devineways19 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 im 22yrs old and just married my wife about a month ago, she is 27. Is it just me or is she controlling, she says to be with her i have to give up friends, motorcycles, and pretty much anything else i want. she says i cant even have one set day per month for a couple hours to golf with a friend of 11 years. she says its feminine that i want a say in how the house is arranged or how the kids are parented. she says she's the mom and i shouldnt tell her how to parent and she wont tell me how to do my job, she wont even let me take the kids to a monster truck show or football game even if they wanted to. the newest thing is i want to get a truck, which she is ok with as long as its what she wants. I want a lifted 4 door diesel, and she says absolutly not cause she thinks there too loud and smelly even though a diesel is a better financial desicion. she is pregnant and says if i get a diesel she will get an abortion and we wont be together cause im too immature and not willing to compromise, but i already give her whatever she wants so how do i not compromise. Its always her way or no way! help am i just young and immature or is she controlling? and what can i do? help please! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I read something the other day along the lines of...two people get married and become one. The fighting starts when they try to decide which one. lol Nobody should have to give up everything they are to be married. If she's preggers, go ahead and let it be blamed on hormones (and I'm a woman), but don't you ever say it! She needs you right now, and your independence is threatening to her. How practical is a lifted truck with a baby? Who is expected to be with the baby while you're out golfing/hanging with the buds? How you gonna fit a baby on a motorcycle? Answer these questions, and you'll see her dilemma. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 How practical is a lifted truck with a baby? Who is expected to be with the baby while you're out golfing/hanging with the buds? How you gonna fit a baby on a motorcycle? Answer these questions, and you'll see her dilemma. Whoa!!! So she should never go out to lunch with friends, buy a sportscar or have some girl time? I agree that a baby is an adjustment for both parents, but you don't give up completely on what makes you tick. There needs to be some middle ground and compromises for everyone involved... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 not sure if it's hormons or not. but this lady's way off base. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Whoa!!! So she should never go out to lunch with friends, buy a sportscar or have some girl time? I agree that a baby is an adjustment for both parents, but you don't give up completely on what makes you tick. There needs to be some middle ground and compromises for everyone involved... Mr. Lucky Whoa! I'm just saying this is what's going through her head right now, and if he comes to understand that, then he'll know how to approach it so that she'll be comforted and he'll get at least some of what he wants. "Honey, I know the truck will be impractical, but we still have [whatever other transportation] so that I can take you to the doctor, and I know the smell makes you nauseaus so I'll keep it parked at the end of the driveway so the smell won't get in the house while you're pregnant. You know I've wanted this for a long time, and I want you to know that it won't interfere with my taking care of you and the baby." That's all. Sheesh. Lighten up, guys. Link to post Share on other sites
trubella Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 help am i just young and immature or is she controlling? im gonna go with both, she seems to be very controlling and your just going along with the ride. that comment she made about getting rid of the baby if u buy a truck she doesnt like is just crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 she is pregnant and says if i get a diesel she will get an abortion and we wont be together cause im too immature and not willing to compromise if she's threatening to kill your child if you refuse to "compromise" by doing what *she* wants, that's emotional terrorism. And this is a HUGE red flag. frankly, if she wasn't pregnant, my advice would be for you to Run! Run as fast as you can! away from this woman, because you're settling for a life of misery with someone who is controlling and an emotional terrorist. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 So tell us about the financial problems in this marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Is this for real? You're in this marriage for a month....I would seriously be thinking about an annulment....(sw?) She's married for you for some reason? You're getting ready to have a child, and you're still thinking about a, "monster" truck.....diesel none the less? You're in a situation....that's for sure....but in all seriousness, if this woman can abort a baby, (kill a human being) simply because she doesn't want you to buy a truck......sorry man....that's unstable...... I never thought I'd say this, but this is one marriage I'd vote against whole heartedly.... Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Controlling is one word for it, amoung others! She sounds very immature and unstable. I agree with Moose, this is something that should be annulled ASAP! This is NOT something that will get better. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Yup, she's controlling! Look, you have a right to go out once a month, even more than once a month. This doesn't mean that in the first little while, after the baby is born, you can dash off whenever you feel like it. The baby comes first. And yes, you have a right to make 1/2 the decision in how the house is arranged and how the baby is raised. As for the diesel truck, time to get practical with something both of you can drive, which makes it easy to load and unload not only the baby but the kitchen sink that goes along with the baby. Regardless if the diesel is practical, a lifted truck eats fuel. Get something diesel that has four doors. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 She is waaaaaay beyond unreasonable. She may be clear out of unstable territory for that matter - I mean to threaten an abortion because she doesn't like your choice of truck is nuts. That's just plain nuts. Sounds like you got married because you knocked her up...which is no reason to get married (IMHO). Take the advice above. Get an annulment. Be a good father. Find another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 someone like his wife will find a way to punish him for leaving – more threats of abortion, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 This is a form of mental/emotional abuse. She wants you to have no other real life outside other than her and the marriage. She is calling the shots for what you will and will not do and what she WILL do if you don't comply. I'm sure you're more worthy than to be in this mess. She sounds like she has alot of issues and she is trying to make her issues yours, don't let her do that. Get out as quickly as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 She is waaaaaay beyond unreasonable. She may be clear out of unstable territory for that matter - I mean to threaten an abortion because she doesn't like your choice of truck is nuts. That's just plain nuts. Sounds like you got married because you knocked her up...which is no reason to get married (IMHO). Take the advice above. Get an annulment. Be a good father. Find another woman. I am betting that there is more to this than was posted. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I am betting that there is more to this than was posted. Ditto. There are two sides to every story. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I am betting that there is more to this than was posted. Yes, there are always two sides. LS just usually only gets one. Link to post Share on other sites
puertominican Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 She is going a bit overboard with wanting to have an abortion over a truck. If you are the one making the car payment on the truck then you should be able to get whatever type of vehicle you like. Tell her, if she wants to make the payment, then she can pick the type of car. Maybe she be quiet about it then. Regardless if you guys are married you should still be able to have time with your friends. Just because you get married doesn't mean you have to stop having fun with your friends and put all the things you like to do to the side. She needs to understand that. If she still wants to be controlling, let her know a marriage cannot function like that. Eventually fustration will built up to the point where you can't stand her anymore. She is supposed to be your wife not your mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Zolar Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 a man who is an irresponsible idiot. That's probably why she's threatening to have an abortion. If you can't be a father and a husband, then she doesn't want to have a child with you. That's all. And, yes, OP, you do sound really immature. Having a baby - the whole thing is terrifying in ways you probably will never understand. You don't sound like you are ready to support a wife who is a mother at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 You don't sound like you are ready to support a wife who is a mother at all. Because he's not willing acceed to her every wish? I pitched in to help in every way I could when my kids were born. I did feedings, diaper changes and anything else needed - and enjoyed every minute of it. And part of that effort was so that my wife could, as circumstances permitted, resume her life also. One partner dictating what the other can and will do is very different than working together as a couple to enjoy life and parenthood. At least as the OP tells it, there's not much give and take here... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Zolar Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 than the O.P. tells, Mr. Lucky. He is not you. He doesn't sound like he's being very supportive - he's interested in hanging with his pals. And, we don't know what his pals are like - maybe they're a bunch of drunks or maybe they act pervy and make his wife uncomfortable. A baby means big expenses ahead and the O.P. wants to buy a truck. Likely the wife is laying down the law a little heavy trying to get a concept of reality into his head. And as far as decorating - if you're having a life with your spouse or a baby with your spouse, this isn't a roommate kind of situation. You want your home to look like a home... you don't want racecar/beer/Star Wars/whatever junk all over your house. You want to try to create the appearance of a respectful home in hopes that the rest will follow. This guy just sounds really young and immature to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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