Do you think people set their sights on the impossible?

[Woggle]

It's good to have standards but I find it funny how you have all this strict criteria yet him being already maried is in no way a dealbreaker. I am not saying this to insult you but until you get voer your addiction to married men you will never have a healthy relationship and him being married is a big part of it.

[KismetGirl]

It's good to have standards but I find it funny how you have all this strict criteria yet him being already maried is in no way a dealbreaker. I am not saying this to insult you but until you get voer your addiction to married men you will never have a healthy relationship and him being married is a big part of it.

 

 

Im assuming this was meant towards me?

 

He's the only married one. I hate the fact that he's married. Him being married is neither part of his physical nor personality appeal, it happens to be his marital status, which has no bearing on how attracted to someone you are. Didn't know he was married when I became attracted to him in the first place.

 

Don't have an addiction to married men.....just to him, it would seem.

 

T/J big time here, sorry OP.

 

Im out for the night.....cheers

[Isolde]

"It's a curious one, I do believe that love is out there, somewhere, but I think part of the reason why we set our standards high is to protect ourselves to some degree, to avoid falling for the wrong person. There are those who are truly comfortable with the idea of staying single until they find the 'right' person, but there is often a fine line between this and being single, unhappy, keeping up the "I don't need anyone" front (thanks D-Jam). That said, I think it's normal to get the occasional pangs when you're single (as opposed to bitching about how there's no-one decent out there), we all have a desire for intimacy with someone we find attractive."

 

I couldn't agree more with this. Desire has a relationship with reality; it's not just fiction.

[fral945]

I loved him very much, just like you'd love someone that was a family member or a best friend, and i was very "comfortable" going home to home, but I gotta tell you, I don't see why a relationship, marriage included, can't have both comfort, stability AND desire. People settle far too often for only the first two elements, in my personal opinion....

 

KismetGirl,

 

Your perspective is interesting. I've never really thought that way but know many men and women that share your view. The way I see it is realistically you cannot have comfort, stability, and desire for any sustained length of time, and therefore not in a long-term relationship or marriage.

 

IMO that is why marriage itself was not originally based on meeting the emotional and sexual needs of the individuals involved. I think the originators realized anything based on emotions and feelings will fluctuate and will be inherently unstable. Feelings and emotions change and are never constant.

 

In my case, I know I could find a good wife to marry, I just don't think I can find a good wife to marry who will be physically attractive enough and provide the sexual satisfaction I desire. I can generally find women who have one or the other, but very few with a good blend of both. I think women fight the same battle with regards to excitement and romance (or what you called desire). They want the stable man but they also want the excitement factor.

 

In my view (which admittedly is probably a minority view), if we could meet some of those needs outside of marriage, I think marriages would be better off. Most people have read history books about men with prostitutes and women with lovers other than their husbands. It probably sounds depressing to some, but I think more open marriages might be better for society in general. Allow people to meet some of their needs outside of marriage, eliminate these idealized images, and allow people to have more reasonable expectations for marriage partners.

[Bells]

Allow people to meet some of their needs outside of marriage

 

 

Now that's just talking plain foolishness, why even be married if you want to partake in something like that?

[Lovegod]

A 400 lb woman is a poor example,

 

You have stated that it's a poor example, yet you fail to explain why it is a poor example.

 

Another thing is something can be done about weight.

 

...and something can be done about your personality too.

 

I'f I'm a short guy, there's not much I can do about that.

 

I never mentioned height. There was no reason to.

 

Actually, I am fun and exciting....so there goes your theory there.

 

Well, I must be wrong then. I'm sure you have many women who are attracted to you. But then why are you getting rejected by average Janes? Something isn't adding up here. Either you're interesting, fun, and exciting and have the women clawing at you, or you're lying about being fun and exciting.

 

Actually, you're just full of crap when you make this statement.

 

Prove me wrong by getting yourself a date with a woman who is more than just a plain-Jane. Get that date by the end of this week and maybe I'll reconsider my statement.

 

That was a totally egotistical statement, and yet so confidant, that I have now become attracted to you despite not knowing what you look like.

