller Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 ok, you are saying all that stuff just to elicit a response. Its your issues. You want some nurturing almost like a kid. I understand that feeling but its not good for romance. In fact , it kills romance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smm80 Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 bhweller...I can really see that. Maybe to her it seems that way. Thats not my intentions at all, looks as though I've just gone over the top. Waay over the top. Last thing I want to do is come across as a kid needing nurturing. But like I said, I couldnt help have some defense mech. come into play wondering if her feelings had changed. Link to post Share on other sites
bhweller Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 believe me I understand, I get that way myself. However I learned my lesson about being too mushy a while back. Link to post Share on other sites
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I've tried talking to her about it, but it doesnt get us anywhere.....ideas? Turn up and stand outside her house till she issues you with a restraining order... that's where this appears to be leading. There's a research study that suggests falling in love puts you in a psychotic state for a while Cool your jets bud Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 "I can't wait to see you baby, you are truely my true love and i look forward everyday to spending my life by your side" Why on earth are you saying this drivel? Are you a 16th century English poet? Not to be redundant, but hit the brakes, pal. I'm going to give you an extreme but possible scenario, though: She is planning on dumping you, cheating on you, or both. It's not guaranteed, but if you're initiating this kind of puppy dog crap and she's not reciprocating, then she is starting to see you less and less as the man she loved every day. Not to mention she is twice divorced - two big red flags. Your options are 1) pull wayyy back and cut the sweet talk, in hopes that you will retain whatever essence of your manhood that attracted her in the first place, or 2) break up with her, so you can avoid getting burned down the road (a likelihood), and learn from this experience. Sweet talk is like candy - give a woman too much and she'll want to puke, Link to post Share on other sites
Author smm80 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Share Posted October 23, 2008 All my thoughts, I say that stuff to her because she really loved it and always said things like that to me when we first got together, and not just for the first couple weeks, it went on for months. Now this extreme change and i'm like wtf. Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 That kind of intense lovey-dovey stage doesn't last forever. She's probably feeling overwhelmed/smothered. I think equating sweet talk to candy, as samspade just did, is an appropriate analogy here. You can only take so much of it before it becomes nauseating. I acted similarly way, way, way back with one of my first girlfriends -- she'd reciprocate when *she* was in that particular lovey-dovey mood, but after a certain point, it was clear that I was over-fawning her. She eventually told me to stop because it was too much. Talking that way may be appropriate in certain situations, but the point is that you need to know when to turn it off. Otherwise it becomes overstimulating, and the words themselves lose meaning and won't carry as much weight (think of it as diminishing returns). Link to post Share on other sites
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