Groovy Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 My BF is moving in and I'm excited. There will be issues like his dog that wakes me up at night, the fact he gets up at 5 AM, the lack of privacy, his son trashing my house and having no manners, etc. And I know there will be great things like help in the house responsibilities, finances, coming home after a hard day and having someone around who makes me smile, feeling protected, being a better person because of him, etc. I know I want this and am happy. Before I felt like I wanted more intimacy and things hit a standstill. Yet I am frozen with fear. I have lived alone for 21 years. (My parents sent me to a school where I was pretty much independent since I was 15 and now I am 36). I have never lived with anyone but my brothers and sisters when I was young. We each gave up half our stuff. I like the son but it's another part of a big change. My BF has already spent $2000 and a 100 hours remodeling things around the house and yard. If it doesn't work out we will have both sacrificed a lot. Once, I was engaged and received an inexpensive ring. It didn't work out and I gave the ring back. Who knew that was less complicated. Maybe I am also older and even more rigid. This person has given up more time and money for me, plus has a kid involved. Has anyone felt really set in their ways or afraid but wanted to share their life? I'd love to hear how you go over it. He'll be in here in less than a week and I can't sleep a wink at night. I even missed work! I've always been a worrier but this is a little crazy even for me! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I've always felt like a guest when moving in w/someone else, and felt intruded upon when someone moved in w/me. Fixed that by moving somewhere with someone. Now it's ours. If things don't work well the first year, maybe think about taking on a more neutral territory? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted October 23, 2008 Author Share Posted October 23, 2008 The housing market is so bad I can't imagine trying to sell, even in a year! Link to post Share on other sites
silverbeamer Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Ok, so my bf and I just moved in together about 3 months ago... so I hear ya, sista. One main thing that is different is that we BOTH moved into a new place. I bought the condo and he is sharing it with me. I can totally see that you feel he's taking over because the house used to be YOURS... only yours. Now with him moving in he's bringing a dog and a kid. Talk about changes!!! I would be filled with anxiety too because your life WILL change and change a lot. Don't get me wrong. I love my bf dearly and love living with him but there are some times when I want to strangle him because he's left his sink on the counter or toilet seat up or steps over the trash for 3 days before taking it out. The fact is that living with someone (or in your case someoneS) takes a lot of adjustment on everyone's part. He might feel like he's intruding (or that's why he's working so hard to fix up the place so it seems less like it's all yours) and you will want some alone time too. One adjustment for me was that he has so much stuff. If you love him it will work out and in 6 months you'll look back and feel so silly for being so nervous about the move. Pee into the wind.... it could be the best thing you ever do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted October 25, 2008 Author Share Posted October 25, 2008 It is my house yet he doesn't mind paying half the taxes, insurance, mortgage and utilties. That's says a lot about his committment to me. And honestly with the cost of living the help has been great. We talk about saving money for a house together. He does a lot of home improvement projects because I think he has a lot of faith this is the long haul. He tells me don't worry about the money he pays as somewhere else he'd pay rent. Your right, if it was just him it would be easier. But add a dog that doesn't always get along with mine and a son that is a good kid but still a teenager and yikes! I think I have more gray hair already..... I think reality is setting in of we both gave up a lot of belongings and time more than we expected. It took a month or two to move the workshop, purge items to fit under one roof, landscape a yard for 2 dogs who were tearing it up. It's all said and done now, the next step is to enjoy the new chapter of what's next. It won't be easy but if this is a man I think I want to spend my life with than it is worth it. If it didn't work out life will go on for both of us so I need to stop panicking with what if's. I think I just had a day where I got overwhelmed with details and stopped looking at the big picture. Thanks guys:) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 The other end of the tunnel is when you buy your spouse a house of their own and decide which one you will spend time in Seriously, while I think anxiety is perfectly normal, I do have to wonder where it's coming from. I'm a pretty anxious person, an only child and lived alone until marrying my wife at 41. I wasn't anxious in the least when she moved in with all her stuff and her two nutty cats. It was just another day. I won't be anxious when she moves out either. Just box it up, wrap it up and toss it into the moving van. The time in between is where all the anxiety resides So, best wishes and hopes that you do better than I Link to post Share on other sites
Author Groovy Posted October 25, 2008 Author Share Posted October 25, 2008 With your ex you didn't have a kid playing video games when you stepped out of your room in your PJ's. It is a little weird at first! I told him I have been feeling anxious and he cracked a bunch of jokes about it that made me laugh at myself. I have realized I am just an anxious person who worries a lot unneccesarily. I think just talking about it also made me feel a lot better and I feel lucky to have someone I can tell all with. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Actually, I would have relished that. Always wanted a young mind to mold. Main reason I got married (versus merely dating people). My wife is not an ex. I'm still determining whether we're on the same team. I know I'll surely miss her darling Siamese (cat) when she moves. At this point, we're merely switching commutes. She's closer to work and I'll commute to my shop instead of walking to it. Time will tell whether the ex part is prophetic I wish you well in keeping food in the refer and cupboards, though. I was a teenage boy once Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 My BF is moving in and I'm excited. There will be issues like his dog that wakes me up at night, the fact he gets up at 5 AM, the lack of privacy, his son trashing my house and having no manners, etc. And I know there will be great things like help in the house responsibilities, finances, coming home after a hard day and having someone around who makes me smile, feeling protected, being a better person because of him, etc. Congratulations! Your relationship is moving forward. That is certainly a good thing and worth celebrating - take a load off, have fun and relax a little before you revisit the issue Every person brings in some functional pet peeves - you get used to those things after a while. Never been married, but have shared living spaces with my closest girlfriends and its been a great, growing experience. In time you will actually be laughing and poking fun of each others pet peeves - Link to post Share on other sites
soulseeker Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 My bf and I moved in together just three weeks ago, so I hear ya. It is an adjustment that hasnt been easy. Mostly it has been me battling myself...I'm an anxious person too, woohoo! The only advice I can offer is to not take things too seriously. You cant let the little things worry you. Link to post Share on other sites
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