 

I could jump all over you (like the others are) for dating a married man, but I won't. I personally don't blame you for doing it if he's that good. Some married women are pretty sweet too

[Bells]

You have stated that it's a poor example, yet you fail to explain why it is a poor example.

 

 

 

...and something can be done about your personality too.

 

 

 

I never mentioned height. There was no reason to.

 

 

 

Well, I must be wrong then. I'm sure you have many women who are attracted to you. But then why are you getting rejected by average Janes? Something isn't adding up here. Either you're interesting, fun, and exciting and have the women clawing at you, or you're lying about being fun and exciting.

 

 

 

Prove me wrong by getting yourself a date with a woman who is more than just a plain-Jane. Get that date by the end of this week and maybe I'll reconsider my statement.

 

 

 

I personally don't blame you for doing it if he's that good.

 

You should blame her for doing this, this statement pretty much ruins your credibility of your advice that you have given to me and others on here.

 

 

 

It's pretty much a "cop-out" response when someone says, "Well, if you can't get a date once a week, you must be doing something wrong."

 

I just accept the fact that alot of women I meet are very shallow, to even look at some of them, they arne't much to write home about.

 

I am an average looking guy, however, women want the GQ hunks still. My personality has always been great, even had female friends (though they had boyfriends) tell me that (that's before come out with another cliche'd...."If they think you have alot to offer a woman, then why don't they date you themselves?" Had one actually tell me, if she wasn't in a current relatoinship right now, she'd run off with me.

 

You thought there was a reason to mention weight, but not height? Why do you feel weight has merit, but not height?

 

I am 5'8", and alot of women state they won't date a man less than 6 feet tall... or must look like David Beckham.

 

I made a point in another post how a woman brought her friends to one of our groups...and they skipped out early because there were, I suppose, alot of unattractive and unappealing men in our group, so they went to the part of town where bars had nothing but attractive men who made 6 figures.....they admitted it themselves...said they, "We're going to jet on out of here, the attractive men are in this part of town, lol!"

 

Her the female co-worker was rather embarassed by their behavior because it was her first time she invited them out anywhere.

 

It's not about changing your personality.....people should not change their personality....that means you're not being yourself.

 

It's really just a compatibility issue.

 

If she's a snobby, *itch, then I don't need her.

 

YOu're recommending men should "cowtow" to women in order to get a date.

 

Now, I would say the one thing that you descibe is a good way to get laid...act that way to get some piece o' tail, however, it's not great advice if you actually want something meaningful.

 

I'm sure alot of people would disagree with you on here.

 

I recommend to just "Be Yourself", and let someone accept you for who you are, if not, then move on.

[Lovegod]

You should blame her for doing this, this statement pretty much ruins your credibility of your advice that you have given to me and others on here.

 

Although what she's doing is morally wrong, she's doing exactly everything I've described. She doesn't want the scraps that the other women have rejected, she wants herself a good man. She found one, but like all high quality men, he isn't readily available. So she's going to compete with the other woman (or women) for his attention and time.

 

It's pretty much a "cop-out" response when someone says, "Well, if you can't get a date once a week, you must be doing something wrong."

 

A cop-out from what?

 

People like other people who are interesting. Women like men who are interesting. If you're as interesting as you proclaim, you should have no problem creating relationships (sexual or otherwise) with other people.

 

I have a friend who I can confidently say is more interesting than I am. It constanly blows me away how he seems to be a magnet when it comes to drawing women in. Women will generally choose him over me any day because, well, he's more interesting and exciting. Everytime we go somewhere together, I'm amazed at how many women have their eyes fixed on him. He could easily take a new woman home every night if he truly wanted to. The problem is, he's oblivious to this (although I've pointed it out to him) and has no clue on how to close the deal.

 

I just accept the fact that alot of women I meet are very shallow, to even look at some of them, they arne't much to write home about.

 

I quit using the word "shallow" when describing people. It's a truly awful word to describe people who only want what's best for themselves. Perhaps I'm shallow for wanting a job that treats me better and pays me more. Perhaps you're shallow for wanting to make love to a real woman instead of masturbating every night.

 

I am an average looking guy, however, women want the GQ hunks still.

 

Really? Are you 100% certain?

