Woggle Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Believe me there are women who think that show is the gospel truth about everything in life. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 We are more critical of appearance with strangers than with people we know. It's much easier to develop a connection with someone if you meet them through a 'real life' context, than in a meetup full of strangers who may or may not have anything in common other than being single. Same guy/girl could become very attractive to you if you've gotten to know them at work, at a conference, through your co-ed softball team, as a friend of a friend, in class. Attraction is not solely about appearance only, but at a meetup, looks are pretty much the only thing you are judging on. Even dating is almost too artificial a construct to get to know and appreciate someone for the total package they are, if the only thing that brought you together was the date itself and that's the only time you see each other. It's much easier to develop an appreciation for a person if you get to know them by working on projects together at your job, or if they are a part of your friends' circle of friends and you see them at various events over time. That's why I don't do any internet dating. I can't fully appreciate someone from a two-dimensional picture, no matter how attractive, and a few words on a screen. I need actual personal interaction over time to develop a lasting emotional and intellectual interest in someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 When you find what it is that they're attracted to, you work at making that your best quality.When you find what it is that they're attracted to, you work at making that your best quality. Highly disagree...why can't she accept me for who I am? If she cannot accept me for who I am....she's not the woman for me, plain and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Take me, for instance. If you ask my friends and family, they'd say Im too picky, whatever that means. With THAT said (from your friends and family), with them telling you this.....would this make you reconsider reassessing your set of unrealistic expectations? Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 What do you all think? Is society in general just setting their sights on the impossible? Do you think the media has any blame in making many believe they should look for models and/or athletes? How I look at it is that it's okay to have preferences but it's more important to have an open-mind. Who knows, your preferences now could change once you've experienced going out with someone who initially didn't fit your standards. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 why can't she accept me for who I am? Probably because you're uninteresting and boring. If she cannot accept me for who I am....she's not the woman for me, plain and simple. Let me ask you a question... would you date a woman who is 400 lbs? I know I wouldn't. But maybe we should just accept her for who she is. But there are two problems. First of all, I cannot feel love for a physically unattractive woman. When I look at her and go "blech", I cannot change that "blech" into "that's sexy!" Also, there is no way I can get an erection looking at a woman who is physically unattractive. So, should I just lie to myself and say that I'm in love with her? NO. But perhaps I'm not dating a 400 lb woman with a good personality. Perhaps I should date one that has a better personality. Is that going to get me past saying "blech" when I look at her? Absolutely not. Women will say "blech" to a man who is uninteresting and boring, just like we say it about 400 lb women. By refusing to improve some aspect about ourselves, we are limiting our options when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Laziness is part of human nature, but I'll tell you that when I made the effort to fix the part of me that was unattractive to women (which was my personality), the results were fantastic, and I don't regret it one bit. Now, I'm the one who benefits from guys like you who say "she needs to accept me for who I am" because I'm more interesting than you are. Women don't like taking the leftover scraps that other women have rejected, they want to have a good man too! If a woman can't brag about how interesting, exciting, and fun you are, then she won't want you. ...and that's the long explanation of why she can't accept you for who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 With THAT said (from your friends and family), with them telling you this.....would this make you reconsider reassessing your set of unrealistic expectations? Im not sure that they ARE realistic expectations. See, that Harvard doctor I went out with on monday, to all my friends and family who know nothing of him, he sounds like the perfect catch and I should like, consider marrying him immediately. To me, I didnt have a connection with him. He gave me no spark. How can i lower expectations, when the expectation itself is un-definable? Sure, I have preferences: I prefer tall men, I have a thing for light eyes, I enjoy a quirky sense of humour and intelligence, someone with motivation and ambition. But these are all vague attributes that can fit in many people. My problem is finding someone who attracts me both mentally and physically and gives me that spark I need. If I had said I demand a 6'3", blue eyed, atheltic guy with an Ivy League education and a six figure income who also volunteers to feed homeless people in his spare time, is great in bed, will never argue with me, and who every single friend and family member will love from the get go, perhaps that would be too specific and unrealistic. I don't think what i want is unrealistic, I am just not the type of person who falls for every person that happens to show interest in me just because they are showing interest. I know what it feels like to be in love with someone, and to have that spark with someone, and I dont think I should have to settle for less than that feeling. The individual attributes that make up this person? Well, those can vary slightly. Personal connections are tricky. Just because someone seems good on paper, doesnt mean I have to like them or be attracted to them because other people think they'd be good for me. If i wanted to do that, I could have married my ex. And I probably would have ended up like the guy Im having an affair with now- with three kids, unhappy that I have absolutely no spark with my spouse, and stuck with no where to do. That would suck far more than being single. Im only 26. I got some time, me thinks before i have to start getting deperate and settling for someone I don't feel chemistry with. Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Probably because you're uninteresting and boring. Let me ask you a question... would you date a woman who is 400 lbs? I know I wouldn't. But maybe we should just accept her for who she is. But there are two problems. First of all, I cannot feel love for a physically unattractive woman. When I look at her and go "blech", I cannot change that "blech" into "that's sexy!" Also, there is no way I can get an erection looking at a woman who is physically unattractive. So, should I just lie to myself and say that I'm in love with her? NO. But perhaps I'm not dating a 400 lb woman with a good personality. Perhaps I should date one that has a better personality. Is that going to get me past saying "blech" when I look at her? Absolutely not. Women will say "blech" to a man who is uninteresting and boring, just like we say it about 400 lb women. By refusing to improve some aspect about ourselves, we are limiting our options when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Laziness is part of human nature, but I'll tell you that when I made the effort to fix the part of me that was unattractive to women (which was my personality), the results were fantastic, and I don't regret it one bit. Now, I'm the one who benefits from guys like you who say "she needs to accept me for who I am" because I'm more interesting than you are. Women don't like taking the leftover scraps that other women have rejected, they want to have a good man too! If a woman can't brag about how interesting, exciting, and fun you are, then she won't want you. ...and that's the long explanation of why she can't accept you for who you are. A 400 lb woman is a poor example, first of all, most thin and in shape men such as myself would not be interested in a woman that obese, if they are, it's probably a fetish. Another thing is something can be done about weight. I'f I'm a short guy, there's not much I can do about that. Actually, I am fun and exciting....so there goes your theory there. Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Probably because you're uninteresting and boring. Let me ask you a question... would you date a woman who is 400 lbs? I know I wouldn't. But maybe we should just accept her for who she is. But there are two problems. First of all, I cannot feel love for a physically unattractive woman. When I look at her and go "blech", I cannot change that "blech" into "that's sexy!" Also, there is no way I can get an erection looking at a woman who is physically unattractive. So, should I just lie to myself and say that I'm in love with her? NO. But perhaps I'm not dating a 400 lb woman with a good personality. Perhaps I should date one that has a better personality. Is that going to get me past saying "blech" when I look at her? Absolutely not. Women will say "blech" to a man who is uninteresting and boring, just like we say it about 400 lb women. By refusing to improve some aspect about ourselves, we are limiting our options when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Laziness is part of human nature, but I'll tell you that when I made the effort to fix the part of me that was unattractive to women (which was my personality), the results were fantastic, and I don't regret it one bit. Now, I'm the one who benefits from guys like you who say "she needs to accept me for who I am" because I'm more interesting than you are. Women don't like taking the leftover scraps that other women have rejected, they want to have a good man too! If a woman can't brag about how interesting, exciting, and fun you are, then she won't want you. ...and that's the long explanation of why she can't accept you for who you are. That was a totally egotistical statement, and yet so confidant, that I have now become attracted to you despite not knowing what you look like. How very odd. Good job, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 That was a totally egotistical statement, and yet so confidant, that I have now become attracted to you despite not knowing what you look like. How very odd. Good job, dude. Okay, when you said "that was a totally egotistical statement" the natural reaction would be to find that as unattractive. But it is odd for you to find that appealing. But yet, it's like at train wreck, you can't look away. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Now, I'm the one who benefits from guys like you who say "she needs to accept me for who I am" because I'm more interesting than you are. Women don't like taking the leftover scraps that other women have rejected, they want to have a good man too! If a woman can't brag about how interesting, exciting, and fun you are, then she won't want you. Actually, you're just full of crap when you make this statement. Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Actually, you're just full of crap when you make this statement. that's probably true too. Women want confidence, but being confident doesnt mean you have to be a jerk off too. Where, oh where, are the confident, cute, nice guys? Riiiiiiight....either already married to women they don't really like, or gay. Or that's how it appears to be lately in my world. Bollocks. Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 that's probably true too. Women want confidence, but being confident doesnt mean you have to be a jerk off too. Where, oh where, are the confident, cute, nice guys? Riiiiiiight....either already married to women they don't really like, or gay. Or that's how it appears to be lately in my world. Bollocks. Well there's a fine line between confidence and an arrogant SOB. What's funny, true arrogant people ....tend to call themselves confident as a defense mechanism for being rude. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I probably would have ended up like the guy Im having an affair with now- with three kids, unhappy that I have absolutely no spark with my spouse, and stuck with no where to do. That would suck far more than being single. Im only 26. I got some time, me thinks before i have to start getting deperate and settling for someone I don't feel chemistry with. I hope you never compromise your standards out of desperation or a desire to settle, MM, Harvard doctor or not Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Well there's a fine line between confidence and an arrogant SOB. What's funny, true arrogant people ....tend to call themselves confident as a defense mechanism for being rude. Well, when its extreme "confidence" or arrogance its often hiding the fact that they are actually lacking in self esteem a bit. But sadly, some of them also jsut think they are that wonderful, when in reality they are most likely douchebags. Sometimes I think it would have been easier to be asexual. Like that 99 year old virgin I saw on the news the other day. I bet that b**ch has lived the most stress-free life never having been interested in men. Ignorance is bliss! I mean, don't get me wrong. I looooooove sex, it is my favourite thing to do in the world, but if I didn't have any desire for it to begin with I think my life might be a tad easier and less complicated. All the other crap I deal with in my own way, but the love life is a constant source of pain-in-my-a**. C;est la vie.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 What's funny, true arrogant people ....tend to call themselves confident as a defense mechanism for being rude. I've also noted they're far quicker to use the actual verbiage "you're rude" with others, perhaps so as to get the first sword parry in Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Im not sure that they ARE realistic expectations. See, that Harvard doctor I went out with on monday, to all my friends and family who know nothing of him, he sounds like the perfect catch and I should like, consider marrying him immediately. To me, I didnt have a connection with him. He gave me no spark. Personal connections are tricky. Just because someone seems good on paper, doesnt mean I have to like them or be attracted to them because other people think they'd be good for me. If i wanted to do that, I could have married my ex. And I probably would have ended up like the guy Im having an affair with now- with three kids, unhappy that I have absolutely no spark with my spouse, and stuck with no where to do. That would suck far more than being single. Im only 26. I got some time, me thinks before i have to start getting deperate and settling for someone I don't feel chemistry with. It's hard to fall in love with Harvard doctor when you are already in love with a MM with 3 kids. I'm not saying this to be mean, but because it's true. NO ONE is going to make your heart beat faster when you're in love with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I hope you never compromise your standards out of desperation or a desire to settle, MM, Harvard doctor or not Lol, no, me neither, which is WHY I reject people I dont have a spark with, no matter how much other people tell me im being an idiot for not giving them a chance. I know myself, and I know from first meeting someone if they are someone I want to learn more about. It has never, in my experience, been the case that someone I had no interest in, then "grew" on me in a good way. I've tried that route before. Stayed with my ex for four years. I loved him very much, just like you'd love someone that was a family member or a best friend, and i was very "comfortable" going home to home, but I gotta tell you, I don't see why a relationship, marriage included, can't have both comfort, stability AND desire. People settle far too often for only the first two elements, in my personal opinion.... But hell, if im still single by 30 maybe I'll start to panic ;-) Hopefully not, but I guess only time will tell.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Sometimes I think it would have been easier to be asexual. Like that 99 year old virgin I saw on the news the other day. I bet that b**ch has lived the most stress-free life never having been interested in men. <snip> All the other crap I deal with in my own way, but the love life is a constant source of pain-in-my-a**. Asexual is very different from lacking the capacity for or interest in love. They can be mutually exclusive and can, singularly, each be equally frustrating However, if by "love life" you mean purely sexual "love" (desire), then I can see your point.... Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 It's hard to fall in love with Harvard doctor when you are already in love with a MM with 3 kids. I'm not saying this to be mean, but because it's true. NO ONE is going to make your heart beat faster when you're in love with someone else. At the risk of thread jacking big time, even if I cut off all ties to my MM, that wouldn't make me fall out of love with him, would it? I'd still think of him ,remember him, and love him. Does that mean I'm doomed for life, because Im in love with someone I can never have right now? God I hope not....that would be depressing.... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 At the risk of thread jacking big time, even if I cut off all ties to my MM, that wouldn't make me fall out of love with him, would it? I'd still think of him ,remember him, and love him. Does that mean I'm doomed for life, because Im in love with someone I can never have right now? God I hope not....that would be depressing.... Eventually, yes, you would stop being in love with him. In love is fed by proximity and continual feeding. It may take a while, but better to start the detachment process sooner rather than later. The sooner you cut off contact and begin detaching, the sooner you will fall out of love and can eventually find spark with someone else. Continue to see him and feed the in love hormones, and you won't fall out of love with him and no one will seem nearly as interesting, attractive or compelling to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I hope you never compromise your standards out of desperation or a desire to settle, MM, Harvard doctor or not Yeah, just date some worker from "Dirty Jobs" Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 LOL, now that's a visual Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Yeah, just date some worker from "Dirty Jobs" well the host of the show is kinda cute.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Mike was especially sexy when castrating those sheep, dontcha think? A man in his element Link to post Share on other sites
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