Do you think people set their sights on the impossible?

[pandagirl]

I understand one shouldn't settle, and I also understand one should be about self-improvement if they truly are carrying traits and behaviors that turn off many of the opposite sex. However, whenever I see someone on their high horse speaking about "I'll never settle for less in life", and it's clear they are unrealistic...I'll pull out a favorite statement:

 

"So how's that working out for you?"

 

9 out of 10 times they'll know I caught them on their own BS...that they are the only reason they can't find Mr or Ms Right.

 

I don't see things as settling, but more having a good enough wide opening for many different people to try out.

 

I have a friend who says he really wants to be in a serious relationship, and though he dates a lot and been in many short term flings, he can't find the "right girl." He says he "won't settle." He always find something wrong with the girls he dates. Until his perspective changes, he will continue to be single!

[Trialbyfire]

I only see someone as having unrealistic standards when it seems everyone they see isn't good enough in their eyes. When they want someone, but everyone they meet who is single isn't attractive enough or to their standards. When they are holding out for someone who hasn't come and may very well never come.

 

The person could be out on dates every week or hasn't asked someone out or accepted a date in years...unrealistic in my book is when it seems 99% of the population is deemed "undesirable" in your eyes.

 

I understand one shouldn't settle, and I also understand one should be about self-improvement if they truly are carrying traits and behaviors that turn off many of the opposite sex. However, whenever I see someone on their high horse speaking about "I'll never settle for less in life", and it's clear they are unrealistic...I'll pull out a favorite statement:

 

"So how's that working out for you?"

 

9 out of 10 times they'll know I caught them on their own BS...that they are the only reason they can't find Mr or Ms Right.

 

I don't see things as settling, but more having a good enough wide opening for many different people to try out.

For some of us that won't settle, we're in no hurry to find anyone. If anything, we're enjoying being single. It will take Mr. Perfect for Me, as based on my own criteria, to make me give up my freedom.

 

I don't see anything wrong with this because I'm fully aware of the limited number of men who might fall into this category. My dating life hasn't suffered because it since I'm not a numbers game person, in that I don't need to be out every week with someone/multiple someone(s) different. I'd rather spend time with a man who I can really relate to, rather than date a bunch of strangers. I also enjoy hanging out with my friends so there's no need to time fill.

 

p.s. I don't whine about being single!

[electric_sheep]

Not quite true, ES. Being happy is my most important objective. I find things in life that I take joy in and do them. One of those things is bringing pleasure to a woman which I enjoy immensely. (Note: it's not the woman herself who is the source of my happiness.)

 

It brings me pleasure to torture them, hee hee.

JK

 

 

Being different from what society defines as the average man can have a very positive effect when it comes to attracting women.

 

Well, it depends on HOW you are different, I suppose. If you are a bodhisattva Buddhist who has renounced materialism and enjoy meditating at a local Japanese tea garden on the weekend, your options might be more limited. If this describes you, and you also happen to have an aversion to women who don't shave their armpits, you'll find yourself particularly sh*t out of luck... or at least in for a long wait.

 

Seriously though, people have different goals and values in life, and it's up to them to structure all this for themselves, and to determine what they are willing to sacrifice for this or that.

 

I certainly won't argue with someone who puts a lot of value on relations with the opposite sex. I did too, when I was younger. As my libidos diminished, I've found myself less likely to change myself for the purposes of making myself attractive to the opposite sex. I think they call this getting old and set in your ways, come to think of it.

[D-Jam]

For some of us that won't settle, we're in no hurry to find anyone. If anything, we're enjoying being single. It will take Mr. Perfect for Me, as based on my own criteria, to make me give up my freedom.

 

I don't see anything wrong with this because I'm fully aware of the limited number of men who might fall into this category. My dating life hasn't suffered because it since I'm not a numbers game person, in that I don't need to be out every week with someone/multiple someone(s) different. I'd rather spend time with a man who I can really relate to, rather than date a bunch of strangers. I also enjoy hanging out with my friends so there's no need to time fill.

 

p.s. I don't whine about being single!

Believe me, I am the exact same way. I was perfectly happy alone and would have been happy in life alone until I met my current GF. She could leave me today and I'd still be able to live my life happy in being alone.

 

I am like you...I wouldn't just take on any girl, mostly because when I did do that, it blew up in my face and thus made me realize at that time I wanted a GF more than the right girl.

 

You are NOT unrealistic because of that last line in your reply. You don't sit there complaining you can't meet anyone. You don't sit there putting a high priority on finding someone. You come off as someone who is more "if it happens, cool...if not, cool also"

 

When I speak of people setting their sights too high, I more think of the many who do complain to death that "there aren't any decent people out there" or similar gripes, and they speak of how much they want to find someone, marry, have family, etc...but they sabotage things on themselves by rejecting 99% of everyone that they see. That they walk around holding such a high standard that little to no one can fulfill it. They are the reason they are single and can't find the right mate for them.

[Trialbyfire]

Believe me, I am the exact same way. I was perfectly happy alone and would have been happy in life alone until I met my current GF. She could leave me today and I'd still be able to live my life happy in being alone.

 

I am like you...I wouldn't just take on any girl, mostly because when I did do that, it blew up in my face and thus made me realize at that time I wanted a GF more than the right girl.

 

You are NOT unrealistic because of that last line in your reply. You don't sit there complaining you can't meet anyone. You don't sit there putting a high priority on finding someone. You come off as someone who is more "if it happens, cool...if not, cool also"

 

When I speak of people setting their sights too high, I more think of the many who do complain to death that "there aren't any decent people out there" or similar gripes, and they speak of how much they want to find someone, marry, have family, etc...but they sabotage things on themselves by rejecting 99% of everyone that they see. That they walk around holding such a high standard that little to no one can fulfill it. They are the reason they are single and can't find the right mate for them.

Yes, that's exactly my attitude.

 

Okay, I'm with you, especially the whining. It def. gets annoying.

[Yamaha]

unrealistic in my book is when it seems 99% of the population is deemed "undesirable" in your eyes.

 

 

I have seen several women on LS post this exact statement ( 99% of men they see, they reject ).