 

There's examples all over this forum about how women are attracted to men who aren't all that physically attractive. Getting back to the original post, the media has portrayed women as naturally attracted to physically attractive men. If you look at real-life examples and NOT the pictures of some magazine in 7-11, you'll see that it's has almost nothing to do with looks. Next time you're in a bar, take the time to actually observe how women and men interact with each other. When you actually observe how things work in the real world, it makes you question all the stuff that is being fed to you through the media.

 

Had one actually tell me, if she wasn't in a current relatoinship right now, she'd run off with me.

 

Ah, but can you actually prove she would run off with you?

 

This woman is currently in a relationship. Her boyfriend is more interesting than you, so she won't even think of leaving him for you. It sounds as if she was trying to make you feel better about yourself.

 

The proof comes when a woman actually considers leaving her boyfriend for you; a situation I've been in numerous times. The only times my morals kick in here is if I'm not attracted to her. This usually results in me cutting contact with the woman just to save her from being disappointed.

 

You thought there was a reason to mention weight, but not height? Why do you feel weight has merit, but not height?

 

You made reference to a man's height. I made reference to a woman's weight. What you're not realizing here is when it comes to attracting women, a man's physical apperance has less importance than his personality. Height only matters if the man refuses to date tall or short women.

 

I am 5'8", and alot of women state they won't date a man less than 6 feet tall...

 

In all truth, I'm shorter than you are. I'm 5'6 and I have no problem attracting women, even ones who are taller than I am. When a woman meets a man who's fun, interesting, exciting, and confident, she won't care if he's under 6 feet tall.

 

they went to the part of town where bars had nothing but attractive men who made 6 figures.....

 

So, let's see what women are attracted to by your logic: Women are only attracted to men who are rich, over 6 feet tall, and are physically attractive. While we're at it, let's not forget about the requirement of having an expensive sports car.

 

Dude, you really need to wake up and smell the coffee. No wonder you think women are "shallow".

 

It's not about changing your personality.....people should not change their personality....that means you're not being yourself.

 

Oh, but I AM being myself. If you change the tires on a car, does it mean it's no longer a car? No, you just replaced the old, worn-out ones with something new and better. If I paint my house a different color, does that mean it's no longer a house? Of course not. It just means my house has a different appearance, perhaps a better one.

 

Like all changes, some people are not going to like it. I've lost friends during the course of my life, especially during the times I was improving myself. They didn't like the new me. They didn't like the fact that I was standing up for myself and couldn't take advantage of me any longer. They wanted me to continue being the pushover who would tolerate their crap and hand them money whenever they requested it. Then they tell me how I've changed for the worse

 

People can be very successful at changing themselves, but like any kind of work, it requires a lot of effort. If you're not wanting to better yourself, then perhaps you should learn to enjoy the type of life that you currently lead. Maybe you should learn to enjoy not having companionship. After all, you wouldn't be yourself if you suddenly decided to become involved with a woman.

 

Now, I would say the one thing that you descibe is a good way to get laid...act that way to get some piece o' tail, however, it's not great advice if you actually want something meaningful.

 

Sorry to inform you, but I've got the best of both worlds. I don't put on a fake personality when I'm looking to attract a woman. They get to see the real me. Two years later, they still see the real me.

 

This is the reason why I recommend actually CHANGING your personality instead of just faking everything. If you fake confidence to attract women, she'll eventually see you for who you really are: a boring, whiny, unconfident man. This is not the person she met, and thus won't stick around.

 

However, if you actually WORK at improving your confidence, you'll be the same person two years from the day she met you, and she'll be happy that you haven't changed a bit.

[Bells]

Believe me, I have had my share of women find me interesteing, we'd be laughing, talking about certain topics, and so on...however, as soon as I attempted to ask them, "Hey lets grab a drink" or "some lunch" or..whatever casual event....they look at you like you just asked them to donate a kidney.

 

It's kind of like, they were interested in you, until you asked them out. lol.

 

At that point, I get blown off or unanswered phone calls.

 

I would say, "Hey, I had a real nice time getting to know you, can I get your number so we can stay in touch?"

 

And they do give me their number, but when I call, I never get a returned phone call, or I get blown off.

 

You're 5'6" and there are certain exceptions to the rule, and alot of variables to consider as well.

