silverbeamer Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 My boyfriend and I have known each other for about 8 years and had dated back when we first met. We got together again a little over a year ago and our relationship was really going great. We recently bought a condo together and a vehicle and are both preparing for a future together. We have discussed marriage and babies and I have never felt more loved or been this in love ever before. Our relationship is fun and honest and I really discovered that he and I are meant to be together for ever... except... since moving in we haven't been intimate at all. There was never an argument or fight to cause this. We still cuddle and kiss and talk sweet to each other but we have not had sex in over THREE months!! I know that everyone will comment that we don't have open communication... but we do. We have discussed sex and the lack thereof. It really isn't a big deal to either one of us and most of the time I'd rather just go to sleep. When we first got back together we were having a ton of fun in bed but now it just seems unnecessary. I'm just concerned that the lack of intimacy will cause issues for us in the future. I've never felt closer to him except this is in the back of my mind. I don't want us to grow apart or hide resentment because there is no passion between us. He also has a back injury which could be to blame but I'm just not sure. Previously I would always take care of him and then would be left to take care of myself too... I always just figured he was a selfish lover and didn't really concern myself too much with it. Thoughts? Is this normal? Are we just lazy? I know he still has a high sex drive as he commonly watches porn and masturbates but I am not ever invited... or even allowed in the same room. What's the deal? Give it to me straight!! Should I just plan a romantic evening and jump him? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 No sex is NO GOOD. Personally, I wouldn't be able to settle for a sexless relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 sometimes, you just do, and you realize it's not the end of the world. Sad, yes. Devastating, not really. You learn to roll with the punches. silver, the fact that you two still snuggle and cuddle is proof that there's still intimacy, but because he's pounding his pud to graphic images yet refuses to let you partake makes me wonder if he's lumping you into the "untouchable madonna" category, while the celluloid queens are "disposable whores" ... and never the twain shall meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverbeamer Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I actually don't feel like I'm settling at all... this is truly the happiest I've ever been and feel like we really do have an incredibly healthy relationship except for the shagging part. Honestly I've never really been that into it before although I've had my share of good lovers and he used to be one of those. I just want to hear from someone else who is in a sexless relationship... does it turn bad in the long run? Should I do what I can to change it now since it's still a fairly new thing for us? We are both still young- he 36... me 28... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=167744&highlight=prostate+cancer&page=3 scroll down to megamags' reply, toward the bottom of page 4 ... Link to post Share on other sites
angryyoungman70 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 My wife of 18 years and I are divorcing...root cause? No sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverbeamer Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 Was it always like that? Was there sex in the beginning of your long marriage? I want to marry my bf as he's the man of my dreams. So I wonder if I go into the marriage knowing this is how it will be if my future will be different then yours. Do you think it's different if things change half way through your relationship as opposed to it staying the same? Sex isn't a big deal for me and never really has been. I just don't want to wake up one day and resent him and our relationship because we don't have it at all... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 :laugh::laugh: sorry ... but it seems like every married woman I talk to says that the sex was great, then they got married. Almost like legal sex was more of a checklist thing! Might have to do with most men not being comfortable in a life of captivity! frankly? The sex wasn't as frequent as I'd hoped for, but it was still pretty dang good ~ we're comfortable with each other, which made sex fun, you know? Over the past couple of years, him hurting so much from his back killed his libido, so I'm lucky if I get laid once a year. Sounds pitiful, but honestly? You learn to adjust. I imagine there will come a time when we'll have an occasional night of chasing each other around the room, full of lust and desire, but in the meantime, I'll enjoy the fact that in every other aspect, I've got a loving, affectionate husband. And that's saying alot for a 50-something year old redneck who's been in captivity for about 1/3 of his life! I guess you've gotta just keep things in perspective – if other parts of the relation are to your liking, and you get on well with each other, there's no reason why y'all can't be successful in your marriage, even with a waning sex drive. Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sex isn't a big deal for me and never really has been. I just don't want to wake up one day and resent him and our relationship because we don't have it at all... You sound fine, it's him I'm not sure about. He masturbates regularly, and I find it odd he wouldn't want sex with you when you're readily available (assuming that is the case). I'll usually pick flesh and blood over a computer screen unless I find the woman physically repulsive, in which case I probably wouldn't be dating her in the first place. Personally, even if I was married and my wife had no interest in sex, I'd still expect some sex. If you're ok and he's ok with it, though, it's your life. But I suspect he's not completely ok with it or there is something else going on (porn addiction, another woman, etc). He may be an exception, but I think it's odd for a healthy 30 something year old male not to want sex. I'm nearing 30 and my libido shows no signs of slowing down. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sucks for the OP. I'm 30-ish and ready to go at it atleast 3 times per day if she's okay. Weekends? tee hee Link to post Share on other sites
angryyoungman70 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Was it always like that? Was there sex in the beginning of your long marriage? I want to marry my bf as he's the man of my dreams. So I wonder if I go into the marriage knowing this is how it will be if my future will be different then yours. Do you think it's different if things change half way through your relationship as opposed to it staying the same? Sex isn't a big deal for me and never really has been. I just don't want to wake up one day and resent him and our relationship because we don't have it at all... When we first started dating, we had sex very regularly. Then, 3 months into our relationship, I landed a job that required me to be in the bush for 2 weeks. Upon my return, I got a hotel room for us for the weekend, took her out for a nice dinner, we swam in the hotel's pool and retired to our room. Naturally, not seeing her for 2 weeks, I was very excited to get in the room, so to speak. She refused however to have sex with me, as she said that she didn't want to feel like "A piece of meat". I got angry that she would even think that was all she was to me, and she got even angrier as a result. The next 18 years were an excercise in sexual frustration. Sex has always been very important to me, and I didn't just "wake up one day" and found that I resented her....It started that night in the hotel and became a monster that eventually consumed me. Link to post Share on other sites
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