 

I guess there's a "fine line" between people wanting what's "Best for themselves" to being "shallow/superficial"?

 

I guess if you put it that way, it sounds nicer...but if it walks like a duck, talks, like a duck, etc.

 

I mean, I love a woman with a great rack, but doesn't mean I'll only pursue women with big racks.

 

I find myself less superficial than a lot of people that I know personally.

 

But define "Exciting"; define "Interesting" What may be interesting to some, might not be to others.

 

It's good that you don't let people take advantage of you (then when you start to not do that...they think YOU'RE the *******, right? LOL) I hear you there. I have lost friends doing the same thing.

[Bells]

I could start a post about how "Women bore easily", I would imagine men do as well...but men are "easy"...all a woman has to do is "show up" ,lol.

 

Granted, men aren't interesting enough...but the thing is....let's compare this to a child who gets tired of an old toy, and wants a new one.

 

We have disposable relationships these days, where people..in general...in fact...get bored of the marriage or relationship.

 

So really, it's affecting most people everyone, and is, unfortunately a common trend.

[electric_sheep]

I live near a posh neighborhood and a college district, so there are plenty of beautiful women everywhere I go. Unfortunately, nearly my entire life I've been really intimidated by beautiful women. Even beautiful women that appear to be more or less down to earth intimidate me, but the ones who "know it", and dress to the nines, intimidate me even more. Frankly, the ones that know it I'm not interested in anyway. I've never found ego attractive.

 

Anyhow, I'm actually very athletic and I've been told I'm quite attractive, so you would think I wouldn't have any issues with approaching an attractive woman, but I do. I think some of it is because I don't have the best career or make a lot of money. For a guy this is sort of like what being overweight is to a girl... a definite confidence killer.

 

I honestly think a lot of the "where are all the great guys/girls" talk is more about the insecurity of the person doing the talking than anything. Insecurity or personal dissatisfaction. That's what it is in my case... dissatisfaction with my career/employment. Only I don't fool myself into thinking it's outside factors, like no available attractive/interesting women. They are out there, definitely. Now, whether they want to have anything to do with me is an entirely different story.

[Trialbyfire]

I've never found ego attractive.

 

Anyhow, I'm actually very athletic and I've been told I'm quite attractive,

Just had to illustrate these two comments.

 

Bells, you keep telling us how great you are but for some reason, can't get a date or a consistent relationship even though this is what you want. There's only one constant amongst all the rejections. If you approach women with the same attitude we see on LS, I can see why it's not working for you. Do you also see this?

[electric_sheep]

When you find what it is that they're attracted to, you work at making that your best quality.

 

Highly disagree...why can't she accept me for who I am?

 

If she cannot accept me for who I am....she's not the woman for me, plain and simple.

 

Self "improvement" and dating can be connected, but are not as intimately connected as Lovegod implies.

 

Actually, Lovegod is implying that "attracting others" is his most important objective, or "value", if you will. Nothing wrong with that, but not everybody needs to embrace that idea.

 

His implication about loosing weight or being "boring" amounts to a judgment call, or rating. He is saying being overweight is of less value than being fit. That's his call, but not everybody agrees.

 

Probably, much to his astonishment, even some overweight people find love and happiness! A good friend of mine who is a chef is a fine example. He and his chubby wife are very happy indeed. Happier than me, in a lot of ways, and I can run 5 miles in under 30 minutes. Even boring people can be happy!

 

Granted, a lot of people in our culture do value fitness, and "excitement". So, if it's important for you to be attractive as many people as possible then you probably should pursue those goals.

 

Yet, you don't seem to have any problem with yourself. So, you could just wait around for someone who accepts you as you are. It could be a long wait though, unfortunately, depending on how eccentric and "different' you are from the mainstream.

[electric_sheep]

Just had to illustrate these two comments.

 

You got me there.

 

Seriously though, I do believe in being realistic. Faux humbleness is as bad as pumped up confidence and ego. I think it's great if someone is confident in something they do well. It's just a problem if they somehow think this makes them a "better" person.

 

We have created a culture of over-confidence and self-esteem. It seems like the self-help mantra of the last 20 years has been all about self-confidence and self-esteem. I think people have gone kind of overboard. Some people walk around so full of esteem for themselves you think they might explode. All of this confidence and esteem creates a culture of "rating" and comparing too, which I think is kind of B.S. The only way you can really go around thinking you are so great is if you somehow think other people suck.

 

Everyone has "good" things about them and "bad" things about them. I'd argue there is no universal standard of what's "good" and "bad" anyway. So ultimately none of us is "better" than any of the rest. We are all the same.

 

I'm fairly athletic because I've spent an hour a day after work for the last 15 years working out. Do I think this makes me a better person than someone else? Absolutely not. All it means is... I could probably outrun most guys my age. Big whoop.

 

Having said that, I do wish more women would find this to be a strong point. It seems to me from my own experience that I'd do better with a pot belly and making an extra 30k a year. At least it seems like that's what women in their 30's want.

[Trialbyfire]

There's a difference between narcissism and self-confidence. Someone with narcissistic tendencies will fold, when times get tough, due to insufficient internal strength. Realistically speaking, narcissism is all about low self-esteem, thus there's a need to leverage off other people.

 

I do agree that the self-entitled attitude is prevalent. Pop culture and the quick fix of the Internet, are encouraging factors for this type of behaviour. People have forgotten, were never taught and/or have never experienced hard work and personal pleasure from an accomplishment, after a difficult grind.

[Bells]

....lol

 

I JUST got a date! For Halloween! LOL

 

[Lovegod]

Actually, Lovegod is implying that "attracting others" is his most important objective, or "value", if you will. Nothing wrong with that, but not everybody needs to embrace that idea.

 

Not quite true, ES. Being happy is my most important objective. I find things in life that I take joy in and do them. One of those things is bringing pleasure to a woman which I enjoy immensely. (Note: it's not the woman herself who is the source of my happiness.)

 

However, when I was absolutely clueless on how to attract and KEEP a woman, I have to say that I wasn't very happy. In fact, I was quite miserable and lonely. Having the ablility to attract almost any woman I want, whenever I want, and know how to keep her around for as long as I desire, I will never have to worry about being miserable and lonely. I know I could go out and get myself a date within one week. Having that knowledge and skill is what brings me happiness and satisfaction when it comes to the world of dating.

 

So, you could just wait around for someone who accepts you as you are. It could be a long wait though, unfortunately, depending on how eccentric and "different' you are from the mainstream.

 

Being different from what society defines as the average man can have a very positive effect when it comes to attracting women. As I've stated before, most men are generally boring. To throw in something completely out-of-the-ordinary can be exciting and a breath of fresh air when put into the dating world. People who are different get noticed. People who are different raise curiousity. Curiousity is a GOOD thing when you are trying to get a member of the opposite sex interested in you. Once you get them curious, the last thing you do is give them all the answers. Let them explore for themselves what you're all about.

 

Believe me, I have had my share of women find me interesteing, we'd be laughing, talking about certain topics, and so on...however, as soon as I attempted to ask them, "Hey lets grab a drink" or "some lunch" or..whatever casual event....they look at you like you just asked them to donate a kidney.

 

How long have you known the person before you ask them out? Could it be possible you're waiting too long?

 

The lines should be drawn upon the first meeting. The problem is, most guys are drawing the lines and not realising what they're doing. Without making a move in the beginning, they've drawn the lines of friendship.

 

The first interaction with a woman you're attracted to is the most important. You need to let her know through your body language that you're attracted to her. When you let her know this, you've started on the track you want to be instead of having to stop, look over, and try to figure out how to get from point A to point B. That's why you start at point B first. It reduces frustration, travel time, and prevents you from getting lost.

 

Anyway, enough metaphores.

 

I JUST got a date! For Halloween! LOL

 

Are you sure it's a date?

[Bells]

Not quite true, ES. Being happy is my most important objective. I find things in life that I take joy in and do them. One of those things is bringing pleasure to a woman which I enjoy immensely. (Note: it's not the woman herself who is the source of my happiness.)

 

However, when I was absolutely clueless on how to attract and KEEP a woman, I have to say that I wasn't very happy. In fact, I was quite miserable and lonely. Having the ablility to attract almost any woman I want, whenever I want, and know how to keep her around for as long as I desire, I will never have to worry about being miserable and lonely. I know I could go out and get myself a date within one week. Having that knowledge and skill is what brings me happiness and satisfaction when it comes to the world of dating.

 

 

 

Being different from what society defines as the average man can have a very positive effect when it comes to attracting women. As I've stated before, most men are generally boring. To throw in something completely out-of-the-ordinary can be exciting and a breath of fresh air when put into the dating world. People who are different get noticed. People who are different raise curiousity. Curiousity is a GOOD thing when you are trying to get a member of the opposite sex interested in you. Once you get them curious, the last thing you do is give them all the answers. Let them explore for themselves what you're all about.

 

 

 

How long have you known the person before you ask them out? Could it be possible you're waiting too long?

 

The lines should be drawn upon the first meeting. The problem is, most guys are drawing the lines and not realising what they're doing. Without making a move in the beginning, they've drawn the lines of friendship.

 

The first interaction with a woman you're attracted to is the most important. You need to let her know through your body language that you're attracted to her. When you let her know this, you've started on the track you want to be instead of having to stop, look over, and try to figure out how to get from point A to point B. That's why you start at point B first. It reduces frustration, travel time, and prevents you from getting lost.

 

Anyway, enough metaphores.

 

 

 

Are you sure it's a date?

 

Um...yeah..I asked her out, she said "Yes" and she even gave me her number.

 

Asked that I call her Thurs or Fri night ;-)

 

Done..and Done

[carhill]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1897780&postcount=3

 

 

You do know Friday is Halloween, yes? And that "pick me up Friday at 7" is different from "call me Thursday or Friday"??

 

20 bucks says HiItsMe gets stiffed. Any takers?

[Bells]

 

Having the ablility to attract almost any woman I want, whenever I want, and know how to keep her around for as long as I desire, I will never have to worry about being miserable and lonely. I know I could go out and get myself a date within one week. Having that knowledge and skill is what brings me happiness and satisfaction when it comes to the world of dating.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, please put on your hip waders and be careful not to step in the bullshyt :laugh:

[popey]

"Being happy is my most important objective. I find things in life that I take joy in and do them. One of those things is bringing pleasure to a woman which I enjoy immensely. (Note: it's not the woman herself who is the source of my happiness.)"

 

I don't know you, but this doesn't sound like the pursuit of happiness. It sounds like the pursuit of narcisistic supply LG.

[Bells]

"Being happy is my most important objective. I find things in life that I take joy in and do them. One of those things is bringing pleasure to a woman which I enjoy immensely. (Note: it's not the woman herself who is the source of my happiness.)"

 

I don't know you, but this doesn't sound like the pursuit of happiness. It sounds like the pursuit of narcisistic supply LG.

 

Yeah...he pretty much over did it there, buried himself in the part a little too much to the point where it just becomes transparent.

[Lovegod]

Done..and Done

 

Congratulations! Now comes the real challenge: keeping her interested.

 

And just as a favor, I'll ignore that other piece of 5h1t you wrote.

[Bells]

Congratulations! Now comes the real challenge: keeping her interested.

 

And just as a favor, I'll ignore that other piece of 5h1t you wrote.

 

*Snicker* LOL....sorry, I tried to keep from laughing.

 

Sorry, the deal was to just get a date by the end of the week.

[D-Jam]

I only see someone as having unrealistic standards when it seems everyone they see isn't good enough in their eyes. When they want someone, but everyone they meet who is single isn't attractive enough or to their standards. When they are holding out for someone who hasn't come and may very well never come.

 

The person could be out on dates every week or hasn't asked someone out or accepted a date in years...unrealistic in my book is when it seems 99% of the population is deemed "undesirable" in your eyes.

 

I understand one shouldn't settle, and I also understand one should be about self-improvement if they truly are carrying traits and behaviors that turn off many of the opposite sex. However, whenever I see someone on their high horse speaking about "I'll never settle for less in life", and it's clear they are unrealistic...I'll pull out a favorite statement:

 

"So how's that working out for you?"

 

9 out of 10 times they'll know I caught them on their own BS...that they are the only reason they can't find Mr or Ms Right.

 

I don't see things as settling, but more having a good enough wide opening for many different people to try out.